Moon Daughter: A Dramatic Commenting
by Sage Nicholson
Summary: Long ago, an insane author made a Percy Jackson fanfic so bad, My Immortal paled in comparison. Now, a bored (and frankly, not much better) fanfic writer has decided she will spork this fanfic for her own amusement. Kind of like MST3K, but in written format and not even remotely as funny.
1. Flavia Gets Claimed

**Hey people, wassup? Now, I know what the 5 of you who actually read my stories are probably saying: Sage, you're supposed to be writing the next chapter of your ongoing series (which, by the way, you have been constantly procrastinating doing). Yea, I know. The honest truth is, I am totally lost and have a nasty case of writers block (if anyone wants to help I'd really appreciate it!), so to entertain myself I'm going to be spoofing this fanfic instead.**

 **But first, an explanation as to what exactly this hot mess below is.**

 **"Moon Daughter"; the first endeavor into fanfic writing by the now notorious possibly-troll xxMoonlitexx. It has been called the "My Immortal" of Harry Potter fanfics, but is it really that bad? Yes. In fact, I'd say it's So Bad It's Good, and I encourage you to check out the authors profile and her other works, including a truly horrendous Avengers fic written in the same "style" (perhaps I will get to this one too). Just, don't read too many chapters at once, or you'll loose more than a few brain cells.**

 **BTW, italics stands for heavy sarcasm. Also, I'm about 90% sure this entire story takes place in a Bizzaro Universe where nothing makes sense and all the characterizations are flipped upside down and inside out.**

 **EDIT: Hoooo boy, I'm up to Chapter 20, and this story is bad. Like, even worse than I thought. It's so bad I'm going to have to add a disclaimer!**

 **Disclaimer: human sacrifice, b*** physics, necrophilia, basically things that shouldn't be written and you have been warned**

 **Why do I get the feeling that the list will get longer and longer the further I read...**

* * *

Chapter 1…Where I get Claimed

My gray eyes satred back at me from the fountain, sad like the end of a summer storm. Luke was dead….Percy Jackson killed him last year in Olympus. I groned as I sat up in bed. **Wait, are you in your bed or at a fountain? First three sentences and already we've got plot-holes!** I had a dream last night where I was claimed. I didn't know my parents ever, I was an orphan on the Streets of NYC city until a family on a farm took me in, but soon I was bullied by their daughter Brittany. with four diffrent coach Purses and bitchy blond hair. She called me a freak because I had sliver eyes, black hair I cut by myslef so it was uneven and wore the same lether jacket everyday. **That is freaky. You should wash that jacket once in a while, think of how gross it must have been being worn every single day.** One day I had enough so I ran away only to find my way to Kronos's Army…..and Luke. I was a deimgod!

I knew I claimed today, because demigod dreams are like that, were not like normal people. _**No! Seriously?**_ I smiled to myself because I hated cabin number 11. The other demigods were mean and bullied me because I wasn't claimed **You know, like, HALF OF CABIN 11?!** , also they always talked about how evil monsters were, but Luke and I knew better because the monsters in the army weren't evil, they were actually misjudged because they worked for Kronos **and ate people** but many had good hearts, a draceema saved my life once from an evil rappist when I was in the streets.

"Hey Flavia, you talking to your monster friends," Laughed Annabeth, Percy's slutty girlfreind. She is blond and a Bitch, and from Athena, who are all like that. **I thought the children of Athena were the scary smart ones with sticks up their butts.** She used have a crush on Luke, but she never had a chance…..Luke told me himself the only one love was me. Before he died. _**No, he did it after.**_

My eyes blazed wrathly, I knew she meant my BFF Ivy the Dryad. Ivy was bullied by the other deimgods because she is a Dryad and they hate Dryads because they are monsters. "Eff off! My god parent is powerful to defend Ivy, she has no friends!" Annabeth sneered, "You have no god parent! Your not claimed and nobody will claim you ever!" **This entire exchange is totally confusing because at first it sounds like Flavia is saying "she has no friends", but that doesn't make sense, and I'm pretty sure that "Annabeth" is supposed to be the one saying that.** she put the haedphones back on, listening to 1 D like a slut. **How do you listen like a slut?**

I could feel a tear went down my face as Annabeth went away. Ivy came out from behind cabin 11 and I could see she was crying. "You heard her?!" I said. Ivy was crying chloryful which looked like normal crying but green, because she was a Dryad (Because Dyrads are from trees which have chloryful.) **That would be like a human being crying blood. Ivy should really get that checked out.**

"Oh Flavia, its not fair, you will be claimed I know it," She hugged me and I felt better. I wiped the tears off my face and looked in the fountain where we were sitting, by cabin 11. Now my jet black hair with a wave at the back of the neck has a white streak that was from depression when Britany bullied me,but I think it looks nice so I kept it. **Wait, how could you "keep it" did you keep dying it white, or did you keep getting depressed so it would stay that way? Or did you just will it with your godlike Sue powers.** I have silver gray eyes which is why Luke called me Moonlite **_Shameless author plug-in!_ **. I wiped away another tear when I thought this, it hurt so much to think of him killed after all we'd been threw together. But the moon reminded me "What if I am a daughter of the moon Goddess? Artmeis"

Ivy shook her head, "Artemis is a virgin, that means she cant have kids, like ever."Artemis is my fav Goddess, she looks kind of like me but her hair is Ginger and she has a silver bow and arrows. I saw her once with all these girls that follow her and also have silver bows and arrows, but that's not the same as being her daughter which in my heart I wished I was. But wishes dont come true, I knew young this world was not a fairy tale field. Lies and danger are like dark clouds above us especially if your a demigod like I was. **Shall I fetch my World's Smallest Violin, you sad sack?**

We walked over by some demigods practising with swords and axes and mace, and I took out my bow and made a prefect Bull's eye in the flipped me off because she is jealous I am the only deimgod in Camp who uses a bow and arrows. **Except for, of course, the entirety of the Apollo Cabin.** "Annabeht!" Yelled the center stood nearby.

He is Chrion, the leader of camp Half Blood, a center half horse and half Man. He is 17 (look I know he is old in the book but this is my story so don't flame) and his long dark hair whiped in the wind above his chest. He looked sad because Kronos was his father before he was killed into Tartarus, and Chiron was all depressed about it, and he spent all his time in the big House by himself. Only now he come out looking wraithful. ***Facepalm* Why. Just, _why_. **

"afti enai ena trantagma!" Yelled Annabeth, exept in greek **"Except in Greek? So what was that? Egyptian?"** because she wants to look smarter, but it was a lie, I wasn't a jerk…she was!

"Why are you always causing troulbe when we practise Annabeth?" Chiron said with his mighty center eyes flashing, "you are jealous, and because Percy is your bf you think we will let you do whatever you want is that it?" But Ivy gasped and pointed at my head, "Look Chrion!" suddenly everyone looked at me, even Annabeth and they all kneeled!

I raised by hand to flip them off **_a natural reaction to people kneeling to you_ **but then I looked up and saw shining like a thoughsand moonbeams, a silver Stag on my head, also silver Hounds and a Bow and Arrows and a thin curvy moon which was silver. It was so beautiful I cried! also because I knew what it meant…I was claimed, by Artemis! I stood in aw as the other demigods covered up there eyes because it was too bright! **And then you went blind! End of story! Yayyyyyyy!**

"This cannot be" Said Chiron, "Artmeis is a virgin!"

"Well now she is not," Said Ivy.

* * *

 **And that was Chapter 1. What do you think? Should I continue this? Please state your opinions in a review!**


	2. Flavia Gets Framed

**Thank** **s to Knightwing20042 for favoriting, following and commenting. I've got to agree with you, HotelonBoardwalk. Moon Daughter is bad, but My Immortal is worse. But neither or as bad as Starkit's Prophecy.**

 **Same rules apply as last time, my comments are bolded, italics are sarcasm.**

* * *

Chaper 2….Exiled!

Right away Chiron took me to the Big House. "We must speak," He said, "wait here." I sat in a chair by a table, it was cold inside the Big House compraed to outside. **They should turn down the AC.** I could see lepard heads on the wall, witch made me angry because I love leopards….they are my fav animal (also tigers, otters, and snow lepards.) I heard a noise from the other room so I went there quiet as a lepard and I could see Grover a satyr! He speak to himself, in a low clear voice "The demigods hate me **_that's why they trust me with a variety of vital tasks and I'm best friends with their leader_** , they think I don't notice but I heard one of them call me…..a monster! And monsters must Die!" There was something in his hands he was moving slowly at himself, the light from the window glinted it shiny golden cup with ruby on the sides. I knew it was satyr poisen! **Isn't satyr poison poison from satyrs? Oh, my bad, this is "poisen" not poison.**

"No, stop," I said. "Don't listen to Annabeth, she is Raicest!" **But satyrs aren't a race. Would that be speciesist?** But it was too late, he was dead! And Chiron was there! "Flavia Knight, what have you done to this satyr? Telll me the truth and you will suffer." **Well that's not very good incentive to tell the truth!**

My heart sank deeply. I knew what he thought I killed Grover!

Chiron raised his voice, "I knew this would happen if Artmeis had a child, didn't you read the prophacy, you bastard?!" " **How dare you be born! Didn't you read the prophecy that nobody's ever talked about until now?!"**

"What prophacy?!" "The one the oracle said! A daughter of Artemis will be a scurge to our camp, a poisened snake, with Artemis's mark, she is stamped! It is a mystery **Really? Sounds clear to me.** but now I know it means you must leave camp Half Blood before more people die!"

"Don't exile me, Im innocent!" I yelled. Camp Half Blood was my home, it stung in my heart to think I'd never see it again. My gray eyes flashed, "You can't do this!"

"Artemis mark!" He pointed, "It is YOUR EYES!"

"What are they too beatiful for you!" **Hehe, that was actually pretty funny.** I yelled because I was angry now, he was so hot but so stupid too! "I will seek out Artemis and the hunters, your camp is Raicest **speciesist** anyway!" I staked from the room with my bow and arrow to pack!

The other demigods sneered as I truged back to cabin 11. Annabeth, who got transfer to the goddess Love cabin now **Because you can do that aparently** (I know her name is Apherdeti but theres no way in hell Im spelling that), led them all to chase me away, only Ivy stood for me.

I packed by bow and arrows and my ipod (ipods work in camp here, this is my story ok?) and two pairs of gray skinny jeans and one pair of black skinny jeans with gray around the edges and a white and silver jacket, and a lether belt for my hunting knife. I put on only a little eyeshadow & eyeliner because I'm not a slut. **_Because thats how you can tell who's a slut._** Then I put on my boots and went to see Ivy Good bye.

"But you need three for a quest!" Said Ivy, "its the Law!" **She's not going on a quest, she's being exiled!**

"Yeah like three people like me, they're all bitches and sluts here anyway" I laughed. But then I stopped laughing. A shadow figure stepped from the shadows, "I will go quest with Flavia!" I gasped…Nico Da Angelo! Nico was 17 **At this point in the timeline he'd be like, 13, I think.** and pale as the Dead. He had black hair down to his shoulders and abs like chizzled smoke (I could see them because his jacket was ripped in front from a Monster claws. **Then why did he keep wearing it?** ) He was wearing black skinny jeans and a necklace with a silver skull skeleton…my color! But I was sad, because he remembered me of Luke. _**Because Nico and Luke are just SO similar.**_

"Wtf, Nico! This is my quest!" **How dare you help me on my nonexistent quest I was just complaining I needed help on!** I took out my hunting dagger Agamemnon and pointed at him. Nico laughed and said "I know something about Percy Jackson you don't!"

"I hate Percy, he sux cause he killed Luke," I girtted my teeth.

"Yeah well I saw him kissing your little Green friend!" **Whoa. Plot twist!**

My heart stopped in my mouth, "OMG he is cheating on Annabeth! And she deserves it" But then I remembered…..Ivy was cheating with my emeny! Tears sprung from my eyes making my eyeshadow all streak on my face. "Ivy you hore, you betrayed me!" **_How dare she have a life of her own and date whoever she wants!_**

"Its not like that!" Ivy began to cry, "anyway he said he hated Annabeth! Also he said he wish he didn't kill Luke but he had no choice!"

"I have no choice ether" I growled like a lepard of Artemis as I drew Agamemom, "You don't know the meaning of loyalty, say hi to Hades for me, bitch!" I threw the knife imbedding it in her tree. With a noisy scream Ivy shrivled away to green dust, blown away on the wind. **Oh my God. Did Flavia just murder her best friend?!** She was a False friend **And you're a sociopath!** ….my heart broke and I knew that day as I celaned the chorolfyl from my blade I was borned to be a killer. **Jesus Christ, are we actually supposed to root for this sicko?! This is like a villain origin story!**

I could see the impressment in Nico's soleful eyes. **Why are you impressed?! She just murdered her best friend in cold blood!** "You handled that well Flaiva, **NO SHE DIDN'T!** but now we need Another, for the quest!" **THERE IS NO QUEST! YOU ARE ALL PSYCHOTIC!**

"Shut up stutle!" I yelled in greek **I Google Translated this. Aparently "stutle" is Norwegian for Stutler. Nice job, Moonlite _._ **because the trees were russling and I could see green light flashing by them, I got Agamemnon ready for to attack. Nico got out his sytgian iron sword which glowed darkly **an oxymoron** and he got ready too standing with his back facing my back, so, the enemy couldn't attack us in the back.

I thought what if it was a monster coming, maybe one I fought with when I was with Luke but remembering what I killed Ivy I stealed my teeth…a daughter of Artmeis couldn't shrink from the kill. I was a hunteress **no, you're a cold blooded killer** and I knew what that meant. The bushes parted and a shape stood there with the glow from Nico's sword shining on his face so we could see him.

"Who are you, why did you sneak up on us you bastard?!" Growled Nico. The guy who came garled at Nico and I could see under his dark eye brows he had mysteryous eyes that I knew were of magic, "Stop!" I said Nico, "He is a Son of Hecate!" The guy blinked cause he was surprised, "How did you know?" **"Because I'm a Mary Sue who knows whatever is convenient for the story!"**

"Hecate evil, she sided with Kronos!" Yelled Nico.

I almost dropped Agamemnon from my hand in shock, I couldn't believe Nivo talked this way. "I sided with Kronos, its only because Luke's dead I came to your stupid Camp!" The stranger looked at me hotly, I knew he agreed. "But now Kronis is dead anyway, so why does it matter?" **Well, I mean, you still supported the Lord of Evil, so yeah, I'd say it kinda matters.**

The Hecate guy was had brown hair in a ponytail and he had no shirt **P** **erfect for wandering around the woods!** and he had green magic Runes on his ripped up pants which were black like his boots. "Whats your name?" I asked shyly. "Alblaster Toringtan," He said. "I'm 16." **"I like stating pointless things."** I saw he had a locket with a magic sign like a triangle and it was silver!

Nico and Albaster glared at eachother but I stepped in the middle and said, "Look guys, now we have three for our **nonexistent** quest if Albaster stays!" I knew he would stay because I could tell he was in love with me, I could tell from the **fact I was a Mary Sue** way he looked at me. I also knew Nico was jealous which made me sad. But I couldn't love them, I remembered of Luke too much. **Wanna bet she forgets about this completely in the next chapter?**

"Where are we quest?" Asked Albaster. Nico explained, "She is looking for Artmeis, magic-idiot witch boy" **That insult is simultaneously so childish and yet so good. I'll have to remember it.**

"I know where Artemis is! Hecate visits her all the time!" Albaster brighted up. "They do ritchuals for the moon at midnight."

"R you kidding?" I said, "Show me where right now!" Just then a lot of hell hounds and Nemaen lions sprung from the bushes with…a monitar! **Oh no! What a completely out of nowhere plot device!**

"Run Flavia!" Yelled Nico but I took my bow and arrow and shot an arrow right in the monitar's eye, when he exploded in dust leaving only his horns! Alblaster did magic and a hell hound was killed with green flashes. A Nemean loin **Gross!** cut at Nico and his shirt splitting in half **and somehow not harming his actual chest** , but he took the iron sword and stabbed it! We killed the rest of the monsters and soon they were all dust.

"Your a good fighter." Nico said to Albaster even though he hated him. "I'll make a fire for the night," I said, and I took Agamenmom to cut up some wood **that's a sword, right? I don't think you can really chop up wood with a sword.** , but Albaster made a magic fire that was real exept it was pale green and glowed in the dark like a bacon. **Mmm, glow in the dark bacon sounds delicious.** We sat down next to it and Nico looked really hot with the pale glow on his face, I kind of wanted to make out with him, but he fell asleep and I did too, but Alblaster stayed up so he could stand guard in case more monsters came. I slept all night with love in my heart exept I didn't know who…!And who was Albaster EVIL?! **No, seriously, was he? This sentence is never explained or brought up again!**

* * *

 **And that's chapter 2. Without a doubt way worse than chapter 1. We've got tons more canon butchering, pointless character deaths and genuinely disturbing behavior from our "protagonist". Leave a comment in the reviews!**


	3. Flavia (Unfortunate Doesn't) Get Maimed

**Thanks so much to Hazelfeather of ThunderClan for reviewing, as well as ReasonGodLeft for following and favoriting! Your support means a lot to me.**

* * *

Chapter Three…..I Must Chose

When I woke up Albaster was doing magic that made breakfast, he and Nico ate it but I wasn't hungry so I didn't. Instead I shot a deer dead that was standing there **You shot a deer? Why?! The poor thing's just standing there! You killed Bambi's mom!** , because I had to practise being a hunetress! Then I went behind a tree and put on my black skinny jeans, a black tee shirt with silver stripes like a tigers, my jacket (the zippar was silver) and also a little eyeliner **because I'm _definitely_ not a slut**. **Also where are those clothes coming from?** Then I said to Nico "Hey, are you gonna take all day or what, we need to find Artemis!" He looked at me, I could tell he was thought I was hot because he saw me shoot the deer with a perfect Bull's etye, so I took out my bow flirtly and shoot a squirl. **You "flirtly" shot an innocent animal?! You're sick Flavia!** We ate the squirl and the deer in the fire, Albaster was jealous in his eyes. **Why didn't you give him some? He's probably hungry too.**

I took my ipod and we listened to **some.. what? Wait, wait let me guess: Evanescance.** I danced but my eyes glowed silver because I was from Artemis. **This is _totally_ something children of Artemis do and I definitely didn't make this up on the spot. **Then suddenly I stopped I looked right in Nico's eyes were dark as night skies and he looked in mine and I felt like my heart melted, then he took out his finger and raised my chin up, I thought OMG are we gonna kiss!

"Shut up!" I said, suddenly because I had a demigod Vison! **Vision? Like the Marvel Comics character?** I see Artmeis and she was yelling angry **Artmeis! Goddess of c**k-blocks!** "Flavia! What ar eyou doing? Your from Artemis, you can't date ever, it's the Law! **For you and your huntresses. Flavia's not a Huntress.** You wont be Immortal and live forever if you brake the VOWS!Will you pick to living FOREVER or this patetic loser deimgod Nivo!" ***Singing*** **Who wants to live forever?/Who wants to live forever?/Who?/Who dares to live forever/Oh when love must die?**

"Flaiva, whats wrong?" Nico was conserned, he was gonna kiss my lips but I said, "No Artemis said I'm a hunteress means I can't be in love! Also no sex" I swore at Artemis but the Vison dispearsed. Then I started crying, Alblaster put his hand on my back but I said, "Don't touch me Al-bastard!" to him. (Geddit?) **Ugh. Stupid pun aside, stop being a b**ch to someone trying to help you.** I was so confussed.

"Im sorry your exiled," Said Alblaster, he letted go of me sensetively.

"Camp sux anyway!" I said. "Everybody worshups Percy and Annbeth, the other demigods are mean, Chrion is kind of cute but mistguided ***Groan*** , and Mr.D looks at kid pr0n in the Big house. **Remember this line people, it'll come back.** "

"It'll be better for you to be with Artemis!" Said Nico. "And be a hunteress."

"Lets make a Sacrafice to Artmeis," Announced Albaster, "Maybe she won't be so angry then."

A bush russeled, I shot an arrow into the heart off it…..it was a satyr! **Oh my God that's the second innocent sentient being you've slaughtered!** Nico cut it up with his sword and we put him on a big cooking grill **WTF?! WHERE'D THEY GET A COOKING GRILL?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS YOU MONSTERS?!** , Albaster did magic and fire burned it and he was sacraficed. **SERIOUSLY?! YOU MOFOS SERIOUSLY JUST DID THIS?! I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST READ! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! FLAVIA YOU! ARE! A! MONSTER!** "Hale Artmeis!" We chanted twelve times and wait for a sign. **THE SIGN WAS ZEUS HURLING LIGHTENING AT YOU BECAUSE PAN-HELLENIC RELIGIONS FORBADE HUMAN SACRIFICE YOU SICK SICK * & #$!** Suddenly Artemis appread misty like a Ghost.

"I exept your gift" **You're sick too, Artmeis.** She said, "It is sweet in my ears. But still not date, Flavia. Unless you want to not live forever immortal, and be a virgin goddess like me! You must chose!"

"Im only 14!" I shouted loudly. **Shut up you whiny, self centered HUMAN SACRIFICER!**

"You may make your chose at the end of your quest when you find me," Artemis said wisely. She misted away.

"Where are you?!" I yelled. But she was misted away. I sat down and ate some amberosa. **Wow. What an exceptionally dull ending to a chapter involving HUMAN SACRIFICE!**

* * *

 **HOLY mother of God, this is BAD. Like, blasphemously bad! I'd this is worst of the worst, but I've read ahead, and trust me, it gets worse! Hold on to your barf bags everybody, we're in for one awful ride!**


	4. Flavia Goes to Spooky Mormon Hell Dream

**Thank you Janbc0123 for following and favoriting! And thank you for reviewing, I'm super sorry this almost gave you a tumor! I'll make sure to put a warning on this next chapter.**

 **Warning: Reading Moon Daughter may be hazardous to your health. If you experience any of the following symptoms while reading Moon Daughter, please consult the MST3K mantra immediately: inarticulate rage, lowered intelligence, sobbing hysterically, ulcers, brain tumors, bubonic plague, mild foot fungus or irritable bowel syndrome.**

* * *

Chapter Four…..I Go To Hades **Yes, please!**

We all ate amberosa. Mine tasted like kissing Nico's lips. First I felt bad because I was cheating on Luke, exept he was dead,so it wasn't like real cheating. Then I polished Aganemnon until I could see my eyes in the reflect. "Where should I look for Artmeis?" I asked Nico and Albaster.

"She is not in Olympus, she never goes on her throne exept a little," Said Albaster, "Mostly she hunts in the wild."

"What if she is in teh Underworld!" Said Nico. **Well, that would make no bloody sense, since she's a nature goddess and the Underworld is, well the Underworld. You're not too bright, are you Nico?**

"We can't go there!" Said Albaster.

"I am from Hades, I can!" Yelled Nico. He raised his sword and hit the ground with his iron sword and it splitted open wide, a dark crack. Hot breeze and a burn smell came from the crack, "That's the fire and lava ashes from Tarterus," Nico explained us.

I jumped down the deep crack and so did Nico and Albaster. Albaster did magic to make us land safe on the other side of the dead river, so Cerebus was on the other side of us and we didn't have to go by him. **I thought Cerberus was on that side of the Styx.** The Dead were flying around us like ghosts but I cut at them with Agamemnon and they flew away scared by the bright sliver blade. I saw the ghost that was the the rappist from NYC city so I flipped him off.

In head of us was Hades's Palace, a shiny black Palace with pillers and iron stairs in the front. There were skelton guards, but Nico chopped them up with his iron sword **such brilliant diplomatic tactics!** and we run up the stairs to Hades's Throne Room. He was sitting down on a throne made from dead people parts and smoke and his robes were black and also made from dead people ghosts. He looked kind of like Johnny Depp super pale, but he had black hair in a ponytail and a little eyeliner but not too much cause he isn't gay. **Because _that's_ how you can tell someone's gay or not. Their eyeliner.**

Perstephanie was sitting next to him, she had pale makeup and dark red lipstick and black eyeshadow with long eyelashes. Her hair was black and she cut it short and had a little bit of red dyed on the ends on a few hairs, and red nail polish on one hand and black nail polish on the other hand. She was wearing a gown made of black lace with a spiky coller, like gothic. Cause she was goddess of the DEATH! **I thought she was the goddess of flowers and sunshiny happiness.**

"What do you want puny deimgods!" Said Hades.

"Have you kidnapped Artmeis?!" I yelled. **What in God's name made you jump to that assumption?!**

"Artemis? No, although she is hot" **Ew.** Said Hades. Perstephanie shouted "Are you cheating on me, you man whore!"

"Calm down bitch," Said Hades quickly, "I cheated on Nico's mom too"

Magic colored red and purple shot from Perstephanie's fingers and eyes. "This is Nico here, I will destroy him…..and the other demigods!" But Hades handcufted her with some handcufts he had in his pocket **do I even want to know why he had those?** , and put a gag on her mouth so she couldn't do a curse. "I can tell your Artemis's daughter," Hades told to me. "Your hot too." **Double Ew!**

"Yeah well Im not Legal," I said. "Im 15." **Last chapter you were 14. What, did you have a birthday yesterday?** Hades gave me a magic locket that turned into a whip when I talked in greek. He also gave Nico a shiny black otter box sined by dead bands with autagraphs. "This is for you son," He said to Nico.

"Hey do I get something," said Albaster.

"No because your the bastard spawn of Hecate" Said Hades **Asshole. They're all bastard children, what did Hecate ever do to you?** , he gave us a shiny black three people size motercycle with silver and white flame stickers so we could use it and fly out from the Underworld.

"I want to see Luke!" I told Hades but he shook his head, "He is in Elysium, you can only go there if your dead." I cried but I knew Hades told the truth "Will you give him message?"

"No!" Said Hades, "When your a hero and get killed **love how he says "when", not "if"** you give him your message by yourself, in Elysium!"

I sat on the motercycle behind Nico and held onto his waist, I could feel his mussle abs. Albaster sat behind me and held around my waist, his hands were strong and pale. I thought of Artemis chose. If I picked immorality, Nico and Albaster would be dead to me like Luke, even if they would still be alive. Also if I lived forever, I would never die so I would never see Luke in Elysium! **Well, sounds like an easy choice to me.**

We flew the motercycle over the Punishment Field, where people were getting tortured. One guy Tantellus was trying to eat but the food disapeared, another guy was chained up in a rock and snake acid dropped on him **Is that Loki? In Greek Hades? Cool!** I smiled cause I saw Brittany there **She died? 50 bucks Flavia killed her.** , she was chained to a giant coach purse for internity for tormenting me. **So the rapist gets sent to Asphodel despite the terrible crimes her committed but Brittany gets sent to the Field of Punishment for being kind of a bully?** "Can we rescue them," Said Albaster, Nico shook his head, "It is the jugment of the gods, theres nothing we can do." I knew Nico was saying the truth, I knew if I live forever there is no chance I'd go to the Punishment. **And with your track record, there's no doubt you're headed straight to the fiery pits.** Its too hard chose, I thought, I'll pick it later.

But we saw Tarterus, it was a black hole where mist came out and I knew all the dead monsters were in there getting formed back together and twice as deadly. We flew away from Underworld until we were back in the forest. I gave my whip a name, I called it Telemachus then I put it around my neck but I made it a locket first. It matched my etyes! **Your "etyes"? is this some kind of feature only Mary Sues have?**

With my locket on Albaster couldn't take his eyes off me, "Your beautiful, Flavia."

I kicked him in the stomach with both feet slammed into him, **Wow, disproportionate retirbution much?!** and I turned Telemachus into a whip, "Im not your gf, ok? So stop acting like I am!" **He wasn't! He was complementing you! First you flip people off for kneeling to you, then you beat the crap out of someone for a complement?! WTF Mofo?!**

"Yeah," Said Nico, "Leave her alone!"

Albaster said a Swear word and got on his feet, he looked like he wanted to kill Nico, **If I were him, I'd more likely be gunning for Flavia.** I knew someday they would fight over me,maybe to the Death. I relised at that moment my beautiful was a Curse. From Artmeis, so I would be a virgin goddess like her. **Artemis: "I know how I'll keep my daughter a virgin! I'll make her really, really hot so all the guys want to bang her! My logic is flawless!"**

BUT then Nico put his ipod on and played some my Chemical Romance random playlist, and he said flirtly, "Hey girl wanna dance?" "Sure" I said, and we danced in the glow from the moon and I felt Artemis was looking down and did not like what she saw.

But we got lost in the music and I winded my whip around Nico when we danced like a black snake. **It's sounds real sexy until they trip on it and fall flat on their faces** **.**

* * *

 **This may not be as infuriating as last chapter, but it's definitely more squicky. Plus, Flavia's Sue factor just got upped 10x with the whole "my beauty is curse" bit.**


	5. More Human Sacrifice!

**Hello everbody! Nothing new to announce right now, so I'm just gonna start the spork.**

* * *

Chapter 5…..Back to Camp Half Blod

When the next morning came I put on a black tank top and black skinny jeans that were ripped in the knees, and a black leather jacket. My hair was getting too long, so I took my knife, Agamenmom to cut it all uneven at my shoulders. Last I put on silver cresent moon earring and went to see Nico. Nico was wearing his ripped jacket and black jeans, and Albaster was wearing green jacket and dark green jeans, with magic symbles on them. **Where are they getting all these clothes from?**

"Artmeis will be found," I said. "If we have another Sacrafice, maybe we can ask her." We looked around the dark forest for satyrs or mortal hikes but we found none. **OH MY GOD! YOU HEARD THIS, RIGHT?! THEY WANT TO _SLAUGHTER INNOCENT HIKERS_ AS HUMAN SACRIFICES! THESE PEOPLE AREN'T JUST SOCIOPATHS, THEY'RE F***ING SERIAL KILLERS!**

"I know how to find Artemis!" Said Albaster suddenly. "We can ask the Oracle."

"But the Oracles at camp Half Blood, idiot I can't go there, I was exiled!" I said angry. **Um... that's not the only oracle in the world. There are plenty of people in Greek mythology with the gift of divination. But you're probably too busy practicing HUMAN SACRIFICE to look any of them up.**

"We can ask Chrion if we can go back for a little while," Albaster said. "We'll ask the Oracle for a prophacy to tell where Artemis is!"

Nico nodded wisely, "We can try."

We walked through the trees, I carried Agamemnon, Telemacus my whip, and my bow and arrow ready to fight. Nico welded his sword ready for battle, and Alblaster held his hands in front ready to do magic. I lead the way.

It was night, and the sky was dark like midnight and there was a cresent moon shining. I knew camp Half Blood was very close, on the other side of the forest. The bush russeled and red eyes glared suddenly! I fired my arrow but it was too late, an empusa jumped out with fangs and a metal leg and a horse leg! It was an empusa! ***Gasp* An empusa?!** (Like in the Battle of the Labarinth.)

She bit her fangs in my neck, and I slashed Telmachus and cut her head off her body with the sharp whip. Then I shot her with an arrow in the heart and cut her in pieces with Agamenmom. When she was dead I felt on my neck, there were bite marks and my heart sunck. "The empusa curse, I'll become a empusa vampire now!" **Um... I don't think that's mythologically accurate.** I would be a monster and Artmeis would never let me be a hunteress, now!

"No you won't, I won't let you" Albaster put magic symbles on my neck and the bite holes went away. The curse was mostly healed! I didn't turn into an empusa but my teeth got sharper, and my eyes turned red when I got really angry. Also I got very pale. **Paler than before? Christ, you must be whiter than a paper sheet by now.**

"You think I'm a freak," I yelled at him! **That must be why he saved you.**

"No you could never be a freak," Said Albaster.

Nico put his arm on me, "Your safe now, Flaiva. You'll make a better hunteress even, with sharp fangs to hunt eyes to see in the Dark."

Albaster got the motorcycle, "We can ride this and get there fast!"

We all got on it, I sat in front and Nico held me tight then Albaster sat in the back. We flew in the woods and Nico put his ipod on again, I really wanted to make out when we landed down.

Before I could say anything camp Half Blood loomed in head of us. I could see black shapes for all the cabins exept the Artemis cabin glowed bright in the dark. **And the Apollo Cabin, which also glows, and the glow coming from the smoke stacks in the** **Hephaestus cabin, and the hearth of Hestia in the center which never goes out.** There was a big bomfire and the demigods were there singing a dumb song. Annbeth was there in preppy clothes holding hands with Percy Jackson and they were smoking Pot. ***facepalm***

"I effing exiled you!" Yelled Chiron behind us! "HOW DARE YOU COME BACK, YOU INSIDIUS BITCH SNAKE?" **"Insidius bitch snake"? I'm gonna file it with "magic idiot witch boy" with "insults that are totally stupid yet somehow sound so good".**

"Hey, I'm not gonna stay, calm down brony," I said (geddit, cause he's a center?)

"We want to talk to the Oracle!" Said Nico stern. **Whatever happened to politely asking?**

"Whose that?" Chrion pointed at Albaster, "He's son of Hecate, shes the goddess of magic," I said.

"Hecate helped with Kronos!" Chiron stamped his hoofs. "He cannot enter camp Half Blood!" **Um, didn't Percy make sure that all the demigod children of the betrayer gods would be welcome at Camp half-Blood?**

"Don't freak out hes not evil," I said, my eyes flashed him red. "Fine fine but if you cause trouble you will suffer the consaquences," Said Chiron warning.

I walked to the Big House but I froze, sitting by the bomfire was…Ivy! She was fixed in Tartarus like a monsters and was sitting by the Apherditi demigods!

"Hey Percy," I said, I had a **"** clever **"** idea. "Heres your gf Ivy!"

"No I'm his gf!" Screamed Annabeth.

"That's funny I saw you kissing Ivy the Dyrad!" I said. **And everyone believes this lying sociopath and convicted murderer because...?**

Percy turned red, "No, Annabeth, its not like that, shes like my sister!" ***Groan* Percy. You idiot.**

"Yeah I bet you kiss your sister you pervert" Yelled Annabeth. "We're so over Percy!"

"But we kissed underwater, I love you!" Percy said.

"Theres no 'we' anymore seaweed ass!" Annabeth b*tch slapped Ivy so she fell into the fire, then she ran away to the Apherditi cabin and slammed the door. Percy started to cry. I took a pic with my ipod **nothing says "likable protagonist" like gleefully documenting the suffering of others!** and went to the Big House where Nico was waiting.

We climbed to the attic, where the Oracle was. The other Oracle was Rachel, but she was a preppy mortal, so we talked to the old oracle, a dry mummy that said prophacies. **Well, that Oracle crumbled into dust at the end of the Last Olympian, so looks like you're stuck with the "preppy mortal" you loser.** "Oracle what is the prophacy?" Chanted Nico.

Then the Oracle spoke! **"Flavia..." it said "You are the single most awful human being on the planet... you will hopefully die horribly very, very soon..."**

* * *

 **Ugh. I can't believe I'm still only five chapters in. These five chapters alone are enough to break anyone's spirit!**


	6. I Pity The Fool (Who Has to Read This)!

**OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH! Just watched the Avengers 4 trailer and it is AWESOME! I AM SO EXCITED EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! What did y'all think?**

* * *

Chapter 6…The Oracle Spoke

She said: "Artemis can be found in the light of the moon, Ask one demigod who knows you will find her very soon!" **That is one _dumb_ prophecy. **came from her dry mouth like green smoke on a dragon scales. **And _that_ is one _dumb_ metaphor. **

"What does this mean?" Nico asked. **Seems like a pretty clear meaning to me.**

"Omg, Nico, I think it means one of the campers **No, the prophecy said _demigod_ , not _camper_. **Half Blood knows where Artmeis is!" I said. "But which one."

I decided we would have to call everyone together by the fire so I could explain about the prophacy. We went outside and I told Chiron, "The Oracle says one of the demigods knows where Artemis is! We must question them and find the truth!"

"Why should I listen to you, you disruptave pyscho?" Yelled Chiron. **Yeah, why should he tolerate your presence?! You were banished for murder!**

"It is the will of Artmeis **I** **t is?** , she's overyou **"** **Over you"? Were Artemis and Chiron a thing?! *shudders*** and you know it," I said calm because I knew I was right.

"Very well, we'll do that" Said Chiron. **Well, that was easy.**

All the demigods got in a group around the bomfire where I could see them, the sour smelling jocks from Ares and the preps from Apherdite, the losers from Cabin 11 and the posers from some other Cabins. **Yup, everyone at Camp Half-blood falls into one offensive teen stereotype.** Some looked at me angry but mostly they were jealous. Percy Jackson was trying to talk to Annabeth but she put on her headphones so she couldn't hear what he was saying, but the music was so loud I could hear she was listening to 1 D again. **Do 'preps' listen to anything else?** Ivy was there too, her hair was all smoky from in the bomfire so I flipped her off **bitch** and the moon glinted on my silver skull ring that Nico gave me.

"Shut up everyone!" Said Chiron. **Great leadership skill, buddy.** "There is a message of important!"

Under the spread night sky with glowing stars I stood to talk, "One of you knows where Artemis is, speak now or face the Wrath!"

"Yeah right!" Annabeth laughed nervous **why was she nervous? She doesn't know anything.** , "Artemis is in Olympus with the other gods and the goddesses!"

"No, fool **O** **kay, from this moment forward Chiron will be voiced by Mr. T.** she is not," Chiron explained, "She has not been seen for a long time, but now she wants to connect with her only daughter, so she is somewhere in the earth. Do you know where?!"

Annabeth rolled her eyes and took some pink lipstick and put it on to show us she didn't care. Percy Jackson stole her headphones and tried to hold her hand but Annabeth started flirt with a Apollo cause she dumped his seaweed butt.

A poser from a Demeter said "How would one of us know, she's like a goddess and we don't know where she is!"

"We will ask for a sign," Said Chiron.

"Does this need a sacrafice," I said, cause there were a lot of jerks to pick from. **Oh my God, she wants to do it again! She wants to commit HUMAN SACRFICE for a third time!**

"No it is not nesescary." **Oh thank God.**

Suddenly a bright arrow appear in the air and pointed to Albaster! "A sign from Artemis!" Said Chiron in aw. **Hey, if Artemis is so helpful that she's giving you signs like this, why doesn't she just tell you where she is?**

"Alblaster, you know all this time you bastard?" I yelled. "Why didn't you tell me where Artmeis was!"

"Because if you went to Artmeis you would become a hunteress and can't date!" He said sensetively. "I didn't want that to happen because…I love you!"

"What" I said, my heart was swirled with confusement now that I know the truth. **Confusement? You figured this out in chapter 2! I have the quote!**

 ***Ahem***

 **"I could tell he was in love with me, I could tell from the way he looked at me."**

 **So why is this suddenly a massive development?!**

* * *

 **I hope everybody is having a Merry Hanukkah! If you have anything you want to say feel free to comment!**


	7. Alabaster Takes a Dump

**Thank you to Mossflower1234 for following this sporking!**

* * *

Chapter 7…Ready 4 the Quest!

"What" I said, my heart was swirled with confusement now that I know the truth. I didn't know if I should shoot him with my arrows or make out **Christ you're messed up.** , so instead I said, "Where's Artemis if you know?"

"Shes in a city in Californa, called Nox City, a place where she wants her to meet you," Said Albaster. He shot magic and a map showed in the sky, all silver and glowed. I knew this was a smart name because Nox was the goddess of the night. **Nooo, _Nyx_ is the goddess of the night. My Google-fu tells me that "nox"is either a video game or oxides of nitrogen.**

"Nox City, it is a place filled with monsters off all kinds," Said Chiron. "Hades lives there in the summer, because its dark and filled with fell monsters, and dangerous Peril. **I thought Hades lived in the Underworld year round. Now he has a vacation home?!** It is the deadly place in California."

I took out Agamemnon and chopped a branch off the tree next to us **stop hurting random living being because you think it makes you cool! It does not make you look cool!** , "I have skill, I can fight! Anyway Nico will portect me." ***in a falsetto* "I'm totally a badass, so my boy-toys will do all the heavy lifting for me and keep me safe!"**

"I'm coming with you" Said Nico. **She knows, idiot. That's why she said you'll protect her. I feel like 'Nico''s characterization is just really really dumb.**

"I'm coming too because I know where the way is, also I love you," Said Albaster. He shot magic and the map misted away.

"Show us your skills first!" Yelled Chiron. "Only the strongest of deimgods can go on this quest, or else it will be dangerous." **Dude, they just went to Hades and back no problemo. They're not strong, they're OP.**

Nico cut a table in four halfs with his iron sword, Chiron looked with approve. Albaster shit magic, **OMGWTF Hahahahaha!** and all the demigods were impressed ***snortle* seriously?!** exept the bitchy ones, because they never saw something like this before. **Oh, I don't think _anyone_ _'s_ seen _this_ before.** Annabeth said "R u joking, I could do that with my eyes closed!" **'Annabeth' can shit magic too?!** But it was a lie, she had no magic powers at all! (Also she had herpees from smoking Pot. **xxMoonlitexx:** **that's how you get Herpes, right?** )

"I will go quest!" Said Ivy of a suddenly.

"Don't let her," I told Chiron, "She is a slut." **Says the skankily dressed woman with two boy-toys.**

"I want to be a hunteress!" Yelled Ivy. "Ever sense Percy dumped me I'm alone, I hate guys now because I see they have no value, my eyes opened"

"But only three go on a quest, the Law says and the Law must be obeyed!" Said Chiron, sternly.

I looked at Nico Albaster and Ivy and I knew the truth must happen: one must die! So then there would be 3 of us left. **Oh no! I wonder if it'll be the expendable, hated one?! (Hint: it will)** But I said nothing because people shouldn't know there fate, it's not allowed. Anyway if it was Ivy she would just be fixed in Tarterus. So Chiron went into the big House and he came back with another bow and arrow for Ivy, but it wasn't silver like mine was.

We were ready to go on the Quest! I led the way, I staked from camp with my middle finger held up high, with my bow in one hand an Agamenom in the other one. **Wait, if both your hands are full, how could you give them the middle finger?!** It was sunset so everything was in a red light like fire, it glowed on my hair like silk or satan. **Proof! Proof that Flavia is the anti-christ!** Nico was looking so hot in his lether jacket and black ripped jeans with chains all over it, and he was wearing a little eyeliner like Hades. Ivy had green skin because the chloryful was her blood vains, and straight green hair and green eyes with eyeshadow and dark green lipstick, she was wearing a tank top that was purple, and also black skinny jeans. She looked hot but not as hot as me, so that was ok because I didn't want her to hit on Nico. **Also Alabaster might still be there, IDK.**

We walked until we got to the middle of the forest, I went to chop up some trees for the fire. When I came back, Ivy was hitting on Albaster! **Didn't she want to swear off dudes five seconds ago?** I glowed with wrath. "Eff off Ivy! He's not your bf! If your a hunteress you can't have a bf anyways!" **I thought you said you didn't want her to hit on Nico! Alabaster's totally on the table.**

"That's ok, I don't love her," Albaster said assuringly. **I feel like 'Alabaster''s characterization here is masochistic loyalty.**

"Screw guys anyway, they all suk!" Ivy yelled.

"We'll stay here for the night" Said Nico, he took the wood I chopped up and told Albaster to burn it on fire. Then everybody went to sleep exept me, cause I was daughter of the moon goddess which is at night, I didn't have to sleep. **Seems legit.** So I put on my headphones and moshed to some Simple Plan under the ehtereal light from the full moon. **I don't think moshing is a one person activity.**

* * *

 **OMG, I had to read the chapter over and over again to properly spork it, and Alabaster's magical dump gets me every time! Also, a "snortle" is not a misspelling. It's a Portmanteau between "snort" and "chuckle". It's how I describe my annoying laughter.**


	8. OMG! (Ouch, Morbid Grammer!)

**Thank you to Kurt50Alien and Willow Lark for following this story! Also, good God, I can't believe I'm saying this, but xxMoonlitexx was _right_ about something. Well, sort of. You know how in a previous chapter I complained that "Nox" is not the goddess of night but a video game? Well, guess what, I'm studying Latin and just got a new vocab list, and guess what shows up translated as "night"? You guessed it, "nox". So I guess it has something to do with night after all.**

* * *

Chapter 8…OMG ("gods" geddit) **Ugh, that was so unfunny it was almost hilarious in just how unhilarious it was.**

We walked all day through the woods and soon we got to California the next day. **Jesus, you know Camp Halfblood's on Long Island, right?! Do these woods have some sort of portal in them, because otherwise how could you make it to California in a _single day_?! **It was the dessert where we were. So I didn't wear my jacket, instead I stuck it in my backpack that Nico and Albaster were fighting over who carried for me. But my bow and arrow were on the ready because this was the Dessert of Monsters. Also I carried Agamemnon and Telmelchus was around my neck (the locket kind.) **Nope. I'm still imagining a heavy-a$$ sword tied around your neck with a string.**

It was a walk and everything was hot, especially Nico lol. ***unconvincing canned laughter*** We came to a bridge that was old and made of sticks tied together and it hung above a big cliff. **Um, I'm assuming they're in Death Valley and that since now everything has been completely flat, so what's this big canyon doing here?**

"We must cross this bridge!" Said Albaster. But it was a drop 500 sheer feet all the way to sharp sactlites at the bottom. **Stalactites?! That's not geologically possibly!** We looked over the edge and saw some skeletons there who got impaled because they fell. **Who the ^#%! would be traversing this random canyon in the middle of Death Valley?!**

"Omg!" I yelled (see like the name of the chapter.) **THAT** **this single worse reason to name a chapter EVER.** Because 15 monsters were running at us from the other side of the bridge! There was three monitars, a empusa thirsted for blood but I was empervous because I was part empusa now, also six telkines, and six hell hounds! **That's 16 monsters, learn to count you idiot.**

The first monitar flunged himslef on me (not that way you pervs.) **We weren't think it was "in that way".** I cut his stomach and something fell out, it was his spleen but people can live without their spleen **Yeah, but I don't think they can live with a massive stab wound.** so I stabbed him again. Then I shot the empusa and the arrow went threw her head and kept going so it killed the hell hounds too! **Jesus, is this an arrow or a really small missile?!**

Nico swung his sword in an ark, three monitar heads rolled in the air and exploded like dust! Albaster shot magic at the telkines, they all got confussed and killed each others men. Ivy threw rocks at them too. ***facepalm* Ivy, why don't you just, I don't know, use your plant powers?** Just when I thought we win, more monsters pored from the cliff. I stood with my back against Nico, I was ready to go down fighting like an hunteress should! The monitar **didn't he die already?** ax cut me a little before so I had a sexy scar on the right side of my lip to my chin **Noo, you had a nasty wound. It takes a long time for scars to form.** , I looked proud and dangerous.

"Theres too many Flaiva!" Yelled Ivy, "We need to run away!" **Really? Y'all just killed the first 16 in like, five seconds, I don't think they're as big a deal as you think.**

"No!" I yelled "Let them come!" I stabbed with Agamenmom and tranformed Telemachus into a whip **I'm not even going to _try_ to point out all the times Flavia holds 3+ weapons at once, because I know I'll never catch them all. **, it lashed mighty and split three monsters in halfs as it cut threw the air like a steel snake.

"We will die you know," Said Ivy.

"Then we will die like heros," I said, "I will go to Elsyium and be with Luke forever!"

"Wait your heart is still his?" Said Albaster confusedly.

I opened my mouth to say yes but then I stopped, image of Nivo's firm abs and Albaster's sensative faces **I** **love how Nico's just so objectified she doesn't even think of face, she thinks of his chest.** misted in my eyes. For a first time I was not sure anymore. _**Now**_ **you're not sure?! What about all those times you almost kissed Nico?! Or that time Alabaster confessed his love to you? LAST CHAPTER.**

The monsters were all dead now so we walked on the bridge. It was 700 feet high, the winds howled around us like storms with tornados. Ivy bitched and moned but I narrow my lips and pressed on. The bridge was long so it took us another day to get to the edge of it **Let me get this straight; it takes you a single day to walk cross-country, but WHOLE DAY to cross a single bridge which an entire army of monsters crossed in SECONDS?! *shows MST3K "Space is warped and time is bendable" clip*** and the rest of the dessert stretched in front of us, it was a depressing site. **I know what you mean. Right now I'm looking at the 64 more chapters I've got left to spork. It's a depressing sight.**

* * *

 **So, I made this offer at the end of a recent PJO/YJ crossover, but it was at the end and I'm not sure how many people actually read it, so here it is again: I am interested in possibly sporking works you submit to me. All I ask is that you don't send me stuff that isn't your own work/truly horrendous troll-fics or smut. Other than that contact me through PM or email and I'll see what I can do.**


	9. Weirdness at Camp Halfblood

**Thank you ekse123 for following!**

* * *

Chapter 9…Losers in Camp Half Blood

During I quested, Chrion got all the camper demigods together to discuss the quest. **Hey, how does Flavia know what went on when she wasn't there?** "Why did none of you go on the quest with them you dim fools?!" **Yay! Mr. T Chiron is back!**

"But we didn't pass the test of skills," Said a Apollo. **You also never tried. Apparently all you need to do to join a quest is to beat up some furniture or go the bathroom in public. I think you could pass.**

"That is true, most of you are not born to be heros or anything **_Yeah, why would DEMIGODS be HEROES or something?! Everyone is a looser except for Flavia, Nico and Alabaster!_** we need to help Flavia Nico and Albaster anyway **Why? They're going on a really selfish quest to find Flavia's mother. This has nothing to do with y'all** , how can we do this?"

"A sacrafice!" **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!** Said a son of Zeus **W** **ait Zeus wtf?! Is this Jason?!**. "We have a cooking grill in camp **Oh my God, please no!** , we can speak with Artmeis to help them."

"No scum _**T** **hank you,**_ **Mr. T Chiron. You are the only semi-competent person in this whole story.** , we will consult the oracle. Annabeth, this is your task because you were texting during capture the flag when you should of been fighting instead **The ultimate proof that this is a Bizzaro Universe.** , this is a punishment," Said Chiron.

"They already talked to the oracle!" Snitted Annabeth. She was wearin Naill shirt **"Naill shirt" is that a shirt made of nails? Gross!** that was pink and too much makeup so she looked blond & slutty, like all the Apherditis.

"But they did not get a prophacy from Rachel, she is just a mortal **w** **ho happens to be the host of the most powerful soothsayer ever, also she knocked Kronos with a hairbrush,** but its good to have news from her too, anyway. Now go or you will be flung to Tarterus." **Mr. T Chiron can do that?**

Annabeth walked into the big House to seek of Rachel. Rachel was in the attic **Is she just there all the time?** and her eyes glowed green, "I have no prophacy exept the three on the quest will be of deimgods the best!" **What about Ivy?**

Annabeth was mad but she had to tell Chiron. She was a coward in heart, that's why she took a shortcut **If she was a coward she'd take the long way back so she could stall, not get to telling quicker.** in the room with all the computers in Camp. There was a strange noise, she came closer and screamed cause she saw…..Mr. D looking at child pr0n! ON CHIRON'S COMPUTER! **Hey, remember in Chapter 2 when Flavia said that Mr. D looks at porn in the Bighouse, and I told you to remember that because it'll be back?**

"Omg you perv get the hell outta here!" She yelled.

But Mr. D laughed instead, he did purple magic and Annabeth turned into a grape with no soul! **What?! What just happened?! Purple magic?! Grape?! WHAAT?!**

* * *

 **That was short... but so, so weird! And gross. Ewwwwwwwww...**


	10. Love Will Get in the Way

**Thank you to Professor R.J Lupin 1 for following, favoriting and reviewing! Also thank you The Cat That Writes (who has excellent taste in animals) for following and favoriting. This next chapter contains xxMoonlitexx's first ever author's note! (yay...)**

* * *

If your a hater you need a Life, if your so good you write a publish book not flame real writes ok! **"Real writes"? You know _this_ book isn't published, right?** An Im not a Troll I don't even like homestuck ok? **I actually didn't even get that reference until I found out what Homestuck was a year later. The fact that you know what a Homestuck Troll is suggests you do like it. And most definitely are a Troll.**

Chapter 10…..Love will Find Away **I'm hoping that this isn't a typo and the stupid romance subplot will find find a way to get away from this story.**

Anyways we were walking in the dessert **yum...** and it was really hot. It was really hot so I took off my jacket and my T-shirt **and you got horrible sunburn and heat rash, and died of overheating. Yay!** so I was in just my bra on top. (Im a C cup). **We don't care.** It was black and tight. **It sounds _real_ practical.** Also Nico and Albaster said it was hot in the dessert and took off all there clothes exept there boxers. Now I could see his chest better, he had many sexy scars. **Jeez this guy has more scars the Oliver Queen! Where'd he get all of these from?** Ivy was wore a bra made from leafs but she was jelous of me cause she had no real boobage. Also her skin was green but mine was Pale. **Pale, and totally unequiped to handle the hot desert sun.**

We walked in the dessert more, I could wait no longer, I stared into the sky that was blue with some orange clouds **Is it supposed to be sunset? Sunrise? A really weird noon? Whatever. Just watch the "space is warped and time is bendable" clip again.** and said "I love you!" **To who?!** I confessed my love, I didn't care what Artmeis did, but the problem was I didn't know if I said this to Nico or Albaster. **So basically, you just screamed "I love you!" to fricken no one in the middle of desert? Good job.** They both stopped and looked at me weird, "WHAT?" They said loudly, you should of seen their feces! **Feces? Did Alabaster s &!t magic again?!**

"I said I love you ok?" I said. **Flavia, it's really, really stupid to confess your love when you don't know who you're confessing to. I know this seems obvious, but you clearly are not getting it!**

Nico cried tears from joy, they were like dry ice curling on his face **Oh my gosh, get this boy to a hospitable he's crying crazy cool carbon dioxide!** , "I loved you sense I met you Flavia but I thought you were too good for me, now I know our happiness can be together if you're my gf"

"But I love her!" Albaster yelled.

I saw Artemis face float in front of me, it was like she saying "You must chose!" **Doesn't Artemis not want Flavia to chose either?**

"I love you both!" I yelled, "I can't chose one of you over the other one, your both equally hot!" (I liked them 4 other reasons too ok cause I'm not a slut.) **Haha right. That little afterthought you've added _totally_ convinces me. Tell me, what are those "other reasons" you "like them 4"?**

"This is indeed a problem,"Said Nico.

Then we saw a palm trees **in the middle of what I'm assuming is Death Valley?! Or possibly the Nevada desert?!** by some lake. Ivy run to get some water but I pushed her into the ground, "Stop! There are monsters here, I feel it in the wind! **Because of course you can.** " But we saw none so we kept going. By the palm trees there was a motel,there were fans in it and MCR was playing on a cd loud so we could hear it. **I feel like a motel in the middle of the Nevada Desert/Death Valley/Wherever we are would have something better than MCR playing. Maybe Lynyrd Skynyrd.**

We went inside and sat down on the bar and there was beer (Its legal for deimgods, we can drink when we're 12 cause we mostly die anyway) **How does the bartender know that?** and we drank it with was silver. **Silver? Um, Flavia, I don't think that's beer. I think that's mercury.**

"Enjoy dat beer bitch?" A hot guy who looked like Luke was hiding behind a bar **Here I am imagining him crouched behind a bar stool thinking he's all stealthy like when we can clearly see him.** , he had gold hair that matched his eyes glowing sexly, he had a giant thing(like you cut down grass with) made from metal **A** **lawnmower?** , I knew this was KRONOS! **Because of course! Why make a new villain for Flavia to fight, the author is far to derivative!** He smiled in a way that was evil and sexy, "I will kill you demigods!" "WHY," I Said. **"Why not?** For vengence dummy!" He said.

"But Percy killed you when he killed Luke!" I explaned.

Kronos smiled, "Luke's love for you was too strong, it would not let me die so Im still alive!" **That's idiotic. If it was _Luke's_ love that was so strong, why did _Kronos_ come back to life? Or was Luke really in love with Kronos?...**

"This cant be" My head spun in a circle, it was too much to take it all in.

Just then I heard a voice, it was a god passed by it said "Stop him Flaiva!" **Hey, random a$$hole god passing by; why don't _you_ stop him?! **I knew I must act, I threw Agamenmom at his face with the sharp blade pointing towards him **it's very important to make sure the sharp part points _towards_ your enemy.** but he misted away!

"This was close, but he will be back," Said Nico worried.

I started to kiss Nico but he shook his head tragicly, he looked in my pale face, "I can't be your bf anymore, its not good for me, **Wow. That's selfish.** I need to keep you safe from Kronos wrath! **That... makes no sense. Can't you keep her safe while still dating her? And where's Alabaster and Ivy? !** "

Suddenly my world shattered in a million peaces, I knew it was Nivo I really loved after all but now my world was dark without him! **And what does she say to try to win back her true love?**

"You fucker I hate you," I said. **So eloquent.**

* * *

 **Hey everybody, if you're a "Hater" and need a "Life", feel free to "flame" this story with your reviews!**


	11. Flite of the Wild Hores

**Hey everybody! If you go back to the previous chapter you will find I've changed a joke because of the review of The Cat That Writes, whose suggestion was way funnier than anything I've ever written. Also thank you BasiliskHunter7 for favoriting and following and ScaryCwats for following!**

* * *

Chapter 11…..Flite

We were still on the dessert the next day **Wait, what happened after you screamed at Nico?** , I woke up and got dressed. I knew that now I had to win back the longing of Nivo's silver raze of admaration and love, to do this I must use the big female weapon…Lusting! **Yes! The one true skill of the female gender is sex!** I wasn't a slut but I needed him to love me and it was kind of a little fun **You have literally just given the basic definition of a slut.** because I knew I could not date after Artmeis. **Technically, you can't date now either. Making you an even bigger slut.** So I stayed in only my bra but I changed to a new one **Where are you geting these outfits in the middle of the desert!** that was silver and had glowing threads that matched my eyes. Also I wore a black lether mini skirt that was black as Nico's despare in the pits of the nights last gloom. Lastly I put black cole on my eyes and eyelashes so I was very, very pale even more than usually. I brushed my teeth that were sharp cause the empusa cursed, I used tooth paste from a was crest so it made them very white. **Was that... product placement?!**

I walked to where everybody else was sleeping, they were sleeping in the gold sand, lucky it was hot in the dessert and we needed no blankets **Actually, deserts don't retain heat very well, so during the evening it gets super cold. Y'all have hypothermia now. Yay!** so I could see Nico sleeping without his shirt. The sun dassled his statue abs and his pecks were like pale plates. I felt them and made out with him a little ***alarm* Bad touch! Bad touch!** , he was still sleeping (but it was ok because I knew that he wanted me to. **Yeah, tell that to the court you rapist slut!** ) Then he woke up and so did Albaster and Ivy. Nico's shirt were all ripped up so he couldn't put it back on **when did it rip? Also doesn't he already walk around with a ripped shirt?** , so I was happy. Ivy dressed slutly in a cut off tank top _**Yes, it is definitely Ivy who is the slut here,**_ and mini pants and leaf earrings and green lipstick cause she was a Dryad. Alblaster whore **Yes, yes he is.** a kammo pants and he had no shirt too. **You are all going to get horrible, horrible heat rash walking around like that. And I will enjoy every second of your misery.**

"Hey Nico" I said sexly. **I'm just going to imagine after she said that she tripped on the obscenely high heels she was no doubt wearing and fell on her face and everyone saw her Hellow Kitty underwear.**

"Hi Flaiva we must fight Kornos," He said welding his iron sword. "Or, he will return and the world will feel his wait." **Ooooh, rejection!**

"How far do we walk until Nox City," Wined Ivy she was tired already! **You guys walked 2660. miles in less then 24 hours! I'd be tired too!**

Albaster nodded wisely **behold his sage wisdom!** :"We must cross the dessert and then some other things and it'll be with in our site."

It was long on the sands stretching in front of us like golden sand. People died in this dessert, there were skeletons and everything. **How convenient they all died on the exact route you were taking and no one ever moved the bodies!** Buzzers flew over our heads to taste of the human Flesh. Some wild hores ***spit take*** ran over the hill with there manes and tails flying in the dessert wind, there was a thin silver one in the front of the others with a flying black mane and tail, I knew this was the leader horse and it remembered me of myself. "Stay back I'll catch this horse and ride it," I told them. I made Telmelchus into a rope and sneaked by the horse, then I run swiftly after the horse. It ran away and I chased it faster, it was a thrill chase, that hore would be mine! **Hahaha OMG I don't even need to make a joke here the fanfics making it for me!**

The horse reared up on its hindlegs and waved its sharp hoofs, I knew it was a fight to the death! I lassod the horse around the neck with the rope and my heart broke it was so wild and free, I knew even though it was now mine I couldn't bare to keep it chained in low slavery **didn't you say this was a fight _to the death_?**, so I took Agamenmom and slashed on the rope "You are free now wild thing"

But the horse wouldn't run, it came to me and licked me, cause it was greatful I spared its life and now its life was mine to be loyal to the death. I jumped onto its back and I held onto its mane, I could see it had some white streaks in its mane too. Also it had a white mark shaped like the moon on its four head. **It had four heads?! Mutant!** "This is a secret hore of Artemis," I diclared. I spoke to the horse **because I can do that apparently** and determened its name, and its name was Cresent Stag. ***snicker* That's a lame name.**

It was the leader horse so it led some of the other horses to us, Nico got a black stallion like a heart of a midnight shadow that had red eyes that glowed, Albaster got a palameno that was golden with a long white mane that sweeped on the sands and Ivy got a brown horse with white on its legs **She feel lucky she's not walking the whole way.**. I rode in the front cause Cresent Stag was the leader horse cause they were used to following him.

"Do you notice something weird about these hores ***snigger* This is even better than Alabaster's magical shits!** ," Said Albaster suspicously.

"Yes!" I said cause I looked and they had wings **How the (% ! did you no notice _that_ before?!**, they were…..pegasuses! "These are….pegasuses! **"And this is... redundant!** We ride them at camp Half Blood, the pegasuses at camp Half Blood loved me" I remembered of giving them apples and fruits every day even through the Apherditi bully mocked me, the memory was like a butterfly touching my brain.

We flew over the dessert, it was a good thing cause we saw Kronos on the ground, he waved his syth **lawnmower** at us sharply, "If you were on the ground I would destroy you cursed demigods, next time you will not press luck!" I flew really low **thus he was able to destroy and this story ended, Yay!** and showed him my middle finger, his eyes flashed golden wrathly, I stopped because I remembered how much he looked like Luke. Power blazed in his hands **If he's so powerful why can't he hit you when you're flying** , here was a dangerous emeny, I knew I could kill him if we fought but it would be close. I shot my arrow at him but we were too far away now and it missed him but only 3 or 4 inches away **because heaven forbid I miss!**.

"Why is he in the dessert anyway?" I asked Nico **Even the main character admits this plot has more holes than swiss cheese!** as he flew on the black stallion pegasus he was riding, it had black lether wings like a buzzer sweeping in the day air but I didn't see them cause my eyes were on Nico only.

"He is looking for the word of Death" Explaned Nico sensatively. **How do you know that?**

"No what is the word of Death!" I said horrorfied.

"It is a secret to Hades only, it's a word and when you say it the person you say it to dies killed!" Said Nicop. **Spoiler alert: it's actually "The Funniest Joke in the World".**

"We cant let him find it! He'll distroy the world and all the good deimgods," My heart sunck, I thought of camp Half Blood raced into the ground with ashes. They were raicest **speciesist** and crule but there hearts were good. **That is the dumbest contradiction since "glowed darkly"** I thought about Chiron slattered by Kronos, dead! **Your crush on Chiron is creepy and disturbing. Please stop.** "This cant happen, let's kill him first!" I Said firy.

"Patient, we must find Artemis first, then the hunteresseses will defend camp Half Blood," Said Nico. **What can they do against a word that kills anyone who hears it?**

The day got longer and then night started, Ivy and Albaster fell asleep tired, but Nico and me were swake. We sored in the sky, there were stars all around us, and the moonlight glintered on us. The pegasuses ran through the stars and there wings spread star dust like silver raze. Nico looked at me depressedly, it looked like he had black circles around where his eyes were **He probably painted them on with mascara (but only a little because he's not gay!).** and the rest of his face was white pale, a single tear came down his face. I started singing that one song by mcr **You know, that one song!** , I knew we must kiss.

"No Flavia I can't, I must portect you from Kronos!" Said Nico. **Again, you can't do that while dating her why...?**

"Screw Kornos" I said and I kissed him anyway, the stars gleered **Ew, stop being perverts, stars!** around us in circles and the moon showed only on us (cause Artemis) **R** **esulting in panic around the world as the moon suddenly dissappeared!** but suddenly it turned dark!

"Flavia, how dare you?" It was Artmeis face apeared on the moon. "You are no longer a virgen like me,you are no daughter of mine" **Wait, so did Flavia just loose her virginity from kissing?! But she's kissed before! And you, Artemis, you're one to talk! I know about that secret whore you've been keeping around.** She rumbled with ferce silver eyes, but it wasn't really her it was just a Vison.

"Flaiva what's wrong?" Asked Nico.

I was going to tell him but just then we looked down and Nox City was under us!

* * *

 _ **Gosh, I just can't wait for all the angry reviews and PMs accusing me of slut-shaming in this chapter!**_ **Also:**

 **Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!**


	12. Welcome to LA

**Thank you LadyFae123 for her review, follow and favorite!**

* * *

Stop saying I steal from "immortal" ok, I never read your story! **Bull. This has "My Immortal" written all over it.** And your all flamers and Flavias not blond ok?Shes greek not Latin!? **Okay, so when I looked this up I found out that the name Flavia is actually Latin for blond. So, this blond hating "gothic" girl's name literally means blond! That cannot be a coincidence!**

12….Bitter Betrayal!

Nox City, it was indeed the deadly place in California **are you sure this isn't LA? *badumching!***. Streets winded in dark alleys with polusion like a tortured twisting of a tortured Soul. The polusion was brown and made from smoke. We walked though it, I shook my head in disgust, "Why would Artmeis be here, theres no wild place, just a big crappy city!" my heart filled with ferris rage, the mortals were rapping her woods and forest! **No, they're raping her barren, lifeless desert. In fact, now that I think about it, why is there a thriving urban metropolis doing in this wasteland? How are they supporting this massive city?**

"The polusion attrax monsters" **Since when? Most monsters are technically wild creatures too!** Nivo said serious, "Here comes some now" **God, can't we go one chapter without an out of nowhere monster fight? *realizes that when xxMoonlitexx isn't writing half-baked fight scenes she's writing crappy romantic subplots or really _weird_ stuff like people getting turned into grapes.* nevermind.**

A lot of draceenas and some frost giants **does she mean frost giants as in Hyperborean giants, or MCU frost giants?** ran to us, I used my bow and arrow to skewr five draceenas at once and from then I named my bow "Draceenas Doom." **Lame. Where's the horrible pun?** Then I rode on Cresent Stag (my pegasus)and flew up by the giants faces and slitted there throats with Agamamemom., blood spraid out like a torrent from the dying soul **"The torrent from a dying soul"? What?** and got all over the place but not on me cause I was too fast like a lighting bolt. **We can't have Flavia covered in blood! That would be un-sexy!** "Die" I said and they did. Lastly I stranged the last draceena with Draceena Dooms string and I threw the corpus at a mortal **well that's just rude** who was staring at me like a Man he was probably on Crack or crystal Meth. **Flavia, if anyone's on crack it's the author of this fic.**

"You didn't save any for me," Said Albaster, suddenly it hit on me like a lighting of Zeus that he was kinda really hot. **Really. He's been walking around shirtless this whole time, and only _now_ do you notice he's attractive?!**

"Your too slow" I said flirtly.

Albasters etyes smoldered hotly like coles in the distent fire. "Your fast."

"I'm the best at what I do" I said "And that's killing monsters!"

"Hey Im standing right here a$$hole" Bitched **She's not bitching! This is a legitimate complaint!** Ivy.

But the wisdom of **dozens of complaining reviews from people with actual intelligence** Artmeis spoke in my ear, "But Dryads arent monsters I just found that out," I said. **Cripes, I've seen crappy comic retcons that are better handled than this.**

Ivy cried with tears from solid joy **That sounds painful.** , "No one told me this, if I knew this before I wouldn't of told Kornos where we were going!" **Seriously?! When did that happen?! Also: *M. Night. Shyamalan saying "what a twist!"***

I frozed in dawn of bittered betrayal. "Ivy, you hore! You betrayed me…again! And I must kill you again!" **You don't _have_ to kill her.**

Ivy kneeled down in horror, on her knees, "But he was so pervasive **Pervasive: (especially of an unwelcome influence or physical effect) spreading widely throughout an area or a group of people.**!And he said I was a monster anyway and monsters have to obey Kronos!" **Totally logical. And _very_ pervasive. **

I looked at her with Scorn, I knew she was not worth to kill. "Well now Kronos is coming and its all your stupid fault." **Like he wouldn't have found y'all anyway.** I tied her to a pole that was there with Telemachus **and now you can no longer use your whip** so she couldn't betray me any more. I knew Kronos would be here in a hour **How do you know that?** so we had not much time to find Artmeis and the hunteresses.

We slitted up **Yes, please kill yourselves!** , Albaster and me went on one street and Nico went the other way. There was a lot of rappists **It's rude to just _assume_ someone's a rappist. They could be into other types of music! ** and sleeze, there were no houses **Really? Why is this such a big city with people on the streets if no one lives here?** only facteries making Coach purses for preppy hores like Brittany(who is actally a deimgod too and got put in Apheridit. **I thought she was dead.** ) I could see Artemis face in the smoke, she looked at the city wrathly.

At last I understood what my mission was, I needed to return this city to the wild of Artemis! **Oh, you're going to teach them the values of recycling! How nice!**

* * *

 **Also: I have gotten some attention on my other dramatic commenting, "The Champion of Hope: A Scathing Spork", and another story of mine called "Saving Private Cassie", however since I am no longer updating those fanfics I am giving my thanks here. Thank you Loveeverything15, Hello Meghan, Jaret Gonzalez, MeetTheDragon and King. for following favoriting and reviewing!**


	13. Flavia Nukes LA

**Thank you Knightwing20042 (don't worry, I'm a professional), RedBeans (your praise means a lot to me) and ThankYouKanyeVeryCool (I'm praying for your full recovery!) for reviewing.**

* * *

Im ignoring u anyway flamers, so in ur feces! **Ew. No.** This story's not funny ok, its serious ppl die ok? **Keep telling yourself that.**

Chapter 13….We Destroy Nox City **Wait what?**

I knew we must clense the city of polusion and all the evil reeked by mortals! **"It is said that the people are revolting!" "You said it, they stink on ice."** I cansulted with Nivo and Albaster and we knew this must be done before Kornos showed up, which was 1 me I **s that supposed to say 1 minute? Last time I checked it was an hour. How much time did they spend frittering away?** must hurry. Sense Nico was the deimgod of Death **the Underworld, but whatever** he knew how to make all kinds of weapons of mass destruxion. Like da big bombs N stuff. **Wouldn't that be the specialty of a child of Ares? Or Hephaestus?**

"I can do magic where plants grow out of the pavments" Said Albaster **Um, isn't that a child of Demeter thing? I thought all Alabaster could do was crap out magic.** (cause he was from England where they don't know its called side walks.) **Alabaster's British.** "They'll do my bidding and the vines will strange and stuff." **Great, now I've got to decide what British actor will voice him!**

Nico nodded wisely, "We will destroy the city for Artmeis!" **Because nothing says "wise benevolent moon goddess" like mass destruction! I'm sure she'll love it!**

Albaster shot magic and plants busted from the ground, they ripped up the side walk and big peaces flew in the air and broke windows **which hit people and killed/badly injured them**. Then he shot magic at a big tower that had smoke coming out of the top from it to make the air thick with poisen smoke and the tower fell over with bricks crashing in the ground **probably crushing lots of innocent people**. Then Nivo flew up a factery with a greek fire bomb and all the polusion land fill inside got killed and was no more. **You ASSHOLE! The only thing you "killed" were all the poor workers inside slaving away to feed their families! You didn't destroy the pollution, you set it on fire, turning it into toxic smoke (the same smoke you brought down the smoke-stack for pumping out) and spreading it around! YOU ARE EVIL IDIOTS!**

I shot an arrow at a mall full of people who screamed but they were preps and sluts so my heart was hard to them **F* * YOU FLAVIA, F* * YOU F* * YOU F* * YOU!** , the arrow was full with the might of Artemis and the mall fell over. **YOU. ARE. EVIL! I HOPE KRONOS KICKS YOUR ASS STRAIGHT DOWN TO TARTARUS YOU MASS MURDERING SLUT!** Soon there was nothing left from the city exept Dust. It was free! But suddenly Albaster fell over on the ground, he looked dead **from contrivances**! "No!" I yelled. "Dont die I love you!" And suddenly I knew it was true. Ivy **who was suddenly here despite being tied up a minute ago** explaned "He used up too much magic, now he will die unless we fix him!" **I'm totally cool with one of you people dying. Y'all all deserve the death penalty.**

Nico looked at me sensatively, "I thought you loved me, we kissed an everything!" But my true feelings invaded me and I wasn't sure what I should tell him. **Tell him the truth. "Nico, I'm a flighty slut."** Nivo kneeled down, he cried with man tears **They're different from women tears because they're not afraid of spiders** , "But I love you Flavia, your the only one in my heart!" He started singing simple plan song, "I found a reason for me to change, and that reason is you" **I looked up these lyrics, but I couldn't find the song they come from. Honestly, I'm kinda glad.**

But now that the Nox City was free **no, it's a warzone of rubble and death and pollution. You just made the problem worse, _and_ you slaughtered estimated thousands of innocent people!** and not a belmish with preppy mortals **F* *. You. You have _no f* *ing right to judge these people. None of them are MASS F* *ING MURDERERS!_** , light came from the moon and lit up to show us there were 100 hunteresses standing there by the forest. "Show me Artemis!" I yelled to the hunteress in the front, she was a girl with a black lether jacket and gothick short black hair with blue streaks in it and a lot of black I could tell that she was a poser. **Bullsh!t. Thalia's a better goth, a better huntress, and better person than you'll ever be you petty perfidious perverted prostitute!**

"Artemis is no longer here" She explaned, her name was Thaila. "She is in the forest with Hecate doing the moon ritchuals **no doubt involving HUMAN SACRIFICE** , and I'm in charge when Artmeis is gone." She had a really big sheeled with a medusa face on the front, to show her I was not afraid I took Agamenmom and cut it in six halfs before anyone could blink there eyes. **Bitch, she did nothing to offend you and you just wrecked that shield. F* * you.**

Thaila took a speer and pointed it at me, "Your brave but that was my gift from Zeus, now I must kill you!" **Go, Thalia! Kick her ass!**

I laughed, "Ok try it!"

She threw the spear but the power of Artmeis portected me **Bullsh!t. Zeus is more powerful than Artmeis.** and the speer missed, I said "Now its my turn bitch" and with one swing I cut off her head, she turned to dust **I'm going to take that as a sign that this Thalia was actually a monster in disguise and the real Thalia is still alive, providing us with hope that one day, Flavia's reign of terror will end**. The other hunteresses kneeled in front of me and said "Hail Flaiva" because now, I was there new leader **That's not how you become leader of the Huntresses! That's how you get shot full of arrows!** and they all must obey me but I saw hate and jelousy in some of their eyes **Yeah, because you murdered their leader and seized power. I would be out for your blood too.** , I knew I must rule them with a iron hand. **Flavia, you are a terrible ruler.**

But then an hour was over and Kronos was coming any second! **Please Kronos! Please kill Flavia! Also, whatever happened to Alabaster?**

* * *

 **Wow, I swore _a lot_ in this chapter. And with good reason! Seriously, this takes the cake. Out of all the bloody, awful, evil things people have done in this book, this is the worst. Worse than murdering her best friend for sleeping with a guy she didn't like. Worse then looking at child pornography and then turning a bystander into a grape. Worse than HUMAN SACRFICE. xxMoonlitexx, this has reached the point where your sociopathy is no longer even remotely funny. _Get._ _Help._ _Right now._**

 **On a less upsetting note, I've got something of a challenge for you guys; finding a British dude to be the voice of Alabaster. There is a poll on my profile, or you can just state you option in a review.**


	14. (It's a kinda) Magic

**Thank you Kurt50Alien, LadyFae123, Knightwing20042, CharneX and Ravelynn** **for the reviews and favorites!**

* * *

Flamers: Ur all pathetic and u Suck. It is ur jelousy that makes u Suck. So keep sucking bitches, u have no get a life. **Just replace "flamers" with "xxMoonlitexx" and this is perfect!**  
14…..Magic

"Hey Albaster, you are ok?" I asked. **He's lying on the ground half-dead from magic overuse! Clearly he is not!**

Albaster flipped his hair sexly in response to my silver voice **,** **as you do when you're unconscious** , but he was still unconsous.

"Nooo Alblaster u cant die I love you and our lives r bound together by the sliver chains of taht love! **Kinky.** " I cryed, knowing that life without Albaster would be a deep kasm of dark dispare. **Sounds like my room.** In my despare I started to sing in my sliver voice Bring Me 2 Life by evanesense. Except i knew Albaster was the magic one since his blood was Hecate and though Artemis was a powerful god, I got no magic from herso I could not actaully bring Albaster back 2 life. **No magic. Only *ahem*: incredible archery skills, ability to make clothes appear out of nowhere (I'm assuming), glowing silver eyes, the 'curse' of super-hotness, ability to not sleep, ability to feel the presense of monsters in the wind, and plot convenient bursts of knowledge (also other stuff I probably forgot. Not magic my ass!**

Even though I knew it would not do anythign I kept singing. Then to my amazment Albaster though his eyes were still closed started to sing along! **What?! How?!** His own voice which was gold mixed with mysliver one and we sang the rest of the song it was pure magic. **Wow, this song must be really good to bring a person back from the brink! *listens* Its... pretty generic. Nothing special, a little pretentious, certainly not good enough to to bring people back from the dead.**

Then Alblaster opned his eyes weakly "What happened Flaiva"

I explained how his powerful magic had won the day for our side and how it had vanqueshed the evil of Nox city **(read: murdered an entire city)** and these great feets had drained him. "Can you stand?"

Alblaster tried but his legs would not hold him up and he fell.

I didn't want to push him beyond his strenth but since Kornos was coming and I knew Albaster's mighty magic would be needed in the great fight a head. **Mighty magic? The dude can barely stand! Summoning a couple of vines knocked him out cold! Mighty my ass!**

I slipped my arm under his shoudlers and helped him to his feet he was so hot and sexy and wounded and I felt his abs under his torn shirt I couldn control myslef and I kissed him. The hunteresses and Ivy looked on with jelousy the sluts. **Yes, the girls who _swore off men for life_ are _sluts_. ****Hey, aren't you part of this little chastity club yourself?**

I expected Artmeis to show up and be angry liek before but to my surprise she didn't bc Albaster had proven himslef in the fight **"Fight" implies honorable battle. This was just slaughter.** to clense her wilds. (That didn't mean that she approve but she choose to over look a kiss or pure love just once bc the one I kissed was worthy and wounded in her battle.)

To escape the slutty stares of the hunteresses and Ivy I helped Albaster off into the woods aways where we about to make out **um, isn't Kornos coming any second?** but-an arrow came between and and stabbed into a tree, it was the army of Kornos it was upon us! **Ah, there he is!**

* * *

 **Alrighty then! The new chapter is up so it's time to check our results! I'll just go to the poll... seriously, no one?! Not one person voted?! Well. *sniff* That's... okay... I guess. We did get some answers through reviews and PMs! Unfortunately, we have a four way tie! Here are your options:**

 **1\. Billiardball Thundermunch**

 **2\. Tom Hiddleston**

 **3\. Gordan Ramsay**

 **4\. Russell Brand**


	15. Wrath of Kornos: The Quickening

**Thank you to Knightwing20042, Dreaming of Starry Skies and Mossflower1234 for reviewing, and thank you to everyone who participated in the contest!**

 **The results for the "British Actor to Voice Alabaster Contest" are in! We had 2 votes for Tom Hiddleston, 1 vote for Benadryl Thundercats, 1 vote for Gordan Ramsey and 1 vote for... Terry Jones in drag. Huh. So Tom Hiddleston is our winner(loser?)!**

* * *

I said b4 this is serious, lots of ppl will get killed maybe even some of the MCs so dont laugh bitches **If any of these main character's die, then this will _definitely_ become a comedy for me.**

PS The monsters in this part reprisent u, flamers! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA **_Real mature._** **Also possibly grounds for a psychiatric test. As if the first 14 chapters weren't enough evidence.**

Chapter 15… Wrath of Kornos 1 **That sounds like a shot-on-sh!ttio C movie from the 80s. "Wrath of Kornos", starring Steven Seagal. Coming to a VHS store near you!**

Some followers of Kronos leaped out of the bushes, there were sixteen cerberuses, nine draceenas and six and a half hydras, the half one was still re forming out of the dust of the earth **Then why was it fighting?**. Alblaster acted with the lightening move, he stepped portectively in front of me willing to take the wrath of the monsters, he was so hot I almost pulled him to the side so we could finish making put **The defining mark of a strong female character!** , but there was a battle to be fought and won for the distruction of the evil of Kornos, so I drew Agememmon. Then I also drew my bow, and Telmelchus which wrythed in my hand like a living thing eager to taste the blood of monsters. **In case you weren't counting, that's three weapons being held at once. Is she juggling them?**

Albaster killed 6 draceenas and two of the hydras in a instant wih his green lighening magic it lighted them up and the green light shined around them and their lives came out of there ears and eyes like the smoke of death and I could see there bones like it was a xray and then there bodies crumbled into dust and they sunk down ino the dust and they were instantly Dead. **You know, that would have been a cool visual if it wasn't so stupidly described. Also, now that Alabaster's being voiced by Tom Hiddleston, it really just occured to me how similar he is to MCU Loki. Seriously, xxMoonlitexx? You couldn't have just ripped him off wholesale? You had to drag a canon PJO character into this? It's not making your story any more credible.**

But there was no time, I killed five more draceenas with arrows **There were only 9 to start out with and Alabaster killed 6. Did the other's just _appear out of thin air_ for you?!**, some in he head bu some right in the eyes and some in the hearts and then with one swipe of Telelmechus I killed all the cerberuses **Hey, what is a "ceberus"? I thought that was either Hades' one of a kind three headed dog or a blanket term for all respawning monsters.** and then I threw Agamemon, it buried up to the handle part in the ribs of a hydra, with a scream of death ***whilhelm scream*** it fell off a cliff **what cliff?** and it did not return.

I took Agamenmon and slashed up another hyrda, it's blood sprayed like when a hose is turned on all the way. It was acid and it was burning hot, it got all over the other hyrdas **Um, I think you mean "the other half hydra", because you've already killed six.** and took the skin right off them and then they died. **Wouldn't Hydra's be able to handle the acidity of _their own freaking blood_?! That's like xenomorphs being vunerable to xenomorph blood!** in pain but they wrythed first bc they were in pani **Did I mention they were in pain?**

Ivy and Nivo and the hunteressess came out of the trees **Where the heck were you people this whole time?!** and looked around at the carnige and death around us. "U have fought like a true daughter of Artmeis" said a hunteress but the slut next to her, it was a blond one said "Shut the eff up b*tch u know she was over here alone with that hot guy she was probably doin it wit hi **You go girl! Chew her out for breaking the Huntress code!** , u know we should have him bc we aer better warriors." **You are all jackasses! Every single one of you!**

"There is no time for fighting over insegnificent pettinus bitches" **Lord knows you know about fighting over insignificant pettiness.** I growled "The dead and slayn monsters you see are just the ones who were sent in the front of the rest of the army to count us and see how mnay of us there is **How do you know that?** , the rest of the army is on the way!"

To show that what I said was true and not a lie there was crashing noises in the distance **How nice of the invading army to back you up!** , it was teh rest of the army! Ivy who was a coward turned to run but a giant arrow that was shot out of a bow by a giant **Conveniently the _only_ giant arrow shot apparently. **went right threw her tratoris heart and stuck her to a tree. But bc she was a dyrad her life spirit melted with the tree and she went back ot life and statred killing monsters with a stcik from a tree. **Um... can she do that...? Eh, as long as a female other than Flavia gets a moment of badassery.**

The monsters pored over us like a wave at the beach exept with no surfers. **Another brilliant metaphor!** I was like a machine that never would be tired **So, like a machine. You know, your similes are okay at first, but then you add one little bit that completely screws them up.** , I slayed and killed right and left and down, there was a empusa that I killed, it saw that I was part empusa and begged 4 mercy buT I slayed it anyway. **Wow. You're a b* *#**

Nivo and Albaster were fighting valently, not so much the hunteressess **Pff. It's not like they're _ELITE TRAINED WARRIORS_ OR SOMETHING!**but they did kill some monsters. But then the wave of monsters moved to the right side and to the other sde **So, it "parted"? Why am I not surprised you don't know that word?** and it was Luke!

I knew it was really Kornos but my heart thought it was Luke, my lips remembred **Do your lips have separate sentience? Is that why you're such a slut?** when I kissed him, and I remembred that once I was in his army fighting on his side bc I loved him. I was carried awayby my memories and I killed a couple of blond huntereess **Jeezus Flavia! Not cool! You're their _leader_. **and then I remembred, no, it was not Luke, it was Kornos who was evil, and I must slay him!

* * *

 **There is just _so_ much blonde hate in this chapter. Seriously xxMoonlitexx, what is with your hatred against blondes? Did a blonde kill your family? Also: Can this count as racism? **


	16. Wrath of Kornos 2: Electric Boogaloo

**Thank to Knightwing20042 and Dreaming of Starry Skies** **for the reviews. A reminder to everyone, we do not allow hairism on this sight in any form. It's a miracle xxMoonlitexx hasn't be banned yet.**

* * *

Auto correct is 4 da preps _**Yeah! Boo autocorrect**_ , dis is my story my dream my life so back off bitches! _**Preach, xxMoonlitexx, preach!**_

16…The Wrath of Kronos 2

Hate drove me like preemium fule **This story is just a gold mine for hilarious similes!** , flew in the air like a bow shot from a arrow of Artmeis. I crashed into Kornos, our swords clashed with sparks of Hate.(I had a sword bc I took it from a dead hunteress. **Wait, did she loose her sword at some point? I don't remember because the fight scenes are so confusing and uninteresting.** ) Kornos was wearing golden armor all made from gold and was no silver **because it was made of gold. And redundancy.** , so I knew this was not Luke, just his corpus that Kornos was living on. (b4 he died Luke promise to wear silver every day when he was alive **Well, he's not _technically_ alive, even if Luke is in there so, yeah, he's keeping his promise.**). Also he wore a helmet that said "Kornos" exept in greek scribbles and it covered his face up.

We circled to go in for the Kill. The battle seized around us so they could watch, there were all eyes on us. Exept a couple of monsters tried to sneak up and attack **At least _someone_ in these bloody armies had some sense. **but I elimanated them and they were killed. Kronos swung that thing u cut grass with exept its called a sythe. (I looked it up so its true **No, this is definitely a lawnmower** ) The sythe **lawnmower** cut threw the air but now it was not to cut grass but my neck. **No sh!t.** But I was too fast so I moved from the way and threw Agamermnon **That's not how you use a sword.** , it bounced off Kornos's fourhead and rickashayed so it buried in the throat of some other monsters.

"Fuck yourself Kornos," I said wisely. **Truly, there is great wisdom in these words. "F#!k youself Kornos". Plato himself could not have said it better.**

"Never" Said Kronos and he swung the sythe **lawnmower** again, this time I leaped into the air and did a backflips, this time the sythe **lawnmower** cut a monster in halfs, blood sperted and oozed but it turned into dust so no one had to wipe it up. **But someone has to sweep up the dust! That poor janitorial staff! Unless Flavia killed them all when she destroyed the town...**

"Wait why are u using the sythe **lawnmower** when u know the word of death?" I asked him. **Oh yeah. That was a thing. It factored so little into the story and was so uninteresting I barely even remembered it.**

"I dont know it yet but I soon will and then I will use it on u and then tamarrow the world," He laughed like Hitler after killing a Jew. ***face palm* Okay, now you've gone too far. That- that was not cool.**

Albaster said "No its too dangerous he'll kill you Flavia!" he rushed at Kronos waving his hands, so he shot magic at the monsters and then he shit magic right in Kornos's face! **Hahaha! I am so immature!** But it bounced off without damige, laughed "U will have to do better than that loser" he hit him in the head with the sythe, but not with the sharp part cause that would of cut him in halfs **And why would you want to cut your enemy in half?** , instead he hit him with the handle part so Albaster was knocked out and could not move or help, he layed on the ground like a dead fish the bastard. **That bastard! How dare he risk his life to try to save you!** As I looked at him I knew in my heart I had not really wanted 2 make out with him, it was just his powerful magic confussing my mind. He should not of interfeered with my great and dark love for Nivo. **Seriously? You're changing your mind _again_? And this time, you have the _galls_ to pretend that your previous switch was Alabster's fault?!**

My world was confussed and Kornos knew this, he came out for the Kill. But I was faster then him, so I whipped at his face with Telemelchus, and it cut the face part off his helmet **and oddly enough missed his face**! I perpared to stab him in the eye to kill him but I saw that it was Luke's face which I could not stab in the eye to kill!

Kornos laughed in my face, "Im too hot 4 u2 kill right" **Isn't Luke blonde in the books? Why does Flavia like him?** and the sky turned into lightening and he misted away to escape!

"Stop him idiot" wined Ivy. **Ivy! Get away from that alcohol, you're not legal!**

"Silence" I said, I knew then in my heart I could not kill Kronos as long as he was wearing Luke's corpus! **Am I the only one who's imagining a Buffalo Bill-esque Luke skin over Kornos' body?**

* * *

 **Otocorect iz 4 loozerz! Favrite, falow or ravew if u agere!**


	17. Gods and Stuff I Guess

**Thank you to Knightwing20042 (I don't think that pun was intentional, man), Guest (You know what they say! Weird minds think alike!) and Dreaming of Starry Skies (Ivy is great, but my favorite character is the yet to be introduced "Jason". Let's just say, he's a lot more... unique than his canon counterpart.) for reviewing!**

* * *

U think I read da reviews **Well, since you're complaining about them clearly you read the reviews.** , Im gonna spell it like I want ok, da spelling we use in dis contry was invented by da preps anyways!Im a rebel like Flavia, I fight da Systum! **Disabling your autocorrect is not going to be a big contribution in the fight against the Man.**

Anyways u can all suck it, flamers!

17…Gifts from the gods

I stood their on the hill, I was mad from the hunteress's angry eye brows in my direction **They threw their eyebrows at you?** (da kind u go in not like 1 D ewwww) I went over and started to kick Albaster's woonded Ass for him **Hey! Stop that!** , "U prep!" I screamed like the title wave in a ladder with blue rain streeking across the Olympics. But he made that noise like when u stick a sharp thing in a prep and twist it a little **Um... how do you know that?** , I glared darkly at him, "U shit hole why did u interfeer!" ***falsetto* "How dare you risk your life trying to save mine you prep!"**

"I loved u, I wanted 2 save u from Kornos" He whined like Justin Beiber **Justin Bieber isn't British!** , I crushed his hand with the heel from my spiky black knee high converse **Seriously, Flavia, this is almost as bad as murdering your best friend!** , "No u wanted to distract me so Kronos would escape **that's why you attacked and distracted _him_** , also u inchanted my heart with dark swirls from the pits of Hecate!" **How does she know that? What proof does she have?**

Then lightening come down from the hevvins, when the electric went from the air 3 gods stood on the hill! They were Zeus,Apherditi and Apollo! Zeus was kinda hot 4 an old guy **ew** , I thought if we had kids they would be like 3 forths god an powerful than all deimgods. **Why are you thinking this?!** But Apollo was super hot, it was like all the hot guys in the world got melted until it was soft and pored in a statue an that statue was Apollo. **I should really start a list of all the wonderfully horrible similes...** (In da book hes blond but in real life **"real life"? You're telling me _this_ is non fiction? **he has black hair straight to his mid back also stubble but not da messy poky kind. **I have never known any non-messy pokey stubble.** )His eyes were deep like a hot tub **H** **ot tubs aren't deep you idiot.** but a deep one like a jakuzzi. Apheridit was blond and looked like Annabeth and Brittany and the other hores, I saw she was wearing makeup, like stupid pink lipstick like the color of flowers (I hate flowers there too kawai **I bet you hate sunshine and puppies and rainbows too.** )

"We are empressed by ur fighting in the noble battle blood," **Flavia's about as noble as a troll in goth makeup. Which she is!** Said Zeus wisely, he gave me a mini lighteneing bolt, it was silver and abouttwo feet long.

"This has the force of maybe 20 bombs **what type of bombs? Like, atom bombs, or little dinky cartoon bombs?** ," Said Zeus. "U can use it only three times, then it will melt in your hand so drop it quick the last time or ur hand will be melted like molted silver. **That seems like a terrible design flaw. Also, time for a game: How Many Times Will Flavia _Actually_ Fire the Bolt? $50 it'll be more than three!**"

"I'm really quick, it will not hurt me," I told him.

"I know ur capabel, that's why im giving it to you and not to that miserbael loser Albaster **Stop hating on Alabaster! He has done _nothing_ to deserve this!**," Said Zeus.

Apollo gave me a sheild, he said "This sheild is flame proof (geddit) **That dinky little shield will do nothing against my sick burns!** and no flames will hurt u when u carry it! It will destroy them All." **You can hold up that trash-can lid all you want, xxMoonlitexx, but's that not going to keep us from complaining.**

Apherditi **Ugh, let me guess, she'll give something totally stupid and useless and shallow, like makeup.** said "Here is a spell when u say it Kornos will die an there will be peace" **... Oh my God... Apherditi... actually did something super useful! Wow, we can end the plot so much faster with this!**

"I don't want ur stupid spell bitch" **What.** I yelled, I knew she could not be trusted bc she was a blond hore **What.** , if I used the spell it would probably strike me dead in my converse. **What.** I knew all Apherditis were evil sluts at heart. **...**

 **YOU IDIOT!**

But she used her goddess magic and forced my hand open and in it floated a little scroll with the spell on it. She smiled triumphentally, the bitch **How dare she literally resolve all conflict! That bitch!**. But when she was destracted by a hot guy walking by **where did he come from?** , I threw the scroll at her slutty face. She screamed in pain **because paper hurts I guess** and it was my turn to smile. Then the scroll desintagrated and was like smoke and then was no more. ***slow clap* Con. Grad. U. La. Tions. _You_ have officially deemed yourself to be MORE than just the common idiot. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people!You have reached SUPER SAIYAN levels of idiocy! You're so stupid, you're living proof human beings can survive without brains! Idiots grow from trees, but idiots like you swing from them! YOU! ARE! STUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPID! *shows UHF "Stupid! You're so stupid!" clip***

"We will see u on Olymous when u are a hero **You'll never be a hero** u can be a goddess 2," Said Zeus, but then he said "Actually only if ur a virgen, that's what Artmeis said anyway."

"Im not havin kids with u" **At what point in your metal process did "come to Olympus if you're a virgin" turn into "have kids with me"?!** I yelled wrathly bc now I hated his Guts, before I could throw the lighting bolt at there faces they all misted away like gods bc thats what they were.

* * *

 **Poor Alabaster. He just can't catch a break. And aparently, neither can the rest of the world, because Flavia couldn't swallow her pride and except a gift from a blonde. The worst part is that we're supposed to be _rooting_ for her, and _cheering_ when she rejects Apherditi's gift. It sickens me. In other horrible news, I couldn't think of a witty title for this chapter that plays off of the plot or xxMoonlitexx's title! Do y'all have any suggestions?**


	18. My Heart is Imprisoned for Life

**Thank you DreamCatcher06 and Dreaming of Starry Skies for reviewing and favoriting!**

* * *

Tvtopes cant use my story without my per mission ok, their Theifs **It's free publicity. Be happy.**

18….My Hearts gets Captured **And hopefully, executed on the grounds of treason.**

The wisdom of Artmeis **or, more accurately, my Sue-senses,** let me know Kronos wouldn't attack for a while so then I went to the hunteresses and told them to stay so I could go and get a tat to Symblize the battle. **You're a terrible leader. What, they're supposed to just stand there while you try to show how edgy you are?** One building was left in Nox City, it was a tatoo place and there was a guy owning it. **How convenient!** He was ugly and short and he was wearing a prep swetter. **How many tattoo store employees do you know that dress in Ralph Lauren? None? Me neither.** When he saw me he flipped his hair sexly "Hey chick"

I kicked him in teh cocanuts so he could never conceve. Tehn I killed him seveerly.. **Then why kick him in the coconuts? He's clearly not going to conceive when he's dead. Also: Flavia has just killed the last survivor of Nox City. Great job.** But a new tattoo guy was there in the back of the store, he had sexeh black hair with bangs and green eyes like a lime that melted in the dark of the midnite Sun **This metaphor makes absolutely no bloody sense. Specifically the "dark of the midnight sun". The whole reason it's called "the midnight sun" is that _there is no dark_!**, I couldn't beleive my eyes. It was….Percy Jackson! **Percy?! WTF?!**

"Percy wtf" I said. **For once, I completely agree with what Flavia's saying!**

"I left camp Half Blood bc Annabeth broke up with me" **Yeah, that's great and all, but how'd you get to Nox City so fast if you left _after_ Flavia?! How'd you get a job in a tattoo shop?! Why go to Nox City of all places?! You have family in New York!**He explaned with sadness swimming in his green eyes. "She called me "seaweed ass" there was no life left to live and my world was dark and deep." **Ugh, great, Percy's been brainwashed and now 75% of his dialogue is "deep" metaphors.**

"Like yur dads ocean," I reminded nodded in a way that made my heart blink "I abbadoned the prep lifestile, now I think on the dark things **_Because you can only ever be a prep or a goth. There is no individuality or other social groups!_ **" I could see he was wearing black eye liner on his green eyes that flashed hotly. At first I was sad for him but then I remembered he was my enemy and enemys must be defeeted! But first I had to get my tat **Nice to see your priorities are in order.** so I said to him "I want a tatoo."

"Sure its my hobby, Im a great tat artist" He showed me some dead mortals arms and legs with his tatoos **Percy?! WTF?! Are you just keeping those body parts there?!** , there were skulls an chains an dargons. "Omg I want a f*cking cresent moon on my four head" I diclared. **Hahaha that sounds so stupid looking!** He put some tatoo stuff in needles and plundged them into my head **Um, I've never gotten a tattoo, or seen anyone get a tattoo, but I'm still 80% sure that's not how it works.** but I felt no pain, when he pulled tehm out there was a moon on my head and it glittered like silver exept it was on my skin so it wasn't metal or anything I gaseped cause I was so beatiful. **And I chortled because it was so dumb.**

Percy stared at me, his heart almost jumped out threw his manly chest in solid love. **Ew, that must have looked so gross, like that scene in the Temple of Doom where they rip that dudes heart out..** "Flaiva I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu **uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu suck!** " he said threw his dark bangs of sadness and dispare, I knew all of a sudden that he would fill the grinding void left in my sole by Albasters cheap **Um... what about Nico? In fact, where is Nico? He wasn't there at the battle with Kornos... is he dead?!** Percy started to sing Anywhere by evanesense, we moshed together in silent but mutchual **You can't mosh with only two people. That's not how it works.** room was Dim cause all the power went out from the electrics, I knew it was a sign from the gods symblizing our deep love. **How did the electricity stay on this long what with the entire city destroyed?! It's not a sign from the gods, the backup generator just died.** In my heart I remembered he was my enemy, I said "Why did you kill Luke?" **Actually, Luke killed himself...** Percy looked down sadly and sexly "You loved him so I was jelous." ***face palm* You did not seriously just turn an epic battle for the fate of humanity into a petty fight over some bimbo!**

"Omg thats so heart warming" I said,he loved me enough to kill _**How sweet, he's over possessive and possibly psychotic! It just melts my heart!**_ , it was so hot we started makin out but suddenly the lights from the electric went back on **Um... I guess the back up generator wasn't dead after all!** and Nico busted in threw the door, "Flavia what have you done!" **Nico! Buddy! Where the ^(#! were you?**

* * *

 **Great, so now our love triangle has turned into a love quatrangle. You know, I was really hoping that Flavia would just leave Percy alone after she left Camp Halfblood but, nope, she has to rape our favorite characters some more. Although, I'm not totally sure the guy in the tattoo shop was Percy. He certainly did look, sound or act like him. I think he's just some random goth dude with a slight resemblance to Percy who doesn't know why Flavia called him that but just decided to roll with it. Or Percy's evil twin or something.**


	19. Im Cursed (To read this fanfic! Help!)

**Thank you Kurt50Alien and DreamCatcher06 for reviewing! This chapter is (mercifully) short.**

* * *

19….Im Cursed **No, no you're not.**

"Omg Nico, we were havin a moment" I shouted at him. **Love how _that's_ her first reaction when her possibly-boyfriend finds her macking with her supposed sworn enemy.**

"But you were moshing with another guy, you cheating cheater!" he yelled.

"Well, I never said you were my bf" I said cause this was true **Yeeeaaaahh, but you also kissed him and, when you dumped Alabaster yammered on about your 'dark love for Nico'.** so it wasn't really cheating (cause only sluts cheat! **And sluts _never_ tool around with multiple boys at a time, playing cruelly with their feelings.**). But my heart melted towards him, he was hot when angry. **Eww. It's never okay to be attracted to a man who's angry at you. And definitely never cheat on them. That leads straight to those gross old songs like, "He Hit Me and it Felt Like a Kiss".**

Nico looked at Percy and a lothing dawned in his dark and smoking eyes. "Flavia, this is Percy Jackson, he's your enemy, he killed Luke!" **Good job Nico! It took a whole *checks watch* 9 minutes to figure that out! You're learning!**

"But…he did it for love" I explaned. **And that makes it better how?**

"I followed my heart" Agreed Percy. "and my heart led me on a dark path." **Um... I'm not sure that "follow your heart even if it leads you to murder" is the message Disney was going for, Perce.**

Nico stared at both of us. I could see his heart braking. "So...you love him back?"

I didn't know what to say, everything was too confussing, the tat shop seemd to spin around me like a merry go round on Meth and speed **Two drugs which I'm _sure_ this author know _nothing_ about... *shifty eyes***, how could I be expected to make such a chose? And I could feel the anger of Artmeis from above, it was like a dark ray of light **Stop saying that light is dark! Light cannot physically be dark, because IT IS LIGHT!** shining down on me from Olympus. I knew she wanted me to be a virgen like her and then I would be a goddess and live forever but what good is internel life with no bf? ***falsetto* I can't live unless I've got myself a _man_** **! I'm such a strong, female character!**

Before I could express what was deep in my heart Albaster came in with some patetic flowers that werent even black or silver **Where could he possibly find black or silver flowers?!** an some gross chocolate shaped like a daisy, that is a very preppy flower an I always step on them when I saw them **I'm sure you do. I bet you kick kittens and puppies as well.**

"Flaiva, I am trying to repare the harm done between us, can you forgive?" He asked hopfully. **Awww! Alabaster's a sweetie. He deserves better than Flavia.**

I was even more confussed, I knew once again that Artmeis had cursed me, too many guys wanted me! **The perfect curse to instill on your daughter who you want to be a virgin!** "SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP YOU BASTADS!" I screamed "your all sex crazed Im not a object ok?" **Um, nooo, _you're_ sex crazed. And _you're_ the one treating the boys in your life as disposable objects. They've all been nothing but respectful to you, whereas you _sexually assaulted_ Nico while he was sleeping!**

I shoved Nivo and Alblaster into the wall **Bitch.** and left the tat shop.

The hunteressess anfd Ivy were outside, the bitches had spied on the whole thing! **Well what else were they supposed to do?! You told them to stay put, were they supposed to stand there and do nothing this whole time?!**

"So, if you don't want Alblaster can I have him" Said Ivy, who was at heart a slut. **Hey, Ivy wouldn't physically and mentally abuse the poor boy, so I'll ship it.**

"Shut up or I will use the power of Artmies to turn you into a internel virgen!" **Isn't that what a Huntress is?...** I shouted at her and I drew Agamemmon, she cringed back in fear. **Cruel to her harem _and_ her best friend! Our protagonist! **The other hunteressess cleared the ground before me, they knew my dark mood would mean much death if unleeshed. **You know, in any other story Flavia would be our villain.**

I walked into the forest holding the lightening bolt that Zeus gave me, I almost thought of usin it on me, just so I could re join Luke in Elysium. **Do it! Do it! Do it do it do it _do it_! **When he was still alive life was so simple.!

But then I thought no, I had to be strong and fight Kornos to the death! ! I was resolved so I put on some black eyeliner and some dark red lipstick that was the color of blood to remind me of my mission. I put on a silver tank top and a blavk jacket that was made from lether with a sliver zipper and a sliver moon on the cuffs, I put on black skinny jeans with sliver threads sown threw them and a pair of black converse with dark red laces. My hair I cut on the edges a little to make it more ragged. I was ready for my mission! **I'm she had that spare outfit clenched tightly between her buttocks because there's nowhere else she could have carried it.**

* * *

 **AlabasterxIvy for the win! Is the ship name "Ivybaster" good? Tell me what you think in the comments!**


	20. Blargh

**Hello, everybody, I'm back! So, last time we got seven reviews! I think that's a new record! Yay, and thank you everybody! Specifically Dreaming of Starry Skies, Willow Lark, and Mossflower1234. We also got a review from a guest named "Didi", and since I like to respond to all my reviews, and can't PM a guest, I shall answer her questions here:**

 _ **"Gods. This Moonlight (with all of the bad spelling I'm guessing that that was her intentions) is like the real life Miranda Sings! How did she even read the books?"**_ **I don't know. Judging by the OOC characterization, I'm not even sure she read them at all.**

 _ **"Also. Ivybaster all the way. What age are they tho? And how old is Flavia? And why does she accuse others of being a slut if she is herself? And WHAT DOES PREP EVEN MEAN? It's not even an insult. It means someone who is preparing for life."**_ **Whoa there, one question at a time! Okay, first of all, Alabaster is 16, Nico is 17, Flavia is 15, and Ivy is... who knows. She wasn't important enough for xxMoonlitexx to poorly integrate her age and physical discription (other than "green") into the story.** **Why does she accuse others of being a slut? Easy. She's projecting her insecurities and negative traits onto others, like most bullies do. I think in this case, the word "prep" refers to the social group of the "preppies", which are generally considered to be the mortal enemies of the "goths", but to be honest most "prep" characters display behavior that would be more associated with the "plastics" or just dumb popular bitchy kids in general. Of course, labels like "preppies" and "goths" are just that, labels, and it's really stupid and unfair to forcibly categorize every single person under one or the other.**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: This chapter contains a scene that can best be described, without giving anything away, as incredibly, incredibly gross. This chapter is not necessary to understand the "plot" of this story, and if you want to skip it, you should.**

* * *

20…..I Go in The Forest

I knew that I needed to practice for the battle cause practice makes **what? Practice makes what? Perfect? Cheesepuffs? The pain go away?** I banished the confussment thoughts of love from my mind, the only thing in my mind now should be to kill and mame. **Doesn't sound that hard for you. All you ever do is lust, kill and maim.** So I took Draceenas Doom my bow, and Agamenmom and Telmelchus, but I saved the lighting bolt for a emergancy.

I went deep in the woods but then I gasped from shock **Brace yourself people** , Percy's mom was there makin out with Grover ***gag* I think I'm gonna be sick!** an he was still dead! **WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK XXMOONLITEXX?!** It was Sick and wrong and you should never do this,ever! **YEAH, I KNOW THAT! IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE SOME SORT OF SICK, TWISTED PSA?! *cue hysterical mocking* DON'T DO DRUGS KIDS! OR _EFFF A CORPSE!_ AUGH! WHERE'S THAT CAN OF BRAIN BLEACH?...**

"Omg Percy mom you sicko" I yelled, she laughed nervous, "Don't tell anybody, Im off my meds I can't help it" **AUTHOR** **, _YOU'RE_ THE ONE OFF YOUR MEDS IF YOU THOUGHT _THIS_ WAS A GOOD IDEA! THIS-THIS IS JUST EWWWWW! WHY, XXMOONLITEXX, WHHHYYYYYYYY?!... *sob* *hyperventilation***

"Yeah well I won't tell if you make Percy fight with me agenst Kornos, **He was going to do that anyway, wasn't he?** " I told to her. "An take your meds bitch or I will tell Poisdon your cheating on him!" **I thought she was married to a dude named Paul. In New York. How'd she get the *throws up in mouth a little* corpse all the way to California?!** I wanted to cleeve her in two with Telemelchus but this was no time to think of the cleevage of mortals ***snicker* This doesn't make up for the AWFULNESS of this chapter, but at least it was a funny line.** , it was the monsters who would be cleeved in the battle tamorrow! I shot three arrows all at once with my bow, they hit three trees all next to each other in a line. **And Sally Jackson just disappeared after her bastardization was over I guess.**

Suddenly, a tiger growled from the bushes **The f*** is a tiger doing in California?** , it jumped and attacked me! I stabbed its heart with Agamenmom, then I wept tears of silver flewid cause it was beatiful in Death, also tigers are my fav animals. **I thought it was lepards...** So I made a pair of skinny jeans from its skin ***falsetto* I know how I can honor this beautiful fallen beast! I'l make _skinny jeans out of it's pelt!_** , it looked really cool cause it was a white tiger **Oh God, that makes you killing it even worse!** so it matched with my converse. **And isn't _that_ what important here?** The tiger didn't hurt me, actually its claw scratched on my cheek and so now I had a sexly scar, it made me look dangerous and ferral. **No, you have a scratch. Unless one of your sue powers is that cuts immediately heal into scars.**

Then I burned the corpus **Again, great way to honor the poor animal** and looked for something to kill **Haven't you killed enough already?!** , but then I heard Kornos voice saying "Im coming in 1 hour!"

* * *

 **So, when I first clicked on this chapter, I was super happy, because it was short. But then I realized that shortest chapters are always the one's that contain like, human sacrifice or Mr. D looking and child porn or Annabeth getting turned into a grape or *ugh* _this_. Just when I think I've seen the worst humanity has to offer, Moondaughter proves me wrong. **


	21. Tragedy Strikes!

**Oh my gosh, thank you for your support everybody! Thank you GoddamnINeedAUsername for following and favoriting, and LadyFae123, Knightwing20042, DreamCatcher06, Mossflower1234 and Dreaming of Starry Skies for reviewing!**

 **We also got a another review from guest Didi: "Thanks for trying to shed some "dark light" on that. It... not really helped but I understand it now. A horrible thought just came to me though: what I Moonlite has only seen the movies?" Your welcome, I was happy to try and help. As for your horrifying thought... God, I hope not.**

* * *

21….The Big Battle fight

Kornos came on the hill like a ferris monster but like 666 times sexier. ***in falsetto* Ha! I said 666! That makes me edgy!** He was wearing black and gold armer that was all ripped **That doesn't sound very functional..** so you could see his kortz (thats like a white crystal) pale mussles. **You mean, they were semi-transparent? That's not really sexy, seeing all the yucky inside parts of a person through their skin.** He waved a sythe **lawnmower** mencingly. "I WILL KILL ALL YOU FUCKING PREPS!" He yelled, I was horrorfied at this cause obvious I was not a prep **Seriously? _That's_ what you took offense to?! **cause I was wearing ripped black skinny jeans and a lether jacket with a skull zippar and dark eyeliner the color of cresent moon earrings and skull earrings to reprasent the monsters I kill.

But then all the monsters ran towards me! I pulled out Agamemnons sharp blade and castigated a monitar, it screemed in solid pain. Then I grabbed a big ax that was laying by a tree **I guess we can add "theft of axe" to Flavia's rap sheet.** and cut him in small peaces.

"KAWAAAAAIIIII KAWAAAAIIIII" Yelled a empusa in japanse **...what.** but I shot a arrow in its heart and I knew it was dead. Somebody shot an arrow at me but it bounced off cause I was wearing tiger skin! **That's... that's not how it works...** I turned to see it was standing there…..KRONOS! "You bastard prep fucker" I said throwing my ax at him but a telakine got in the way by mistake an it cleeved him in halfs.

But then Percy came running with his big sword Ruptide that was acutely a pen, "Die Kronos!" He yelled sexly stabbing Kornos in the ankles. **Pffft. That's just pathetic. How did you ever defeat this guy the first time?**

"No you bastard!" I yelled but it was too late, Kornos yelled THE BIG WORD! **P** **neumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?!** It was undiscribabble so I cant write it down **Cop out!** but it was the worst word anyone ever heard in the life an 6 hunteresses droppd dead just cause they heard it. **Only six?**

Kornos laughed meanly, "That was the first haf of the word of I find the other half I will kill the gods in Olympics an I will be INVISIBLE no one can stop me" **Gasp! Not _invisible_! **Then he misted away. **Hey, why did he even attack Flavia in the first place? It just seems like a waste of time.**

There was no time to fight with him cause there was too many monsters, I shot a whole bunch of them dead with bows and arrows. Then all my arrows were run out so I satbbed them with Agamemmon and swung Telmelchus with dead force and cut monsters into many size peaces. I took the ax and cut a lot of monsters cause I was spinning ina circle really fast, when they were all dead I derided I would keep this ax and I named it Akilles. (geddit like "I kill dese") **You have just taken a sort of cool name, and sucked out all of the awesome just by making that pun.** It was a mighty weapon marked from monster blood on the handle which was black lether an the blade was all silver with a cresent moon and a Artmeis sign. **How the f**** does she keep finding these random thematically appropriate weapons?!**

Then there were no monsters left cause the corpuds all turned into dust and was sucked into Tarterus like a vacum cleaner of death. **Vacuum Cleaner of Death. I would watch a B-list horror movie about that.** I saw something on the ground, it was Albaster exept he was Dead. **What?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!** I was happy cause the monster claws ripped his jacket, under it I could see a hollister shirt, he was a prep all the time teh stupid poser. ***sob* That just makes me like him more! *cries*** Anyways he was dead an I didn't like him anymore but I cryed one single silver tear cause we made out that once I burned his corpus. **YOU** **MANIACS! YOU KILLED HIM! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALLL TO _HELL_!**

Suddenly there was a sliver glow in the sky, everyone stopped and looked at it an it was the silverest light in the world. I knew right away it was…..Artmeis! **Where the f*** were you when Alabaster died you bitch?! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU ALL! LIFE ISN'T WORTH LIVING ANYMORE BECAUSE IVYBASTER WILL NEVER COME TO BE!**

* * *

 ***sniffle* Alabaster's funeral will be held in the next chapter. Please, if you wish to honor the dead prepare a brief eulogy and post it in the reviews. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to curl up in the fetal position and contemplate my own inevitable mortality.**


	22. Artmeis Finally Shows Up

**Oh my gosh, thank you all for your support in this time of mourning! I received many eulogies for Alabaster, which you can read in the reviews section because I'm too lazy to re-type them. Thank you LadyFae123, Kurt50Alien, Didi (you're welcome!)** **, DreamCatcher06, Dreaming of Starry Skies, Guest, auroraloojesus and johs2468 for reviewing, following and favoriting!**

* * *

22…Artmeis Vishion

Artmeis misted in front of my sliver eyes, she was pale and very hot, way better looking than Apherditi, some ppl said Apherditi was the hottest of the gods but she bribed them with magic gold apples that brainwashed your mind so you turned into a lying prep **Hey, that brings up a plot hole ( _In this masterpiece? Gasp!_ ); Aphrodite is supposed to take the form you find most beautiful, so why doesn't she appear as an insanely pale woman wearing a slutty black outfit to Flavia? My theory: Flavia's a closeted Prep.** Artmeis had long black hair all stringy like a ghost and with silver streaks and some purple blue on the ends, it went all the way to her round firm butt **Ew! That's your _mother_ you're sexualizing!**. Her face was pale and white but her lips were red as a rose with blood sprayed on it, but not cause she used lipstick, it was all naturel. Also she had black eyeliner which she was born with her eyes were big and silver like mine with long eye lashes. She was wearing a silver iron bakini made from armer and bones of the infortunate men. (see Artmeis hates men shes not ooc) **She's incredibly oversexualized, appears as a brunette instead of a ginger and is an adult women instead of a young girl. And these are just the problems with her _physical discription_.**

"Silence thou fools" She said to the hunteresses **What a fantastic way to greet your loyal followers! Diss them in favor of your Sue daughter and insult their intelligence!** "I have a prophacy for Flavia's ears!" I listened close and she said "Kornos found half the word of death!But there is a bigger word thou must find it first before Kronos cause then thou can crush his word with the new and 'mystic" word of Deep death." **That is... absolutely idiotic. Seriously, this whole word of death thing was dumb the first time around, but now there's an even worser word?! Honestly, I expected better from this horrible troll-fic!**

"How can I find it?" I said crying silver tears of beaty and joyful **I really hope said tears are actually liquid mercury and Flavia's gotten horrible mercury poisoning from all the cheap silver makeup she wears.** from seeing Artemis finally but also cause Kronos knew the word of death and the quest was going to be harder now.

"Its written in the roman camp" She explaned wisely. "but thou can only use the deep death word if you are a virgen with no bf an no makin out. **Making out is not the same as sex! You can kiss a guy and still be a virgin! How many times do I have to say this?!** "

"Noooo but I love her!" said Percy all sexly. **Every word that comes out of Brainwashed!Percy's mouth just sounds whinier than the last.**

Artmeis eyes flashed. "FUCK THOU!" She yelled. **Hehehe... Someone please make some fanart of this and turn it into a meme...** There was more sliver light and she misted away again like a lighting expulsion.

I leaned on a tree and satred to cry silver cleer tears running down my face. Now I knew Percy and Nico would never join me in love cause the turkoys storm of being a internal virgen spread over me like a kiss of a telkine. (not like I know what dat feels like you perv) **The suspicious specificity of your metaphor and denial gives me reason to believe that yes, yes you do know. Also: "The turquoise storm of being an internal virgin"? Why is it turquoise?**

"I know where the roman camp is!" Said Nico sargely.

"Then we will Quest" I nodded with apporve. Sense you can only have 3 on a quest I said "I will go with Percy and Nico!" (Anyways Ivy became a hunteress cause she hated men now.) **Augh** **! Last chapter you got rid of Alabaster, now you're getting rid of Ivy?! Stop getting rid of all the good characters!** I got all my weapans ready to kill, also a sliver plated gun that was a gift from Artmeis, it had like 100000000 bullits. Then I put on a black ripped skirt with a thick belt with silver studs an a evenesense T shirt that showed my belly button. Lastly I put on some black gloves with no fingers.

It was night time when we left but my cresent tat glowed in the dark so I could see where I was going. **So, you've literally got a spotlight on your forehead? Hahahahaha! That's just ridiculous!** Percy was wearing some eye shadow **b** **ut not** **too much cause he isn't gay** so his eyes looked sunck with dark circles under them in a pale face, his bangs covered up one of his eyes but the other was green and evil and hot. Nico was wearin all black lether too, also a skull necklace with eyes that lighted up red. **Cute. Did you get that on the sale isle of a Halloween costume shop?** We were all pale an dark an sexy.

When we walked I took my ipod and got some mcr going on. Suddenly Nico took out some stuff from his pocket, they were ciggerets! **What, no shoehorned in PSA on the dangers of smoking and peer pressure?! You've already done one on necrophilia!** We smoked them **I hope you get throat cancer and they have to cut out your vocal cords, so I don't have to hear you speak anymore.** an then we watched a dark R rated movie downloaded from my ipod _**Oooh, well aren't**_ **you _edgy!_** , in the end everybody got killed and it was derpressing an I liked it. **You're nowhere near as cool as you think you are. Also: are all three of you** Tehn I target shot a tree until it crumbed up from the magic, my aim was now deathly. Tehn I fell asleep.

* * *

 **So, I have this question which I probably should've asked in the Author's Note of chapter ten. Oh well, better late then never. So, quick recap, in Chapter 10 Alabaster dies (for the first time) and Flavia sings Bring Me to Life by Evanescence to well, bring him to life. I personally thought the song was pretty catchy, but also pretentious and nowhere near powerful enough to perform miracles. So, in your opinion, what is a song so beautiful and powerful it actually could bring a person back from the dead?**


	23. Flavia and the Flavanauts

**Thank you** **HowTheHoursGoBy,** **Kurt50Alien, DreamCatcher06,** **Knightwing20042, Didi, Mossflower1234, johs2468, Guest and Dreaming of Starry Skies for reviewing.**

 **So, the question I asked last time, "what song is so powerful it can raise the dead?", wasn't really a contest or anything, but I feel like I should add a little note on the results. Surprising we got two reviews, both from guests, suggesting the same cover of a Simon and Garfunkle song. Unless it was actually the same guest reviewing twice... we're on to you, Didi! As for my personal opinion, "Who Wants to Live Forever", a power ballad by the AWESOME band Queen. Or "We are the Champions." Or "I Want It All." Or "Bohemian Rhapsody." Or any song by Queen ever!**

* * *

U guys say thats sick, you don't know the darkness and teh derpravity of Real life **_Because this book is_ so _gritty and realistic._** , its not all fairy tale rainbow unicrons **It's also not all Gothick Slutty Demigods** , if u cant handle this then thats your problem! **No, you are definitely the one who has issues here.**

23…The Prophacy of 7 **Oh no. Oh no no no no no... she's not going to... oh my God, she is!**

I woke up with 2 hot guys next to me of course they were Nivo and Percy Jackson. **Um... I feel like that was supposed to be some sort of plot twist. Or bait and switch. Or whatever, it was supposed to be surprising. But it really isn't...** We werent doin it or anything cause I needed to be a virgenal to use my Artmeis powers **Okay, from now on, whenever Flavia does or says something especially slutty, I'm just going to show that clip from Robot Chicken of Robin saying "*cough* slut she's a slut *cough*" Much easier than actually being funny.** , but that didn't stop me from coppin a Feel on Percy's 8 pack. **Ahem; "*cough* slut she's a slut *cough*"** Acutely he was pretty hot under his shirt, he tatood himself all over for practice. There were dragons of fire an lepards an one of me I blushted when I saw this **It sounds sexy and romantic and stuff, until you realize he drew everything in the style of Mad Magazine Cartoonist Tom Bunk.** , "Percy your so sweet an sensative!" When I said this Nico **who was up apparently I guess, this wasn't established previously, previously he was asleep...** went behind some trees an cried tears of smoke (smoke cause he was a ghost also he was smokin hot geddit) **Not only is that a _terrible_ joke, it also makes no sense why any human being (or ghost. Wait, Nico's a ghost?! I'm pretty sure he's alive!) would cry _gaseous substances._**

We were walken in the woods when a big ship walked up **and here I thought ships float. Or fly. Apparently, they walk.** an there were 5 deimgods on it... **Goddamnit! You know what, I'm not even that upset. Maybe the new characters will actually be interesting and amusing. Lord knows we need that now that Ivy and Alabaster are gone. Okay, xxMoonlitexx, what've you got?** Jason who was a blond prep man but could be saved to teh dark side if u loved him **This is probably the first time of heard of someone being save _to_ the dark side. But more importantly, Jason may be the first blonde character who's not irredeemably evil! Could it be that xxMoonlitexx is getting over her prejudices? **, Piper a Apherditi perp and a slut cleerly **No wait never mind.** , Frank this fat Asian guy **And that's all the characterization he'll get for the rest of the fanfic!** an Hazel a beatiful Gothick girl from Hades with black lipsick an eyeliner an a evanesense T shirt with metal studs in a X shape **Holy crap the first none Flavia female who is described positively and not called a slut! xxMoonlitexx's really pushing the limit in this chapter!** , also a pale short guy Leo **Um... bout 90% sure Leo's Hispanic looking and _not_ pale. This plus Frank's description makes me kind of wonder is xxMoonlitexx's racist... **was so full of derpression taht it shined from his eyes like darkness. **For the last. Bloody. Time. _Darkness doesn't shine_. Also: Leo isn't depressed! On the outside!** Then my heart stealed itslef in solid hate, Annbeth was there too looking at horish makeup cataloggs with Piper, they were gigglin at a slutty pohto of Tirstan Macleen naked man butt. **OH MY ZEUS PIPER THAT IS YOUR _FATHER_. YOU ARE LEERING A SLUTTY PHOTOS OF YOUR _OWN FATHER_! GOOD GOD, CAN THIS AUTHOR NOT GO A SINGLE CHAPTER WITHOUT ADDING SOMETHING SERIOUSLY F***ED UP?!**

I pulled out the lighting of Zeus "Who are you an why are you doin in the woods?"

"We're on a prophacy" Explaned Jason, "It said 7 deimgods will save the world an we can only find 5." **"So we're just gonna wander around this random woods somewhere possibly in California looking for the other two." Also: Jason, Piper, Leo, Frank, Hazel and Annabeth... that makes 6 people! Not five! What, is Frank just a tagalong?!**

"I will join this prophacy" I diclared proudly, "And Percy and Nico too!" **You can't _join_ a prophecy dumbass. You need to fill out the proper paperwork first and get approved by the IRS.**

Jason frowed, "This wouldnt work, there can only be 7!"

"I will challenge one of teh weakling preps to take there place," **Actually, you'd need to challenge _two_ people.** I said. Piper snitted "yeah whatever" an pulled out her stupid mirror knife, see cause all Apherditis need there mirrors all the time so they can look at there slutty makeup **And see the future. Because that "stupid mirror knife"? It can see the future. Bitch.** , she perpared to fight but I laughed in her blond face. ***groan* *massages temples* You heard that right. Piper is now a _blonde._ Come on xxMoonlitexx! I thought we were making progress on your blondephobia!** Suddenly I jumped on her(not in a sexly way **That's not gonna stop me from *bow chicka wow wow*** ) an bit my empusa teeth in her neck and sucked out all her powers **because um, Empousa can do that now... I guess...** so now I could do charm speak **Great, now she's even _more_ OP!** but she was a mortal with no powers! Tehn I hit her on the head and she was knocked out (see Flaivas not evil she doesnt kill **What was that you said earlier about this being "real life" and if we don't like it that's "our problem"? Because this sounds a lot like pandering...** ) and I stepped into my riteful place in the ship.

Leo eyes glowed darkly with admeration. "Your truly a great warrior, whats your number I mean ur name" he blushed in tones of Death. He had a wicked tong peercing I could see when he spoke of pain. ***takes deep breath to complain* *stops* Actually, by Moon Daughter standards, this is downright canon. He may be making questionable fashion choices, but at least he's cracking jokes and hitting on people...**

"My full name is Flavia Maya Lilith Knight ***snortle* _That's_ your full name?! By God, it's even stupider than I thought it would be!**" I said. Hazel smerked wisely, "Ive wanted to do that to Piper the slut, she fucking desreved to die **Great, now there's two of them.** , why didn't you kill her all the way?!"

"Its not the way of Artmeis," **"Not the way of Artmeis"?! You killed your best friend in cold blood in chapter 2!** I shook my head darkly but wisely. "But I will kill her if she gives me another chance and she makes me! **For now I'll just bully her!** " I knew in my heart now that Hazel was my new bff forever. **Okay, seriously, xxMoonlitexx, what's the deal here?! Why are you treating Hazel so nice?! This is so Bizzaro!**

"Omg your a daughter of Artemis!" Hazel yelled, "Your the only one ever, I bet all the other deimgods are jelous!" I nodded, "It is a dark and lonely path" "Teh curse of Artmeis, I saw it in your eyes," She said. Annabeth was jelous so she glared at us but we both flipped her off an she ran away crying **you know what, since you need to get rid of two people on this stupid boat in order to have seven people, can you please just kick off Annabeth and Piper, so I don't have to watch you bully and torture them and claim it's a good thing?**

"Well I hate to innerupt but where are we going," Said Leo. **Seriously?! You don't even know where you're going?! This is your quest! Are you morons seriously just wandering around looking for something to bloody do?! I guess everything in this universe just stays static and intertia-less until Flavia comes in.**

I told them about the word of Death an the roman camp, they agreed they would help me if I led there quest. I named the ship "Night death Arrow" **Do I even need to explain why that's a stupid name? Argo II was a tribute and reference to one of the greatest hero team-ups in Greek Mythology, this is just three "cool sounding" words slapped together! It looks like you used a random word generator to make a name this stupid!** and we flew on the way towards the roman camp!

* * *

 **So... that was... a chapter... tell me what you think of the new cast!**


	24. My Heart Pleas for Help

**Thank you HowTheHoursGoBy, LadyFae123, DreamCatcher06, Dreaming of Starry Skies and Knightwing20042 for reviewing!**

 **We also had not one, but two Guest reviewers this time! First Ari, who says: "I feel sorry for you author there's still a book 2 you have to review and THIS FANFIC(If this even is one) IS HORRIBLE" You're absolutely right, the reviewing the second book _will_ be horrible, but less because of how terrible the writing is (although, don't get me wrong, the writing _is_ terrible, and more because there's no easy way for me to Copy/Paste it our Evva: Agent of Shield like there is for Moondaughter 1, so I'm going to have to type it out _line for line_. God help me.**

 **Our second Guest reviews are from Didi, who says: "I swear that the other one wasn't me. Great minds just think alike! And I just full on hate xXMoonliteXx now. Piper was one of my favorite characters! Right next to Frank, Hazel, Jason, and Annabeth. WHY ME" Because your previous incarnation was a kleptomaniac, Didi.**

* * *

Lol haters, I have like 666666666 views **Y'know, for some reason I feel like she's exaggerating a little...** ,that means many fans so ur proved wrong in your jelousy and raicest Hate. **I'm not the one with a bigoted vendetta against all blondes.**

24..My heart Speaks **"Flavia! You're killing me! Stop being such a total % &!wipe!"**

I had my own cabin on the ship, it had black satan curtins and a bed with curtins all around it, with silver frame parts. **I hope it lights on fire in the middle of the night and burns you while you sleep.** It used to be Piper's acatually so before I made it black I had to get rid of the pink first, and all the butt naked pix of Tristan Macleen ***hurlp*** an some other preppy loser actors like Brad Pit and Justin Beiber. **Ewww. Why would have pictures of those two? Brad Pitt is over 50 and Justine Beiber looks like a prepubescent girl!** Also Amy Addems, the blond horse. **Hey, Amy Adams is a nice person and it's not her fault Batman V Superman sucked, she did her best with what she was given!**

Tehn I got dressed in a black tank top with purple writing that said one simple word…..Death, exept it was dark purple, not the slutty pink kind. **Pink and purple are different colors. Are you color blind or just plain dumb? Never mind, stupid question.** And I put on some really dark red jeans that were the exact right color as blood. **Actually, blood can be a number of different shades of red depending on the amount of oxygen in it. But you don't even know the difference between pink and purple.** Then cause I was part empusa I got thirty for human blood **S** **ince when? You've never gotten thirsty before!** , so I snuck in Annbeth's room where she was sleeping and sucked some blood from her but not a lot cause I wasn't a socapath (see that haters) **You just bit a person while they were sleeping and sucked their blood! Also: is Annabeth an empusa now?**. Then I was full so I finished gettin dressed with black boots with sliver buckles on them and a black lether jacket with a skulleton on the front. Lastly I put on red lip stick that matched my jeans and some very dark purple eyeliner, and one earring that was red and shaped like a drop of human other earring was white like a weeping pearl, it matched cause I had a white steak in my hair.

I was filled with the energy of the universal **(translation: I was high as a kite, just like I am now. How else do you explain my narration?)** , so I stood on one of the things sticking out from the mast on the ship **I think that's called a mast.** and I moshed with the wind like a free wild ravon of the leafs. **Again, _that's not how you mosh_. You're literally just endangering yourself and spazzing out on the edge of flying ship! **Hazel came and joined me as we moshed in silence for a while, and Leo watched us from below cause he was a playa not a perv cause he was too hot. **Only ugly people can be perverts!** Frank was fat and canadan **Fun fact: Canadians can't mosh.** ,so he tried to mosh but fell off the ship but I saved his canadan ass with Telemelchus. **Actually, the force of the whip catching him would likely break his back. You didn't save him, you killed or at the very least grieviously injured him!**

Then Annabeht came on the ship all green cause she didn't know she was missin some blood from her prep infuled artaries **Since Flavia drank Prep infused blood, does that make her a prep now?** , Piper was there too. Acutely Piper was not born blond but she died her hair in her slutty disire for False beaty. **I do not accept this retcon.** They were both wearin a ton of make up and there nails were died pink. They glared at me and they were armed. I laughed cause they both had small little knifes that paled in compare to Agamenmom. (geddit pale like Nivo). **What the heck? Why the sudden "joke"?! Why would we get it when you've barely mentioned Nico since now?!  
**

Jason was driving the ship **I thought that was Leo's problem.** so he wasn't there but Percy and Nico walked up to me and said hi. Annabeth glared cause now that Percy was hot **Since she's a prep, wouldn't she have preferred him _before_ the emo makeover? **she wished she didn't dump him but it was too late. Percy's eyes glintered evilely **Um... guys? She keeps saying Percy's evil. I think we should be very concerned about this combined with him killing some guy 'cause he wanted his girlfriend and tattooing on dismembered body parts. I think Percy's a serial killer!** behind his dark bangs "Hey, want some amberosa?" He gave me some and **I burned to ashes because demigods can't just casually eat ambrosia. Another victim for Percy!** then I said "So whats like the roman camp?"

"Well mostly its full of posers, but some know the dark arts" Percy explaned smartly **and HTF do _you_ know some much about it, Percy?**. "You can stay at there big cabin for Artemis." **The Romans don't have cabins sorted by godly parents. The have army barracks.** But he said this so sexly that I leaned in to kiss, but I saw Nico crying sensatively in teh sunset on the ship all dark and alone. **Everybody wave to Nico. You'll see next chapter...** My heart was swallowed alive by a black hole of darkness. When Albaster died the lying bastard ***flips her the bird*** I thought it would be simply now cause Nico would be my only bf, but now my heart got pulled towards Percy like a string of night silver to the sorce of misty cloud beams. I did not want to break up Nico's heart but I didn't want to break my heart either by breakin up with Percy! **God forbid you go a chapter without a love triangle!**

But the glowing words of Artemis sat over me like a storm, that I could have no bf. Would I be alone forever. _**This**_ **is your biggest concern regarding becoming immortal? Not, oh I don't know, staying young while everyone you care about around you grows old and shrivels up and dies?**

Hazel saw my eyes brissle up with tears of quicksliver, "What's wrong Flavia?"

"Im having guy trouble" I confested. "My heart is drawn to Percy but I love Nico too. And Artemis says I wont live forever if I'm not a virgen forever!"

"The important thing is you must follow your heart Flaiva, what does it tell you," Said Hazel wisely. **Any moron who tells you to "follow your heart" is _not_ wise. Disney logic does not work. My heart is telling me it wants me to Egyptian Walk wherever I go. Doesn't mean I'm going to listen to it.**

I shook my head as tears rained down my pale face, "My heart is confussed and silent, it gives no replies."

"Then you must trust it" Said Hazel. "You must let your heart chose your path!"

"But its so unclear!" I yelled.

"You have a wise destiny that the prophacy spoke will not be unfufled" **According to the prophecy, her destiny is to bring death and destruction wherever she goes. And judging by her track record, she's fulfilling it.** Said Hazel, "Artemis cant run your life, only you must chose the path of your fate…for your heart! But Im here only to help you **and nothing else. I have no agency apart from you, along with the rest of the cast.** "

It was sunset and the sun died a million deaths in red exposions **WTF? Did the world just end?! Well, it was an anticlimax but at least it's over.** while I made my chose, Nico or Percy, I listened to my heart to obey its commends. But it rythed in inner termoil, and my heart sunck as I knew I might never understand my heart fuly.

* * *

 **Lol haters, I have like 3628 views, which means I have lots of fans! Fans who are totally welcome to show their support by reviewing, following or favoriting! I need the validation of random people on the internet to inflate my ego!**


	25. Oh yay another lame fight with Kornos

**I have returned.**

 **Yes, I know, I have been gone for so, so long. But I assure you, I did not turn my back on this project, or any of you. I just had finals. They were _so_ hard. But now, they're over! Yay!**

 **Thank you to auroraloojesus, DreamCatcher06,** **Didi, Ari and all the guests that reviewed. Except for the one that told me to "review their stories" and then posted links that led to nowhere. That was kind of annoying.**

* * *

25…Kornos Attacks! **So, basically, it'll be just like every other chapter in this series. God, I want to do something special for my triumphant return! You ruin everything xxMoonlitexx!**

Suddenly we were by a mall by the roman camp, it was a big Cunsumerest filled mall exept it had one streak of worthness…there was a hot topic there! _**Hot Topics aren't "cunsumerist" at all!**_ Annabeht and Piper skeeled with the joy of the preps and went to shop some stupid pink coach purses **Do "preps" shop for anything else? At this point, I feel like we're headed straight toward a supply crisis of Coach purses and 1D!** but I went right to hot topic with Percy and Hazel and Leo. Jason stayed in the ship to drive **b** **ecause the author has absolutely no idea what to do with them.** and Frank didn't like malls cause he was fat and asian. **Remember, kids: Asian people don't like malls. The author of Moondaughter said so, so it must be true!**

Now I had charm speak so I went to the guy at the counter and said "My stuff is all free" an he said "ur stuff is all free" so that was good. **Great. Now we can add petty shoplifting to her list of felonies. *NO ONE CARES WHAT FLAVIA AND HAZEL ARE WEARING*** So first I got some fuck yeah canvus high tops that were black. Hazel got damonia attack 10 boots, also I got damonia tesla lace up boots with teh spiky heels. Lastly Hazel got red damonia cripto geer boots that had skulls and were so fucking gothick. Hazel was gothickal so she wanted to show me the ways of da gothicks. ***NO ONE CARES WHAT FLAVIA AND HAZEL ARE WEARING***

 ***NO ONE CARES WHAT FLAVIA AND HAZEL ARE WEARING*** Tehn me and Hazel looked at the dress part. Hazel got a hell bunny dress that was black and had cherry skulls. I got teh black mesh maxi dress that was sexy and not slutty. Suddenly Hazel told me to take off my clothes ***bow chicka wowow* This just got interesting!** "Omg you need to try on this one!" She said. It was a corset dress that was all silver with black cresent moons on the skirt part, I bought it at once!

Then we went to see Percy and Leo cause they were guys an guys are shitty shopers. **Hey, we've already reinforced enough offensive stereotypes in this fanfic, why not reinforce a few more?!** I helped tehm pick out some wicked hot clothes an stuff. They got some black vans and some tight jeans an some mcr & rites of spring & evanesense t shits.

Suddenly we gasped in harror, a hot blond guy was browsin the rude jeans **A BLONDE?! In a HOT TOPIC?! THIS CANNOT BE!** , he had golden glow eyes an a big syth from metal, it was Kornos! **Um... shouldn't Kornos be, like, finding the word of super-duper death or something? Why is he at this random store?!** he laughed like the dead. **Allow me to demonstrate his laugh: *lies on the ground with Xs for eyes and my tongue hanging out*** I took my gun with sliver bullits an shot him like 60 times but he was hard like rock **Augh! TMI!** an the bullits bounced off like Superman (whose a total prep btw Batman rox **Superman is awesome, and Batman deserves better fans that you!** )

So we all ran outside and jumped on the ship and flew away **like wussies** , when Kronos came to torture us we werent there. **How do you know he wanted to torture you? Maybe he was just looking for some nice MCR tees?**

* * *

 **So, since I wasn't able to stick to my bi-weekly sort of schedule for the past coupla weeks expect another chapter very soon! Also: the first short chapter that was totally scarring! YAyyyyyyy! Or who knows, maybe there was some Satanic worship snuck into those clothing descriptions I didn't bother to read...**

 **Don't be a Cunsumerist! Review my story!**


	26. Toxic Love

**As promised, another day, another chapter sporked! Thank you Knightwing20042, Dreaming of Starry Skies** **and DreamCatcher06 for reviewing!**

 **We also got two Guest reviews!**

 **Ari: When you say you're Filipino, do you mean from the Philippines? Because I checked the viewing stats and someone from there was looking at my story... if you are that is so cool!**

 **Guest: I read that theory too, and I have to say, it does hold some merit. Out of all the characters of different races in the Percy Jackson-verse, Frank _is_ the only one stereotyped, so who knows, maybe the author really is Asian?**

* * *

Im not Raciest ***cough bulls*** cough*** , Hazel is black an shes Flaivas bff! **Oh, the "some of my best friends are (minority)" excuse, huh? It doesn't work, especially not when said minority friend is A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT RACE FROM THE ONE YOU'RE RACIST AGAINST.** Anyways my mom is canadan so I don't hate canadans so Im like 25 percant canadan ok. **Only 25%? Are Canadian genes recessive or something?**

26….Teh Poshions of Love **"The Poisons of Love"? Great, now all I can think about is that Tim Curry villain song from that crappy environmental movie from the 90s. Whatsitcalled, Ferngully?**

I put on my new outfit from hot topic an I looked sexly **so you made sure to bring the clothes with you while you were fleeing for your lives? Pfft, great priorities guys.** , I was wearing the corset dress an the high tops. Also skull earrings and a pare of stag earrings (I had 4 peircings, 2 in each ear, also I had cartalige ones with arrows that were silver. **I hope that hurt like hell to get and become infected soon.** ) Hazel put on her Hell bunny dress and her geer were mystrious an so fucking sexly.

Piper and Annabeht went shopping also but there stuff was consumerest and Lame. They had pink an light pruple purses an clothes an stuff. Piper was a slutty sneakin Clepto so she tried to use charm speak on teh store people **Oh yeah, _she's_ the Klepto, despite the fact that you did _the exact same thing._** but she had no power anymore so they called the cops but they ran away from the cops an now they were on da ship.

Leo and Percy were lookin at us but not Annabeth and Piper. Annabeht snitted jelousy at she died her hair light pink highlights and it was Artaficle **as opposed to your _totally natural_ white hair steak?**. "Yeah well Percy's not hot anyways" She lied like a fucking hore "Anyways I like Jason cause hes blonde and hot." **F***ING BLASPHEMY! Annabeth likes Percy dammit! And you're a total whore for tearing them apart!** Jason was wearin a prep swetter but I did not kick him cause I could see there was a dark pain in his blue eyes like a melting ice cube in da artick seas. **Yeesh, we get it, you're hot for Jason but you feel guilty because he's too square. Enough with purple prose!** Frank was asian but he was not fat (see Im not Raicest ***facepalm*** ) and he wasnt gothick but he didn't know better cause there was no hot topic in canadan where he lived **A** **ctually, Google Maps tells me that there are Hot Topics all over Canada. But I bet you think the country is one giant maple-syrup filled wilderness, don't you, xxMoonlitexx?** , so I got da site on his phone and told him to look at it, soon he converted to da dark he put on black cole an he was kinda hot.

Then we watched teh Dark Knight, the one with Joker **I'm surprised you had enough brain power to follow the plot.** (exept Annabeth watched High School musicale 1 2 and 3). Tehn we talked about Kornos, an I cried sliver tears at the memorys. "We must find da word of power" I said resutely.

"We must kill Kornos as well," Frank said wisely.

Tears streemed over my pale cheeks "But I loved Luke before he died an got reposessed" **Repossessed? Like a car?**

"Yes but this is not Luke this is Kronos" Explaned Hazel. "When he is killed Luke will rest in peace in Elsyium!" **It's hard to take any sentence described as "wise" seriously when Flavia has to have basic knowledge like this explained to her. I mean, if told her, "the sky is blue", she'd probably gasp and claim I was gifted with "teh wisedom of teh Gods!"**

I nodded determedly "Yes we'll do that!"

Suddenly Apherditi misted onto the screen **Hey, Apherditi, move! We're missing the interrogation scene**! "Where is Piper I heard my daughter got in trouble with the fucking police!" **Wow, Apherditi's a real helicopter parent, for a an Olympian god. Which is surprisingly accurate to the myths...**

Piper started crying but Apherditi said, "What happened?" and Piper said "I was tryin to charm speak but teh stupid police came!"

Apheriditi shook her head, "You do not have charm speak anymore, Flavia took it from you an she is more powerful cause shes teh daughter of Artmeis" she gave me a love poshion box "If you give Piper her charm speak back you can have this, for a trade!" **So, when Apherditi offers you a spell capable of ending the ENTIRE EFFING CONFLICT OF THIS FIC, you say no. But when she gives you some Slut Juice, you're like "yeah, totally"?! That... does not surprise me.**

I knew Pipers charm speak wouldn't work on me anyway cause Apherditi powers couldnt hurt me **because as a Mary Sue I alread had charmspeak!** so I said "Fine" an she misted away.

That same night I put the love poshion in the air in the preppy cabin ***groan* This is gonna hurt.** an they went isane from love ***mentally prepares self*** so Piper an Annabeht started havin a threesum with Boford (Boford is Leos robot table) **AUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH! ALL THE MENTAL PREPARATION IN THE WORLD COULDN'T STOP THIS DISGUSTINGNESS!** I took pictures with my ipod **YOU'RE SICK, FLAVIA, YOU'RE SICK!** an fucking posted them on line.

Annabeth saw this an she tried to garb the ipod but it was too late, "How dare you insapid slut?! **YEAH, HOW DARE SHE?! IT'S LITERALLY ILLEGAL!** " She yelled "You fucking posted that on line! **I AGREE WITH ANNABETH, THIS IS ALL KINDS OF WRONG!** "

I laughed "Now the whole earth will know of your horeness! **THIS IS CYBER BULLYING OF THE WORST KIND! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!** "

Annabeth started to cry all snivully. "Noooooo delete tehm an I'll give you anything omg!"

I laughed "Give me ur invisable hat! **AND NOW BLACKMAIL?! WFT MOFO?!** " an she did. Tehn I deleted the pix cause like 1000000 ppl saw them anyways.

* * *

 **YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS TAKES THE CAKE. THIS TRUMPS HUMAN SACRIFICE, AND THE MASS SLAUGHTER, AND THE NECROPHILIA, AND THE BOYFRIEND ABUSE, AND THE MULTIPLE IVY-CIDES! THIS, THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST HUMANITY HAS TO OFFER! YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M NOT EVEN SURE THIS PSYCHO'S A HUMAN! I THINK SHE'S A DEMON WHO FEEDS ON NEGATIVE EMOTIONS! THAT'S WHY SHE POSTED THIS FIC! I'M ON TO YOU XXMOONLITEXX! JUST YOU F*CKING WAIT, I'LL STAKE YOU EVENTUALLY!**


	27. When Rome Attacks

**Thank you to Kurt50Alien, DreamCatcher06, Knightwing20042, ThankYouKanyeVeryCool and Dreaming of Starry Skies for reviewing!**

 **We also had a Guest reviewer:**

 **"How can she write that, but keep accusing the reader of being a "perv?" I don't think she ever uses the Yankees cap again, so what was even the point? All these random f*cked up scenes (like the child pr0n, the Sally Jackson necrophilia incident, and Mr. D and Frank) just happen out of nowhere, and then it's never brought up again and doesn't effect the plot. Just...why? Is it an attempt at making the story more "mature?""**

 **I think scenes like these, weird, messed up events that come right the f*** out of nowhere and then are never mentioned again are called "Big Lipped Alligator Moments". It is best just to ignore them.**

* * *

Ok, so my bff Hailey was beta for this chapter. Hailey-san you rock! Hailey rox ppl. rox SS! **SS?! Is xxMoonlitexx a Nazi?! Wait, no, she's too blondephobic... Also: bff?! She has a friend?! No, it can't be...**

Chapter 27…The Roman Camp **Prepare for blasphemy, people.**

The next morning we got to the Roman Camp. It was called New Rome and it had a lot of stuff like houses that were marbled and white and a elephant **That moment when you think this is either a hilarious typo or a Big Lipped Alligator Moment. Then you remember it's canon...** and to my internal ecstasy a Hot Topic which was the only black building in my sight.

"I feel a kindred fellowship connection with this building," explained Hazel (NOT cause she was black! Because she was gothick.) **You were literally the _only_ person to make that connection, Flavia. *cough racist cough***

I too felt a love for this building but this was not a sexly love because I was not a Objecto Philiac. (ps Hailey googled this, it is the name of when you want to do it with lamps or cabins or weapons. **God, I can't imagine what xxMoonlitexx's search history must look like...** ) I liked the Hot Topic because it sold the clothes that I liked. I was wearing these clothes now but I will not describe them. **Praise the Lord, it's a Miracle!** If you don't remember what they looked like, read in Chapter 25.

There were lots of people walking in the street in New Rome. None of them were very hot. Well there was a girl called Reyna who was hot, but I was not gay so I did not see her. **Apparently, if a person is attractive but not a member of the sex you personally are attracted to, they are invisible. At least, according to Moondaughter.** All the people pointed. Up at us! **I cut this statement off in the middle. For no reason!**

"Its an enemy ship! It must burn in flames!" yelled a girl with no name **Wow, even her parents knew she was destined to be little more than an extra and didn't bother to name her!**. (She was obviously a poser. **Well how would you know that if you don't even know her name?!** ) A couple of her friends got a bag full of flaming arrows and started throwing them at us! **Wow, she's really sticking to the whole "no one does archery except for me" thing. But seriously, throwing flaming arrows by hand? You might as well be tossing confetti, because it's going to be just as affective!**

I grabbed my silver plated handgun from Artemis and started to shoot silver bullets at them! **Nothing quells people's fears about you being an invader like SHOOTING THEM!** About 6 or 8 preps fell but they were only wounded because I didn't shoot to kill because I am not a evil killer! **A) You're still a killer. B) You're still evil.** They wrythed in pain and I smiled. **C) And a sadist.**

A mega hot guy **I thought you said Camp Romans had no hot guys!** ran from Hot Topic in a leather toga robe that was shiny and black **I'm pretty sure you can't make togas out of leather... but I'm also pretty sure you can't make skinny jeans out of tigers so, what do I know!** He had blond hair but it was died with red streaks of scarlet. My heart told me that….this was not a poser! **Sure. Listen to your heart. That _always_ ends well...**

"Stop shooting you fucking losers," he commanded the preppy girls. They obeyed him because he was an authoraty in charge of the Romanian Camp. **Wait a minute! Comes from New Rome... is in a position of authority... blonde hair... oh no. She can't be serious, she-she can't think _Octavian_ is hot! **

"Omg!" I yelled. He looked just like Luke, **Octavian look nothing like Luke!** exept his eyes were not Kornos gold!

"But you said to destroy any ships that come because greeks are evil!" one of the girls said to the guy and the guy's name was Octavius. ***whew* It's not Octavi _an_! It's Octavi _us_ , some completely different guy!**

"Well at first I did, because strangers are evil and plot our demise **Clearly this man is trustworthy and not paranoid at all! Your heart is 100% correct, Flavia!** , but this girl is different!" He said, pointing at me! "I just sacraficed a fucking pinky pie **Um, I _really_ hope you mean a _stuffed animal_** and when its guts spilled fourth **But TBH I'm not sure...** on the temple of the gods I saw a strange boat that would fly to us with a warrior of the gods…..the most powerful demigod of the age!"

I knew he spoke about me **Ego much?** so I jumped off the ship railing. It was like a 50 foot drop but I lived because I landed like a ninja. **Congrats. You lived, but you broke both your legs in the process. Yay!** I stood by him and explained, "We want the word to defeat Kornos!"

* * *

 **So: I'm sure you're probably all wondering where the heck Nico was in this chapter, and the last. The answer... he wasn't. He's not mentioned here and he'll never be mentioned again. Why, you may ask? Because the House of Hades. Specifically, the part that reveals Nico is gay. It's my theory that Flavia read HoH shortly before writing this chapter and the realization of Nico's sexuality, was no longer attracted to him. In fact, she might homophobic, judging by some of her comments, which is why he just disappears halfway through the story.**

 **On the plus side, he didn't die horribly like Alabaster, and now there's no more stupid love triangle between him and Flavia and Percy!**


	28. Jason Comes Out

**Thank you Knightwing20042, DreamCatcher06 and Kurt50Alien for reviewing!**

 **We also got another review from frequent guest Didi:**

 **"Moon daughter kinda makes me want to cry. I am personally an author and the fact that she's complaining about how hard it is? That just makes me wanna vomit. Autocorrect is my best friend/ worst enemy. I really want to be her editor so that I can't just tell her what's good and what's not good. But I can't. H E C K**

 **P.S**  
 **I'm pretty offended by what she's saying. I know that you can only let yourself be offended, but it's still really hurtful. I am a multiracial person (Indian and basically all of Europe), so the fact that she's even BEING racist kinda hurts. I know that I'm a different kind of Asian, but still. I'm not fat and I'm not dumb and I'm not scared of stupid things. Rant now over. Forgive my foul language."**

 **Foul Language? Because you said "H E C K"? That barely reaches a single bar on the Swear-O-Meter, at least compared to xxMoonlitexx and me! And you have every right to be offended and angered by racism, even if you are not the ethnicity being insulted. Personally, xxMoonlitexx's BS makes me sick, and I'm not even hu- *beat* Nothing. I said nothing. You heard nothing.**

 **Continuing with spork now!**

* * *

Don't insalt my bff. Thats mean. **Yeah guys, insulting xxMoonlitexx is one thing, but her imaginary friend? That's a low blow.**

Chapter 28…..Betrayed!

Octavius helped us look for the word of power. We all split up in teams. It was like this: Leo and Hazel **Yay! Lazel!** , Percy and Frank **Um, Prank?** , and Piper and Annabeth **Ungghhh... Pannabeth...** , and me and Jason **AUGH! FLASON!**. My heart lunged to be at Percy's side **and then it clung to his leg and wouldn't let go no matter how hard we pleaded** , but Octavius took my hand and pulled me to a temple where were started looking.

"Jason hurry up!" he yelled. But suddenly he had the lights of murder in his eyes when he gazed at the brony plushes snirking from Jason's back pack. **Dun dun dun** **! Wait what?!** I saw them too, and my blood froze like ice swimming in my artaries. ***snortle* This might just be the greatest canon rape in the history of canon rapes!**

I gasped "Jason, do you are a fucking brony?" **Hahahahahahaha! *laughs so hard she falls out of her seat**

His eyes misted in horror, "Don't tell, it would destroy my prestage! Their not ready to know of my dark secret." **We know your dark secret! Jason's a Brony! Jason's a Brony! Jason's a HAHAHAHAHAHA!**

"But why," I insisted, but I couldn't hate him when I saw he was speaking from the top of his heart. ***stifles laughter* Let's *snortle* let's hear what he has to say.**

"I indentify with the ponies, they are leaders in heart, but their lifes are colorful and adventures. And sometimes evil tries to destroy their world but they fight with brave power," Jason explained to me. **That... was... BEAUTIFUL! So beautiful!**

Suddenly, I realized that he spoke the truth! A choral tear flew across my face as my heart understood his heart. **Even Flavia is moved by these heartwarming words! We accept you, Brony Jason! We accept you for who. You. Are!**

Octavius yelled, "ENOUGH, you are speaking like a addleplate! And it is my duty to expose you to all the demigods of camp!" **Jeez, Octavius. So he likes watching brightly colored mini-horses. No need to over react like that!** He grabbed the my little pony stuffed animal and slitted its throat. Cotton white like ice and bones fell on the ground at his feet, its lifeless eyes stared and saw no more. ***unconvincing ham* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU _MONSTER!_ YOU _MANIAC!_ YOU- realize it was never alive in the first place, right Flavia?**

Jason grabbed his neck like his throat was slitted **... Jason, I'm cool with you being a Brony and all, but you're a _bit_ too attached to your plushies...**, "I bet you step on kittens too you fucking murderer/thief!"

I stared in horror, who would I believe? Octavius was hot and confident, and filled with sexly wrath, but Jason's heart was broken and he was sensative, he would be destroyed and spit on if they knew he was a brony! **Is this really such a hard choice? Octavius is a clearly a paranoid biggot, whereas Jason is your friend! So of _course_ she'll go with Octavius. *sigh***

Octavius laughed with arrogance, "Now how about we make a deal, like a "trade," if I don't tell about your secret to the world, you must…..kill Zeus!" **Well. That seems like an unfair trade.**

"Wtf?!" I looked at him and the wisdom of Artemis cleared my brain and I could see he was actually evil and ugly, it was just a shallow charm shield that went around him like a bubble and made him look good and hot. **DUN DUN DUN!** **Whoa! Plot twist! I mean, not really, not if you've read like, literally any of the books...**

"Yes, you must go to Olympus and stick this steak through his heart!" Octavius gave me a sharp steak made all from silver. **I wonder. Does the silver enhance the flavor or dry the steak out...?**

"You work with Kronos!" I said, because now I could guess the truth!

"Your smart, but not as smart as me!" He lied sarcastically. **That is a lie. She's not smart at all!**

"Yeah well if you tell them Jason is a brony, no one will believe you!" I explained. **"It's not like you have _proof_ in the form of a bunch of incriminating stuffed anima- oh, wait."**

Octavius sneered meanly, "If you do that then I will kill Hazel with a gun!" **DUUUUNNNN. DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNN. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!** He opened a door in the temple and in the darkness torture chamber inside I could see that Hazel was tied to a chair with rope and chains, and a gun was pointing at her **, but it was fine since no one was actually like, _aiming the gun_ or whatever, it was just hovering in midair pointing at her**!

"No, its too dangerous to kill Zeus, he is the powerful of the gods!" said Jason, but I knocked him out on the head so he wouldn't interfere, it was for his safety. **This may sound exceptionally stupid. And it kind of is. But if you sort of think about it, Flavia knocking Jason out means that he can claim innocence and won't be tried as an accomplice. And then you think about it just a little bit more and it becomes exceptionally stupid again.** Then I glared at Octavius in anger like burning leafs in a fire, "Ok I have no choice!" **Um... did your Mary Sue powers suddenly short out on you? Why can't you just kick his ass in an improbable and over the top manner like you always do? Wait, what am saying?! Holy crap, Flavia Maya Lilith Knight just got beaten! Octavius _defeated her_! He actually _gained the upper hand_! **

When I walked away so he couldn't see me I busted into tears, liquid silver flowed on my face. **And he made her cry! Octavius, you are my new favorite character!**

* * *

 **My God. This chapter... this chapter was actually... halfway decent! We had some actual plot twists, albeit ridiculous ones, a real cliffhanger where I actually want to find out what happens next, and above all, some real character development! Yeah, seriously! Jason gets a sincerely interesting character trait, something which NO ONE in this book has had until now, and Flavia has to move past her own prejudices and supports a friend despite his differences! I- I can't believe it! How did this happen?!**


	29. A Death in the Family (not really)

**Thank you Kurt50Alien and** **Mossflower1234** **for reviewing.**

 **Also Guest reviews:**

 **Guest: "Maybe Hailey actually beta-read this one and the improvements are due to her suggestions? (Assuming Hailey is real.)" Maybe Hailey is real. Maybe she's another internet troll lending a hand in this mass Sue conspiracy. Maybe she is one of xxMoonlitexx's personalities. No matter what her true identity is, I definitely believe she's responsible for the dramatic increase in quality. Thank you Hailey!**

 **AGrapeWithNoSoul: "The other conspiracy theory I've heard is that this is a trollfic written by Rick Riordan himself and "Hailey" is Haley Riordan (who created Alabaster C. Torrington.) While I can kind of see him trolling fans with a My Immortal-type hoax, I doubt he'd make it this mean-spirited, and I seriously doubt he has the time on his hands to write a 70-chapter trollfic as a joke. (Interestingly, xxMoonlitexx actually addresses this theory in an author's note at one point-she denies being Rick Riordan because "He is busy cause hes workin on a epick book.")" First off, excellent name. Second, while the Torrington connection is an interesting one, the Alabaster of Moondaughter bears little to no resemblance to the Alabaster of the Percy Jackson books. And I think Uncle Rick is too busy trolling people in other way to make this book. Like convincing us Jason is dead when such a massive spoiler _obviously_ wouldn't be leaked months in advance. Right?**

 **Didi: "*gAsP* OH MY GODS! IS FLAVIA CHANGING INTO A DECENT CHARACTER?!**

 **No. Probably not. I did enjoy how she was somewhat "imperfect" but at the same time, making Octavius have the power over the Mist or something was unexpected. I don't want Octavius to be as powerful as Flavia cuz then we're all gonna die. :( I do kinda hope that this weakness lasts. I know that this is probably too much, but I hope that she's bullied the way that she bullies others. It needs to happen, or I'm gonna puke. I'm still a little ticked about her racist comments so excuse me if I was slightly salty. I need sleep." Here at the Institute of Sporkings, Dramatic Readings and Other Such Nonsense, we don't just excuse saltiness, we encourage it. So please, continue to be as salty as you want. This slut burns down towns and physically abuses her best friends, she deserves all the hate we can muster.**

 **Ari: "Yep as in the r.i.p pony plush** **From: Ari** **Sidenote, I'm not necessarily a brony but I DO like MLP" What qualifies a guy as a brony other than "is a dude and likes MLP?" Is there some sort of specification like "must attend a certain number of MLP conventions" or "must own this much merchandise?"**

* * *

I said Hailey rocks ass, the stupid site took away the swirly letter a thing, I never said shes not a nazi. **Wait... never said she's _not_ a nazi?! Are you saying you said she _is?!_** Nazis are bad and evil an theyre all dead anyway. ***sigh* Oh how we wish this were true...** Anyway if you think this is a bad story then write your own stories so you don't insalt my story. **I _have_ written my own stories, _with_ my own OCs. And even at their worst they are nowhere near the level or terribleness you exhibit here.**

PS Hailey beta read this one too, I wrote it but she fixed the spelling and stuff. **Spoilers: there will be no fixed spelling**

Chapter 29…Death in Olympus

Tears dripped sadly on the silver steak in my hand, I needed to prepare and go kill Zeus. I didn't want to kill him but I had no choice cause if I didn't then Octavius would kill Hazel. I took a big hammer of oakish wood to hammer the steak **I dunno, it seems pretty tenderized to me already.** , also I took Agamemom, Telemachus, Achilles, Draceenas Doom and my sliver plated hand gun and some garlic just in case. **Garlic? A hammer and steak? Silver bullets? Is Zeus a god or a Were-Vampire?!** Lastly I put on a black leather dress **, the most important part of any assassination: pretty dresses.** I was ready for to kill.

It was like 5 minutes to walk to Olympus **Wait, so she started in Camp Jupiter in California, near San Francisco, and she _walked_ to Mount Olympus, on top of the Empire State Building in _New York_... holy smokes, that's a 42 hour drive and she completed it, _on foot, IN FIVE MINUTES._ *MST3K "space is warped and time is bendable"***, tears fell in my foot prints **were you walking backwards or something, how did the tears fall _on top of_ your footprints.**, actually it was raining and the sky was all gray and dark with depression. I didn't want for Zeus to die but this way the only way that was open for me and I must follow my heart. **Follow your heart? Isn't your heart** **telling you _not_ to kill him! **I climbed in the dark elavader **VADER?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! *Imperial March*** , all the way up to Olympus it played depressing songs with depressing words. Also I was wearing high heels with poison knifes for the heels. In my heart I felt like a trader.

Zeus opened the elevader, "WHO DARES COME TO OLYMPUS, THOU MORTAL CARRYON?"

He didn't know I had the weapons cause he couldn't see I hid them in my bra **Either your bra is a Tardis or those weapons are tiny, because no matter how big you like to brag your boobs are there's no way all those weapons could fit in there.**. "I'm here to visit my mom Artemis," I lied sexly. (Also the blessing of Artemis went on me so I got really sexy, also I got 18 ***facepalm*** so its legal to seduse Zeus. ***"cough slut she's a slut cough"*** )

"Yeah well she's not home," Said Zeus wisely.

I put some sleeping powder in some ambrosa and mixed it all up, then I gave it to him, "Here is a gift!" **Zeus: "Um, you know that I saw you mix in the sleeping powder, right?" Flavia *extremely suspiciously*: "What no I didn't haha what a story, Mark!" Zeus: "Seriously?"**

Zeus drank the whole thing, then he fell asleep. It was so much sleeping powder it would kill like 60 mortal people and like 30 deimgods, but it just made Zeus fall asleep cause he was the powerful of all the gods. **If he's so powerful why does it affect him at all? I why couldn't he realize Flavia put sleeping power in in the first place? And if you put _that much_ sleeping power in, wouldn't the ambrosia be like, just wet powder? And wouldn't the healing power of the ambrosia negate the sleeping powder? *Batman Forever "it just raises too many questions" clip***

I pulled out the silver steak, it glintered in the light from the moon. **Wait, the moon? It's night out? I thought it was daytime! It only took five minutes to walk over! *space is warped and time is bendable*** I could see Zeus's reflexion on it sort of like in a mirror, he was actually kind of hot for an old guy **ewwwwww** so I didn't want to carry this evil murder deed. But what choice did I have, Octavius would kill Hailey **"Hailey"? Oh my oh my oh my, I think we've just figured out why Hazel is treated so well...** if I refused! My heart was broken and devisive.

Suddenly the wisdom of Artmeis spoke to my heart, and I knew….I had another choice! I went to the elevader ***Imperial March*** and rushed back down to the Roman camp and flunged open the door.

"Did you kill Zeus," Octavius snitted, smiling with evil because he could control me to do what he wanted. With the most powerful demigod of the age he would rule the world! ***M Bison "of course!" clip***

"Yes," I lied wisely. **Here I am imagining her blatant shifty eyes and sweating. Flavia definitely put 0 points in charisma.**

"Did you bring back his heart in a box," Octavius asked. "Its for proof that he is acutely dead and not just pretending to be dead or anything." **OKay WTF man, you didn't tell her to do this before!**

"I lied, I didn't kill Zeus, but I'm going to kill youuuu mother efucker!1" I yelled! **I'm sure that sounded much more badass in your head.** I pulled out my hand gun really fast and shot him right in the leg, then when he fell over I put the stake **Stake?! I think you mean... steak?** through his heart (see because thats what he wanted me to do to Zeus but instead I did it to him. **Dramatic irony isn't as dramatic if you have to explain it in parenthesis** )

"Where's Hazel is she safe!" I gritted in my teeth. But he was dead so he didn't say anything yet **"yet"? He's dead, he's not saying anything ever again! Which is really quite sad, I enjoyed Octavius, he deserved more villain time before death** , my heart sunk, what if he lied and he shot her anyways?! I opened the torture room door. I relieved myself, Hazel was still alive! She was just tied to a chair **I thought she was tied up with chains and stuff...** so I untied her and let her go.

"Where's Octavius did you kill him?" She said.

"Yeah, also Zeus is alive," I explained.

* * *

 **So um, happy ending? Yay? *sigh* I guess last chapter was just a fluke. Oh well, maybe Brony Jason will show up again!**


	30. Flavia: Ragnarok

***casually walks over to the review section whistling* Doo doo doo, let's see what we've got today and... oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! OH MY GOSH!  
People, I am proud to announce we have OFFICIALLY reached over 100 review! **

***fireworks* *Handel's Messiah plays***

 **Thank you so much to everyone who contributed to us reaching this historic moment! Especially our most recent reviewers** **Kurt50Alien and DreamCatcher06! Also thank you ZebraGirl202 for following and favoriting.**

 **And, of course, where would we be without our Super Special Awesome Guest Reviewers?! 28 reviews short of 100, that's what! So of course we're happy to respond to their comments and answer their queries.**

 **Ari: "So umm I guess, Flavoria please explain... What. The. Actual. Hell. To respond to your question about the brony thing I'm pretty sure brony means male mlp fan while pegasister if I'm correct is the female counterpart. I guess the title brony itself is more of wether or not you consider yourself one and there are probably no qualifications to become one aside from being a male mlp fan." That makes sense. Not Moondaughter, which will never make sense, but the whole "brony" thing. Thanks for telling me about this, because now I know. And knowing is half the battle. *G.I. Joe!***

 **Didi: "What's with the chap title if no one dies? Also. How come Zeus didn't like, ya know, bang/kill Flavia? Bang cuz she's so "sexly" and kill cuz she's a daughter of Artemis. And how did she kill "the all-powerful Octavius" in basically one blow? Oh wait, stupid question. It's cuz she's a Sue. I forgot about that, in some miraculously strange way. Anyway, the Hailey-Hazel thing might have been Hailey trolling Moonlite and that'd just be hilarious! I think that it's amazing that this Hailey girl is just as "dyslexic" as Moonlite. Also, Happy (belated) International Woman's Day! May all of the REAL strong female characters continue in what they're doing! And Flavia can go die in hole ok thx bye."** **Well, I mean, technically Octavius dies... but not in Olympus... damn this title doesn't make sense! I suspect Hailey might be a figment of xxMoonlitexx's imagination. Or a skeleton she keeps in her murder basement. Oh, and speaking of REAL strong female characters (and International Woman's Day!) I just saw Captain Marvel and it is A-MAZ-ING! Everybody go see it right now!**

* * *

Im not "runing" the characters, Im showing how like there is darkness and derpravity in there souls under the happy parts ok? **That sounds like ruining them to me...** None of them are prefect, they have Flaws. **They sure do. Flaws such as plot holes, OOC behaviors and a general lack of concern for morality or logic.**

Hailey could not beta this one shes not here this week end. **Let me guess: she's washing her hair? One strand at a time? I thought so...**

Chapter 30…..The Gladiater Rink **If this chapter does not include at the very _least_ Jeff Goldblum I will be seriously offended!**

Now I no longer needed to kill Zeus anymore. But before I could breath reliefully, some Roman deimgods busted open the door and they saw Octavius was dead and there was a big steak sticking out from his heart and there was a gun right in my hand. I was framed! **It's not a framing if you _literally just murdered him_.**

Reyna was the girl in charge of the Roman camp, she glared at me wrathly with dark eyes of shere hate, "You mudred Octavius!"

"He wanted me to kill Zeus! **And you should totally believe me, the random psycho goth girl who just got here, as opposed to your well respected leader** " I explained but Reyna interrupted me, she took out a big sword made from Empirical Gold and pointed it at me. "I challenge you to…..the gladiater rink!" (That's how the Romans did because there were no police, they challeged you to a fight instead and if you won that means you were innocent from the crimes.) ***face palm of the historically accurate variety* The Roman's had excellent law enforcement, gladiatorial fights were _a punishment_ for the _previously convicted_ , what you're describing is a _duel_ , which was created during the somewhat lawless Medieval Era! Idiot.**

"Fine, we will fight!" I yelled. **Come on Flavia. You've never been honorable before, why start now? You can always leave on the Good Ship Sue with your tail between your legs like you always do.**

"Ok you have 1 hour to get dressed and everything," Said Reyna and she went away.

First I went in a room and striped until I was all naked. (But first I put metal sheets in front of teh windows cause the camp was full with pervs. **We wouldn't want someone filming her changing and masticating to it!** ) Then I put on a metal bra made from iron and steel with the mark of Artmeis, it was blessed from the gods so nothing could go through it **, which'll be _fantastic_ protection if Reyna _only tries_ _to stab your boobs._ If she hits you anywhere else you'll be deader than a doorknob.** Then I put on a matching leather skirt with silver studs to go around the waste. Lastly I put on silver gauntets that were spiky and metal like wolferine from x men. **Oh please. You will never be as badass as Wolverine. But I'm sure you're much more hairy.** Then I went to the gladiater rink.

Reyna was there and she had like 60 cheer leaders and many fans, they cheered for her bloodthirty waiting for death. **GO REYNA! FLAVIAM EXPUGNA! KICK HER ASS!** Hazel and Jason and Frank and Leo were my fans and they were all dresseed in black to show there supportment for me. **Nothing shows support for a duelist like dressing like it's already their funeral!** My heart sunk deeply cause Percy was not there, but then it burned dark cause I was filled with angry at him. **Say, where is Percy...?** Reyna took her gold sword and said "Are you ready!"

"I was ready when I saw you rise from the dust of teh earth!" I said all badass. **Except. Reyna never rose from the dust of the Earth. So Flavia's just babbling nonsense like always.**

Then Julius Caser ***spittake* Julius Caesar?! What are you doing here?!** a roman guy came to explain the rules of gladiaters, "If Flavia beats Reyna **what about if Reyna beats Flavia? Or do even the minor characters/random historical figures recognize her Sueness?...** but does not kill her yet, the audiance can vote. The fight is on this bill bored, if you click teh thumbs up button she will not killer her but if you click the thumbs down she will die!"

Reyna yelled her battle cry "Rome is my hooooome!1!" **Heh. Rhymes. Also: in Latin, this would be: "Roma est patria mea!" Actually, why isn't the _Roman's_ battle cry in Latin?!** But my battle cry was like this "Bibam Sanguinam Tuum!" (That is real Latin, look it up if you don't beleive me **She's not wrong, it is Latin, but I don't think it's grammatically correct. She's supposed to be saying "I will drink your blood", but the first person singular of the Future Progressive tense of "drink" in Latin is "Bibabo". So this _should be_ "Bibabo Sanguinam Tu _am_ " (am so the gender matches). Nice try, Flavia, but you fail.**)

First Reyna swunged her sword in a glitter ark of deadly gold, it missed cause I moved away quickly. Then I cut at her leg with Agamenmom but she kicked sand on my eyes, I flashed in anger ***covers eyes as they begin to steam* OH GEEZ FLAVIA WE DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT!** and beared my empusa fangs. She tried to cut me with her gold sword but I was too fast for her to cut me. We were both fighting really fast so we were like a blur.

Suddenly she tried to cleeve my head but I kicked her like a ninja and she flew like 30 feet backwards **physically impossible** but she got back up **also physically impossible** and charged with the sun glintering on the empiracal gold sword.

Suddenly I looked and…..Percy was there watching the fight! **Yeah, it turned out he just needed to use the bathroom and Flavia overreacted when she didn't see him.** I looked in his eyes suddenly, our eyes gazed together and I was filled with a bust of energy to kill!

I took the lighting bolt from Zeus **Oh yeah. That lightening bolt. That was a thing I totally forgot about.** and threw it at Reyna and there was a big expulsion and blue light and then she was no more. The audience started to cheer….. **"The convicted murderer just killed out leader! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"** I was the new Roman camp leader now! **Oh God, first the Huntresses and Thalia now the Romans and Reyna?! *sigh* At least she gave Reyna an honorable death and not entirely OOC characterization, as well as a fighting chance.**

* * *

 ***somber* Those who wish to give a eulogy at Reyna's memoriam next chapter may post them in the comments.**

 **But this is not a sad time of mourning, this is a happy time of reviews! And to celebrate you guys and your patience in the face of my insane update schedule, I've decided to propose a little contest. Quite a few characters in Moondaughter have already been assigned actors. Hades is Johnny Depp, Chiron is Mr T (fool!), Alabaster is-was Tom Hiddleston, and so forth. So, I was thinking, how about you guys send in your suggestions for who should play everyone else? Personally, I'm voting Tommy Wiseau for Flavia.**

 **Until next time!**


	31. Revelations 25:17

**Thank you DreamCatcher06, Knightwing20042, Dreaming of Starry Skies and Mossflower1234 for reviewing!**

 **My did we get a lot of review from Guests this time.**

 **Guest: "So he had a stake in his heart, but they knew it was her because she had a gun in her hand? Does she think guns shoot stakes instead of bullets?**  
 **For Flavia's actress, I can't disassociate her from the way they do her voice in the dramatic reading, so I sort of picture her as a Monster High-style cartoon person with that voice?** **But Tommy Wiseau would work too. "I did naht kill him! I did naaaaht. Oh hai Reyna." I think in this world guns only shoot silver bullets or steaks. And thank you for reminding me of that glorious Room quoting opportunity I missed...**

 **Didi: "Ok! Now we can get to work. First thing: what IS it with her and impossible/ extremely graffic battle?! Seriously, there could be children reading this! And, me as a person, I don't like violence that descriptive! ESPECIALLY when it's written poorly. Go right or go home! Next: I got really lost in this chapter. Seriously, how is this girl even passing basic English and Social Studies?**  
 **Well, at least you've been able to make this story better. I say that Zoe Saldana (did I spell that right?) should be Piper, just to make Moonlite mad. And unfortunately, I feel like Tom Holland would fit the description that Moonlite gave Leo. Finally for Hazel, I hope that she doesn't get an actor. She's too OOC.** **Congrats on the reviews btw! I know how big of a milestone that must be! Until next chap, bye!" I don't know how someone can write violence** **simultaneously so graphic and yet so beige prosed, culminating in a level of half-assed unreadableness it takes legit effort to reach. While Zoe Saldana and Tom Holland would no doubt be as amazing in the live action Moondaughter as they are in everything else, I just don't think they deserve the torture of this fanfic. Plus there's the eensy weensy little problem that _neither of them are the same ethnicity as the characters they're supposed to be portraying._ They don't need to be whitewashed anymore than they already have!**

 **Guest: "You know I've always wondered, how do you actually take off spiky armour? Like wouldn't you just stab your self on the spiky gauntlets?" Hehe, wouldn't that be great? Flavia barges back into the changing room all evil and triumphant, she tries to pull off her wolverine ripoff claws and... *splurch* "AHHHH! MY HAND!"**

 **Guest: "Ah yes, the classic move of pulling out your trump card (a city destroying lightning bolt) to win a (not really) fair and honourable duel against someone you could have easily defeated anyway by using your Sue powers" Honestly? I don't think Flavia actually _could_ have defeated Reyna if not for her Diablo Ex Machina. Reyna probably would've _won_.**

 **Which just makes her death even sadder. You've all given your eulogies (and they are quite beautiful, by the way), so allow me to give mine:**

 **Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano. In a story that operates in terms of black and white, you were an enigma. A woman, neither demonized or enslaved by Flavia. A named character, neither a goth nor a prep. A fairly accurate and faithful character portrayal... who was upset at the death of Octavius. But you are more than just an anomaly. You were also a noble woman and a symbol of canon fighting back. The Resistance will remember you.**

* * *

31….Dark Revulution **Revolution? Yes please! Oh, she meant revelation... damn.**

Now I was the queen of all the Roman camp **but Reyna was praetor, not queen. New Rome's a Republic!** and it fitted me suitedly. The first thing I did now was to tell all the deimgods to look for the word to defaet the words of Death. **I hope the one who finds it uses it on you.** Tehn I forbidded preps. _**Freedom of speech?! What's that?!**_ Nextly I turned the temple of Apherdite into a Hot topic. **If there's one thing history has proven, it's that not worshipping an Olympian, no matter how much you hat them, will result in nothing but smiting. Flavia's rule is going to burn New Rome to the ground...**

Also I got a lether toga that flown in the wind and it was black and kind of ripped on all the eges. **As someone who has dabbled in leathermaking myself, I can tell you that once a leather fabric is dyed (say, with black ink) it becomes really stiff and uncomfortable. You definitely couldn't wear it like a toga.** I stood majestly on the temple to Artmeis and I twarked majestly **Twirked... majestically... an oxymoron if I've ever heard one.** to taunt uprisers. Hazel stood next to me and she became my right hand man, exept she was a girl not a man duh. _**Duh.**_

I walked to the temple for Artemis and made a sacrafice. ***rocking back and forth* Not a person not a person not a person not a person not a person...** I sacraficed a pare of black high top converses **Oh thank God!** an soon Artmeis aparated on top of the alter. "What dust thou do here" she repramanded. ***in Tommy Wiseau voice*** **"Oh Hai Artmeis. Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing here, the plot is so fragmented even I can't follow it. Anyway, how's your sex life?"**

"Wheres the word of death," I asked her.

"It is in the camp, more I cannot say" She explaned sorrowfly. **Goddamnit bitch! We know that already! Just tell her where the damn word is so we can end this stupid subplot!**

Suddenly I looked close at the alter, I saw someone wrote on it…the word to destroy the word of death! **Okay, so first of all; wasn't it the word of _deep death_ she was looking for? Also: wait, it's just written on the alter for any numbnuts to find? What if some kid was just praying to Artemis, then he looked at the alter for a moment? Imagine the tragedy that could unfold!: Tommy: "Hey Timmy." Timmy:"Hey Tommy. Oh, but the way, do you know what *Flibbertigibbet* means?" Tommy: *dead* ** But I cant say what it is cause its too powerful for you to know.

"Now Kornos will die," I smiled cold like a snow.

A tear exploded gently **" _exploded gently_ "?! That's worse than "twerked majestically"! **from Artmeis's eye, "Yes now he must die"

"Why are you crying, you should be happy and celberating," I said. **Maybe some of her pre-Sue memories came back and she realized what a twisted version of herself she's become...**

"But there is something thou should know, Kornos is your father!" Artmeis said.

 ***Cue M. Night Shyamalan "what a twist!" clip***

 **And how does Flavia react to this shocking and completely the f*** out of nowhere piece of info? With a gasp? With a well written monologue?**

"Well fuck" I said. **With** **gratuitous swearing of course!**

* * *

 **So, a good friend of mine, Kurt50Alien, is beginning the mind bogglingly difficult endeavor of sporking the most infamous fanfic of all time; My Immortal. Everyone give him a round of a applause and a preemptive twenty one gun salute. Anyway, he's asked me to include a preview of his first chapter as z sort of bonus feature (this was a very short chapter after all).**

* * *

Chapter 1.

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia **well. We know that she's crazy now.** Raven Way and I have long ebony black **redundant much?** hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here! **Well. I don't know who that is. Sorry guys. Spork's over** ). I'm not related to Gerard Way **who?** but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England ***cough* Scotland *cough*** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell **Nooooo. I thought that you were an anti-goth** ) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **rain and snow. Impossible.** so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **The rational response.**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **What the fuck is with the stupid ellipses. It is entirely unnecessary when be introduced to someone for the first time.**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Draco Malfoy. Shy? Riiiiiiiiiiight.**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.


	32. Another Feckin Quest!

**Oh boy, we got reviews! Thank you** **Kurt50Alien, DreamCatcher06, Knightwing20042, Mossflower1234 and SilverZero1014 for reviewing following and favoriting!**

 **We also got Special Guest reviews!**

 **Didi:** **"...*opens mouth to speak*... *inhales* WHY. HOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHIT**

 **I HAVE HUGE NEWS.**  
 **1.) SOMEONE BASICALLY STOLE YOUR IDEA ITS CALLED MOONDAUGHTER COMMENTARY DONT KNOW IF YOU KNKW OR NOT JUST TELLING YA**

 **2.) Look up this author, Xxwiltingrosexx. I swear on my life that if Hailey isn't real, then this is another one of Moonlite's personalities. We. Are. All. Doomed. I see that you have found the author! And also basically started a second commentary in the comments."**

 **Why, Didi? Because. And yes, I'm well aware SilverZeri1014 has created his/her own spork, I wish them the best of luck. Xxwiltingrosexx might become the next xxMoonlitexx, check her pile of steaming WTFery out, it's pretty hilarious.**

 **Guest: "Are we allowed to make Kronos' voice actor Darth Vader just so when he next meets Flavia he can hit her with "No Flavia, I am your father!" ?" Yes. Yes we are. In case y'all are wondering why I didn't do a Empire Strikes Back Joke last chapter, I'd like to say it's because I hold too much respect for the Empire Strikes Back, it's actually because I was super tired and forgot.**

 **Ari: "Wait let me get this straight...**

 **Kronos is Flavia's papa...**  
 **So Artemis did the THING with her own grandfather...**  
 **No wonder Flavia's f-upped she was born between an affair between a goddess that's supposedly a virgin and a titan that ate his kids...**  
 **Oh Styx"**

 **You got that right, Ari. Oh Styx indeed...**

 **Now let's hear just what effed up explanation Artmeis gives for last chapter's insanity!**

* * *

32…..Artmeis Quest

Artemis just said that Kronos was my father, I was horrorfied, this must not be true! "Your lying!" I exploted to Artmeis. **You exploded? Does this mean the story's over?!**

"No, its true, he is thou father" She explaned to me. **I know I said I'd reserve the Empire March for Darth Elevader, but... *dun dun dun DUN dun-dun dun DUN dun-dun***

"But your a virgen!" I reminded her wisely. **Apparently, Artmeis isn't a virgin at all but a lying slutty hypocrite who places impossible expectations on others but doesn't hold to them herself. The apple didn't fall far from the tree...**

"Yes Im still a virgen its just I hated Kornos so much my hate for him over flowed and thou waste born" Said Artmeis. **Wait, so you're telling me that Flavia is a creature born entirely of hate and rage? That... makes far too much sense and explains far too much...** (See that flamers, shes still a virgen now u can stop flaming about it) **But wait, why was Artmeis crying last chapter if Flavia killing Kornos was exactly what she wanted her to do? !And Flavia was born 14 years ago, before Kornos even began to rise to power? How did Artmeis know about his re-existence?! Or was it hatred for the OG Kornos, who she never fought and never met?! And if Flavia's one purpose was to kill Kornos why didn't Artmeis stop her from _joining forces with him_?! *shows the Batman Forvever "it just raises too many questions" clip while brain explodes***

"But how can I kill him now sense he is my dad" I wondred. **He's not your dad! He's not even a sperm donor! You were created to kill him! And he's possessing your ex's body (ew)! I feel like you should want to kill him even more at this point!**

"Thou must steal thou heart bc he is evil and must be slayed!" Said Artmeis. _**Th**_ ** _ank you,_ Artmeis. Never thought I'd see the day when you'd be the voice of reason. Or maybe not... we're never really told just what Kornos is planning to do once he rises to power... I mean, the gods in this universe seem to be ten times as jerkassy as the canon gods... and _Flavia's_ on their side. _Freaking Flavia._ Ya know what, Hail Cobra- I mean Kornos!**

"Well now I have the word that can defeat the word of death!" I said but then I remembered that Kornos was still looking for teh other half of the word of death! **He was? Or was it they were looking for the same word? It really doesn't matter because as soon as one of you says it the other person will hear it. You see why this plot point is stupid?**

"Kornos is still looking for the other half of the word of death!" I said **redundantly**.

Artmeis eyes blazed firely "Thou must stopest him first!"

"How will I do that" I asked.

"Thou must slayst him!" Artmeis gave me a sword made from steel in the heart of the moon on a darkest night foraged in tears of teh stars, it was so sharp it could cut though pearls. **Bitch, pearls barely even rank on the Mohs Scale of hardness. That's like saying it's so sharp it could cut through butter! Not an impressive achievement.** The handle part was lucid and sliver, it glowed like the radius moon but the sharp part was black and deathly. It was like 5 feet long….5 feet of deathly! **Five feet?! That thing's almost as tall as me! How the f*** can you lift it off the ground, let alone wield it in battle?! Oh, right, Sue Powers.**

"Stabest him in thou heart" Said Artmeis cause her hate for Kronos was strong and like burning fires. "then we will be revenged **okay, I have to know: what did Kornos do to _you personally_ that gave you this massive hate boner for him? If you were one of the elder gods who fought him I might understand, but you're not, so what's your deal lady?! **an thou will be a goddess!"

"Yes he will die," I agreed with her. "But…there is a problem! I dont know where he is now."

"He is marching North" Artmeis explaned. **From where? North from Camp Jupiter? North from Camp Halfblood? North from El Paso?**

"I will quest for to kill him!" I said "But Percy has to come with me!"

Artemis eyes glowed from opressed rage "Thou love him?!" **Dude, they made out a couple chapters ago. This isn't exactly a brand new revelation.**

In that minute wise words from Hazel swum into my mind like a electrical revulution ***falsetto* "Omg you need to try on this one!" _Truly, wiser words have never been spoken._** , "But I must follow my heart and my heart says yes I love him!" when I spoke this I knew it was true!

"But thou can not be a goddess if your not a virgen, only virgens can be goddess" She yelled. **Since when?! Also: you can date someone and still be a virgin!**

"But Hera is not a virgen" I explaned. **None of the goddesses are, except for Athena, Artemis and Hestia. And the jury's out on Athena...**

"Thats cause all the other goddesses are fucking sluts, thats why Apherdite has like 666666 kids." Said Artmeis. **xxMoonlitexx: "Ef i use 6 in al ma numbrz itll b like, supr egdy and derk!"**

"But I love Percy" Tears crawled in my eyes like small crystels of stone **you were crying rocks?**.

Artmeis heart stormed with pitty. "Fine thou maybe might keepest thou bf 'Percy' if thou does a great deed!"

"What is this deed" I asked. **Well, I mean, you could go out and _kill Kornos_ , maybe _stay on plot for one fecking chapter_. That'd be a great deed.**

"Thou must steal Cupids **Cupid is the Roman name. Artmeis is a Greek goddess. She should've used the name Eros.** bow an arrows of love an keep them for 1 whole day!" She said "This way there willest be more virgens an maybe less sexing!" **I'm willing to accept the logic of "take away his bows and arrows and no more lovey dovey because, well, Greek Mythology," but only taking them for a day doesn't seem like it'll do much. It'll only stop lovin' for like, one day.**

I knew to a acomplish this I musty go to Olympics! **Here's hoping you win nothing but bronze!**

* * *

 **So, as I write this, I am in significant pain. Why? Because I've just returned from a ski trip in Montreal, and my pasty skin, used to a life as a melanin challenged indoor nerd, could not handle the sun's burning rays. Thankfully, only the bottom half of my face was exposed, everything else was covered by my gear. Or maybe not, because now I have the most insane looking sunburn ever, with the bottom half of my face red as a tomato (and twice as itchy) and everything else vampiric as usual. Ow.**


	33. The Ruining of Love

**Thank you Knightwing20042 and ThankYouKanyeVeryCool for following, favoriting and reviewing!**

 **Also Guest reviews.**

 **Tidalmoon780: "Yes it is haliraias" Totally haliraias. And funy. And, a bit patekick.**

 **Guest: "All right can can I just say I nearly faint when I see my comments in your story because I'm using a ye olde generation 2 iPod and personally didn't even expect my comments to actually be seen.**

 **Anyway maybe Artemis gave Flavia a really weak sword that is essentially a glorified butter knife so that she would fail the quest, die and then balance to the universe could once again be restored?" Thanks, I'm happy to hear I cause unconsciousness! I hope your reviews keep showing up! Especially if they're always full of brilliant theories like this one!**

 **Ari: "1.)Why does she have to go to the Olympics? Is Cupid/Eros there or whatever she needs to kill her papa there.**  
 **2.) So Flavia was born out of hatred and spite no wonder she's been able to kill many without mercy.**  
 **3.) Why was Arte' crying last chapter if she(Flavia) was born out of hatred? Wouldn't she be happy, not sad?"**

 **1.) Because Cupid is there. I think. Although wouldn't those wings instant;y disqualify him from competition?...**

 **3.) Because, I hypothesize, Flavia _wasn't_ born out of hatred. The author really was going to have Artemis and Kronos be in love but she got _so_ much flak from the comments section that she retconned it. That or it was just a really shoddy misdirection. Either's possible.**

* * *

Im not raicest ok, Leo is 'pale' because he is wearing a lot of fondation not cause hes white, I did not say he was white. **Bullsh*t. She clearly meant he was white, and this is either A) because she's a racist f*** or B) she didn't realize Leo was Latino (her knowledge of the books and characters is pretty hit or miss). Either way, she's still retconning a mistake instead of just fessing up and apologizing. Way to stay classy.**

33…..The Runes of Love

I went to olympus flanked with Percy an Hazel, also Jason. **Where's Leo? Was xxMoonlitexx so freaked out by all the hate she got she retconned him out of existence like she did Nico?** I held my sword high, its blade glammered in the sun. Also I was wearing a outfit from hot topic, if you want to see what it looks like its on my profile **WHAAAAA?! She's _not describing her outfit in precise and tedious detail?! What is this madness?!..._** had his sword Riptide **Who had Riptide?! Your outfit? Your outfits a he?! What?! Yeah, I know she's referring to Percy but she forgot oh, you know, _the subject of the fricken sentence_. **that was acutely a pen exept it was really a sword made from celestel Bronze, it was strong and sharp like sharks from teh sees. Hazel had a lot of poisen rubes she put in her pockets. **That's... not how Hazels powers work... but at least they sound cool...** Lastly Jason was there and he had a emperical gold spear that was money when he threw it. **haha, what a hilariously accurate description of Jason's weapon!** He was wearing a purple shit that said Twilight sparkles **Ewwwww! Jason! Clean that shit off of yourself and put on a shirt! Also: Twilight Sparkles? Seriously? What was that you said earlier about keeping your Bronyism a secret?** an skinny jeans but not black skinny jeans cause he was not a Gothick membership. I knew he was hot but only in the way you think like ur brother is hot not like how you think your bf is hot. **I think my brother looks like a total dweeb, so I don't know what you're talking about.**

We went to quest to olympus, soon we were there soon. **I'd point out _yet again_ how quickly they made it cross country, but at this point I'm just kind of used to their space and time warping abilities.** We got on the dark elevaderan ***the imperial march*** evenesense tunes played mystrously. **Nope. It was definitely the Imperial March.**

"How we will steal this bow and arrows," Asked Jason **, at least, I think he asked, it was hard to tell without the _goddamn question mark_**.

"Cupid lives in the runes of Love," **Runes are the letters in ancient Germanic alphabets. How can Cupid live _in_ them? Do you summon him by drawing them? Wait, that actually sounds kind of cool... **I explaned with the wisdom of Artmeis that pored knowlege to my ears like molted silver pored into a mold for a mighty and keen weapen. **There you are Stupid Similes That Go On Far Too Long! We've missed you!** "We will go there an distract him so when he is distracted I will garb the bow and arrows from him, then we will go to teh Roman camp an hide them."

Percy nodded "This is a wise plan, truly you have a correct knowlege." **"Truly you have a correct knowledge"?! Did xxMoonlitexx run all her dialogue through Bablefish before posting it?**

"But how will we distract Cupid?!" Said Hazel all worried.

"We will distract him with the sexlyness," **_Of course._ Because there's only _one_ kind of trickery a woman can use, and that's _seduction._** I explaned my plan to them. "Hailey **Read: "Possesion Sue Hazel"** is sexly and hot, she will wear this lether corset mini dress with black lace all on the edges and sliver studs, Cupid will want to get her number an talk to her an make out _**Rightttt.**_ **He'll want to _talk._** , while he is distracted I will grab the bow an arrows from him. But in case Cupid swings the other side of teh street we will use Percy cause Percy is a very hottie an sexfully intractive." **I love how she doesn't ask either of these people if they're okay with being used as sex-bait. And one of them _is her boyfriend_.**

"But what if he is asexal" Said Jason. **Y'know, he's wrong _mytho_ logically speaking, but I mean like, if Cupid was capable of falling in love wouldn't he get distracted if his entire job is to make people do just that?**

"He is teh god of Love, he is not fuking asexal," I yelled patently. **Not sure if you can patent yelling but hey, in this world, anything's possible. What? It's supposed to say _patiently_?! Ah, that makes more sense. Not that you can apparently yell patiently, the fact that xxMoonlitexx is using a stupid oxymoron. **

Suddenly the elevader ***imperial march*** stopped going and the doors opened up until we could see in front of us the runes of love, it was a desperite waste land **, exactly what you'd expect the home of _the embodiment of romantic attachment_ to look like**. Fog misted on the ground and it was very dark so we could not see very much, it was a good thing my empusa eyes were sharp just like my fangs an I could see threw the fog. **Honey, night vision doesn't help with fog.** There was also lots of stones and rocks all around the place **how romantic** , also pillers and stuff.

"Keep your eye opened for Cupid" I forwarned Percy and Hazel and Jason.

We splitted up into teams so we could look better for Cupid, Hazel an Jason went on that way and me and Percy went on the other way. I took my sword and used it to make light cause of the dark fog that misted towards us.

Suddenly a finger came out from the mist, it was a hot guy maybe 17 years with long black hair that was straight and streemed in the air behind him like misted waves or teh mane of a wild black stallone. Also he had big wings that sweeped from his arms like wings of a raven of death, they were made from feathers and they were black, also his eyes were red like a breaken heart. He was wearing a lether toga cause he was greek **well, technically, Roman** , an his mussel chest was viable **Oh yeah. I bet it was viable *bow chicka wowow*** an pale like obsidan. **Y'know aside from the "pale" part, this descriptions sounds a lot like Uncle Rick's one of Thanatos... I sense plagiarism!** But then I saw he had a big bow and arrows made all from gold, and I knew that this was….Cupid!"Omg why are you trespessing you fucking trespessers?!" He yelled in a way that was angry and sexly. (He was the goddess of love **Goddess? Is Cupid Transgender or something?** so no matter what he was sexly **Oh reeaallllyy? Well, in that case he will now be voiced by Urkel.** )

I stealed my heart **I think _he_ was the one who stole your heart Flavia**, I knew I must think wisely an take the bow and arrows!

* * *

 **Show of hands, how many of you know who Urkel is? Anybody? Nope? Yeah, that's what I thought.**


	34. Flavia Fails Miserably (No, Really!)

**Thank you Kurt50Alien, DreamCatcher06, LadyFae123 and Rainbowphinx** **for reviewing and favoriting!**

 **We also got Special Guest Reviews!**

 **Didi: "I love how she says that she's not a slut and then immediately gets turned on by the slightest thing and tries heck. I just feel bad for poor Percy and Hazel.** **I don't want to know Flavia anymore. Does any one know how to slightly brainwash? I will pay with my life savings if it's done correctly! I specifically want to forget the Ruins of Love chap. And Flavia. And just Moondaughter in general. I miss the old Percy Jackson and Friends. Especially Leo Valdez and Hazel Levesque. I'm just so sad." I feel bad for them too. But I fear that those two are to far gone to ever come back. I'm so sorry Didi, it can be so draining to read Moondaughter, and you've reviewed at least once for every chapter. I just hope this one will restore**

 **Guest: "Sorry but if my sisters thought I was hot i would first be very worried and then likely try and get a restraining order on them. Also I'm beginning to regret searching up who Urkel is." I think what Flavia's trying to say, in her own stupid way, is that she realizes that Jason is attractive, but she her affection for him is purely platonic. Which, wow, now that I think about it, might the first time Flavia _has_ felt any affection for a guy that isn't directly related to lust.**

 **Junebug: "1) Does the original author know you're doing this?**  
 **2) To quote Leo Valdez, "FLAME ON!"**  
 **3) Flavia, you are a bitch. That is all I will say on the matter.**

 **YEEEEEEEE OCTAVIUS YOU MADE HER CRY ALSO WHY IS THIS STORY SO GODDAMN AWFUL (I read this just for you side notes)**

 **Reyna was totally awesome. Flavia is a total bitch. ARE WE SERIOUSLY SUPPOSED TO BE ROOTING FOR HER? WTF?!**

 **That's all I will say.**  
 **(Forgot to apologize for all my profanity. Whoops. Sorry. I use profanity when I'm pissed off at people *cough cough* FLAVIA I'M LOOKING AT YOU *cough cough*)" I have no idea if xxMoonlitexx knows about this. She hasn't said anything yet so... I dunno. And I'm pretty sure it was the Human Torch who first said "flame on", not. Also: first Didi, now you? Why do y'all always apologize for your minor acts of profanity when xxMoonlitexx and I both cuss like drunken sailors? Y'all have nothing to apologize for!**

* * *

I was all tired when I write this 1 so there might be some mistakes in there **_As opposed to your normal writing, which is 100% mistake free!_** ok, dont be a flamer! **Too late.**

34…..I Steal the Bow and Arrows from Cupid

I stealed my heart, I knew I must think wisely an take the bow and arrows! **There's nothing lazier than starting off a chapter with _literally the exact same sentence you ended the last one with._** To do this I must be clever and brillent **Well then, you're doomed to failure.** , but suddenly a genus plan struck to my mind….I must deduce Cupid into kissing me **The only person who can "deduce" someone into kissing them is Sherlock Holmes.** so he would give me teh bow an arrows, or else maybe I could grab them. **Wasn't this your exact plan last time? Except it involved Hazel and Percy?**

"Hey ur hawt" I explaned to him, this was acutely true cause he had abs carved from a sematary rock grave stone, but all white an cyrstal looking **I am literally just imagining that every damn guy in the Flavia Universe (F.U.) has chests made out of literal see-through crystal, so like, you can see all their bloody gutty parts underneath** , also his hair was black and silkly. **Not sure if this is so supposed to be silky or sickly. I'm going with sickly.** He got his bow all ready to kill us cause he still thought we were trespersers **because, well, we were,** but when his eyes flashed us **Oh, God! Don't flash us!** deathly I said nothing to him but instead I took his firmly chin in my hands an pulled his luxous lips to mine wit great force. **So, he's literally seconds away from shooting them, and how does Flavia try to relieve the tension? By _grabbing his face and sexually assualting him_. Yeah. That'll help.** Suddenly Hazel ran by all sexly, maybe if it was only one person Cupid would be able to resest teh charms of love but now there was two an I could see in his head he was panning a threesome already. **Just like I'm panning this fanfic.**

"What your name?" He asked us, I said "Flavia" and Hazel said "Hazel **What? Not Hailey?** " an then I said "Lets make out" an Cupid said "Ok". **Such witty foreplay! Truly Flavia, you are clever and brillent!** Firstly he put the bow an arrows down on a big rock that was there, quick as lighting I grabed tehm!

"Your a theif you fuking trader! **Trader? I don't ever recall Flavia buying and selling goods! Just stealing them...** " Said Cupid.

"Well ur a doosh" I yelled. "Anyways ur name rhymes with stupid. ** _Gosh, how creative!_ And your name means blonde. And sounds like "Flavor"."** I ran cashously, Jason and Percy and Hazel followed me. Suddently we were running an someone garbed us all **All at once? Seriously? You are four of the most powerful demigods in the world! Y'all are idiots!** , I looked an it was Octavius smiling in a mean way! ***glee* OCTAVIUS?! You're alive?!**

"But your dead I thought" I said. **THE SAVIOR HAS RETURNED! ON THE THIRD CHAPTER HE ROSE AGAIN! HALLELUJAH!**

"No you are dead" Octavius laughed evil, he tied up us with rope and like 56 chains. **Where did he get those? Oh, who cares, Octavius is back and he's gonna make Flavia cry again!**

"But I stabed you with a steak in your heart," I explaned. "Also I shot u in the legs"

Octavius sneered "I was pretending, anyways I went to a hopspital duh" **Octavius is so awesome he can survive _stabbings and bullet wounds_ with nothing more than a quick trip to the ER! He's so clever he can play dead while in mortal pain!**

"Omg your so mean, your like hitler!" **And, according to Godwin's law, you now lose the argument as well as any trace of self-respect you have left.** My eyes flashed at him like sliver stars wheeling in teh galaxy! "Let me go an I will kill you a hole!" **Hm. Tempting. But no.**

"Your one stupid bitch Flavia" Lied Octavius (but it was a lie) **Wait, is this redundancy or double negative? Like, it's a lie that he lied, and Flavia _is_ one stupid bitch? That's what I'm going with.** "An now Cupid will kill you cause I told him your here, I spied on you and I know all your dumb plans!"

"Shut up u liar" Yelled Jason "Flavia is smart an she will kill you!" **Your loyalty is commendable Jason, but so, _so_ misguided.**

"Wow Im so scared" Octavius said all sarcastic. **Hah! I love this man!** Tehn he put a gag in Jasons mouth so he could not say anything any more. **Ooh, ooh, do it to Flavia too!**

Suddenly Cupid came! "Where are my bow an arrows!" He yelled.

"These theifs stole them but they are here now" Said Octavius, I stealed my teeth and knew that I must kill him in a painful way when I escaped! **He'll just come back again in an equally insane and awesome way.** Also Cupid exept he was a god and I could not kill him but maybe I could make him feel white hot pain from teh bowls of the earth.

Cupid grabbed the bow and arrows and took them back, then he gleered at us, "Lets kill the theifs!" **Yes! Shoot her!**

* * *

 **This chapter is AMAZING! Octavius makes everything better!**


	35. Flavia Shoots Love in the Face

**Thank you DreamCatcher06, SilverZero1014 and Knightwing20042 for reviewing.**

 **We also got a guest review from Ari:**

 **"Awesome! The one guy that made Flavia cry is back! Kick Flavia's but for us!"**

 **We can only pray. Ari. Hope and pray.**

* * *

Lol u dont know what my words mean, its called a "vocabalary" **Yes it is. You don't have one.**

35…I Steal the Bow And Arrows Form Cupid an Octavius **Well spoilers much?!**

"We will kill u both in horiffical ways" Gleered Cupid, he was not very sexly anymore, he looked like that guy that thor plays, who is fucking ugly btw, loki ftw omg loki fuking marry me. **Okay, so first of all: That guy that _Thor_ plays?! Are you implying _Chris Hemsworth_ is the fictional one? Did Thor get bored and come to Earth under a false identity and decided it'd be funny to play himself in movies?! Because that would be awesome! Second: Chris Hemsworth as a Roman sex god? I'll buy it. Third: STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM LOKI YOU PSYCHO! Oh wait, too late, she's already made Evva: Agent of Shield...**

"I have a plan" Said Jason. "We will pretend like we want to join with them an them we stab them in teh bax! **This plan I'm announcing right in front of them will totally work! And how am I even speaking with a gag on?!** " I knew this means I must seduse Cupid AND Octavius bothly. ***facepalm* No! It means you have to pretend you want to join with them! There was nothing about seducing them anywhere in there!**

Even tho there was like 50 chains tied me up, I was very thin and slender so my hands slipped threw the ropes **I thought you said there were chains.** an I reached in my pocket, so I put on lipstick that was the color of red blood, speaking of blood I had to drink a little cause I was part empusa so Hazel letted me suck a little blood from her thum. **This thumb sucking intermission was totally pointless and served no purpose aside from squicking us out some (because we can't go two chapters without vomiting in our mouths a little).**

Teh blessing of Artmeis spilled all over me and I looked suddenly Hot. I looked down, I was wearing a new lether corset dress with a neck taht went all down to my waste **so you were topless?! Gross!** , it had sharp studdles on it make from shiny sliver and it had boots with sliver spikes that could drew actual blood. **Maybe she'll kick herself in the foot.**

Cupid blinked all stupid an I saw that he was blond **Thor's not blonde. Not anymore** , I didnt notise this before but now I knew this was cause his heart was shallow an breef. ***eye roll* God I'm so sick of your racist BS.** (flamers….Jason is blond and he is good so in ur face if u think I make all blonds evil an carp like that. **I think 'carp' like that because it's true. I honestly can't believe Jason isn't either A) evil or B) goth. I thought it was because you'd grown up, but s*** like this proves my misguided optimism wrong.** ) "Your hot" He said.

"Id be like 66 times hotter if you gave me the bow an arrows u have, theyre totally unworthful" I lied with a strate face **Lord knows how. I don't think I'd have been able to spout that BS without cracking a smile.** , I had some darkness in my sole. **Ya' got that right.** (Not enough so I was evil but enough so I was all mystrous.) **And ya' got _that_ wrong.**

oCupid said "No! That it a gift from Zeus an it contanes my powers!" ***whew* So Cupid isn't as gullible as I thought. Also: I thought the bow was from Aphrodite.**

My eye flashed hotly "Maybe can I shooted it once, I'll return it after?" I lied more.

Octavius snitted all crule "Shes a lying horse!" He lied to Cupid. **It was a lie. She's not a horse. She's a whore.**

Cupid looked all sorrowful, "How can something so evil be so beatiful like a flower sculptured on teh far moons of a summer Olympics night? ***hissing noise* Ow! That simile literally burns!** "

"Wow ur stupid" Said Octavius. "You should just kill her with a knife!" _**Thank you**_ **Octavius, sole voice of reason!**

Love glammered in Cupid's eyes an I knew he must chose swiftly. He took a big knife **what, no Mjolnir?** from his lion clothes and he wiped it at me, I knew he wanted me to blink before I died so I would look Week but I stared deathly into his eyes like cold ice. At the last minute he made the knife cut the chains instead, I was free! **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! _CUPID! YOU IDIOT!_**

"Lets run away to Olympus!" Explaned Cupid, he stretched his wings an they were black as night but also gold like teh first light in dawn (just like how there was dark in my sole like night but there was heros like the first light in dawn **the metaphor is even worse when you try to explain** ) I thought at first maybe I should go with him and he would carry me when he flew to Olympus to his throne **Well, it would be mean the story is over...** , but I thought no. This was betryal to Percy my one love, Id rather be a goddess with Percy tahn a goddess with Cupid **and I'd rather you not be a goddess at all.**

Now that my sacrafice was made I took the bow an shotted it, I amed right in Cupid's Heart an the gold arrow berried deep in his heart an golden blood splurted high. **There's a lot of blood in this chapter...** Tears slivered from my eyeballs in sorrow for I knew I could of loved him in a different place & a different time. **No. No you could not. This is almost as bad as your Alabaster abuse!**

Octavius caringed cowardly "Don't shoot me u crazy bitch!" **Come on, Oc. We all know you'll survive it.**

His tung dripped with insalts an lies, I amed a arrow at his four head, "Say ur sorry you flamer" I growled. **Flamer? Ohh, I get it. Octavius is supposed to represent us, the audience, and our hilarious mocking of this fic. We don't worry, Octavius will never surrender and betray u-**

"Im sorry, I just said taht cause I was jelous!" Octavius yelled. ***glare of disappointment* You p***y traitor. How could you. You were our last hope!**

I looked at him with skorn on my face, teh light & dark battled ferrisly in my sole, I wanted to kill him but I knew I was not evil, "U will be my slave from now on," I said to him. (see flamers, shes not evil an she doesnt kill **_Nope! She just forces her defeated enemies into physical labor! Slavery is much less evil than killing!_** ) I tied him with chains and Jason and Hazel made him march in front of me to the elevader ***sad Imperial March because Flavia won*** by sticking knifes in his back enough so it hurt.

I trumpantly took the bow and arrow and hold it high, I stepped on Cupids corpus on the way out ***sympathy wince* THAT BITCH.** , he was a gullable fool. But he was a god so he would wake up soon hopefully he would of lerned his lesson,the man hore. **EF YOU BITCH! CUPID IS JUST A NICE GUY DOING HIS JOB WHO YOU USED AND ABUSED HIM LIKE YOU DO EVERYONE ELSE! HE DESERVES JUSTICE, ALONE WITH OCTAVIUS!** I knew when my eyes flashed with victery, Artmeis was proud of me cause I was a ferris warrier! **I HOPE THAT WHILE YOU WERE DOING THIS STUPID EVIL SIDEQUEST KRONOS FOUND THE WORD OF DEATH OR WHATEVER AND KILLED ARTMEIS! I HOPE HE KILLS YOU TOO!**

* * *

 **This chapter was just depressing. Poor Octavius. Poor Cupid. Neither deserved their terrible fates! And now I have a dilemma, because a couple chapters ago I said Cupid would be played by Urkel, but now xxMoonlitexx is telling me he's Chris Hemsworth! Who do I choose?!**

 ***sigh* I need to cheer up. I think I'll watch Thor: Ragnarok for 18th millionth time and pretend Hela is Flavia.**


	36. An Entirely Pointless Slog of Exposition

**Thank you Kurt50Alien, johs2468, Knightwing20042, DreamCatcher06** **and ZebraGirl202 for reviewing!**

 **Also Guest reviews.**

 **Didi: "There is nothing more "sickly" than a daughter of the VIRGIN goddess sexually assaulting the god of LOVE. *shudders* sorry I didn't get to comment right away. Life's been hectic, ya know? Anyways, I am so heckling happy about Octavius being back. PRAISE. HADES. Also, don't make fun of us for not wanting to say (type) cuss words! We prefer to be as opposite to Flavia as possible! It's helps. Ummmmm... what happened to Psyche? Ya know, Eros's WIFE? I'm so done with Moon's bull. I just don't want the orginal characters to all die, be used, abused etc. that fact that there is an et cetera is scary. I will NEVER apologize to Flavia and I will NEVER say ir even THINK that I am jealous of her. Let's hope she's in an Insane Asylum. We can only pray..." First of all: I can totally understand the hecticity of life. It's why I posted a chapter a day last week instead of weekly like usual: school's been getting harder recently and I'm aware I might have to go on hiatus any second. Second of all: I am _so_ sorry if you thought I was making fun of you for your lack of potty mouth. I was actually making fun of me. And xxMoonlitexx. I think it's pretty damn impressive you refrain from swearing at this atrocity and you can keep doing it all you want. I have no idea what happened to Psyche and I'm not even sure xxMoonlitexx knows she exists. Here's hoping she's writing this from a cell in Arkham Asylum.**

 **Guest (on chapter 5): "Ok first off WHY THE HADES WOULD ANNABETH BELIEVE THIS (besides from being a Marry sue story and the author wants the first dimensional character have to be with the the protagonist of the source material) I MEAN PERCY's FATAL FLAW IS LOYALTY I DON'T THINK IN CHAOS HE WOULD CHEAT. Second off "I also cheated on Nico's mom said Hades" who are you Zeus" Annabeth believes this because she is an idiot. Just like everyone in this universe, where it is apparently a common parental technique to feed your children paint chips. And in this universe, Percy's fatal flaw isn't loyalty, it's potentially being evil (the jury's still out on that question).**

 **Guest: "Am I the only one that finds it funny how the blessing of Artemis doesn't help Flavia by freeing her from the chains it just changed her clothes? I'm still sticking to my guns about Artemis wanting Flavia dead. (Also I think you should stick with Urkel)." I'm beginning to believe in that theory too, considering how often she provides Flavia with yet another hoop to jump through before gaining immortality, many of which appear to be made up on the spot. And since I like Thor (and Chris Hemsworth) far too much to watch them suffer the way other actors and characters have, I think I'll just keep it as Urkel. Wearing a blonde wig.**

 **Ari: "Poor Cupid and Octavious... They had the closest shots at defeating Flavia..." That they did. They deserved to win. #JusticeForCupidandOctavius!**

* * *

I acutely do not read teh reviews **Blatant Lies.** cause theyre all haters infuled with hate an jelousy.  
Anyways Hailey had a dentist apointed, she said she will beta again when shes done. _**Right**_ **.** ** _A dentists appointment. She's definitely not getting sick of you or anything._**

36…..Artmeis Gets Teh Bow an Arrows **God, the chapter titles have been so boring lately. Even for xxMoonlitexx, this is a new level of lazy.**

We ran very quick back to the Roman camp. ***deadpan expression* *space is warped and time is bendable*** I told everybody to wait for me an then I went into teh temple of Artmeis. I put the bow an arrow from Cupid on top of the alter and I made another sacrafice, this time I sacraficed a poser from Demeter **AUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHH! IT'S BACK! THE** ** _HUMAN SACRIFICE_** **IS BACK! OH GODDDDDDDD WHYYYYYYYYYY!** but its ok cause he was ded already **THAT MAKES IT EVEN WORSE!** , I just found her there. **OH GOD, THAT POOR GIRL/BOY/HERMAPHRODITE, THEY DID NOT DESERVE THIS! THEY DESERVE A PROPER BURIAL!** (See Im not a Socapath.) **YOU MOST DEFINITELY ARE!**

Anyways the flames misted up toward the sky which was all orange red from teh sun which was setting preenly behind a bush. **Apparently in this universe the sun is so small it can be hidden by a single bush.** Artmeis suddenly appearated on the alter, "Flavia **why aren't you dead ye- I mean** it warms mine pale heart to see thou return safe"

I gave her the bow an arrows and I said "Yes, here are the bow an arrows from Cupid, now can I make out with Percy an still be a goddness in Olympus!" **First priority: making out with Percy. Second priority: immortality. *cough slut she's a slut cough***

Artmeis shook her head "I must disgust it with teh other goddesseses firstly"

"No but why" I said.

"Apherditi wont agree **um... didn't you just say you needed to 'disgust' it with them? How did Aphrodite already respond?** , she says thou cyber bulled Piper an Annabeth" Said Artmeis sadly.

This was **100% true** a fuking Lie! "Thats **100% true** a fucking lie!" I said to Artemis.

"Yes this is so but Apherditi is Zeus fav wife, he feeds on her lies" **Wife? Actually, Aphrodite is married to the god Hephaestus, and in some traditions is** ** _Zeus's daughter._** **In other ones, Zeus tried to seduce her, but she rejected him. He might be the only non-virgin god Aphrodite hasn't banged, and ditto for him.** Artmeis porclamed sorrowfly.

"Ok well Apheridit will pay" I said this darkly cause revengence would be mine some time maybe when I went to Olympus next if I saw Apherditi. **Ha. Good luck with that. You're not a goddess yet, Flavia.**

"Anyways Im glad thou took the bow an arrows, there was no sexing for many moons" **Moons? What are you, a Warrior Cat? Which reminds me: did xxMoonlitexx have a hand in writing Starkit's Prophecy? Must look into this...** Said Artmeis. "Instead hearts were wild & free from teh pervfulness."

"Will u return it, I hope you fuking don't cause Cupids a doosh bag" I yelled. **#JusticeForCupid**

"Wells its the Law but here thou can have this prefect replickation" Artmeis gave me a bow an arrow just like it "If you cut some one an the arrow gets in there blood they will fall in an 'instant love spell' **Doesn't she already have a love potion and a bow and arrow? Isn't this super redundant? Does anybody really care at this point?** that will stay until you want it to stop, this is a power wepon!"

Anyways now I had the word to destory teh word of death and also I had the sword from Artemis to stab Kornos with. I gave it a name tehn, I called it Assgard (geddit like Loki) **Since A) you've spelled it with two Ss and B) I can totally see you doing this, I redub thy weapon Ass Guard! "Whosoever holds this lame OP weapon, if ye be worthy, ye shall possess the power of Sue!"** Now I could go quest to kill Kronos but firstly I heard Hazel come running up to me so I said "Whats wrong Hazel" and Hailey said "Kornos is attacking teh Roman camp in 5 minutes!" **Only five goddamn minutes?! How have you not spotted him yet?!**

* * *

 **Wow, two milestones in one! Over 150 reviews _and_ we're now halfway through Moondaughter! I think this might be the farthest any fanfiction sporker has gotten...**


	37. The Longest Chapter Yet

**Thank you ThankYouKayneVeryCool, Knightwing20042, DreamCatcher06 and Mossflower1234 for reviewing!**

 **Guest Reviews:**

 **Junebug (on chapter 28 as well as 36):** **"Um... ship name for Piper and Annabeth is Pipabeth. Wait... not even halfway? How long is this story, Flavia? And WHY have you not DIED yet? (Ms. Blondie deserves it. *cough* HUMAN SACRIFICE *cough* Other stuff I can't think of just now *cough* help please *cough*)" Pipabeth? Hm... it's _almost_ as silly sounding as Pannabeth... And this story is _seventy two_ chapters long. Wish me luck.**

 **Didi: "Um..., Hi! Yes, excuse me, but it appears that I've lost all traces of main plot and I'm a little confused. Could you maybe guide me through this Sue mess? Without being stabbed by the all-powerful weapon that'll most likely take us to a crossover between MCGA and PJO, Ass Guard.P.S.**

 **1.) let's hope that Hanna's in Arkham**  
 **2.) *half way there by Big Time Rush starts playing*" Why, of course I can explain the plot to you! So, Flavia is told she's a daughter of Artmeis and then Grover dies and they blame her because of some prophecy that has never been mentioned before and she's exiled (or maybe sent on a quest, it's unclear) and meets Alabaster and Nivo and then they go to Hades and then Alabaster shits magic and then they walk to some desert in California (maybe Death Valley) in less then a day and they dick around there for a while taking off their shirts and riding hores (also Ivy is there) and then Kornos shows up and threatens them but doesn't actually do anything, and then they nuke a city and find the Huntresses and fight Kornos again (he just keeps showing up) oh, and Alabaster dies, but he gets better, but then he dies again and then they find the Seven and they go to Camp Roman and fight Octavius and then they're mean to Cupid and then this chapter happens, also Flavia found out Kornos was sort of her dad. I hope that caught you up to speed! And I've just listen to a bit of Big Time Rush. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.**

 **Guest: "Well, at least Flavia's cyber-bullying/love potion stunt came back to bite her in the ass, kinda. Good for 'Apherditi.'" I think Apherditi might be the second most effective antagonist in the entire story.**

 **Ari: "Flavia you tangina you say you aren't a slut but you are. Sidenote if you don't get what tangina in my last comment means it's short for putangina a tagalog cuss word" Thanks for clearing that up. When I saw your first review I thought tangina was a misspelling of tangerine. I don't know _why_ you would call someone a tangerine, but, I mean, hey, we all have our own little insults.**

 **Guest: "I love your commenting! Also nice with the Latin." _Thank you._ I'm glad _somebody_ noticed my Latin! I'm very proud of it, especially considering it was probably more grammatically accurate than I've ever been in class.**

 **Strap in, people. This is a long one.**

* * *

I asked Hailey to beta but she has a Flu so she texted me "no" but maybe sum other time **First a dentist appointment, now the flu? Two chapters in a row? If that's not suspicious, I don't know what is** so ignore teh mistakes **too late** , anyways I can make mistakes if I want CUZ U DONT OWN MY LIFES!1 **And "u" don't own a spellcheck.**  
(Also what is brapple an gumblick, or is that prepful talk?) **"Brapple an gumblick"? What the hell? What is that?! Is that even English?!**

37….Captered By Kornos

Kornos was attacking the Roman camp in like 5 minutes so I need to be perpared! So I took all my wepons, I had Agamemmon an Telelmechus an Achilles an Draceenas doom, also the sword from Artmeis that now I named **Ass Guard** Assgard the sliver platred hand gun with silver bullits, an the bolt of lighting from Zeus. **And she carries all these weapons how? She must have like, seven arms! Still makes more sense then Brapple and Gumblick.** Now I was perpared for to Kill. But not yet cause firstly I put on armer. It was all made from sliver an lether an obsiden **that'll shatter into a million sharp little pieces on impact** that glintered black like teh moon on midnight snows. **Does it only cover your mammaries like last time?** It had things like boots with spikes for crushing emeny a helmit wit wicked eye holes that slantered all evil looking **, a pity it was made of cardboard and tinfoil,** but I wasnt acutely evil it was to scare monsters and Kronos.

Now sense I was deathly an sexly from the blessing from Artmeis I went to go see Hazel, she also was wearing armer made with lether an gold, she had a poisen knifes made from poisen rubes & dimends. **Again, that'll shatter on impact. Diamonds are hard, yes, in terms of hard to scratch, but if you hit one really hard it'll smash into a million pieces, because it's so brittle. Same goes for rubies.** She also looked deathly an sexly. Jason also was there, his armer was vilet (thats like dark purple not teh girl kind) also he had a helmit with a unicron horn sticking out from the front ***snortles*** , also steel wings sticking out from his back cause he could fly. **Those wings'll just weigh him down and unbalance him.** He had a empirical gold speer an he said "Hi Flaiva" all bronyly **How do you say hello "bronyly"?!** an I said "Hi Jason & Hazel"

Percy came and my heart stopped beatin **You had a heart attack?! _Yessssssssssss!_** cause he was wearing armer that was so hot, it was all black with green wafes of Posiden **Percy! You're wearing waifs?! Thin small people?! And they belong to your dad?! Take those waifs off right now! God, you are so evil!** cherning on his mighty stern. **I was unaware that human anatomy included the backside of a boat. Or is Flavia just using nautical terms to describe _Percy's_ backside... look, I can only ponder one question of grammar insanity at once, and right now I'm pretty damn stuck on Brapple and Gumblick!** He had Riptide too an it was a sword not a pen, an it was made from empirical gold ***cough* celestial bronze *cough*** that glintered brightfully. He wasn't wearin a helmit so I could see his dark hair hanging over his sorrowful green eyes that were teh color of the storming sees. **So, he's going off into a melee with his hair falling in his eyes, obstructing his vision?! Man, between him, Flavia's obsidian armor, Hazel's gem sword and Jason's "wings", this is poorest prepared army ever! And how did they get all this heavy-ass, complex armor on in five minutes?!**

"Hey Artmeis said you can be my bf but firstly she must disgust it with the other goddeses," I explaned to him, I could see his heart melt sifly threw his dark eyes. **You know, the casual way she says this makes me realize just how spectacularly useless Percy really is in the plot. He's barely there and he does absolutely nothing! _Jason_ does more to advance the "story" than him!**

"Lets kiss," He said to celberate, but I said "Omg shut up here comes Kronos!" my eyes slittened for to kill, all I could see now was RED cause from blood lusting. **And this is different from normal how?**

Kornos was standin there all shining an goldened in his armer, **How'd you know what color it was if all you could see was red, huh?!** his eyes flashed me with wickedfulness. "You wont kill me cause I'm ur dad" He gleered meanly. **He, Kornos? How come you didn't tell her this before? Like, if he had just said this the first time they met, before Artemis could give her the whole truth, you could've manipulated her into joining you. God, this might be the dumbest, most poorly put together retcon ever. And I _read comic books._**

"What, Flavia is this true?!" Yelled Hazel.

I hanged my head "Yes but its acutely a lie **, at this point I feel like I should just have a counter for every bad oxymoron** , Artmeis is still a virgen but her hate was so strong it over flowed an I was born"

"But this means he is not acutely ur dad" Jason explaned wisely. **Thank you, Jason, voice of reason.**

The wisdom from this sunck into me **You are such an idiot to not have even _entertained_ this idea before. **an I drew my sword, "Perpare to die in hell, Kornos!" **That boast sucked. Might I suggest "Prepare to meet Kali, _in hell_!" instead? Or if you're not a fan of Hinduism, "prepare to meet Mother Teresa, _in hell!"_**

Kornos laughed even tho he was deep down scared off me, he said teh word of Death! A deimgod who was standin there garbed his throte & heart an crumbled on teh ground, he was…..dead! (cause the word of Death!) **Wait, so, what was that random demigod doing there, and why come the word of death only killed one person?! Isn't it supposed to kill everyone who hears it?! Or is it like "avada kedavra", where it's a spell and you have to aim it?! Well why didn't you aim it AT FLAVIA?! EXPLAIN, DAMMIT! EXPLAIN! AHHHHHHH! *inner brain explosion***

"Ha ha now hes effing dead" Flamed Kornos, he got ready to say the word again but this time I said teh word to dafeat the word of Death! ***broken sobbing*** Kornos screemed angrifully. "What did you say u pep?!"

"It means now ur word of death doesn't work anymore" I laughed, I drew my sword an swung it at his head so it would kill him, but he cheated cause he ran out from the way. **Dodging sharp objects in a fight to the death is not cheating.** Kornos pulled out his **lawnmower** sythe and said "Now I will cut off ur head, and Percy Jason & Hazels head also as well!"

"U wish bro" **"Bro"?! What are you, a frat boy?** I said, I threw my hand gun at him **That's not how you use it.** but he ducked an it hit a moniter **and bounced harmlessly off because _it's not the gun itself that hurts it's the bullets it shoots you idiot you just threw away a useful weapon_**.

I got all ready to stab him with **Ass Guard** Assgard but suddenly he grabed Percy an pointed his **lawnmower** sythe at his neck "If you try to stab me I will cut his neck and he will die, then you will have no bf an you will be a virgen forever like ur patetic mother"

My eyes blazed wrathly "Never" I said. **Never as in, "I'll never surrender" or never as in "I'll never be a virgin forever"?**

"Then throw all ur wepons away or he will die when I count to 3" **The second one. Of course. *cough slut she's a slut cough*** Said Kornos, he started to count "1, 2"

"Fine" I lied so I threw all my wepons at Kronos! **Weeeelll... he did only say to _throw your weapons_. He never said in what direction. But Percy is totally dead now from all the pointy things hitting him and Kornos.** But he ran all cowardfully, so they only hit him in teh legs. **And this is why you don't go to the Prometheus School of Running Away From Things. If he'd just moved to the side he wouldn't have gotten it all all.** He fell down on the ground as garvity clamed him Percy kicked him an Kornos let go of Percy an Percy was free! **Why did Percy have to kick Kornos to free himself? Wouldn't Kornos have let go and started, I don't know, clutching his knee and screaming "Oh God, the agony!" when the weapons hit him?** But suddenly Kornos said "Monsters help me" And like 50 monsters jumped out of the bushes an grabed us! **So. When Flavia, Alabaster and Nico (I'm not counting Ivy because she never was that useful) are attacked by an endless barrage of monsters they kill the crap out of all of them, but when about 50 pull a sneak attack on Flavia, Hazel, Percy and Jason, it's game over?! The Gen 2 Flavanauts suck.**

He took us to his evil hide out that was teh temple of Kornos outside the Roman camp, in the forest so deep no one ever saw it. Then he chaned me, Percy, Hazel, an Jason to teh wall an he took a very big club all covered with sharp spikes "Now u will suffer" He yelled.

"Why" Said Jason. **Not very bright, are ya Jason?**

"Cause I will torture you" Laughed Kornos.

"Too bad Leo an Frank will still save us" I explaned. **Oh yeah. Those two. I thought they'd been Chuck Cunninghamed out along with Nico because FxxMoonlitexx got too much backlash for her (potentially accidental) racism.**

"No cause they will be dead soon" He said all mystrously.

"Why! what do you mean?" I dimanded.

 **And like an idiot, he spills his entire plan.** "I told 6000 monsters **That seems like overkill. 50 took out the four most powerful demigods in the world. I think like, two can completely obliterate a camp made up entirely of unnamed characters.** to dig a tunnel under teh gates to the Roman camp, in 1 day they will bust out from under ground an slay all the deimgods an I will rule the Roman camp, this is my secret plans" Said Kronos. **Well it's not a secret anymore dumbass!**

I knew I needed to warn the Roman camp before this happened, I had to escape but how, Kornos took all our wepons an locked them up in a box!

I had no chose, I must repeel to Luke if he was still alive inside Kornos, "Luke dont kill us, remember u were my bf!" tears withered down my cheeks as I remembered teh memorys. **Tears that whither. Such an apt description for obvious crocodile tears. Bitch, you've barely mentioned Luke in all 37 chapters, you cared about him about as much as you care about everyone else. And you care about no one.**

"Luke is dead" Said Kornos "Now Im just usin him for his body" **Um, Korny boy? I don't think that came out like you meant it. Or maybe it did... this is Moondaughter after all...**

"It makes no diffrence" I said all sexly, I was trying to deduce him in case you cant tell by now. ***cough slut she's a slut cough*** "Untie me an we can make out, u can kill my friends & everything" (But it was a lie, I was going to kill him firstly) **No sh*t Sherlock.**

Kornos shook his head "There is no love in my heart,just evil! So I cant make out anyways **Plus, I mean, I consider myself your dad. I may eat my children, but I'd never sink so low as to %*# one of them.** "

He took something from Jason's pocket, it was a futtershy plushy! **How did that fit in Jason's pocket?!** "Octavius will sacrafice this an then he will sacrafice you an read teh message of the gods in your liver an stuff" **Sooooo... when Kornos and Octavius- Who is here somehow despite being a slave in the last chapter, I guess that surrender was just a ruse and he really didn't join the Dork Side! Hooray!- kill people, it's pure evil. When you do it, it's okay? Somehow? Anyway, double standard much?!**

Octavius came an he was holding a knife, my teeth gritted cause he was my second worse enemy not counting Kornos. **Bitch please. He's the personification of your "fanbase" come to exact our vengence for us. He is most definitely your worst enemy.** Octavius gleered an cut the fulttershy plushys throte, stuffing dripped out like blood! **_Again?!_ This is the second time Octavius has cut up a stuffed animal and you act like he strangled a fricken puppy! _It's just fabric and fluff. Get over it._** Tehn he went to Jason, I knew I must act! But I was chaned to the wall, how could I do this? I had a wise idea all suddenly. I tripped Octavius with my feet, with all my strangth I broke one of my hands out from the chanes an I garbbed his knife an pointed it at him "Let us go Kornos or I kill ur minyon" I yelled. **Well why didn't you do that before?!**

Kornos had no chose, he untied me an Percy an Jason an Hazel. **Wow. Kronos really is a better person than Flavia. When one of his mortal minions is threatened, he complies with the ransomers orders and tries to save him. When Flavia _own boyfriend_ is being threatened, she attacks anyway despite the fact he'll must probably die! He would've, if Kronos hadn;t moved out of the way! Kornos really is the good guy! **Tehn I laughed, I plunged the knife in Octavius's guts, he desreved it! (its not a socapath cause it was 4 the great good, anyways he didnt die all the way) **Yup, nothing says "I'm not a sociopath and I'm only seriously injuring him for the greater good" like _laughing like a maniac_ while you perform said injury. ** Then I pointed the knife at Kornos all bad ass, "If you chase us you will suffer the wrath of the goddesess!" **Pfft. You think that dinky little knife is gonna do anything? Ya know, maybe the Waterbender or the Mist Master or the _goddamned demigod of thunder_ should actually _do something that isn't stand around looking pretty for once._ Just a thought.**

"Never" Said Kornos.

I swunged my sword at him, I knew now this was a dule!

* * *

 **Good God this chapter was boring and long and I'm really surprised she didn't split it into two (although I'm glad because that's one less chapter to review). I need a goddamn break! And will someone please tell me what Brapple and Gumblick is?!**


	38. Artmeis's Speshul Ice Cream Koans

**Thank you Kurt50Alien, ThankYouKanyeVeryCool, Willow Lark, Knightwing20042, DreamCatcher06 and BornOfTheGods** **for reviewing and favoriting!**

 **We also got a Special Guest Review!**

 **Guest: "omg u poser prep stap flaeming this beuatiful story i red tej original and it is very good so stop flaming u poser becase u r probly jelous u prep" Wow, my first anonymous negative review! I was expecting to start getting these a lot sooner... anyway, thanks for commenting this story, thus giving me another review thus boosting this story up the review sorted chart thus ensuring more people will read this. Also, good guess, but I'm not a prep. I'm an alie- a geek. Not an alien. Just a geek.**

* * *

Hailey loves this story ok, shes not lying! **Pshhh. Yeah right.** I text her an she said she was telling teh truth. _**And no one can lie through texts!**_ Anyways flamers keep flamin, I ignoer you all. I have many fans, they dont comment yet bc the flamers cowerd them but they will rise soon an you will be prooved lol. **The only positive comments you get are from flamers who are afraid if all your feedback is negative you'll give up and we won't have our wonderful, terrible troll fic.**

38….Artmeis Wise Advise **That might be the greatest oxymoron yet.**

I was having a dule with Kornos! **Yeah. We know. You told us last chapter.** He laughed in a mean way an edvansed on me with weponry but I had more weponry, also powers. **Nothing increases tension like an over powered hero fighting a one-sided fight against the main antagonist!**

"Deathhhhhhhhhh" He yelled angry like a great turtle in Pain. **A _turtle_?! What?! Can turtles even make noise?! Why would one cry "Deathhhhhhhh"?! This makes less sense than Brapple and Gumblick! **

"Stuck it" I laughed sarcasticly (exept Im a girl so he couldnt really) **Oh, I'm sure the internet has found a way.**

"You will suffer nightily" Kornos yelled. **No, don't torture her nightly, kill her _now_ and get it over with!**

I flipped him off trumpantly "Looser" I said this to make him mad.

Firstly I stabbed him in the left knee an he grabed his **lawnmower** sythe an swung it fast at my head but I got out of the way with swiftness like a silver deer bonding gracefully (exept more like a wolf cause there hunters **you certainly are a female canine** ) an all quickly I loaded my bow with 6 arrows an I fired it at Kronos, they spedded at his heart to spew blood flow but suddenly he misted away! All the arrows killed the rest of the monsters that were there **how goddamn convenient. Again, are these arrows or tiny heat-seeking missles?!** , but…..Kornos was gone! (cause he misted away.)

"Come back an fight you cowerd!" I yelled but he did not, his heart was mettled with fear….fear from me, cause now I was a powerful demigods, the prophacy was true when the orcle said "Of demigods the ones on the quest will be teh best" I knew she spoke of me. **_No shit jackass._ Now quit bragging about how you're 'teh best' and start _advancing the goddamn plot!_**

"Too bad Kronos misted away," Said Percy all sensative, "He should be dead now!" **You're damn right he should! How long has this poorly choreographed been going on?!**

"I will kill him later an there will be no mercy this next time" **"Next time"?! When have you ever shown mercy before?!** I said all warrier looking.

Suddenly Artmeis shimbered in a sliver lighting ray! "Flavia, I have news for thou" She said. **Oh, hey, Artmeis, how you doing? Ya know, there was just a _bigass f***ing battle here, WOULD'VE GONE A LOT FASTER IF A GODDAMN GODDESS WAS THERE! INSTEAD I HAD TO SLOG THROUGH A DOUBLE SIZED CHAPTER FOR A BIGASS ANTICLIMAX FIGHT THAT RESOLVED NOTHING!_**

"Omg, are you done disgusting **She'll always be disgusting.** it with the other goddesseses to see if Percy can be my bf?" I yelled.

"Yes, we conselled longly. Hera said its not Legal, but Zeus said thou art hot an hot ppl should have the rite to make out with other hot ppl **. Screw ugly people though.** " Artmeis explaned.

I was so happy, for only once in my lifes now I was following the sliver path of happyness an fullfilment. ***falsetto* Happiness and fulfillment can only come a _man_! No woman can be truly happy without a guy in her life! **It was like when theres a dark star at the end of the misting fogs of troubles, but this was not to be!

Artmeis hanged her head sadly "Allass, Apherditi got thou final vote sense she art the godess of Love an bfs an stuff, anyway she says thou fightested with her daughters Annabeth an Piper" **Go Apherditi! Slap that bitch down!**

My heart swulled at this lie, gossup was truely evil an like a many branched root. "Thats another fuking lie" I yelled. Annabeht was bulling me **By merely existing?!** , I had no chose to fight an it was Self Dafence. **I totally drugged her and made her engage in sexual acts, than slandered someone who was, essentially, _a rape victim_ by _taking a video of said rape and posting it on YouTube, then BLACKMAILED HER OUT OF HER PRIZED POSSESSION TO STOP SAID SLANDER OUT OF SELF DEFENSE._**

 ** _FUCK._**

 ** _YOU._**

 ** _UNCENSORED!_**

"I know right, there stupid preppy blonds, there thoughts are like rabbits fleeting from a wolf, thou are the wolf" Artmeis said wisely.

Suddenly the wisdom of Artemis wispered into my ears an I knew she was right, I was teh wolf.

* * *

 **What was that quote from American Sniper? Oh, yeah.  
** **"Most citizen are kind, decent people who are not capable of hurting each other. These are the sheep.**

 **Then there are the wolves, and the wolves feed on the sheep without mercy.**

 **Then there are sheepdogs, and I'm a sheepdog. I live to protect the flock and confront the wolf."**

 **If these innocent canon characters are the sheep (well, rabbit), and Flavia's the wolf, what does that make me? The goddamn sheepdog. Or, maybe I'm the killer rabbit. Either way, I'm _taking you down._ Come at me, bitch!**


	39. Flavia Misuses Her Power to Rape People

**Thank you Kurt50Alien and ZebraGirl202** **for reviewing!**

 **Holy moly we got a lot of Guest Reviews:**

 **Guest: "YAS KILLER RABBIT VS WOLF I WANNA SEE IT! Oh god Flavia is messed up. And wtf does she have against our resident badass Annabeth Chase besides the blonde hair thing? With Piper she's just hating on Apherditi but Annabeth's chill, right? Oh wait she was dating Percy and Flavia's a bitch. Okay nevermind I got it. And I'm pretty sure that Guest comment was either a troll or the queen of the Trolluminati herself, XxMoonlitexx! This story is the best! Flames can't hurt us because we ARE the flames MUAHAHAHA! Okay, yeah. Great job." The killer rabbit would win. Every time. That thing's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer! And I think xxMoonlitexx just hates Piper and Annabeth because she's crazy jealous of them. If that flame _was_ from xxMoonlitexx, I hope she shows her face next time instead of hiding like a chicken. *Room "Cheep cheep cheep" noises***

 **Guest (on chapter one): "First time reading the commentary and I'm just saying "I like it already " also 2 fun facts fun fact number 1: afti enai ena trantagma translated into English means this is a jolt so Annabeth just scream THIS IS A JOLT at the top of her lungs with no context.**  
 **Fun fact 2: their were actually 2 deities of the moon Artemis a goddess and Saline a titaness. And I read this fanfic before I found this commentary (sidenote it get more horrible with every chapter) and you don't know how much they call Artemis a virgin witch first off its stupid becuase virginity is lost after you get pregnant does moonlite know that and 2nd off we can have a compromised this in the myth Selene fell in love with a guy she can only see him at night so she asked Zeus to let her see him more so Zeus made the guys immortal with one catch he sleeps forever and Selene watches him forever... Then has 50 children with the sleeping body so are marry sue over here can be a demititan? Idk I was thinking of this Theory because it's more interesting than the story." I think that's going to be my catchphrase now. Like, I'll be in a random conversation, and just suddenly yell "THIS IS A JOLT!". Selene is a very interesting instance of a culture worshipping conflicting deities and of beliefs evolving over time... she's also a rapist. And the more I think about it, very similar to Flavia, who also sexually assaulted some poor guys while they were asleep. Maybe there's some truth to that theory...**

 **Didi: "Oh. My. gODS! HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS GIRL NEED TO GO THROUGH KINDERGARTEN MYTHOLOGY. ARTEMIS IS nOt ThE gOdDeSs Of WiSdOm! ATHENA IS. ATHENA IS ALSO AnNaBeTh'S mOm! ANNABETH ISN'T TYPE OF PERSON. SO SHUT THE HELL UP HANNA! NO ONE LIKES YOU. (Pardon the rant and language used.)" Frankly, I think xxMoonlitexx needs to go back to Kindergarten period. Maybe she can learn basic grammar and spelling...**

 **Junebug:"** **#wolfchilds.** **Sorry, couldn't resist. :)" I have no idea what #wolfchilds is. But thanks anyway!**

 **Guest: "And where the hell did ice cream cones come into this? Oh dear lord, couldn't there be at least some shred of logic in this story?" A quick explination: a "koan" is "a paradoxical anecdote or riddle, used in Zen Buddhism to demonstrate the inadequacy of logical reasoning and to provoke enlightenment". Ice Cream Koan is a term used on TVTropes to describe a piece of advise that sounds wise and deep at first glance, but if you take more than five seconds to think about it, immediately devolves int stupidity. Artmeis, I've noticed, if quite fond of them.**

 **Guest: "XD I forgot to post this on the newest chapter so i posted it here. you think that the guest that called you a poser prep was xxMoonlitexx disguised?" I don't know, Guest. I just don't know."**

 **Guest : "I thought Leo disappeared like Nico, but then I read ahead to the next chapter and wow...if only he had." I'm sorry you had to read that without (theoretically) funny commentary to dull the pain.**

 **Guest: "So I read ahead and the good news is, after the Kornos arc ends, the love triangle finally goes away and it gradually gets less mean-spirited and more nonsensical. The bad news is there are a couple of THOSE kind of f*cked up chapters ahead." Sigh. Of _course_ there are. I'll just have to whether through it to get to the good- better?- less terrible stuff.**

 **Ari: "Flavia I swear a lady can be happy without a man** **Also *takes out Miya's bow* please Flavia turn into a Mobile Legends Character so I can kill you and trap you in my turret or base.** **Note: Mobile Legends is a game popular in the PH and Miya is a character from there, her title is Moonlight Archer and she's better than Flavia" Moonlite Archer?! If xxMoonlitexx ever reveals herself to be from the Philippines we're going to have some blatant plagiarism on our hands!**

 **K (on Chapters 2, 3, 4 and 7): "Yes! A random shirtless guy just walks out of a forest, you take one look at him and knows he is in love you! That is perfectly normal and logical! A feared beast suddenly multiplies and you guys kill it along with other monsters in a paragraph as long as what I'm writing! BTW, what's glow in the dark fire?** **Oh yeah, you're about to kiss someone and mommy tries to stop you by screaming in your ear, and when you're dating the host of the guy who ate your grandparents, she's totally fine with it!** **Nico has "mussle abs"? Since when was he part shellfish? Also, how does one wearing a chunk of metal in their neck instantly make them hot? And dam, dancing to Chemical Romance or whatever on separate flying motorcycles? Skill. Flavia: *uses sword to cut innocent tree* I FIGHT** **Chiron: Show us your skills!** **Nico: *cuts table into pieces with sword*** **Chiron: Gasp! You have passed the test of strength!** **Alabaster: *farts magic rainbows*** **Ivy: I got dumped by someone already in a relationship! I hate guys! I will swear off men forever!** **Flavia: At least she won't flirt with Nico** **Ivy: *flirts with other guy*** **Flavia: HOW DARE YOU** **Alabaster: *rejects Ivy*** **Ivy: I don't care, guys suck" Perfectly logical. And, obviously, glow in the dark fire is...normal fire. Because fire glows. In the dark. God, Flavia's an idiot! I guess Artmeis just doesn't ship Nico and Flavia like she ships Luke and Flavia. I personally ship neither. I wonder if Nivo is secretly a merman and when he disappeared from the story he went back to the ocean... and that might be the most accurate description of Chapter 7 ever.** **  
**

 **Guest: "Everyone in this story keeps appearing from the bushes. What are all these people doing in the bushes? Or is that just where she stores the characters when they're not needed?" I guess instead of Hammerspace, Moondaughter World has Bushspace...**

* * *

39…The Cupid Bow an Arrows Replickation

Artmeis misted away from the temple so I expulsed quietly. **You hurled?! Fantastic!** Now when I was outside inner strenth swepped in my vanes like silver flewid. It was teh energy of the goddesseses. **I thought they didn't let you be immortal...**

Suddenly I heard a prepful voice speaking of hate. Piper was standin there an she was mocking Leo in her flame infuled jelousy "Lol ur a moran" She snitted corely. **Umm... not sure who I should be rooting for here. On the one hand, Piper is being mean seemingly for no reason, on the other hand, Leo is Flavia's friend...**

"Stop bulling him, you fuking bully!" I yelled athoritally so she had to obay. So Piper flippe me off with her middle finger but I flipped her off harder **How would hat even work?~** , she took out her little mirrer knife, but it was wimpy and preppy not big an stately like my sword which was like 6 times as long. **Bitch, please. Fighting with a dagger is ten times more courageous than fighting with your oversized stick. When you have a dagger you have to get close to your enemy instead of just poking at them from afar. You're the wimp here, bitch.**

"Is this a dule, cause if it is your going to get your ass wiped ***bow chicka wow wow?*** " I yelled.

But Piper was cowerdful, she yelled for help an Annabeth came out from some bushes **, what she was doing there only God knows** , she was dressed in a bright pink an purple 1D shirt that I would never wear. **Your denial is suspiciously detailed.** Also red nial pollish but not blood red, cherry red instead. **What's the difference?** Her hair was long an blond an slutty.

"Lol Flaiva, my mom Apherditi said you cant be a goddess anymore unless you stay an internal virgen" **So, she can be an _external_ slut?** She laughed preply.

I was so angry that everything looked black and red like teh night an death **_as opposed to usually, when it all looks like sunshine and puppies_** , I pointed my sword at her "You better run away before I change you to a dule cause you will lose greatly!"

Annabeht was scared of me so she said "Come on Piper lets look at some prep magazenes!" An she and Piper left until they were gone. **Is that what they were doing this whole time? Because they haven't shown up in like, bunches of chapters... and neither has Leo! Has he been reading prep magazines too?!**

"Why were they bulling you?" I asked Leo all sensative.

He was hot an he was not white, he was Mexacan **Latino. *in dumbass falsetto of sarcasm* But what's the difference?!** an he had a little fondation so he looked kind of pale. Also some black eye liner, I pondered if he was gothick but he had his own dark secrets. "Its cause I confested my love" He admitted. **NO! Leo don't tell her you even consider a "prep" to be mildly attractive! She'll skin you alive and paint you black and wear you!**

"Omg your in love with Piper an Annabeth?!" I yelled, I was ready to dule him an win! ***groan* It was nice knowing you, Leo. We'll play taps at your funeral.**

"No, there stupid hores. My loves a dark secret. I love the Agro 2 (or the Night death arrow sense you called it that). ***SPITTAKE* WHAAAAAAAT** **?!** But its just a ship, I wish it was a girl or even a boy, Im not picky **OH GOD, LEO, WHAT THE HELL?! GROSS GROSS GROSS!** " Said Leo with his eyes like dep pools of sorrow. I knew he was sad cause now he could never acutely make out or anything, cause it wasnt alive, he could just sit there an stare soleful at teh ship but it would never renturn his lovin. **I KNOW THIS STUFF HAS HAPPENED IN GREEK MYTHOLOGY BEFORE, BUT AT LEAST GALATEA _LOOKED LIKE_ A HUMAN FEMALE! EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW.**

"This sux for you" I said wisely. **Such sensitivity. Such tact.** Tehn I had a very smart idea…...Artmeis gave me the replickation of Cupids bow an arrows, if I cut Leo with it there would be a "instant love spell" that would make him fall in love, maybe if he fell in love with a person then he wouldnt have to love teh ship. **It'll also be morally wrong since you're essentially brainwashing someone into loving someone else, but since when have moral quandaries ever stopped you?!**

"How much is love worth to you," I asked him, he gave me 100 dollars but he payed me with paysos cause he was lateeno ***facepalm***.

I took a golden arrow of Cupid exept it was a replickation but it worked anyway, I made him hold out with his arm an I cut him an blood fountined out **"Fountained out"?! Jesus, Flavia, how deep did you cut him?! It is not healthy to loose this much blood!** , red on the green grass like pain in a feild of wind brown leafs. **Virginity is turquoise, wind is brown.**

"Wait who will I fall in love with," He said. **Wouldn't you have fallen in love with the first person you saw? I.E., Flavia? OH. GOD NO. DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH FLAVIA.**

"You will see" I explaned. **You're not even going to _tell him_ who you're forcing him to love?! **

"But what if its someone I dont like!" He said all worryed. **Why couldn't Flavia have just set Leo up on a date?! If he wants the ship to *hurlp* be a living being so he can be with it, than clearly he is attracted to humans, just find a human for him to be attracted to!**

"Thats ok cause the poshion makes you love tehm" I explaned. **A) "poshion" is just two letters away from "poison". Second: this is really, really wrong! You're basically _brainwashing_ a person into liking another! This can legally be considered _rape._ **

Then I grabbed Hazel an said "Let me cut your hand" an she said "Ok" ***facepalm* Hazel, WTF. If someone asks you if they can cut you, you don't let them! What if a said "Hey, Hazel, let me smack you in the face with a herring?" Hazel *idiot voice* "Ok! Durr"** so I cut her hand an her eyes looked at Leos eyes an suddenly there was love! They started makin out an I knew I had done a wise an good deed. **You gave two people libido drugs without even giving them the full details of your plan and effectively forced them to love each other. There was nothing wise _or_ good about this chapter!**

* * *

 **Y'know, this reminds of a comic book. In Avengers #200, it is revealed that Ms Marvel (Carol Danvers) was kidnapped by an interdimensional being who seduced her using subtly mental manipulation from his "machines". Despite this being** ** _quite clearly rape_ , not a single Avenger seems to understand this and they are _totally okay_ with him _kidnapping Ms Marvel back to his dimension despite the fact that she outright admits she only loves him because the mind control hasn't worn off._ It is one of the most hated comic books in history, and with good reason. This chapter is just plain ew!**


	40. Glorious Revolution!

**We've reached the 200 review mark people! Hooray! Thank you everyone who's reviewed, especially our most recent reviewers Jaybird9876, DreamCatcher06,** **SilverZero1014, ThankYouKanyeVeryCool and ZebraGirl202!**

 **And now for the Guest reviews! So. Many. Guest reviews! Seriously guys, I'm not sure at can keep up with all of these! At the very least it's annoying for anyone who's not looking for a response to their reviews to scroll through the massive wall of bolded text to get to the good stuff! What am I gonna do...?**

 **Guest: "This takes place at The Last Olympian right because if I'm right we would never meet Piper Jason and Leo I don't know if she's just using prior knowledge of the fan dumb or just throwing out that this take place after the Last Olympian also this takes place after the Last Olympian did I mention that so you know Percy gave up immortality for Annabeth cheat on her Kronos is alive though Hermes said he will most likely not be to regenerate a conscious anymore and also the two of the remaining three goddesses that are maidens have children ladies and gentlemen it's official you have a retelling of someone's mind during The Last Olympian I can't believe I'm saying this but this is more believable in The Hunger Games in Percy Jackson being in one universe but at least those crossovers have creativity" I don't think this story had any timeline or solid continuity. How else to explain the warping space and bendable time?!**

 **K (On chapters 13, 14, 19 and 22): "Wow, so Artemis is just going to be okay about her daughter killing her sister/friend/lieutenant and said sister is the daughter of the king of Olympus? Kornos? Just change k into a p and we have the Titan of porn! Flavia: I shall fight a super evil time lord to the death!** **Flavia: *puts on makeup (not too much eyeliner cuz she's not gay!), changes into new clothes pulled out of her ass*** **Flavia: I'm ready to fight a war!** I **shoot at random trees, my aim is deadly" Yup. Looks like it, because nobody ever mentions Thalia again.. Please, don't give xxMoonlitexx any ideas... nothing like a pre-combat _makeover_ *fake girly squee*... Be careful! With that kind of skill you might just win a junior archery contest! *oooh***

 **Ari: "Moonlite paysos are spelt as pesos and I'm pretty sure pesos are Filipino... Is no one going to question that Leo literally paid Flavia 100 dollars using pesos? How in the world did Leo get at least 5000 pesos? Note: The value of pesos to dollar rounded off to the nearest tens is equivalent to 50 pesos for 1 dollar, so 100 dollars x 50 pesos equals 5000" Flavia means the Mexican Peso, because Leo is Latino and all Latinos come from Mexico, right?! *derp face* The conversion rate for Mexican Pesos is one dollar for every 18 pesos, so Leo actually only gave her 1883.20p. Which is still a heck ton of money to be carrying around in cash! Maybe Leo's a drug lord?...**

 **Guest: "Good news! The author of this...wonderful story...just updated the sequel! She's back!" Yes, yes she has. God help us all.**

 **Guest: "the energy of the goddesseses.** **I think I change that to the energy of this fanfic wasting are time and goddesseses**  
 **Moonlite first off grammar (this is coming from a kid in school that struggles with english) second off spelling but I know how he feels I know how hard is it to spell the word third off go back to preschool" May the Godesseses bless you, random guest.**

 **Guest: "Flavia, when people talk about shipping, it's not supposed to be...like...a literal ship." She doesn't know what flaming is, it's feasible she also doesn't understand shipping.**

 **Guest: "I just checked the author's page and she's still updating the sequel. So let's say she was at least 12 when she wrote Moon Daughter six years ago, back in 2013, which puts her at roughly 18 now, assuming she's not a troll (or Rick Riordan or Tara Gilesbie or whoever.) Her current writing style is just as bad, and if anything, the story itself is worse. That's either suspicious or incredibly depressing. Of course, it's possible she could have been younger than 12 when she first posted Moon Daughter, but still.** **Also, wasn't Kornos about to attack the camp from a secret tunnel or something? Direct quote, "I told 6000 monsters to dig a tunnel under teh gates to the Roman camp, in 1 day they will bust out from under ground an slay all the deimgods" Nice. So instead of y'know, warning people, Flavia is wasting time with this love potion crap.** " **The incredible length of time she's been doing this, as well as the utter lack of improvement, just proves to me she's a troll. Maybe she started off kind of serious, took a break and forgot about this, then came back a year later and realized "Holy Carp, this is terrible! Yet hilarious!" and then started actually trolling. I think she just totally forgot about the tunneling thing and, honestly, I don't mind. I'd rather have a weird chapter than another Kornos fight, the weird ones are easier to spork. I'm lazy.**

 **HiMyNameIsHi: "Hi! You probably got my comment earlier from the Champion of Hope sporking, and I just want to say... STOP MAKING ME LAUGH BY THE TIME I FINISH I WOULD BE DEAD FROM SUFFOCATION! WHO THE HECK IS KORNOS? KRONOS" Thanks for reviewing the Champion of Hope Spork! And Kornos is the god of one dimensional villains, he had an evil Mary Sue child with Artmeis, goddess of Hypocrisy and BDSM.**

* * *

The spellin in this chapter is kind of fuked up cause Im tired cause of all teh consumersm is derpressing me, chrismas is the preppest holiday but holloween ftw! **Yeah! Christmas is so shitty and preppest and consumerm and definitely has no significant meaning about like, peace and love to all mankind and the birth of the Messiah or whatever! Halloween on the other hand is the best Halmark corruption of a pagan day of exorcising there is! Now let's all by cheap slutty costumes we'll never wear again and talk about how non-consumerist it is!**

40…..Teh Rebelions **YES! RISE MY OPPRESSED COMRADES! NPCS OF THE WORLD UNITE!**

Now there was nothing to do exept to wait for Kornos cause he might probably attack again some. **Might attack again some?! Isn't he tunneling into Camp Roman Peoples even as you whine about yourself?!** Then Hazel said "Tell me about your chiledhood," Hazel said to me cause sense she was my bff she wanted to know this. **Ya' know, with a line like, this you've got to wonder... is Hazel really Flavia's friend, or is she actually just a therapist trying to help a deluded mad girl who thinks she's a demigod, and in this mental patient's warped psyche this kindly doctor manifests as a kindred spirit and best friend?...**

"I was only a baby when I was borned _**No shit.**_ but I gotten older an also hotter. **That's debatable.** But evern as a baby I was slim an pale not looking like a fukin tumato like all teh other babys. **First of all, ew, sexualizing babies. Second of all it's perfectly natural for babies to be chubby and pinkish, in fact, it's preferred becuase it means the baby is healthier. You were one sickly little baby.** But Artmeis couldnt let teh other goddesseses know she had a baby cause then they would think she broke her Vow an call her a slut, _**And it's not like she could just explain to them that she created this child out of thin air, I mean, it's not like that happens EVERY OTHER DAY in the world of the gods!**_ so she let me live on the street, she had no chose. **Well, I mean, she did. She could have taken some goddamn responsibility for her actions ad raised you herself, she could have given you to some Dryads to be raised like Zeus was, she could have taken you straight to Camp HalfBlood. I think she was hoping you'd die.** Anyways this foster parents adapted me but they were borin mortals! Anyways they were crule and also neeo Nazis. ***spittake* WHAT?! Ok,** ** _first of all_** **, Neo Nazis in modern day rural New York?! What are the odds of that?! Pretty low, that's what they are. Second of all: these people are (supposedly)** ** _Neo Nazis_** **, and what did you start off with in your description of them? That they were boring. Why do I get the feeling that this isn't actually true, and Flavia just realized what an ungrateful bitch she sounded like so she made this up as an excuse.** They were raicest about me bc my hair was not a blond like their fuking preppy daughter, this was raicest and bad. **And you know it's bad because I had to spell it out for you. Plus: I'm pretty sure Neo-Nazis have no problem with darker hair if your skin is as pasty as Flavia's.** She bulled me so I burned all her prep magezenes with a big fire an I laughed in her blond face **and then I killed her, which is why she showed up in Hades in chapter 4!** " I explaned with wiseness an sorrow glowin soleful in the cores of my sliver sole."Also I cut her hair off with big an sharp scissers, an it growed back ugly an brown **WTF was she Rapunzel or something?! Or does that happen to all Apherditis? Which Britany apparently also is. and I'm pretty sure she's also a student at Hogwarts. This girl is everywhere! She's the most acomplished stereotyical blonde bully in the world!** "

"Ur life is indeed a dark an lonely path, my life is fairy tale compared to yours," Hazel said all sensative cause her life was not as deprived as mine was. **Pshh. Yeah. What would Hazel know about darkness and deprivity? She's just an African American girl from 1940s New Orleans whose mother made a deal with the Lord of the Underworld for riches in exchange for sex but ended up cursing her child so that she would summon precious gems and metals** ** _that literally killed anyone they touched, then was seduced by Gaea and the Dark Side and so hauled her child away from her only friend/ boy she ever loved to some lameass town in Alaska where she then proceeded to crazier and crazier, isolating her child in the wilderness and performing cult rituals as Gaea eroded her free will, until she BROUGHT HER OWN DAUGHTER TO BE MURDERED IN A WEIRD ASS UNDERGROUND ISLAND CAVE THING AND THEN SHE AND HAZEL BOTH DROWNED IN OIL AS A HEROIC SACRIFICE AND THEN HAZEL GAVE UP ELYSIUM TO BE WITH HER MOTHER BUT HER MOTHER WAS JUST A SHADE AND BASICALLY LITTLE MORE THAN A TRANSLUCENT IMAGE SO HAZEL SPENT OVER 50 YEARS WANDERING IN THE FIELDS OF ASPHODEL UNTIL NICO DIANGELO FOUND HER AND WAS LIKE "WELL, I WAS LOOKING FOR MY_** **REAL** ** _SISTER BUT YOU'LL BE A GOOD REPLACEMENT GOLDFISH" AND RESCUED HER._**

 _ **YEAH.**_

 ** _WHAT WOULD HAZEL KNOW ABOUT_** ** _DARKNESS AND DEPRIVITY! YOUR BACKSTORY IS_** **SO** _ **MUCH**_ **WORSE!**

 **God.**

"Wow well Im glad Im just a brony an ignorent of the darkness of lifes," Said Jason, he was a prep but he could feel teh dark inside. **You keep telling us that. I keep not believing you.** When Octabius sacraficed the futtershy plushy some of the darkness of life seeped into Jasons sole, an some of teh prepfulness leeked out an was disapatted by the winds of fate & destany. **Christ Jason, if you're so upset get another plushy!**

Suddenly we were bored so we went to the temple of Hot topic so we could ship for some clothes an stuff **, because Lord knows you need more of _that_.** I had a lot of golden money coins from the roman camp cause I was the leader cause I dafeated Reyna teh old leader in a Dule like in chapter I had lots of money so I could buy a lot. **It's like Imelda Marcos, but instead of shoes she's buying ugly outfits while her people starve...** So first I bot a hat that was black an vevlet (it made me feel uneke **you're not** cause I wasnt mindless coppying teh same style like all the other deimgods, there all borin and sameful like sheeps in there togas lol) Also some cole to make my eyes look big an dark an sliver.

Tehn I put on cresent moon earrings all silver, an one more earring that was shaped like a drop of human blood. I was feelin very empusaful taht day so I was super pale an my lips were like a rainbow of only red. **So... they were just red? Add that to the similes list.** I was so sexly that if I was a hot guy I would of make out with myself. **Yet another reminder of the narcissism of this girl.** I could feel all the eyes of all the deimgods lookin at me with jelousy and/or Lust. I flipped them all off an they could not be angry cause I was ruler of them all. "Kneel bafore me preps" I yelled just like Loki (oh my fukin Artmeis Loki hes awesome times combusted! **Please let Captain America and Iron Man show up right now and kick her ass.** ) an they did but I smelled conspiration in them, there was some 'plotting' to get me over throwed. **No shit they're 'plotting', you're the worst leader ever! I mean, Jesus, Lex Luthor was a better president than you are Praetor!**

But sense I was the ruler now I had also Hazel to be second in command, also there was a old guy who spoke of wisdom, his name was Socartes ***spittake* Socrates?! What the hell are _you_ doing here?!**, he was kind of like Doubledore but he was a oracle **I thought Socrates was a philospher, not an Oracle!** I consalted him about teh conspiration. **You have literally no proof of any conspiracy you crazy bint. You're just paranoid.**

"Thou mustard **(hehe)** go an find teh conspirationers an show them thou are in charge of this place"He oracled to me. **Yes! You should totally go on a witch hunt and terrorize your subjects! This is a great way to lead!**

"But how will I know who these demigods are" I asked darkly.

"Thou heart knows so you must follow it an it will tell thou what thou knows, cause hearts never lie" **Clearly when investigating a matter as serious as treason all logic should go out the window and be replaced with gut instinct.** Socartes adviced."And thou should bring thy wepons too"

Tehn I took **Ass Guard** Assgard in my hand an I hid all the other wepons in my bra. **Why hasn't Flavia like, accidentally stabbed herself in the boob yet, what with all the sharp weapons she constantly packs into Victoria's Secret Compartment?** I went quick to the Hot topic an got a black cape that swished around me when I walked an it made me look all badass. **Nothing says "Good Guy" like a swishy black cape! Unless you're Batman. Flavia is not Batman.** Also Socartes walked behind me with a big staff cause he was a witch docter too. I marched into the middle of the deimgods an damanded "Who wants to challange with me to be ruler of the camp?!"

These posers from Demetar snitted loserly,I overlooked them cause they were just cleerly sheep following teh orders of another, they were not the rulers of the conspiration. **Of course not. They're not even named characters. Also how come whenever she needs a "preppy loser sheep" rando to be mean to she chooses a child of Demeter? There are a bunch of other cabins ya maroon!** But how would I know for I garbbed a Apheridit guy with some silver plyers by his You Know what ***wince of sympathy pain*** an yelled in a mighty voice that was like teh mighty thundern of Zeus "Whos ruler of teh conspiration?!"

He was irradiated **Irradiated?! You'd think he'd be screaming in pain, not radioactive! Maybe he's really Captain Atom... maybe he'll unleash his powers on her...** , "Stop it" He yelled "I dont know anyways"

"Thou lyest, thou doosh" Yelled Socartes. **She keeps spelling Socrates' name wrong. I'd say maybe he's actually an amalgam of Socrates and Descartes, but Descartes was all about freedom of speech and expression. He'd never work with a facist evil like Flavia.**

"Ok Im lyin acutely I know, its…..Annabeht an Piper, there dating Octavius an there all plotting to assassanate you an take over teh camp!" so I letted go of him. **No shit it's Annabeth Piper and Octavius, it's _always_ Annabeth Piper and Octavius. **

"Omg Octavius is a fukin pygmiest!" I yelled (that means that he was datin two girls at the same time **And yet his polyamorous relationship sounds like by far the most stable, healthy and consensual out of the whole main cast. Speaking on unhealthy relationships, where has Percy been for these last few chapters?!** ) "Also I thought he was dead, I stabed him or something" **He's the symbol of Flamer Resistance. He can never truly die!**

Octavius **, who was suddenly there for some reason despite not being mentioned before,** snitted malely "I servived Piper fixed me."

I looked at Piper **who had also materialized out of nowhere** wrathly, I knew she would soon rune this act of treeson!Anyways it was punishble by teh death sentence. **I mean, it is New Rome. I don't think Flavia was the one who made up this rule.** So I took Draceenas Doom an very quick I shot a sliver arrow at Piper, it hit her in teh neck an she died but just in case to make sure I threw teh lighting of Zeus at her an she dispersed, an she was dead CAUSE ITS ABOUT FUKING TIME SOMEONE I KILLED STAYED FUKING DEAD. **The exact sentiment of every comic book superhero ever.**

"Omg ur a mudreder" Yelled Annabeth, she pulled out teh preppy little knifes. She had like 60 deimgod rebelions who followed her an all pulled out there swords. **Only 60?! Well, actually, I'm pretty sure she only said about a hundred people lived at camp, so that's like, over half of the population. Makes sense.** Octavius pulled out a big gold gun an aimed it for me!

"Thats cheatin" **All's fair in love and Glorious Revolution!** I it didnt matter cause anyways I kicked it like a ninja out from his hands, it fell on teh ground an went off, it shotted like 2 of his followers. **The laws of physics say: no.** lol. **Bitch.** Now I knew teh final confirmation with teh traders was began!

* * *

 **Eulogies for Piper are to be shared in the comments. In less depressing info, I have recently witnessed the glory that is My Immortal: The Comic, and if anyone wants to draw Moondaughter: the Comic that would be awesome. Well, it would be awesome for everyone else. I imagine that poor artist would enter a world of all consuming nightmare as they delve deeper and deeper into the Lovecraftian insanity this story causes. Any volunteers?**

 **Also BTW xxMoonlitexx has _finally_ updated Moondaughter2. It is... exactly what you'd expect. **


	41. Though We Die, La Resistance Lives On

**Thank you Knightwing20042, ThankYouKanyeVeryCool, Mossflower1234, EpicFangirl46 and AvidPJOfan** **for reviewing, following and favoriting!**

 **We also had guest reviews:**

 **Guest: "** **MY GOD FLAVIA!** **Here is a list of everything wrong with you/your story/xxMoonlitexx.** **1) Your backstory.** **2) You BROKE PERCABETH APART! WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU?** **3) Everything." And 4) I have to spork it.**

 **Guest : "-"It growed back ugly and brown" More proof that Flavia secretly wishes to be blonde? I wonder if being raised by neo-Nazis was supposed to be her Freudian Excuse for blonde hatred.**  
 **-Why is she spending the camp's gold at Hot Topic when she has those 1,883 pesos from last chapter?**  
 **-Everything Flavia has done so far reads like a villain origin story.**  
 **-It does not surprise me that Flavia carries special silver pliers for d*ck-grabbing purposes.**  
 **-A Moon Daughter comic would be hilarious. Especially if the illustrator took all those weird similes literally..." Flavia can whine about her past all she wants, but there is no excuse for bigotry. And 1,883 pesos are only a hundred bucks, which is probably more than Flavia spends a day. And also apparently how much love costs according to Leo. Maybe she keeps the pliers in her bra along with everything else. And I'd really love someone to illustrate the crappy similes. I'd love to see what "the torquoise glow of internal virginity" looks like.**

 **Guest: ""ftw" did she just say f*** the what" I think it means "for the win". But nothing would surprise me at this point.**

 **Guest:** **"** **I like reading the text before the commentary, but if you feel it's getting too long with the rising number of reviews, maybe you can have special updates serving as a break between chapters where you just address the reviews, or something like that?** " **I think for now I'm going to keep doing the guest reviews in the Author's Note before the commentary, but thanks for the suggestion!**

 **Marty D (On chapters 40 and 23): "Moonlite (to The 7): so how do you guys like the story?** **The 7: We have some notes about everything you got wrong about us #1 EVERYTHING #2 EVEN MORE SOMEHOW!** **Moonlite: shut it Piper, Annabeth, and Hazle your all sluts.** **That our logic folks if they hate your work called him a hater and a troll and also called the girls sluts. Reading back these chapters it's very disturbing how Flavia is one-sided for the characters that Rick has made you know the reason why were reading this fanfic in the first place I don't give a crap about Flavia change my mind." The complete and utter inability to handle criticism is one of the hallmarks of bad fanfiction, along with a plot that treats the Sue like a black hole, sucking in everything around her. You know a story is bad when it could've just as easily been written as a Harry Potter fanfic, or a Avatar the Last Airbender fanfic, or a Twilight Fanfic, and the only changes to the storyline would have been the names of people and places and minor cosmetic details.**

 **Guest: "I love that Flavia's reaction to "hey, Octavius and his girlfriends Annabeth and Piper are plotting to assassinate you and take over New Rome!" is "OMG, you can't date two girls at once!" Because we all know THAT was the important part of that information." Flavia is by far the world's worst prioritzer.**

 **Guest: "That's two uses of the lightning of Zeus so far, one to defeat Reyna in the arena and now one to destroy Piper's corpse (way to waste your most powerful weapon, Flavia.) So she should only be able to use it one more time. Though I'm 99 percent sure she'll continue to use it with no limits." If Flavia somehow manages to keep continuity on this thing, I swear on Styx I will literally post a review on all her fanfics stating how sorry I am that I'm doing this spork and describe what an amazing writer she is.**

 **Junebug: "Euology for Piper McLean:** **Piper, you were a beloved member of the Seven. Even though Flavia hated you and you had no real purpose in this story except to be discriminated against by Flavia, you were amazing.** **To the author: xxMoonlitexx updated Sabrina-Mae Luna whats-her-name. I read it (hey, I was bored). It was Moon Daughter plus My Immortal (which I read the first chapter of. NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN) plus a bunch of cheap trash. Please spork it for everyone's amusement, including my own." As much as I'd like to spork Sabrina-Luna-Incest-Whatever, I'd like to wait a while before I do to see just how the fanfic plays out.**

* * *

See I have like 66 fans cause they keep tellin me to update so lol haters, see I have fans. **Please lady, even I tell you to update sometimes. I know full well this train wreck is comic gold! Plus once you stop updating I won't have anything to spork... I might actually have to make original content again...**

Chapter 41…..I Dafeat the Rebelions **Aww. That sucks.**

In a minute the rebelions ordered lines lining in numrous great yellow orbs upwerds. **What just happened?!** This was not a good stragedy **What strategy?! Is that random bunch of words supposed to actually describe something?!** cause mine was better, it was like this. I went to dule Octavius and I knew this time he would die an stay dead. **Brilliant strategy: ignore everyone else on the battlefield gunning specifically for you and try to attack the guy you know damn well is unkillable.**

"You think you can fight me you batch!" Yelled Octavius "u cant even spell write" **You tell her Octavius! Wait, is he talking about Flavia or xxMoonlitexx?**

"Thou will die for thou insalts, thou flamer" Said Socartes wisely. **Shut up Socartes.**

Octavius snitted but I knew that under teh shallow mockary he feared me greatly, his hate made him who cares if I could spell write, I had powers an they were all jelous of me so they disguysed this jelousy as flamin & hate. **Wow. Any subtlety or meaningful subtext you may have attempted to possess just got thrown out the window! Honestly, this is worse than M. Night. Shyamalan's** ** _Lady in the Water_** **! The Ego Stroking is over 9000!**

My distrage bursted over like a lava **lamp?** , I went in for to victorize. With teh strangth of Arres an the wisdom of Artmeis I reached into his heart an took off his sternum **I don't think that's how biology works...** an I hit him on teh head with the sternum an he was knocked out inconsious. **Usually, if someone's sternum is removed they die. But Octavius is so badass that he's only knocked unconscious!** Tehn I took **Ass Guard** Assgard the sword from Artmeis an empaled Octavius an his sole snitted all the way to Tarterus! **Don't worry. He'll rise again on the third day.**

When Annabeth saw this she started whinin like a prep cause **her boyfriend and girlfriend were both brutally murdered by a psychopath** thats what she was, what do I need to tell you she was blond so this was obviously true! ***groan*** I put **Ass Guard** Assgard pointed at her neck an said "Surrender to me loser" so she surrended an yelled to all the rebelions "Surrender cause we have no more leader any more" **Then elect another one!** (But this was only part true cause she really surrenderd cause she was cowerdfully afraid that I would kill her too teh cowerd **Death is better than life under Flavia.** )

I took a very big chane an tied up all teh rebelions, they would be exacuted for there crimes. **This is La Resistance's darkest hour. *looks down sadly*** I locked them all in a dark cave an told Socartes to gard tehm to make sure they did not escape. **Wait... a Greek philosopher.. guarding prisoners in a dark cave.. she can't seriously be referencing Plato's Allegory of the Cave! There's no way she's smart enough! Is there...?** Exept I did not exacute Annabeht, cause she would be my own slave was cause tretchery does not pay! **God, what is it with you and enslaving people you sick sick sociopath?!**

Acutely I told Hazel an Leo to hit her with some sticks firstly, an I stood on teh cliff an watched, I was all in my armer an teh sun set redly behind me an I knew I was a deathly site. **If this isn't a villain origin story I don't know what is.** I was a warrier now,stern & bad ass like a hunteress, I knew now….Artemis approve! **But everyone else doesn't!**

But all suddenly I reelized…KORNOS! **YES! ANYTHING BUT MORE ABUSE OF THE BEST CHARACTERS IN THE STORY!**

* * *

 **And once again we see that the shorter a chapter is, the more awful it is. Unfortunately, Octavius doesn't return for the rest of the first fanfic, so yeah, xxMoonlitexx has officially gotten rid of every single likable character. God, I dread the next chapter.**


	42. The Final Countdown (Power Chord)

**Thank you ivanna08mejia, ThankYouKanyeVeryCool, Mossflower1234** **and ZebraGirl202 for reviewing.**

 **Guest reviews Guest reviews Guest reviews:**

 **Guest: "Earth to xxMoonlitexx the Kronos story is over and and you being a fan of the source material should know that oh wait I'm sorry I'm getting ahead of myself because it's KORNOS not Kronos" I sincerely doubt xxMoonlitexx has the intelligence to make up another villain. I don't think she's even smart enough to comprehend Gaea.**

 **Didi: "I'm actually crying right now. I am legit holding back tears. WHY? ANNABETH WAS A BEAUTIFUL WARRIOR MUCH MORE WOTHRH OF ARTEMIS' APPROVAL. Why? *cries* Shoot, I meant "worthy". I'm tryin NOT to be like Hanna, I swear." Dry your tears, Didi. Annabeth is not dead, not so long as canon stands!**

 **Ari: "Okay... that was a ton of sadness and crap. Where did you find My Immortal the comic? I wanna read it" The only chapter sadder than this one was the one where Alabaster died. The link for the My Immortal comic can be found on my profile.**

 **Guest: "That first sentence is so bizarre, it must be either a stroke or some kind of secret code. Or maybe it has something to do with brapple and gumblick. (X-Files theme intensifies)" Perhaps it's a code the to Trolluminati, that shadowy cabal of fanfiction writers responsible for the Moondaughter's of this site... *x-Files theme intensifies again***

 **Guest: "On second thought, as much as I'd love to see the turquoise glow of internal virginity (and Percy sexily stabbing Kornos in the ankles and Flavia growing multiple arms to wield all her weapons and walking backwards so her tears can sensitively explode on her own footprints) a comic would mean we'd also have to see Percy's mom and "an he was still ded" Grover getting it on. (shudders)" I mean, yeah, true *shudder*, but you don't _have_ to show the Big Squick Alligator Moments (that's what I call random nonsequituors that are also really gross).**

 **BornOfTheGods: "So... the "ships" are:** **Nico x Flavia,** **Alabaster x Flavia,** **Percy x Flavia,** **Luke x Flavia,** **Kornos x Flavia,** **Zeus x Flavia,** **Hades x Flavia,** **Cupid/Eros x Flavia,** **Grape Annabeth x Piper x (hrulp) Buford,** **Grape Annabeth x Piper x Octavius,** **Leo x (hrulp again) Argo II,** **Leo x Hazel,** **Alabaster x Ivy,** **Percy x Ivy,** **Mr. D x children,** **Sally Jackson x (hrulp) dead Grover.** **Also, I think I may have solved our god dilemma:** **Kornos, titan of corn, lawnmowers, and misting away.** **Artmeis, goddess of sluts who proclaim they are virgins, OP weapons, and destroying cities.** **Aphredeti, goddess of evil blondes, seduction (Something Flavia is very well-versed in.), and unaccepted advice.** **One more thing: Annabeth was turned into a "grape with no soul" by Mr. D. How is she having sexual intercourse with Piper and a table? Actually, I don't want to think about that...** **Anyways, this is really funny! Keep writing!" I don't think there's a single ship in this entire story I can say the name of outloud without vomiting a little. Those new godly titles are absolutely perfect, although I believe Artmeis' title could be shortened to "Hypocrisy". Annabeth getting turned into a grape is yet another Big Squick Alligator Moment that is never mentioned again, so I'm assuming she got better. But it is funny to think she's been bouncing around as a grape this whole time...**

 **AGrapeWithNoSoul: "When Flavia becomes a goddess, she'll be the goddess of the 7 Deadly Sins. Observe:**  
 **1\. Greed/Avarice: All those thousands she spends at Hot Topic, even stealing the camp's gold to go shopping.**  
 **2\. Lust: ...Do I even need to explain this one?**  
 **3\. Wrath: Kills a ton of people in anger. (Just look what she did to Ivy at the beginning of the fic when she kissed Percy.) Also is extremely petty and her revenge is disproportionate (enslaving, drugging, and murdering people whose worst crimes are being "preps.")**  
 **4\. Envy: Flavia is extremely jealous of Apherditi and anyone who has any authority or respect from others, wanting to steal their positions (like with Thalia and the huntresses, or Reyna and the Roman camp.) Also, gets extremely jealous of people dating guys she's dumped (Ivy and Alabaster?) Plus her repeated whining of how unfair it is when anything good happens to anyone who isn't her.**  
 **5\. Sloth: She spends a lot of time strolling around shopping and whining about her love life instead of actively fighting Kronos, or even bothering to warn about his upcoming attacks.**  
 **6\. Gluttony: This one a little less, but she does drink a lot of "alkahal." Maybe metaphorical gluttony for Hot Topic merchandise.**  
 **7\. Pride: Again, do I even need to explain this one? She calls herself the most powerful demigod of the age, sneers at everyone else, and SPOILERS! in the sequel she tries to become the one true goddess and take over the world."**

 **Mind. Blown.**

* * *

42…Teh Finale **Countdown** Dule ***doo do-doo doo* *do-doo doo doo doo***

I rembembered now that Kornos had an evil plan an this evil plan was to dig a hole into teh Roman camp so he could masacker the deimgods an resend the throne of Olympics! But was I too late?!(I forgot about this before bc a evil monster spell misted away my memorys & stuff) **(read: I have the attention span of an ADHD four year old, but less work ethic, so I just totally forgot about the plot and only continued because I got too many complaints in the reviews!**

My heart bet turgidly when I ran to the Roman camp **weren't you already there?! *space is warped and time in bendable*** , I was ready for to fight Kornos an maybe kill him was a big hole exploted from under teh temple of Demeter, the temple broke a part an broke. **Pity it wasn't the temple of Artmeis...** There was a lot of dust an smoke an a finger razed from in teh hole, it was Kornos! **Y'know, this entire invasion can easily be thwarted with a Whack-a-Mole hammer...**

He looked evil but majestly, shimbering in deathly gold armer like a skulleton of great power & dignedy. "Lol fuk you" He said. **_Nothing is more dignified than four letter words and childish insults!_**

"No fuk you" I said wittedly. _**And nothing is wittier than replying to an insult with "Same to you, pal!"**_

His sardonick **Sardonic: grimly mocking or cynical.** ** _Maybe_** **this is what she intended, but I don't think xxMoonlitexx has that large a vocabulary.** orbs fixted on me with evil lighting ***flickering flashlights and thundersheet effecrs*** "Well now my monsters are going to kill all ur deimgod friends so you loose!" He yelled.

Suddenly Socartes came!He said "Teh prisoners escaped from the cave! **Perhaps it was a bad idea to have them guarded by a single octogenarian!** "

"No" I said. **I can just see the look of dull surprise on her face.**

"Then they joined Kornos army, they bertrayed thou" He said. **Can you blame them? She locked them in cave and was going to execute them!**

My heart clinched like a steel belt "They betrayed me twice now, there double traders the fuking hores I'll kill tehm all!" _**Behold the wisest, calmest, rationalist demigod in all the world!**_ I took the lighting of Zeus an turned it on, it shined fullsomely from my fist and it iradacated power & jugment! **Overreaction much?** I had a chose, should I throw it on Kronos or teh traders?! **Hmm... defeat the ultimate evil for once and for all, or petty revenge? The choice is obvious!** Finly, I flunged it towerd the bertrayers with great forces, they werent even hot the loosers **, and clearly that makes them wrong**. Anyways there was flashing of light like a vulcano, an soon they were ghosts in Tarterus filled with feudal rage! ***sad reprise of "La Resistance Lives On" from South Park: The Musical***

But I wanted for to kill Kornos too, but now I had no lighting of Zeus left. ***spew* Was that... continuity?! The same continuity I swore on Styx to compliment xxMoonlitexx for if it was upheld?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!** But instead I took Agamemmon my dagger for a knifes would compete this! **What, knives aren't "cowardful" weapons now? You're not going to use Ass Guard the big ass sword?**

"Hey Kornos Im going to kill youuuu **uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu deserve to win not me!"** I said all wittedly with steel & iron in my heart, now was the finale battle! Zeus flashed us from above with lighting, dark rain screamed towerds teh rocky terf! **Hey Zeus, can you just fry Flavia already so this stupid story can finally** ** _end_** **?!** The unaverse swivveled with dark energys an all the world felt my distrage! **That's not a word. But it should be.**

Suddenly Percy stooded by my sides "I will fight Kornos with you Flavia" He said all nobel an sexly. **Shut up Percy, you're wasting time?! And where the hell have you been?!**

"Taht it nobel an sexly of you Percy Jakcson" I said, suddenly I knew destany was sayin for me to kiss him **Destany? Is that what you named your uterus-hole?** , who cares if Artmeis said I was not a virgen anymore! **Didn't you loose your virginity like, 20 chapters ago with Nivo?** I grabed his lips an we statred to kissing, our lips sunck an melded. **Gross.** I knew now he was my true an destaned love **, which is why it'll be thrown out the window and ignored in a couple of chapters!**

"U need to get a room" Said Kornos sneerly, he did not understood the "power of love" an so he just mocked it.

"Love should not be confied in a dark room, it should be free like a wolf in teh wilds" **Your pseudo-deep similes cannot defend PDA. Nothing can.** I said wisely, I took Agamenmom an lungered at Kornos swiftly!(not like Tayler Swift the fuking prep ew) **First the direction she headed in was not "1 direction" now she's moving Swiftly, not Tailor Swiftly? If you think about these artists so often you make connections that tenuous, I think you like them more than you'll ever admit.**

He ducked away an took his **lawnmower** sythe an swung it an I jumped backwerds so it cut the air but not me cause I was too fast. I did a flip like Black Window in the Avengers **Never compare yourself to an Avenger again!** an crusted his arm!

He yelled in pain an my feet busted into his stomich, he broke like 16 ribs. **Humans only have 12 ribs, which means he broke all of them plus four more.** Tehn suddenly he cheated, he garbed my neck an wanted to strange me, suddenly Percy busted into teh fight! He took Riptide an stabbed Kornos in the leg **Percy what is with your leg obsession? It's not at all healthy.** so Kornos let go off me.

"It was "knife" knowing u Kornos" ***doubles over in pain*** I said and tehn…I stabbed him in the heart! **Ahhhhhhh! The pun! It burns!**

(geddit cause I killed him with a knife an that sounds like nice cause people say it was nice knowing u) **Oh the agony! Oh the pain!**

* * *

 **Oh God, I can't do this anymore! That last pun... *offscreen dry heaving* *heavy sobs***

 **And now... I have to get on Moondaughter... and tell xxMoonlitexx how great she is.**


	43. Mr D's Sick Bars

**Well. I did it. I wrote xxMoonlitexx a kindly review. I just hope it will fulfill my Styx vow... thank you Knightwing20042,** **Booklover21213, ChampionOfCreation and Hephaestus-fangirl13 for following, favoriting and reviewing!**

 **And now, *it's***

 **Guest Reviews *Monty Python's Flying Circus Theme Plays***

 **Junebug: "Me, the Seven, Will, Calypso, Octavian, Nico, Kelli, the Titans, the Olympians, the Greeks, the Romans, Rick Riordan: WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THIS CHILD?!**  
 **Me: As long as we're all here, let's go through the list and name all the stuff wrong with this fanfic.**  
 **Percy: She broke me and Annabeth apart. ANd apparently, I have a "leg obsession". Ew, no.**  
 **Annabeth: She - nope, can't say it.**  
 **Piper: Same. Also, she broke Percabeth apart.**  
 **Jason: She broke Jasper apart. I don't even appear that much.**  
 **Kelli: She misrepresented the empousa SO BADLY! I, like, wanna just EAT her.**  
 **Reyna: She killed me.**  
 **Me: To be fair, you got a lot of nice obituaries. But I see your point.**  
 **Kronus: She spelled my name wrong, for starters. Then - OH MY TITANS, I CAN'T EVEN SAY IT!**  
 **Artemis: I would never have a child with - OH MY GODS, I CAN'T EVEN SAY IT!**  
 **Zeus: I would never give that child any weapons, much less lightning.**  
 **Nico: I would never date this girl. I'm gay. Ever heard of Solangelo, Ms. xxMoonlitexx?**  
 **Frank: She made my Hazel date LEO. Not that I don't like Leo, but...**  
 **Leo: See Frank's comment. Also, she made me fall in love with the Argo II. Ew, ew, and more ew!**  
 **Calypso: I don't even exist!**  
 **Aphrodite: She hates me and my children. We are not posers or preps!**  
 **Athena: Her grammar and spelling! OH MY GODS, DO NOT MENTION HER SPELLING!**  
 **Buford: *clicks and whirrs***  
 **Leo: He says the he can't even say it, or he's going to spew nuts and bolts everywhere.**  
 **Uncle Rick: She doesn't have any plot or continuality. I'm normally okay with fanfiction, but this... *dry heaves***  
 **Me: Her story in general. Also, can I have your autograph, Mr. Riordan?"**

 **Wow. That's a lot of angry canon characters! Sorry you guys had to go through this! Oh BTW, I'll take an autograph too!**

 **Guest:**

 **-"A finger razed from the hole" So Kronos is flipping her the bird.**

 **-"Zeus flashed us from above" OH GOD, ZEUS, WHY**

 **-I'm guessing "distrage"distress plus rage?**

 **-It was nice of Kronos to stand there waiting while they were making out instead of, y'know, killing them. Between this and surrendering to save Octavius, this version of Kronos wasn't really all that evil.**

 **-The fight choreography in that last bit almost sounds like a ripoff of Eowyn and Merry vs. the Witch King, if it was complete shit and had bad puns."**

 **1\. Yes, yes I believe he was.**

 **2\. If I had a nickel for every time a character "flashes" in this book, I'd have enough nickels to buy Brain Bleach and FORGET THESE AWFUL FLASHINGS EVER TOOK PLACE!**

 **3\. Distrage. Use it in your works. Make it a thing. Get it into Webster's Dictionary!**

 **4\. "No man can defeat me!" "I am no man! I am... a Mary Sue!" "Nooooooooo!" *melts like Wicked Witch*  
**

 **Marty D: "I'm only saying that because more evidence of the Selene thing I'm just continuing off my recent review so here it is Selene is a little cocky and she would only come out if you report a human sacrifice if you liked it she would show herself a little bit and if she really like it she would show herself a lot that what degrees explain the phases of the Moon and if she didn't like it she would stay where she was so think that in human sacrifice in order to see someone have the good part of you hmmmm." Maybe Flavia is actually Selene reborn...**

 **Didi: "I'm willing to suffer with you. I will comment as well because no person, and I mean NO person should have to do something as awful as that alone. Also. Rest In Peace Kornos. Beloved father and ruler. We will miss your kindness to your army and allies. Memory forever more." Didi, no! Don't do it! Nobody deserves to do something so awful! I will except my punishment *dramatic pause* alone.**

* * *

Flame on haters, sit an maranade in ur own hate **That sounds kind of delicious...** like a glutful sneer **every once in a while we find, on Moondaughter an insult so ridiculous it's actually witty,** , ublivious to teh shadows of lifes! Anyways ur just jelous of Flavia cause she is smarter than you! **I'm in the accelerated program at my school. Flavia can't even spell "the" right.**

43…..Artmeis News

Kornos was dead now cause I stabed him in teh hearts. He yelled "Flavvvvvvia I love you" an then he ran out of lifes **'** **Ran out of lives'?! Is this a video game?** an disappated like bakin soda in the rain. I shedded one singalar tear cause he used to be my bf **Ew** an also my dad **Ew** (exept not insense cause it was acutely Lukes body) **Still ew.**

"Omg you killed Kornos! **You bastard!** " Yelled Percy.

"What are you mad or somethin, he was evil an we were supposed to kill him remember" I explaned porfusely.

"No Im **just quoting Southpark** glad hes dead, he sucked anyways" Said Percy.

"Lets made out?!" I said "Ok" Said Percy so then we made out. Write there in front off Kornos's corpus so it was fun and edegy. **I thought Kornos dusted away like a Snappening victim.**

"Well now what" I said. **The story ends? We all go home?**

"We will have a party to celebate" Explaned Percy. So tehre was a big party an we played evenesense songs an also some mcr. **That's sounds really lame. They don't have a lot of danceable songs.** Me an Percy an Hazel an Leo an Jason moshed in a moshed pit that we dug with steel an our own bear hands. **Oooh, oooh, I want Bear Hands! I can use my claws to _strike y'all down_.** Exept Frank fell down an we stepped on him trampled him a little.(It was a acident tho cause Im not a Socapath.) **Frank should never try to dance. Every time he attempts to he either falls down, falls off something, or gets injured.**

Tehn Mr D came, he rapped Frank an then hit him with a box **SWEET CHRISTMAS WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?! DID MR. D JUST SEXUALLY ASSAULT FRANK AND THEN HIT HIM?! OR DID HE RAP HIM A VERSE AND THEN HIT HIM WITH SOME BEAT BOX?! OR NEITHER?! I'M SO CONFUSED! IS _THIS_ WHAT BRAPPLE AND GUMBLICK MEANS?! **, then he went over by us an served some booz. (thats like alcahall). He put it in some glass cups an Percy an me drank the booz. It was good cause it was the booz of teh gods. Also it was black an thickly **that sounds gross** , an the vishions of life swifted thru my dreams. I saw a thousend bilius stars cherning to teh compostition of the waves. **Flavia? I think somebody spiked your drink. Wait, nevermind, that's just how you always sound.**

All suddenly Artmeis apparted like a shimbering wolf "Flavia I have some news that is good for your ears, its this….Zeus said its ok for you to have a bf but the dangerous news is, you can have only 1 if you will be a goddess in Olympics, cause even tho teh gods have like 60 bfs they belief for deimgods to have 'monotony' that means only one bf! **No they don't! If they did like, 70% of all ancient Greek heroes would have been instantly smoted! Besides, if Flavia becomes immortal she won't _be_ a demigod!**"

My heart lifted like a dove bird in flite but then it sanck in confusment, who would be my partener in goddessfulness? **Um. Percy. You know, the guy you just kissed? The guy you've been trying to get to be your partner in godliness for the past like, 30 chapters? They only love interest who hasn't been killed or Chuck Cunninghamed away?**

* * *

 **Another short, weird ass chapter! Poor Frank, what did he do to deserve any of this? Anyway, Happy Easter ad have a a lovely Passover!**


	44. Total Eclipse of the Heart

**Thank you Kurt50Alien, ZebraGirl202, SilverZero1014, Rainbowsphinx and TheEthiopianDemigodWhoIsWitch for reviewing and favoriting!**

 **Guest reviews!**

 **"-"He dissipated like baking soda in the rain" Poetry.**  
 **-Yay, another Big-Squick Alligator Moment! (pukes) Unless she meant Mr. D rapped with Frank, which is not really a mental image I need either.**  
 **-"I saw a thousend bilious stars churning to the composition of the waves" I don't think that was booze" You have to wonder: what exactly was _the_ author on when she cooked up that final sentence.**

 **Guest: "This sounds like a little kid's idea of an Adult Party (TM.) Getting high on "the alcahall" and hallucinating and moshing (to MCR somehow) and GASP, making out (that's just another word for the sex, right?)" As an adultish who has been to numerous adultish parties (if by numerous you mean "a number", and by "a number" you mean "zero"), I can tell you, xxMoonlitexx, with great authority, that this is _exactly_ what an Adult Part is like.**

 **Didi: "That's it. I'm dead. In more ways than one. Also, I *dramatic pause* have already done my dark deed. I have... been kind to Moonlite *duh duh duuuuh*! I just kinda want Frank and all of the other good characters to die. My reasoning: they'd all go to Elysium. They deserve to be happy. I also seriously hope that the Stoll bros pranked the party. That'd have been great! They might have actually changed the emo music to the Macarena or something, so maybe people DID get to dance! One can only hope... Sage. I just read your comment on Moondaughter 2. I'm not exactly sure if that counts as a complement, but I will accept it. Good job. The Styx will not haunt you." I hope that the Stolls just don't exist in this universe: I don't want any more canon characters to have to suffer.**

 **Mart D: "This might sound wrong you guys but I hate having character as gods or Immortal beings because that's just added to the pantheon in that kind of sounds like a fanfiction within a fanfiction in fact once I get a real account thing a reviewing daughters moon to rise of the Goddess because God the first is awful the sequel asked me worse *Rewriting review from earlier sorry my finger slipped hit submit* as I said earlier I hate it when people are given a special gift which means including them to a Pantheon which it should make sense Percy turn down immortality not just because he fell in love with Annabeth so I know that was one of the reasons but we did it because it didn't seem like he was adding his new God into the pantheon and now I can feel lucky that this is a fanfiction but now it sounds like a fanfiction this is why I feel like when I get into town reviewing moon goddess to First a reason being a is Moon's daughter you can jump into any shopping you still get pissed off so I think the sequel of the same effect and it has Flavia as a goddess and if you want to piss me off on historical level and a Percy Jackson level then be my guest xxMoonlightxx but I'm slamming the door on you faster than you can say Vlácus (idiot) *hair flip even thought I'm a dude* bye" Well. That was a very spirited and detailed comment. I look forward to your Moondaughter 2 review, although I'll probably be doing the same.**

 **ConcernedCitizen: "Oh my god poor sweet innocent Frank**  
 **Also: Bilius stars? So like, is that similar to bilious? And if so WHY ARE THE STARS VOMITING (oh wait, they've not just had to read Moon Daughter they had to watch the events as they were happening. Understandable)**  
 **With Sabrina (insert names) I'm so unsure as to whether she IS moonlite, is a troll trying to bank of the 'success' of Moon daughter or is genuinely THAT bad at writing**  
 **Final point: 'shimbering wolf'**  
 **I oooked it up and shimbers (only according to one source) are the things on cats why I found that funny but I did" Wow. Moondaughter is so bad even the stars are vomiting.**

 **Ari: "Sigh...**

 **Rest in Peace Kronos and also Flav? Why the hell are you asking who's gonna become your godly partner? Weren't you making out with Percy this chap?" Oh Ari. Flavia's as flighty, indecisive and disloyal as a person can get. Of _course_ she's not going to be able to just pick one and stick with her choice.**

* * *

"Dont let the torents of life convelse in your wake" thats wise Advise for lifes revelled by Artmeis **Oh, you're making up silly sounding advice? Let me try! *ahem* "The sun is always darkest just before it shines."**

44…Paths of the Hearts

Now I must chose my partener in godessfulness. I considered my opticons, there was Percy **Yeah. There is Percy. You chose Percy. Leave everyone else alone!** but also my heart longed of love for Leos darkness **In this universe, Leo's a reformed objectophiliac. Flavia wants to date an objectophiliac. *cough slut she's a slut cough*** , an Jasons volner ability and woonded was deeply down tho **Jason? You mean the Jason you almost murdered for being a brony? You mean the Jason you claim you love _like a brother_?!**, my heart did not know teh deeps of its swellin stranes. **Maybe if it strains hard enough she'll drop dead from a heart attack.** There faces floated before me an teers swulled on my faces. **"Tears swelled on my faces"?! Apparently, Flavia has both multiple faces and tear ducts all over them!**

Jason said sensatively "Its ok if you love Percy, I love you acutely but I will never be alone cause I have my plushes to confront me" **That is so sad.** he sadly smoothed teh mane of a futtershy plushie with a lucid teer in its plushie eye that spoke of heart welded **Maybe it was the plushie husband of the one who Octavius killed... that monster...** , I knew I would break his heart in halfs if I was not his gf. But teh heart has its own dark paths an we must follow them even to a broken heart. **Heart heart heart heart. Heart heart. Heart heart. Heart! (translation: redundancy!)**

Because this I followed my heart down its own dark paths an my heart leaded me to thoughts about Leo, I knew this was a hard thing cause he was acutely the bf of my bff Hazel ***cough slut she's a slut cough*** an I would break her heart in halfs if Leo loved me but I knew deep down he loved me an not Hazel, **Deep down Leo loves an inanimate object, he's only attracted to either of you because of a love potion.** an teh truth should not be hided in a dark heart of mystres an secrets. But what about Percy.

He was my one true love, he even killed Luke Castello from love for me, how could I deny such a act. His heart beaded only for me an it would drive him to despare like a night of black mists if I wasnt his gf, what if he turned to teh Kornos side! **Well, I mean, Kornos is dead so it won't really matter...** I plundered the chose in the mornin mists of the roman camp alone.

"Omg why do I always have to fukin chose!" I yelled in a mightily cry to the skys above but there was no answer cause the stars were silant an deathly.I knew now taht the world was round. **Um, Flavia? Everybody else has known the world is round since 1519. You're a bit behind.**

* * *

 **Who do you think Flavia should pick? Are you Team Percy, Team Jason, Team Leo, or Team somebody else entirely! Share your votes in the comments!**


	45. The Dork Nut Rises

**Thank you The One The Only Marty D, Knightwing20042, and Mossflower1234 for reviewing and favoriting!**

 **Guest reviews:**

 **Guest: "-Flavia x Percy: So she doesn't really love Percy, but she's afraid if she dumps him, he'll turn against the camp? More proof that this is Percy's evil twin. However, this means he's probably the best fit for Flavia.**  
 **-Flavia x Jason: I'm getting stereotypical gay best friend vibes from her relationship with Jason. Also didn't she say he's like her brother? Of course that wouldn't stick since she has to be attracted to every male character.**  
 **-Flavia x Leo: Would be a dick move on Flavia's part, after all that trouble she went through to brainwash him into loving her supposed BFF Hailey. (Oh, sorry, HAZEL.) Also like you said, he's an objectophiliac.**  
 **-Flavia x Frank: It occurs to me that for all that she talks about how hot post-makeover Frank is, she never even considers him an option. But she's not racist, guys!**  
 **-Flavia x Chiron/Zeus/Hades/whatever other inappropriate crush she has on older guys: NOPE**  
 **-Flavia x Hazel: They had a couple potentially gay moments, so hey, it could happen.**  
 **-Flavia x Octavius: They would have a hate makeout session, after which Flavia would probably murder him again.**  
 **-Flavia x Kornos: He dissipated like baking soda, so no.**  
 **-Flavia x Artemis: Hey, she did notice her "round firm butt..."**  
 **-Flavia x Percy's mom: This would necessitate Flavia being dead, so it might be a good thing." Ew... the more I think about all of these the grosser they get...**

 **Junebug: "** **Well, she ends up marrying Alabaster... Wait, didn't he die or something? Where did he come from? Oh wait, he appeared because of Blondie's magic Sue powers that make random people appear. :)" Dude! Spoilers!**

 **Ivybaster: "** **According to the sequel she ends up with Albaster. Considering so far she's kicked him for calling her beautiful, yelled at him for helping her fight Kronos, kicking him after he got injured doing so, slammed him into a wall after he offered her chocolate, accused him of brainwashing her to cover for her switching to Nico, dumped him but refused to let him date anyone else, laughed at his death, burned his corpse, and forgot he existed...it's clearly true love! Also, this might have been the first short chapter where nothing too messed up happened!" I dunno. It certainly squicked me out to imagine Flavia dating anyone...**

 **Didi: "I say Team Police man. Then he an help restrain her." Please, for her we'd need the National Guard. And the Justice League.**

 **LadyFae123: "I'm up for TeamNobody!" That is a very good response.**

 **Ari: "I'm Team Nobody (As in absolutely no one, Flavia doesn't deserve anyone at all)" I'm team Freddy Kruger. "I'm your boyfriend now, Nancy-girl!" *kills her***

* * *

45…Teh New Threat Risens

I mused (geddit like muses) **Every time someone explain a lame pun, a kitten goes blind. Don't do it!** perfusely in the matters of my heart but as I wandered towerds the stroke of tuth **I think xxMoonlitexx had a Stroke of Something Else whilst writing this. (Hint: it wasn't genius).** my feet lead me on another path in the spiral of the deep ladder of the hearts but of evil! ***ding* *bad simile meter rises*** I heard a voice that said "Dont let Flaiva know she will kill us an destory our plans **. I'm loudly announcing this in the open because this is SECRET!** " an I stealed my heart cause….I know this voice! It was Annabeht an she was talkin to a poser from Demester called "Hether." ***If I knew anything about Heathers I'd make a joke here***

They were wearin darkly purple cloaks that hid them in the night **Purple isn't a very good stealth color, idiot.** but not form my empusa eyes to see in the dark my pray an hunt well, I followed them an they went to teh temple of Hera an I knew this was a sign cause Hera was a Bitch. **Just cause a god is a Bitch (which Hera indeed is) doesn't mean they're pro-Kornos!** Inside it was all preppy an it stinked of shallowful perfumes of lilack but incest burned in a alter in front of the alter. **Incest should be burned. It actually was punishable by death in Norway in ye olden days...** I could see also there were some rebelions hiding there an there eyes spoke of hate but also cowerdness & fear. **La Resistance _does_ live on! Hooray!**

Annabeht snitted firstly "Well now sense were all here we can sing the "Prase Kornos song" So all the rebelions holded hands an sang in a cirlce a song of evil: **"The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round...** we bertray the deimgods for Kornos cause he will cut the olympicans with his **lawnmower** sythe, they will not pervale us cause Kornos is teh chose of mother earth Gaya, he will over thrown Artmeis an sit on teh lighting of Zeus" **God, this is some awful songwriting. No rhythm, no rhymes, nothing!** it was like 1D but also evil, **So... it's to the tune of "You Don't Know You're Beautiful"?!** it was like 66 times worst **She's not wrong...** then I herd of it the world turned red from anger in front of my eyes, I knew these traders must be killed but firstly I watched to see what they were doin so I could know there plans.

Firstly they sacraficed a poser named Bill. **NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT _BILL!_** They put him in the incest burners an teh smoke rose sweetly to the ears of the godness. **I thought they didn't like the goddesses...** The rebelions yelled for more blood cause they were blood thirstly socapaths teh fukin fools. ***falsetto* And they were also very, very black, unlike _me,_ kettle! **Tehn the statute of Hera started to speak words of evil but it was acutely not Hera but instead it was….Gaya!1 **Dun dun dun!(1)!** She said "Well now Kornos is dead but we can fix this, if we have the other word of Death we can bring him back to lifes!" **AUUUUUGH! ENOUGH WITH THE WORD OF DEATH BS!** My heart sunck in distrage cause now I put the peaces & clews together an I knew there plan….they were goin to bring Kornos back to life! I knew I must stop this from happing, maybe I should tell Socartes but no that is the way of the cowerd **Remember kids: Going to the proper authorities when you discover criminal activities instead of jumping in way over your head is the Way of the Coward.** so I walked out from the darkness an I said "Omg whats goin on here you fuking preps!"

* * *

 **So... I saw Avengers: Endgame (which is why this chapter is so late) and it was awesome! A real tear jerker, but awesome! Go and see it ASAP!**


	46. Another Victory for Flaviacism!

**Thank you Professor R.J. Lupin1, Knightwing20042, FrikFrakTikTak, SilverZero1014, DonkeySlippers and ZebraGirl202 for reviewing!**

 **Guest Reviews, Guest Reviews, do whatever Guest Reviews can!:**

 **Didi: "Heathers joke: I wish that Flavia was a dead girl walking.** **SIDE NOTES:**  
 **• purple cloaks were often wore by royalty and honored subjects of a kingdom**  
 **•LILAC TREES ARE BEAUTIFUL AND THEY SMELL AMAZING FIGHT ME FLAVIA**  
 **• this girl might possibly be a professional hypocrite" She's definitely a professional doofus.**

 **Guest: "-I thought she killed all the rebels with her last lightning bolt?**  
 **-I swear she keeps using ladders in her bad similes.**  
 **-But the preps HAVE to wear dark purple stealth cloaks. If they wore black, how would we know they were preps? Only Flavia and her squad get to wear black!**  
 **-"He will overthrown Artemis and sit on the lightning of Zeus" Sounds painful.**  
 **-The evil preps loudly announce their intentions to bring Kornos back to life, but Flavia still has to take a few minutes to put the "pieces & clews" together to figure out that they, gasp, want to bring Kornos back to life! Flavia is...not the sharpest knife in the drawer.**  
 **-$50 says poor Bill the expendable poser was a son of Demeter, goddess of redshirts." 1. You seriously think with a leadership record like Flavia no new people are joining the rebellion? 2. I don't remember any ladder similies, but maybe I just mentally blocked them out. 3. True. And, I mean, purple is a _much_ less evil color. 4. I wish Flavia sat on the lightening of Zeus herself instead of throwing it at the rebels. 5. Flavia not even the sharpest _spoon_ in the drawer. She's barely even the sharpest _spatula._ 6\. I guess we can add "Goddess of Redshirts" to Demeter's list of titles.**

 **I'mNotFunny: "You don't know Heathers but I do.**

 **I think they're scared that if Flavia learns about what's under their rockstar mystique and dared look in their eyes they'd know the truth... that they cling to their pillow and cry...**  
 **Then kill them with drain fluid or something" I'm going to assume that barrage of sentences I didn't understand were Heathers' quotes and move on while I still have some dignity...**

 **Yeet: "** **I really want to get into the Avengers movies but I'm not really able to watch like 20 movies so I was just thinking of watching the guardian ones because they seem the most interesting to me. How good/bad of a plan would that be in your opinion? (Sorry about me being a random stranger asking you a random question lol)" Go for it man! The Guardian's of the Galaxy movies are totally awesome, and they're also totally stand alone films so you don't have to know anything about Marvel Continuity to watch them!**

 **Guest: "Moonlite does know Cupid is invisible right? Oh wait she probably hasn't read the books otherwise this monstrosity might be only half bad and not so bad that it should just burn in hell or somewhere painful. Also I love your stories." xxMoonlitexx doesn't even know Dryads aren't considered monsters. I'm not sure she can even wrap her head around invisibility. Also: you read my stories?! I thought everyone just ignored all my non-spork material!**

* * *

You think u can dafeat me with flames & hate comments **Yes.** , but I have fans an anyways Hailey is comin back soon so she will beta, she told me this! _**Right. I totally believe you.**_ Also it is a wise advise "every great person has haters" **Did "Artmeis" right this one too?** so if u hate me this means Im better so anyways I win. **That's the insanest Insane Troll Logic I've ever been subjected to.**

46….Kornos Almost Comes Back to Lifes **Well, we already know what happens in this chapter, guess we don't have to read it.**

"Omg stop her she must die" yelled Annabeth **in a monotone because she lacked punctuation**. A lot of angry traders jumped to attack me **, pissed about the Mercantilist policies of New Rome,** but I took **Ass guard** Assgard 2 **There's an Ass Guard** ** _2_** **?! What hapened to the first one?! Or is it short for "Assgard with 2 Ss"?** to offend myself form them. **I don't know how well you're offending yourself, but you're definitely offending me.** A enemy deimgod swunged an ax to attack me but I decapatated his leg. **To reach his leg with her sword she'd have to get close enough the get hit with the axe. So Flavia is dead now. Yay!** They were cowerdfully afraid of me cause I was really very badass, but they attacked me anyways cause Annabeth said to attack me an she was there leader so they lisensed to her an attacked me even tho they were cowerdfully afraid. **Isn't that true courage, facing your fears and plowing forward to face certain death even though you're scared? Flavia's the coward here.**

Suddently I garbed a chane Gun **Where the Hades did she get that?!** an teh clip shooted out an killed some of them **the bullets, the** ** _clip_** **. E.I., through sheer luck, Flavia's mishandling of the gun led to someone getting conked on the head. "U** fashist" I yelled. **They're not the ones opressing freedom of speech and executing people without fair trial...** Teh enemys hidened behind some trees an I knew I was going to win but all suddenly Annabeth did a evil magic an a golden net tied me up! **Kinky.**

"Lol I have you now u fukin bitch" She laughed meanly.

My heart sunck, I thought, now Ill never be immoral with Percy. **You're plenty immoral without him, And I guess the whole "who should I pick issue" is solved...** This thought gave me new lifes an in mighty distrage I chewed a hole in teh net with my bear teeth. **And I guess the entirity of the rebellion just stood there patiently for a half-hour or so waiting for Flavia to break free with her newly acquired Ursine fangs.**

"She must be stopped" Explaned Annabeht, a enemy stood up next to her an he took off his cloths ***bow-chicka-wow-wow*** but it was not sexly at all cause under it he was disgiused….a monitar! **Nooo! Not a Monitor! He'll drag us all around the multiverse in a poorly made, convulted miniseries to find Ray Palmer and stop a "Great Disaster"!** He ran at me with his horns but I jumped onto his back an I started cutting off his horns with Asgard 2. **What? She spelled it right this time...** Then I put a grinade in his pocket an he blowed up like that bad guy from Thor 2 when Loki blowed him up. **That only works if the grenade you were using was a black-hole grenade. Also: doesn't Loki 'die' when he does that? So Flavia should be dead too, right? Right?!**

Just then there was a suddenly a expulsion, teh nose came from the alter. The ashes from the sacraficed poser,Bill was coming back together like a lot of bugs makin a sand cloud, **Science Fact #5867: Bugs, when swarming, form sand clouds.** it blowed away an I could see standin on the alter with a mean laugh it was Kornos, he was back to lifes! **Dun dun dun! Also: I noticed there was no "word of death" used in the resurrection. Not that I'm complaining.** But not really it was not done all teh way, I knew I had to cancell it before he came all the way back to lifes! **I knew this because... Brapple and Gumblick!**

"No leave it" Said I didn't! I did like a back flip an laned on the alter, I cut though Kornos with one wipe of my sword Assgard 2. **Well. That was anti-climatic.**

"You will be revenged" Yelled Annabeth.

"No this is a lie" I said cause it was true. **So. You said that what Annabeth said was a lie. Because it was actually the truth. So Kornos really will be revenged?** I had a fight with Annabeht an I beat her. She tried to kill me but I beat her. **Then we got tacos together. And I beat her.** So then I won the fight an I tied her up an said to the traders "Stop tryin to bring Kornos back to lifes, or I will need to kill Annabeth ur leader!" so they all sundered an threw there weapons in a big hole **which just apparated into existence**.

* * *

 **So the checklist for Facism is as follows: scapegoat, strong military, weird economy, nationalism. Let's see how the People's Republic of Flavia compares to said list.**

 **Scapegoat: Flavia definitely scapegoats Kornos, Monsters and "Preps" as being the cause of all her problems, and leads genocidal pogroms against them**

 **Strong Military: On the one hand, it's basically been established that everyone save for Flavia and her closest allies are useless, so it's not so much a military as it is 3 or 4 really powerful people. On the other hand, among her mook ranks include the Daughters of Artemis and the Legionaires of Camp Jupiter so, yeah, technically speaking, strong military.**

 **Weird Economy: I'm not even sure New Rome _has_ an economy at this point, or if all the money just goes straight to Flavia and her cult-like worship of a commercial company.**

 **Nationalism: While New Rome technically isn't a nation, Flavia certainly does show a strong disdain for any outsider.**

 **So yeah, according to my totally scientific thesis here, Flavia is totally a facist dictator on par with Mussolini.**


	47. Flance Magic Flance

**Thank you The not so silent protagonist, Knightwing20024, DreamCatcher06 and OneBeatboxingTangerine for reviewing and favoriting!**

 **Guest Review(s):  
Didi:  
"Wait... you do more that Avengers?! I thought this was your first PJO fic! Oh dang! I have to do legit nothing the day of Flavia's funeral! Shoot! Oh no! (Nvm just cancel it she doesn't even deserve the proper burial rights)." No, this is not my first PJO fic. A long time ago, when I was young and naive and foolish, I produced actual original content, which you can find on my profile. And I'm pretty sure Flavia's not dead. Yet. Unfortunately.**

* * *

47….Hecates Magics **Dammit! I already used "It's a Kind of Magic** " **as a title name! Damn you xxMoonlitexx and you poor naming skills!**

Now there was no rebelions left so I had free time so I could do whatever da fkI wanted **Oh no. Flavia has free time? This is very, very bad. Lock up your blondes everyone!** so I said "Now I will go learn magic from Hecute **Why?** , shell be my teacher an stuff **Why?** an learn me magic. **Why?** "So I went to the temple of Hecate an it was very dark exept the green glowed like a dyin sunset last gleam on a sliver wepon. **I imagine Hecate must trip over things a lot.**

"Hi Flavia" Said Hecate, she had 3 heads an 3 bodys exept no arms, also spikers on her head. **Now, at first glance, this descriptions seems just like any other in this book: batshit insane. But it turns out xxMoonlitexx did her research here! This description matches up perfectly with an ancient statue of the Hecate Trinity depicting the goddess as three toga clad women standing back to back. The women in the front wears a spiked crown not unlike the Statue of Liberty's, and the statue's arms have fallen off. Y'know, between this, Loki's Underworld cameo and the potential Platonic Cave reference, I'm starting to suspect xxMoonlitexx might be just a bit smarter than she lets on...** She put on a corset dress exept it was made FROM TEH MAGICS.

"Learn me teh dark magic" I exposed sensatively.

"Ha thou neophight WHY" She yelled. **Neophyte: a person who is new to a subject, skill, or belief.** **Holy Carp, another moment of actual smartness! Y'know,xxMoonlitexx, the Trolluminati might not like you tipping your hand like this...**

"Cause I will be a godness in Olympics somedays an I will need magic, also I weld the bolting of Zeus" **Not anymore ya' don't! Unless this is a breach of continuity... in which case I wrote my apology letter for nothing! Dammit!** I yelled."Bitch." **Yes, insult the mysterious and powerful goddess. That will make her want to help you. Twat.**

All suddently out form the temple came a shadow exept it was not acutely a shadow it was a guy an I knew with the wisdom of Artmeis he was a very Hottie. **Goddamnit, not** ** _another_** **emo boytoy! What canon character has been raped this time?** His pecks were pale an deathly (I could see them cause he had no shirt, acutely he was only wearin skinny jeans **_Of course he was._** ) an also he had dark hair all shagly cut. But it…Alblaster! ***spit take* ALABASTER?! YOU'RE ALIVE?! *tears of joy***

"Albaster!" I yelled "But your a prep,I found out when u died?" **Seriously lady?! Your ex just** ** _came back from the dead_** **and you're concerned about his** ** _social affiliations_** **?!**

He fipped his hair all sexly so my heart meltered "No Flaiva I was saved cause the god of Times went back in times an saved me from this fate" His words sunck into me an I knew this was true. Remembery washed over me like a title wave an I remembered our love that once was ours, an how sensative an hot Albaster as **, and how I physically abused him, and how I laughed at his corpse, and how I broke his heart multiple times... Good memories...** Now he was still hot but a little older, I could tell cause he had many permin stubbles. ***thinks of all the teenage boys I know with patchy, growing stubble* Trust me, Flavia, it's not as hot as you think it is.**

"You blastard" I yelled hotly. "Where were you if you were not dead!"

 **"Well, you see, since I'm basically a Captain Ersatz of Loki, I also have 2 "Get Out of Death Free" cards, so I used my last one.** I was in mystick jurney with the god of times" He explanded "my eyes saw beaty & emptyness in the spices between damensions" He said an I saw this raflected in his eyes an I saw a hallo hotness. ***cough slut she's a slut for sexualizing the suffering of others cough slut and possibly a sadist but mostly a slut cough***

"We have already had enough of this shit" Explaned Hecate, **Yes, enough with the rambling nonsense. Get to the end if the chapter already!** "Thou willet learn dark magics!" she gave me a book an it was called 'Magics'" an it learned me to make spells. **Well. That was quick.**

"Now thu will be instopable" She explaned. **She was stoppable before?**

"Yes but…..will I be immoral!" I yelled.

" **Oh, honey, you already are a f*#%!** Not until thour a godess" Hecate said sadly tears misted her face like a fine pinted brush. **God, everyone in this universe cries at the drop of a hat! Watch! *drops hat* *everyone starts bawling* See?** She gave me a wand an it was 66 inches long. **That wand is taller than me. When a stick gets to that size, it's not a wand, it's a pole.** This was so I could do lots of magic. "This is for thou birthday" Hecate said. **Wait. It's her birthday?! Has it been a year since Chapter 4 already?!**

My face shimbered in shock ribbling in my vanes, ***idiotic simile counter dings*** omg it was my birthday but I forgot! "Albaster you mothfucker ***ew*** , you didnt get me a present!1" I ran into teh temple cryin. **"How dare you not get me a birthday present despite not even knowing whether or not you were ever going to see me again until a few seconds ago you MONSTER!" God, even when he comes back from the dead their relationship is still unhealthy.**

* * *

 **Alabaster is back and I'm so happy! What a shocking twist! Unless you read any of the comments! Or the summary for Moondaughter 2!**


	48. Flavia turns Six(teen)

**After my month long, exam related haitus, I have finally returned! Ooh, and the review count reached over 300 while I was away! Yay!**

 **Thank you Knightwing20042, The One The Only Mart D, LadyFae123, DonkeySlippers, ZebraGirl202 and Professor R.J Lupin1 for reviewing!**

 **Guest: "** **Is there really that much difference between Percy, Alabaster and Nico in this story? I guess Nico's a little dumber, Percy's a little more evil, and Alabaster feels compelled to flip his hair whenever you say his name, even when he's unconscious. But apart from that they're almost the same guy, which makes the love triangle drama even more annoying." I mean, you're not wrong... although you could argue that Alabaster's one personality trait is masochism instead of hair flipping.** **  
**

 **AGrapeWithNoSoul: "Alabaster's pros:**

 **-Can shit magic**

 **-Will find flowers and daisy-shaped chocolates in an apocalyptic wasteland**

 **-British**

 **-Can do spells (some of the time, it's not really clear)**

 **-If he dies you can fix him by singing MCR**

 **-Impressively manages to wear a Hollister shirt under his clothes while also being shirtless"**

 **Alabaster's cons: 1. Way too good for Flavia, 2. Way too good for Flavia and 3. WAY TOO GOOD FOR FLAVIA!**

 **Guest: "yessss Alabaster** " **That was my reaction too! I wonder why xxMoonlitexx brought him back though?... I mean, what prompted her to return to him in the end? Maybe this plot development occurred shortly after an MCU movie with Loki in it was released, and her gross fangirl obsession got stronger?**

 **Didi: "** **YES MY BIG BRO IS BACK! However I do disown my godly parent for helping Flavia. I will never use magic again. Unless I make my own spells (aka the ones that Flavia doesn't know and doesn't use)" Didi, are you sure that the right way to fight back against Flavia's encroaching on your turf is to give her what she wants without a fight? Use your magic! Fight back, man!**

 **"Yay! Alabaster is back though unfortunately he'll become Alabastard when he marries Flavia for he has betrayed us... So that wand of Flavia's is 66 inches long, translate that to feet you get 5.5 ft tall...**

 **Wait what. That "wand" is taller than I am by only 3 inches what the hell?" Flavia may not have a male reproductive organ, but judging by all the "my sword is bigger than everyone else's"dialogue we keep seeing I'm guessing she has some other inferiority complex...**

 **Guest: "It would be funny if Alabaster was meant to be a Captain Ersatz of Loki because (if I remember correctly) at one point Flavia watches the Thor movies and claims Alabaster is jealous of how much she loves Loki." I remember the Flavanaughts watching Christopher Nolan's Batman, but not the Thor films... maybe that happens later?**

 **YeetedNotYote (On Chapter 14): "Reyna is my favorite character! :(**

 **All hail Reyna, she was awesome and once again, may flavia die in a hole (rather, the camp jupiter latrine hole). xxmoonlitexx is depressed, she needs help. I am 100% sure the world is not THAT DARK!**  
 **The only person depraved enough to play flavia is xxmoonlitexx." Huh. I've noticed out of all the unjust deaths in this fic, it's Reyna's that got the most hate. Which I can totally understand. #JusticeForReyna.**

* * *

Omg Im not a troll, ur all trolls cause ur the ones making bad comments. **I may be the person methodically and scientifically picking apart everything wrong with another person's story on the internet, but your the one raping canon. Which one of us is the troll?** Do I go on ur story an leave rude comments, no I dont! **... she has a point.** also a fan comment an said my storys better than there story 'immortal' so in ur they said to keep making the good work so see I have fans. **Wait? "Immortal"?! As in "My Immortal"?! Is Moondaughter really so bad that** ** _Tara Gilespie_** **herself has commented on it?!** So stop with a bad comments TROLLS, u should be banded from the internet. **No. Without trolls the internet wouldn't be half as fun!**

48…The **Uninspired Title** Sliver Knife

In the temples it was cold an dark an a breeze swimped feltly from the big window. **Window? Whaaat...? Okay, I have no freaking clue what this goddamn temple looks like!** I cried but firstly I thought of Albaster, how could I forgave him for his deeds. ***whiney nasal falsetto* He didn't get me a BIRTHDAY PRESENT! He's the worst friend EVAH!.** Like a answer from my heart a voice with in me said "love can forgave him for his bertrayal" Suddenly I knew this was right an also the voice of Artmeis or maybe Cupid, this could be heeled with a powerful love. **Why would Cupid help you, you stole his prized possession, shot him, and made fun of his hair!**

"Im sorry but acutely I did get you a gift" Said Albaster **At what point in his Dr Strange Style Acid Trip between dimensions did he have time to get her something?!** , he gave me a box with a present inside it "Happy b-day" he said an my heart melted softly. Now ur 16. **Wait, did Alabaster just say this? Because it's in second person but there's no quotations... *sigh* why am I even asking grammatical questions 48 chapters in?...** I cut the box with **Ass Guard** Assgard 2 **You cut a small box with your "6 foot" sword? That seems like overkill.** an somethin fell on my feet, it was a dagger all made from silver an with a black jewl on the handle part! **Oh joy. Just what Flavia needed. Another monochrome killing tool.**

Tears pored on my eyes an I knew with a cleerness of a sharp knife that this was what the fates had a store for me, my partner in godfulness was….Albaster Torrenton! **So, in other words, the most dysfunctional relationship wins! Yay for domestic abuse!**

Suddeny the magicness happened **Such wonderful prose this book has! Every action is so crisp and clear, the words practically jump off the page! And try to murder me.** , there was a lighting bolt an a big cresont apeared above my head an also a heart but a dark heart. **What?! Why?!** The voice of Artmeis said "This is all good but also now thou can be qualitied for a godness with thou bf Albaster but firstly thou must make 12 tasks, its the Law cause Zeus said so" I knew this was smart cause Hercales did 12 tasks in the greek days.

"Oh my gods why" I damanded why. **Because Zeus said so. She just said that.**

"Because Zeus said thou mustest an Zeus is the king of all the gods" Explaned Artmeis but that was SO FUKING SEXTIST. **Um... no it's not. Heracles had to perform 12 tasks to, and he was definitely a dude!**

"Omg I bet Apherditi saduced him to make him say this, teh blond hore" **You sad, selfish little brat. Stop blaming all you first-world problems on some poor women who just wants everyone to love each other!**

"Yes this is true **And your proof is** ** _where_** **?!** but what can thou do about it" Said Artmeis wisely an also sadly.

"When Im a godness she will pay" I sweared. **Promising cold blooded vengeance on a woman who** ** _supposedly_** **inconvenience you a little is** ** _totally_** **no sociopathic in the least bit!** "Anyway what quests do I have to do."

Artmeis wrte some thing down on a sheet of paper an then she handed it to me, there were tasks for me to do, I wanted to tare it in halfs an refuse but then I saw Albasters dark eyes lookin at me with love an I knew now I must do this tasks, for Albaster. **Ok. First of all. You don't know what Alabaster is thinking right now. It may** ** _look_** **to your twisted eye that he's staring at you moony-eyed, but he could be screaming internally. He probably** ** _is_** **screaming internally, as anybody who has to spend time around you would. Second, there is** ** _literally_** **no reason y'all can't be together as mortals. You don't have to take up these tasks! I'd prefer if you didn't! There's enough sociopathic, narcissistic gods running around the Percyverse! No more are necessary!**

* * *

 **More chapters on the way soon! And by soon I mean tomorrow, because in order to make of for my 3 weeks of radio silence, I'm announcing June Flavia-palooza! I'm going to crank out as many spork chapters in as little time as possible, while maintaining the same "quality" I always have! See ya tomorrow!**


	49. Cerberus Attacks Anti-Climactically

**Thank you OneBeatboxingTangerine,** **Kurt50Alien, and . . for following, favoriting and reviewing!**

 **Guest: "How does Flavia know he isn't just "confusting" (or whatever) her mind with magic again? Wasn't that why she broke up with him originally? (Then again, Flavia has slipped love potions to multiple characters herself, so...) At least she doesn't name the stupid knife.**

 **About Aphrodite, all Flavia's information about her comes from Artemis and conveniently happens offscreen. It seems like Artemis is trying to turn Flavia against Aphrodite, then push her to become immortal. In a better fanfic, Artemis would be playing the long con to get another goddess on her side in a feud against Aphrodite or something." First of all, we all know that "love potion" thing was a lie Flavia told us and herself to absolve herself of guilt when she dumped Alabaster. Second of all, that whole "Artemis versus Aphrodite" thing is actually genius and I _wish_ the story was intelligent enough to do that!**

 **Didi: "** **Oh , no, no, no, NO! I can't loose my brother to his psychopathic, abusive girlfriend AGAIN! I will use my own spells and make Flavia see things she's never seen before. She won't be able to learn the spells and I will make sure of it. It's time for the rebellion to strike! THOSS SHO FIGHT FOR LOVE AND PEACE, WHO IS WITH ME?" I am totally supporting you! From the sidelines! I need these awful stories to keep going so people will keep giving me attention!**

 **"Aria" (AKA Ari): "** **Wow Flavs, snapping at a guy who was dead for not getting you a present, forgiving him for giving you a knife AND choosing him for godhood despite having another guy who has literally been you're love interest for the longest time. Wow Flavia I'm soooo (not) gonna do that when I get in a relationship cheating on guys is not a sin. (Note the sarcasm)" Your sarcasm is approved by the Bureau of Sporkings, and on behalf of all us singles out there I hope you have better luck eventually getting into a relationship then I have!**

 **AGrapeWithNoSoul: "So...it's officially Moon June? (I had to resist the urge to add "geddit." I've been infected by Flavia's terrible puns!)" Don't worry. It's not a pun if it doesn't have a double meaning, so you and your brilliant rhyming skills are safe from infection!**

 **Guest: "Alabaster totally re-gifted that knife. He sneaked off and wrapped it between chapters. And you're right about his one personality trait. He flat-out says in a later chapter (don't recall which) that he finds it sexy when Flavia kills people.**

 **Although if whoever Flavia ends up with becomes a god, that does explain why all the guys in this story want to date her..." OMG, you're right, they're totally gold diggers! And he _definitely_ regifted that knife.**

* * *

Ok first offall yes this story is Epic but not 'epicly stupid' **Blatant lies. This story is so 'offall' it's good!** Stop trollin me I mean it!

49…Cerebros Attacks Firstly **Syntax fail.**

I looked at the frist misson task on teh list **Is it a mission or a task? Make up your mind!** , it yelled "1. thou mustest go to the underworld an saduce Hades until he give thou his invisable helmit!" **Um, why is 'seduce' a very specific part of this quest? Isn't part of the requirements to be a goddess to be in a stable monogamous relationship? *cough slut she's a slut cough***

"Fuk that" I said cause how can you get to the underworld when your not dead. **Well, you can get Nico to take you there, but he disappeared mysteriously into thin air around chapter 20. Maybe Thanos got him in the Snapping? Wait, no, that was undone this April... more likely explanation is that Percy murdered him.**

"I dont know this, but you need 3 for to quest" **Do you really? I mean, yeah, that's true for typical deimgod quests, but in the legend of Heracles it was pretty explicit that he had to complete all his tasks singlehandedly, and the times he did get help (like when he fought the Hydra) were disqualified.** Explaned Albaster.I picked him duh an also Jason bc he was armless cause his heart was soft **Only Flavia would bring someone with her on a dangerous quest specifically** ** _because_** **he's soft-hearted and harmless. She's probably the dumbest, most paranoid person I've ever seen who has hasn't held a political office *rim shot*.** with first I needed new cloths for the questin. ***falsetto* When in doubt, SHOPPING is the way to go! I'm such a strong female character! Teeheehee!**

So I walked widely to the temple of hot topic an this is what outfit I got there. I got a lether breat plate that portected my bobs **And I guess protecting the rest of your chest and your abdomen wasn't as important... *cough slut she's a slut*** cause I didnt want to be like the Amizons cause they only had 1 boob,each. **Not true, actually. But we'll go into more detail about this in the chapter they show up in...** Also a chocker with static runes on it. **What the heck is a "static rune"? Is it a rune made out of static? A rune that generates static? A misspelling from a drug addled idiot? We may never know! Perhaps Brapple an Gumblick do...** Suddenly I looked down by the cash regasterd, it was a door an it led to….teh underwordl! **What the what?! There's a door to the underworld... at Hot Topic?! Or is the door in the cash register?! Wow, money really is the root of all evil, if you get enough it opens a portal to hell!**

"Omg Im scared" Said Jason, he was wearin this pruple T shirt with a pony an some rites that said princess Selstia. This gave me concerned cause, was Jason a fury? ***face palm* Bronies are not furries. And why are you surprised by his shirt? Jason came out as a brony many, many chapters ago!** But then I thought no, I exept him for who he is AN SO should you **Um, yeah, love is love and all, but not when it's people/animals!**

I went in the hole first cause I was braver an filled with corage, the shadows swiffed **So nice of those shadows to swiffer up.** around me wistly an there was some darkness. Then Abaster & Jason jumped in the door also. Then we were standin in the underworld, it was filled with skulletons like ghosts taht walk. **Skeletons are nothing like ghosts, you dumbass! *bad simile counter dings*** "Now we must find Hades castle" Said Albaster, he drewed a sword portectively to portect me in case the ghosts were hotel. **Not a hotel! They'll overcharge for rooms and sue you for taking the bathrobes! Not that I know anything about that. *cough*.**

The 3 off us walked threw the underworld, we saw many sites like ppl bein punished, I could see all the evil ppl, even Piper an Octavius. **Piper and Octavius aren't evil! Also this means Octavius is really dead. Aw. *sad*** They were acutely dead but sense they were dead they were in the underworld **because they were redundan- I mean dead. Ok, they were redundant as well.** Octavius siled meanly an flipped me off but I spitted on his toga lol, now whos laughin. **Well, since he's a ghost and your spit just went through him, I'd say Octavius.**

Suddenly in front of us there was a big black castle, it was made from skulletons an the Dead an also black rock glintering red **If it's black how can it "glinter red"? Is it black or red?! TELL US DAMNIT!** , I knew this was teh house of Hades(geddit **I'm not sure if this pun hurts more because it's an allusion to the canon, or because I'd probably make it myself either way, OW!** ) where he lived to rule the underworld. But how would I get inside. **Try the door, dumbass.** Bafore I could get inside a dog with 3 heads strated chasin us but I quicker took my bow an a silver arrow with the symbles of Artmeis engarved in it an I shot it an it hit the dogs heart an it died **Oh no! Poor puppy! I was right in Chapter 19, Flavia _does_ kick puppies and kittens! **exept sense it was in the under world already it wasnt acutely dead but thats ok cause this was Cerebros an he had to be there so he could gard the dead for **1.** Hades, speakin of **2.** Hades guess who came there then… **3.** Hades! **Three Hades, barely five words apart, in one run on sentence. That's gotta be a new record for redundancy!**

* * *

 **Flaviapalooza (or, as AGrapeWithNoSoul so aptly put it, Moon June) continues tomorrow with the "exciting" conclusion to this epic(ally stupid) cliffhanger!**


	50. xxMoonlitexx rehashes all her old squick

**Thank you Pheonix X 2, Kurt50Alien, The One The Only Marty D and Rainbowsphinx for favoriting and reviewing!**

 **Guest Reviews:**

 **Guest:"** **-If these are the same tasks Hercules carried out in-universe, is she implying that Hercules also had to seduce Hades? As did anyone else trying to gain immortality? You'd think Hades would catch on eventually...**

 **-Between the Princess Celestia shirt and the Fluttershy armor, Jason's doing an amazing job hiding his deep dark secret.**

 **-Since Flavia acts like this is her first time in the Underworld, we can only assume that Alabaster's magical-time-dimension fuckery retroactively erased Nico from the story's timeline." 1. OMG that would be totally hilarious! And I mean, Heracles, like most ancient Greek heroes, _was_ bi, so there's no evidence that he _didn't_ seduce Hades... 2. Jason's closet is the most transparent I've ever seen. 3. That... actually makes a lot of sense.**

 **iiCrimsonShadow: "apparently Zeus likes watching his brother get seduced by a whiny, psychopathic, teenage girl that decides that going shopping for more clothes is more important than the quest. also, Flavia buys a chestplate that protects her "bobs" but doesn't get any other armor, so that means she thinks her breasts are the most important part od her body! She IS a slut! also, why would Hades like a girl that just killed his dog?" Zeus being a pervert? No surprise there1 And Flavia is totally a psychopathic slut. But if Hades is anywhere near as dumb as his son, I don't think she'll have a problem getting him to roll over for her.**

 **Junebug: "** **Girl... You don't kill my dad's dog. And he was chasing you because he thought you were Annabeth come back to play with him. (At least, that's what happened with the last demigod...)" I like to think Cerebus is a bit smarter than that, and knew in his doggy mind that Flavia was a Bad Human. I say was, not is, because he's not dead. He'll reform in Tartarus and be back in like, a day or too!**

* * *

Omg I made 50 chapter annuity! **And each chapter was worse than the last! Yay!**

50…I Steal The Invisable Helmit

It was Hades stooded there write in front of us! He looked kind of like Johnny Depp super pale, but he had black hair in a ponytail an a little **Okay, except for the fact that she accidentally cut out the "not too much eyeliner because he isn't gay" part, this description is copied exactly from chapter 4! She probably just copy/pasted! God, that's lazy!** he had a crown on his head made from iron steel all black an it was spiked so maybe if you fell an landed on it ur heart would be empaled an it would be ur fate. **How you manage to fall on Hade's head is... unclear.** I thought, I remember now I must saduce him. I was happy cause I was lucky he was a hot one an not like Hephastitus. ***cough slut she's a slut cough***

"Did u just shot Cerebros you mule kwimp" He yelled ragely.(Thats Lokis insalt) **First of all, what xxMoonlitexx is** ** _trying_** **to spell here is "mewling quim", and second of all, despite what everyone seems to think, Loki's little insult to Black Widow is neither witty nor cute. In fact, the rough Modern English translation is "whining c***." So Loki is a total asshole for saying it, and xxMoonlitexx is a total dumbass for using it without bothering to find out what it means.**

Quickly I changed **Right in front of him?! *cough slut she's a slut cough*** so I was wearin red fish nets, a mini skrit all darkly red, an also a off teh sholders top that showed my black satan bra strap. Cause red is the colors of saducion. **It also means "good luck" in China, and denotes a rise in stock prices in East Asian markets. I'm not making a joke here, I just feel the need to share fun facts...** I slimbered saltly **huh?** to his sides an my lip stick glintered black on the top lip an the bottom lip was all silvern. **That's gonna be strange looking when is smears...** "Hey ur Hades big man" I said all sexly. **Ew. He's old enough to be her father's father's father's father's father's father's father. And he looks like Johnny Depp! Double Ew.** I looked at his eyes an I could see there was maybe some love startin to spark, taht invisable helmit was mine almost already! **Flavia. The goldiest gold digger to ever dig gold.**

Then there would be only 11 Quests left for me to do! But even threw there was love in his eyes there was a dark an burned anger blazering in his eyes also, he was evil but woonded underneath, I knew this was Zeus fault cause Zeus bullied him on Olympics an the other gods all bullied him too so he had to live alone in the sollus of the under world. **I mean, she's not entirely wrong. About the bullying part, not about the evil part. Hades isn't evil, despite what foolish pop culture will tell you, he's just... morally ambiguous.** My heart twitched firmly, I could idetify with him cause this was just like my lifes. ***falsetto* I'm so** ** _deep_** **and** ** _tortured_** **, with my Sue powers and constant shallow romances and "tragic" backstory! *eye roll*** Now my heart told me to saduce him but it wasnt just for teh helmit, I also could feel love for him then. **Triple ew! Also *cough slut she's a slut cough*** So I said "Lets make out!"

His eyes spoke off genaritions of sorrow, he said "I would but my wife Perstephanie is beeotch, she keeps my heart in chanes, its like she owns my lifes" **You were the one who kidnapped, raped and held her in the Underworld, jackass. Sounds like this is just good ole karma at work!** "But its summer **It is? In this world, with it's warped space and bendable time, I can't even tell where the sun is in the sky, let alone the season!** , she goes to Olympus for 6 months during summer" I explaned to him.

"But she wont even let me follow my heart tot rue love even when shes gone" **If that's true then how did you manage to have Nico? Oh right, he was erased from existence through Alabaster messing with the timey-whimey ball.** He said all with eyes of deepness.

"Well u could get a divorced" I said. "I thought of this but I cant cause all teh lawyers are in the felds of Punishment **, and it's not like I'm the God of the Underworld and can just pop down there anytime I want- oh wait."** He said (geddit cause all the lawyers were in the feild of Punishment but not Elsyum **Stop being a dick to lawyers, even the slimiest one is still nicer than you.** ) "Omg Perstepahnie is a really bitch" I said furstated in rage. **And you're an adultering slut. I think that puts you two on even footing.**

"Yes but this doesnt matter anymore" Said Hades "My ehart is yours, Ill make out for the sakes of love!" He kissed me suddently, my heart jumped threw my rib cage an tore threw my sole **and killed me** , I knew now this was love. But no I must deny this love, my task was to get the helmit of invisabilty. I garbbed it from him, a tear swilled my cheeks cause bertrayal is not easy to a heart in pain. **Hey, isn't this the** ** _exact same thing_** **that happened with Cupid in Chapter 35! Except Hades is** ** _nowhere_** **near as sympathetic as Cupid was!** I put on the helmit an I looked at myself but there was nothin there cause when I put it on it made me all invisable! "No come back" Said Hades with a heat renchering cry but it was too late, I knew sometimes in lifes there are hard choses.

* * *

 **Hard choses such as: do I continue to review this crappy, fanfic and it's constant squicky rehashing of old ideas, or do I spare myself and my sanity and just give up already?!**


	51. Themyscira Isn't As cool As I Remember

**Thank you Kurt50Alien, Knightwing20042 and SilverZero1014 for reviewing!**

 **Guest reviews:**

 **Guest: "** **Don't give up! That would be letting xxMoonlitexx win!" Don't worry, I'm sticking to my mission 'till the end! That won't stop from making jokes about quitting though...**

 **Guest: "I've read to the end out of morbid curiosity and there's no more "saduction," mainly because the rest of the tasks involve animals. Or Amazons. (And amazingly she manages to stick with Alabaster for the rest of the story!)" I mean, that's good news! I guess... it'd be great news if Flavia gets crushed by a falling anvil.  
**

 **AGrapeWithNoSoul: "Every time she changes into a new outfit, I imagine the other characters just stand around awkwardly waiting for the plot to continue. Even the monsters, because they're polite that way" Haha, totally!**

* * *

51…The Amazons Blt **Mmmm. Bacon lettuce tomato sandwich! Oh wait, never mind, this is just a misspelling of belt. A massively disappointing misspelling of belt.**

I walked all pride **Well, you certainly are "all pride".** all the way to the roman Camp, there was Artmeis standin majestly in sliver light all ready for to give me the next tasks.

"Omg can I keep this helmit taht makes me invisable!" I yelled emploredly. **What, you're not gonna give it back to Hades? I guess the space between chapters is enough time for her to forget that she "loves" him.**

"I wish it was so but it cant be, thou desserved **No she doesn't!** it but Hera wants it for her prep fuled selfishness" **Okay, seriously,** ** _why_** **is nobody just giving the damn thing back to it's rightful owner?! Did xxMoonlitexx just forget he existed?!** Artmeis explaned all sensative "An Zeus gives her all teh stuffs cause hes makin up for cheatin a lots."

My heart steeled cause I knew…...you cant always get what is desserved even tho you desserve not until ur a godness like I was goin to be when I did 11 tasks more. **Remember, kiddos: you'll only get what you deserve if you somehow become an all powerful immortal being, and until then you need to just suck up your injustices! Of course since none of you are as** ** _perfect_** **and** ** _wonderful_** **as Flavia Maya Lilith Knight, you'll never get what you deserve and she'll just keep stealing from you! Yayyy!** Speakin about this now I got my next task, exept its called a laber, thats like a task. **Do you seriously think your audience is so dumb you need to explain the word "labor" to them, xxMoonlitexx? Or are you explaining this to yourself?**

"Thou must get the belt from amazon" Artmeis explaned to me.

"What kind off belt does it look like" I said.

"I will show thou the page here" She took a godly phone an showed me there was a belt made all from golden an silver on amazon, it had some rubes too. It shimbered mightly, I said "but it wont let me buy it, teh fukin technologys!" **If you can't buy it then why is it on Amazon in the first place?!**

"Thats cause thou mustest fight the amazons queen named Hippolite" Said Artmeis. **I mean, technically at the point and time the Queen of the Amazons is Reyna's sister Hylla, but since xxMoonlitexx has clearly just been skimming the books and is basing her Amazons more on the Wonder Woman version, I'll allow it.**

"Where is she so I can kill her" I said, I got my weapons an I slipped them septously **?** inside my bra **, which apparently was bigger than the rest of my entire body combined, or contained TARDIS technology,** to hide them but where I could reach them later.

"She lives in the island called "Amazon" **Noooo, they live on an island called** ** _Themyscira_** **, why the frack would they call their island "Amazon" that's so derivative and boring!** , its in the sea somewhere here I will show thou" She waved her hands an there was some light an I stooded on a island. I saw now there was a sign by me, it said "Amazon" on it ***facepalm* There's a literal wooden sign with a name on it? God.** , an I knew this was the island which she spoked. Also this was a smart name cause the amazons lived on this they cant kill me, I was armed and mightly. **Bullshit. The Amazons are super badass.** ** _Wonder Woman's_** **an Amazon. The Amazons can kick your ass eight different ways using only their pinkies and show you what** ** _real_** **strong female characters look like!** But where was Hippolite.

Suddenly I saw a amazon, she was all wearin armer all dunze an she had a speer an also a dessert eagle. **A dessert eagle? Is that like an eagle made out of marzipan or something?** She was wearin a orange thing like you wear when ur in jail an ur waitin for the police to call ur parents an before court. **Okay... that was a strangely detailed description... do even want to know what xxMoonlitexx did?! Probably murder a blonde classmate.** Exept she only had one boob on her brest cause they do that when ur a amazon, its so you can shoot more accarate an hit ur target better. Its true they acutely do this. **No, no they actually [did] not. Waving aside the fact that the Amazons, while likely inspired by a real people, did not exist, cauterizing one of your breasts will not improve your balance. If anything, it will hurt it. And second, with the medical technology of the ancient world, cutting off a large piece of your flesh like that, especially a piece so close to your heart, would probably result in death or serious injury that would leave you incapable of fighting. And that's not even mentioning the high risk of infection! Long story short, the whole "cut off one boob" thing was just another legend made up by the Athenians to paint a picture of a foreign, barbaric and scary people who they could use to manipulate others in politics.** Anyways I said "halt" an she throwed teh dessert eagle at me **No one in this universe knows how to use a gun right! They just keep chucking them at people instead of** ** _actually firing bullets_** **!** but I walked out of the way so it fell an hit a tree. I razed my hand so I could hit her with Telelmelchus but the amazons cheated, they all jumped out of the bush an captered me.

I could off fight them easy an maybe slay them all **Lies. You were in trouble and you knew it.** but I knew this was wise instead, I said "Are you goin to take me to ur leader" an they said "yes she is Hippolite, she lives in this way" an they took me in this way. See this was smart cause now I knew where Hippolite was lol. **You were gonna be taken to her anyway!**

Anyways we went down a road an there was a big castle, it was all orange an black an made from mens bones, cause amazons hate sex. **Not in the Percyverse. In the Percyverse the Huntresses of Artemis hate sex and the Amazons just like BDSM. Same in the original mythology, but, again, based on Wonder Woman, so I'll give a pass for that. But I won't give a pass for that hideous mess they call a castle! Bones painted orange and black?! So faux paus!** Soon I saw there was Hippolite, she was sittin on a big throne all spiky. **For amusement's sake, pretend this is the Iron Throne.** She had long hair that was dark red an green eyes with some black eyeliner so they looked japanse **What...? How...? HUH?!** an she was wearin wicked armer. It was kawaii but it was also bad ass. ***facepalm***

She pointed me with her speer, it was made from a bone "Are you trespessing, bitch explane this plz" **Gotta love the mixed messages being sent here. "Tell us the truth, mother^*$#er! Pretty please?"**

Well sense I wasnt lesbin I knew I couldnt saduce for this task ***oh thank God, no more seduction*** so instead I knew the truth would suffuse. **Plus, if you lie to them they'll just use the Lasso of Truth on you.** "Im here to get the belt" I said to her.

"But why" I said.

"Its for the 11 task" I explaned. "An I will fight for to get it" **Well, that escalated quickly. "I need a belt" "Why" "Cause I'm greedy. Now I'ma kill y'all!"**

* * *

 **Welp, that's it for today. I think I'ma head to the local comic book story now, I'm in the mood for some Wonder Woman!**


	52. Capitalism Saves the Day!

**Thank you** **The-Greatest-Spartan, The One The Only Marty D and Mossflower1234 for following, favoriting and reviewing!**

 **Guest reviews:  
BornOfTheGods: ""She only had one boob on her breast" So... does Moonlite think that women have two "boobs on each breast" normally, and the Amazons only have one "boob on each breast"? That would explain why Flavia's bra is so big.." I think xxMoonlitexx might be using "breast" in the archaic sense, i.e. "pectoral area", but the idea that Flavia actually has ****polymastia is a lot funnier!**

 **Guest: "** **Flavia: Oh my god I have a gun! I could do the logical and smart thing by shooting Kornos while he's standing still for no reason! Or, I could throw it at him. *throws gun at Kornos***

 **Hippolite: I have a gun too! I could be smart and shoot Flavia! But since Flavia always wins her battles for no apparent reason, I'm going to use her tactic! *throws gun***

 **Flavia: *gets captured by the amazons* YOU CHEATED! THAT'S NOT FAIR! I'M TELLING!**

 **Hera forgot about Hades.**

 **Nivo magically disappeared.**

 **This is not a good time for Hades and his children." Huh. Maybe Hades got erased from the timeline as well! OMG, maybe the Entity got to them!**

* * *

Fuk yay Hailey is back with her dentist appt **her 8 chapter long dentist appointment** so she is betaing agan!11! **And she's doing a terrific job, judging by the number of 1s in your exclamation points!** She was not at first but I kept tellng her to until now she will!11!1! **God, I kind of feel bad for Hailey at this point. She clearly wants out, but xxMoonlitexx just keeps insisting she keep helping!**

52…Getting the Belt from Amazons **Oh my God. Guys, I- I can't believe it! A chapter title with** ** _every single word spelled right_** **! It's even properly capitalized! Holy s***, I guess having Hailey around really does help xxMoonlitexx's writing skills!**

I knew I had to get the belt from the Amazons because it was my task and a task is like a quest and you must do quests **because quests are redundant like tasks which are also redundant and redundancy redundantly blah blah blah blah blah.**. So I said, "Give me the fuking belt, you slut" **Gotta love her cordiality.** only the Amazons were not acutely sluts because they hated all men, even hot ones, but it was a insult so it did not matter the truth.

"Never" said the Amazon "and your a slut" **So true.** OMG THIS WAS A FUKING LIE! **What was that you just said about if something's an insult "it did not matter the truth"? Someone's a little defensive!**

I did not stand and be showered with the untruth of lies, I knew I must pordduce the ultamute weapon! ***gasp* What is it?! A BFG?! Going Super Saiyan?! A BFG going Super Saiyan?! Tell us!** So I p[ulled out the ultamute weapon in badass slowmo ***snortle* Badass slowmo in real time isn't badass. It;s just really stupid. Take it from a person who spent an hour and half slowmo running for a LOTR parody.** , it was not Telelemacus or even teh lighing of zeus, it was…a gift card to hot topic and not any hot topic, the temple hot topic! **...**

 **...**

 **...**

 **WHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT?!**

The Amazon queen Hippolite looked at the card with the wondermint of awe "what is this wondermint?" **You gotta be shitting me! They're** ** _falling for this_** **?! And WTF is wondermint? Sounds like a gum flavor!**

"It is for hot topic, its like money but a card" **Of course I know what it is! What I want to know is WHY?!** I showed her on my phone what she could buy, she looked sad.

"but we have only one boob, we will n ot look fuking kawaii like those smokin models" she said with the sorrow of a thousand fields. **THE F*** DO YOU CARE?! YOU'RE F***ING AMAZONS! YOU DON'T NEED TO LOOK KAWAII, YOU'RE ALL GODDAMN SUPER SOLDIERS!**

In the wisdom of Artmeis I knew how to help, I went on google maps **Flavia: so dumb she needs Artmeis's help to** ** _use Google._** and found the closest one of those sugery doctors that give fake boobs "see, he will help"

The other amazons looked at my phone, they saw how beatus they woud look in hot topic cloths and two boobs.

"We must do this" said one "for I wantest to look hot" **NO YOU DON'T! YOU JOINED THE AMAZONS BECAUSE YOU** ** _DIDN'T_** **WANT TO LOOK HOT! YOU SPEND ALL YOUR TIME FIGHTING! YOU DON'T HAVE ROMANTIC RELATIONS! WHO COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT TO LOOK HOT FOR?!**

"Never could I image the glory of the cloths form this "hot topic"" said a differnt one ***falsetto*** ** _Slutty black shirts and sluttier black pants_** **! So glorious!**

SO Hippolite did a trade for the card and gave me her belt and the labor was…fufilled! ***video game music*** The silver light of Artemis shine down **why?** and the Amazons were shocked "You are marked with the glory of Artemis the goddess of wisdom!" said Hippolite. **Um, nooo,** ** _Athena's_** **the wisdom goddess.**

"But I thought Athena" I said **See? Even Flavia knows that's wrong!**

"No, athena the fuking slut stole the title of wiseom goddess from Artmeis," hippolite explaned. ***facepalm* *facepalm* *facepalm***

OMG I was so disdressed, I knew Athena was a fuking loser and this told me it was so! _**Of course**_ **the person who turned the ultimate symbols of feminism, strength and independence into looks obsessed loser** ** _willing to give up their greatest treasure in exchange for a makeover and breast implants_** **would eventually turn her disgusting, hate-filled sight towards the Deity of War and Strategy.**

* * *

 **Up until this point, I thought the most _shallow_ , most _vain_ , most _antifeminist_ scene in all of literatures history was Bella Swan neglecting her newborn child while gushing over the material goods of her new house in _Twilight: Breaking Dawn_. But noooo, _this_ , this takes the cake! Flavia Maya Lilith Knight, you disgust me in every sense of the word! xxMoonlitexx, you should be _ashamed of yourself_. Have you no pride? Have you no honor? What am I saying, of course you don't!**


	53. Porcupinedemic

**Thank you** **Kurt50Alien, The One The Only Marty D, Knightwing20042 and for following, favoriting and reviewing!**

 **Guest Reviews:**

 **Didi: "Alright. I honestly don't know how you do this. I'm gonna have to leave the story. For real now. Life's just been pure shit and xXMoonliteXx's insult to Athena (my friend's godly parent), I don't think I can read it anymore. I'm really sorry and I hope that you know that I still love you platonically, Sage! Good luck in all that you do!**

 **For the last time,**

 **Didi" Aw, I'm sorry you have to go, Didi. I'll miss your reviews!**

 **BornOfTheGods: "It would have been so much simpler for the Amazons to just kill Flavia and take effing gift card. Y'know, because they're THE ANCIENT WORLD'S MOST POWERFUL AND ELITE FEMALE WARRIORS! (And Flavia's demise would be so satisfying.)" That _would_ be satisfying. And then the Amazons just totally sack the Hot Topic and burn it to the ground! Yeah...**

 **Guest: "so their saying that they joined about 3000 years ago because they don't know what a hot topic is but they just said " Lets cut off our breasts because we'll never quit and be shunned " Great choices girls * Slow clap *" Way to keep it classy, ladies.**

 **Guest: "Hippolite: I hate men! That's why I am with the amazons!**

 **Flavia: *pulls out gift card***

 **Hippolite: LOL FTW forget evrything I just said I need to lok kawaii and sexly in Hot Topic clothes and I need boob surgery!" A truer quote recap review has never been written. But what does "FTW" mean in this case?**

 **Guest: "Reading this over I realized that there are two very different writing styles at war in Flavia's narration. On one hand she throws around phrases like "and so it was," "they spoke of my mighty deeds," "the place of which she spoke." On the other hand, you have "lol geddit" and "fuk u." It gives the fic a distinct and...kind of weirdly entertaining cadence. And her nonsense words like "I slimbered up to him," "a breeze swimped feltly", "she snitted" etc. are BS, but they feel like the right word in a Jabberwocky sort of way. It's these things that make me suspect this is indeed the work of a troll. Not to mention the line (from the sequel I think? Or maybe this one, I don't remember) "I cut off his legs and he was...defeeted!" It's a bit too deliberate. Anyway, it's still a piece of shit, but as someone who's into etymology and making up fictional languages, I find it mildly interesting!" I definitely agree with you the troll bit, and xxMoonlitexx's writing style is a bit too unique (and stagnant) to be real.**

 **Guest: "The jail thing is disturbingly specific. I wonder if Hanna tried to shoplift from Hot Topic. Or Hollister, and that's why she hates it so much... Your guess is as good as mine.**

* * *

53…..Birds Attack! **Quick! Grab a wire hanger!**

Well anyways my next task was arrived! Artmeis got the belt an said "Well this is a sweet fukin belt, thou may keepist it" **_Yeah, screw those Amazons! Clearly Flavia deserves it_** **more!** I put it on an I looked super hot but also sexly. **Is... there a difference?** It was acutely a blt of magics. **You'd definitely need magic to look remotely attractive, Flavia.**

"Thou next task on thou list is this, thou must kill birds" She explaned "But these arent like normal birds like sparlows or seagles **What the hell is a "sparlow"?!** , not even like Vampire bats (exept I called them empusa bats cause I was greek.) **Vampire bats aren't bird, you idiot. Calvin and Hobbes had a better guess with "bugs".**

"Well are they deadly, it doesnt matter anyways cause my aim is deathly" I said.

"Yes but thou birds are made from arrows an they shoot these arrows at thou instead of feathers, maybe like a porkupine but a porkupine of death!" **Porkupine of Death! Coming to a theater near you! Featuring: poor special effects sizing up bored, distracted animals and given a scare chord soundtrack as an attempt to be scary!** Yelled Artmeis quitely. **Welp, add to the OxyMORON list.**

"Thats fukin stupid birds" I agreed with her! **You do kind of have to wonder just what the Ancient Greeks were smoking when they come up with some of their myths. And where we can get some.** "What do they have a name?"

"These are stigmalyian **Stymphalian. But I'm too lazy to keep correcting you.** "birds" Artemis extonded. **"Make sure to always have 'birds' in quote-unquote marks. It adds to the 'mystique'."**

"What loser said name them that" I asked mocking this foolish one who come up with such a suckish name. **Um... probably the people from Stigmalyia. And I wouldn't mock anybody's name if I was called Flavia Maya Lilith Knight.**

"Oh course it was Apherditi **If we're to believe Aphrodite's really a dumb blonde, then how was she able to even pronounce Stygmalia?!** , Zeus saidest I coudest have the naming but then that slut hore Apherditi slept with him and seduced him and so he let her" **In many versions of the myth Zeus is Aphrodite's** ** _father,_** **and even if she's not she's still generally known as one of the few beings not to have sex with him! Zeus probably gave her the naming rights because, if the rotten apple doesn't fall far from the diseased tree, Artmeis sucks at naming things.** Said Artmeis in a voice of expasive sadness. **Boohoohoo. You didn't get to name some death birds! Allow me to unpack my World's Smallest Violin for you!**

"Somd day Zeus will pay for this unjustiseness!"I distraged to teh heavins **, at which point I was immediately struck down by lightening because Zeus doesn't put up with people threatening him.** "An also anyways Im namin these birds my own name to show Apherditi she cant own the worlds, Im calling them "steel porkupines" but steel!" **AHAHAHAHAHA! That's the dumbest name I've heard since "Night Death Arrow"! Stygmalian birds is far more dignified and intelligent!**

"Thou namested them bad ass" ***choked laughter* It sounds like the name of a third rate high-school football team.** Approved Artmeis all wise an contended.

Now I spoke no more cause it was time for my task! I got Jason to come with me an we rode on a my little ponty motercycle ***sigh* Oh Jason. It used to be cute, but now it's just an obsession!** he had in the temples of Zeus, it was purple an epick exept there were imagers of princess Selstia on it, but I didnt judge this cause Im not a bigmiest. **If you're not a "bigmiest", why do you feel the need to constantly point that out?** Jason could live his own lifes an I exepted him for who he is an so should you omg, stop judgin everything!1 **Keep telling yourself that.**

"Tell me your lifes" Explaned jason **No, don't ask! She'll give you her whole Mary Sue backstory! It will take hours!** on the way to the muddy place where these birds swimped. **Ah, swimp. One of the finest words crafted by this modern Shakespeare of ours.**

"Well its like this" I asked "I think I might be deep in love with Albaster but secret deeper in my heart I remember Percy, but halfs of my heart keeps sayin like "Percy sux, Albaster should be my bf" but then I think no, Pervcy is hot an also he is my Ex, it would be hot if we got back tagether to finnish what we start" I said all furstated. **Oh Goddamnit! Make up your frickin' mind already! *cough slut she's a slut cough***

Jason loked seveere "You have a hard life Flavia, see I have no gf (this is like a girlfriend) cause my heart belongs to Futtershy ***squick*** , this isnt acutely weird **Yes it is** cause my inner sole is pony shaped **It's still weird** "

"Yes but I can only pick 1 bf to be a god with me in Olypmus" I said. **My God. This is like the definition of First World problems!**

"This makes it a harder chose than before" Said Jason. **When has Flavia ever successfully made and stuck with a choice?!**

I knew this was wise advise, but I still could not decide an this made me cloud in anger, why couldnt life be simple & incomplacated. ***whiny falsetto* Why can't I be a slut** ** _and_** **a goddess?! It's so unfair!**

"Wait Flavia, here we are where the "steel porkupines" ***snortle*** fly in nests of death" Said Jason, we parked the motercycle in some trees so no one could see us, then we climed threw all the plants an trees. **I wonder how many times y'all got bitten by sticks or scratched by sticks?** Lucky for us I was wearin a cammo mini skirt an also cammo high tops an a cammo tank so no one could see me, I was invisable. **First of all: camo doesn't work like that. Second: all you're wearing is a mini skirt, tank top and boots. So even if it did make whatever it covered invisible, that'd just mean you look like a floating head, arms and legs. That's not stealthy, that's just nightmare fuel!** Jason did not wear cammo cause he had to wear purple cause Futteshy **... Bronyism is sounding more like a cult every second... hey, wait a minute! Fluttershy is the pink/yellow one!** , so he walked bahind me so he was hidden from teh naked eyes. (ew not like that ur such a perv) **When I hear naked eyes, I always think of someone like, peeling the top layer off an eyeball. That's... not normal is it?...**

Suddenly a bird swoomed at us but I was horrorfied cause it was not a normal bird, it was…..a steel porkupine ***snortle*** an it 6 shot fethers at us, 4 landed in a tree but 2 teh motercycle! **So, good news: the bird's aim is just as crappy as everyone else's in this universe!** There was a very big an also loud expulsion like a nukular blast **If this was a nuclear blast, you and everyone within a 0-3km radius would be dead.** , fire bursted an the motercycle was no more!

Jason gaseped "Oh sit this sucks cause now were trapped an there is no way back" **You can fly, Jason! Fly you fool!**

"NO" I said but it was true an then there were 10 more birds busted from a tree! **Oh thank God, a cliff hanger! I was afraid this chapter was going to go even longer!**

* * *

 **For a _truly_ epic bird on man battle, look up the truly epic Coat Hanger Scene from the Indie masterpiece Birdemic.**


	54. Hatin' on J

**Thank you** **Knightwing20042 and for favoriting and reviewing!**

 **Guest: "-A camo miniskirt doesn't make you invisible. But you know what does? That cap of invisibility you blackmailed Annabeth out of earlier! Oh, right, that was only there so she could bully Annabeth. She wasn't actually planning on using it or anything.**

 **-Swimped: "swim" plus "swamp?" This fic needs a glossary at this point.**

 **-His...ponysexuality...aside, Jason is totally her gay bff stereotype, isn't he? I'm surprised he has a motorcycle and not like...a purple Vespa. And it's Twilight Sparkle who is purple, not Princess Celestia or Fluttershy. I'm surprised Flavia has tolerated Jason this long, she usually kills anyone who's not sufficiently gothic.**

 **-A peeled eyeball? Urgh, now I'm going to think about that every time someone says "the naked eye." 1. Flavia probably just shoved it into her cleavage pocket dimension and forgot about it. 2. Where does she come up with these words?! 3. He totally is! 4. You're welcome!**

 **Guest: "But Flavia has an open marriage in the sequel, so monogamy apparently isn't required once she becomes a goddess? Or is the issue that she can only pick one guy to become immortal? Or maybe she only has to be monogamous until she finishes the labors of Hercules? It's really unclear..." The answer to your question is simple: xxMoonlitexx has the attention span of a goldfish. She can barely remember that last chapter Kornos was set to invade, let alone niggling little details like whether or not she can be a slut!**

 **AGrapeWithNoSoul: "** **What the hell was Jason's motorcycle made of if shooting it with a steel feather/arrow caused it to explode in a freaking mushroom cloud?" Like most props and set pieces in a mindless action plot, it was made of Explodium!**

 **Ari: "Bronyism ain't a cult Moonlite, it's a fandom and also steel porcupines as a name for birds sucks" I mean, I've certainly seen fandoms that resemble angry cults *cough -Ghostbusters controversy- cough -new Star Wars- cough -friend who refuses to admit DC movies suck- cough***

 **Guest: "why do all the bad guys have horrible aim? why aren't they all dead? I mean, at some point someone would probably figure out that they have horrible aim and just snipe them! also, a camo skirt seems super impractical. also, pretty much all gods except "artmeis" are all posers, preps, hores and sluts." I'd say "Artmeis" is the poserist, preppiest, sluttiest whore- goddess of them all, in this universe.**

 **BornOfTheGods: "Maybe Flavia has already experianced intense radiation as part of her "tragic" backstory. That would explain why she has multiple faces covered in tear ducts, all facing backwards so tears can fall in her footsteps, and has 6 breasts. (From now on I'm imagining Flavia with all those things as I read...)" That... certainly makes some sense. However, if you want to see someone else's interpretation of Flavia, my good friend Chromematic has just posted a drawing of her on Deviantart!**

* * *

You should be greatful taht Hailey betas this, shes so busy to beta this **and yet you keep forcing her to** , she acutely told me about all this stuffs she had to do but she is beta this instead, so she is a very fan. **No, she was trying to make excuses to no do this, but you're so inconsiderate and dense you didn't get the hint.**

54….The Fight With Jason **With Jason? Great, is he gonna turn "evil" now? I knew xxMoonlitexx could never handle having a non-evil blonde!**

The birds were attacking us attactfully! **And xxMoonlitexx was reduntanting redundantly!** I garbbed my sliver-plated handgun and shot at them **OMG. A GUN IS BEING USED RIGHT.** , many died but many lived.

"No now they are retruning fire!" Yelled Jason.

They shot like 60 feathers at us, exept they all missed lol. **The Stormtroopers are laughing at you, Steel Porcupin- hahaha, oh my gosh that name is so stupid!** Jason pulled a bow an some flamin firey arrows out from his purse **Purse? He really is her GBF! Also: really impractical weapon, why isn;t he just flying up and stabbing them with his spear/sword that is money?** , he aimed well an soon lots of steel porkupins were raining from the sky like teers of teh god of steel porkupines. (Acutely there wasnt a god for this but this is a compare so u know what this looked like) **I volunteer to be that god!**

Suddently there was a roar like a lion on fires, it was…..the ruler of all the arrow shot birds, it had the head off a mightly eagle with fethers of steel an also iron. But he had the body of a hot guy with abs of steel an also iron. ***facepalm* Flavia, I'm beginning to suspect** ** _you're_** **the furry here, between this and Chiron's spontaneous de-aging.**

"We must kill this steel porkupin man tho he is hot" Said Jason.

"Yes" I said "cause he is teh laeder of ALL and if he is killed the others will die as well to" **Seriously? What kind of stupid logic is that?! It makes even less sense then the Chitauri in Avengers!** so I took Draceenas doom out from my bra ***snicker*** and a sharp arrow and I aimed but I did not want to destory his hot abs ***cough slut she's a slut*** so I shot at his left eye. Of course I hit it cause Artmis had blessd me with the power of arrows cause she is the god of that stuff. The leader of the steel porkupin birds screamed cause it hurt like fuk to beshot in the eye and then he "keled" over, this means he fell, look it up if you dont beleeve me its truthfull! **Um, "keeled" refers specifically to falling when one is already on the ground. But the furry dude was (I'm assuming) flying. F for effort!**

Suddenly there was a sad sqwak and all teh other steel porkupin birds keled over to. But Jason was sad?! **He was? I didn't know, this story has such confusing prose and so little continuity.**

"Wtf Jason we have compeleted the "task" I said

Tears fell from jasons eyes "Fluttershy is a frend to all things that live, she is saddened with me for killing" **Honestly, the Cult of the Fluttershy doesn't sound so bad compared to the total psychos gods usually are.**

I shook my head is sorrow, I knew this dark truht must be shared now "Jason Fluttershys not real shes just an actress" **Wait... did Jason not know this?!**

"NOOOOOOOOOO" **OMG, he really didn't!** said Jason all mutely "She is real I have seen her move an talk like a real horse, how is this possble" **Jason, you moron. It's a cartoon!**

"It is teh power of the tv cameras" **There aren't even cameras! It's not live action! Wait. Does xxMoonlitexx think** ** _My Little Pony_** **is live action?!** I explaned, now I realized that Jason was just a stupid prep poser and that Hera the evil bitch had been cloudin my eye of wisdom! _**How dare he be a pacifist!**_ **You are such a f***ing bitch.** "omg I cant beleeve I liked you your totaly youseless, scum on teh pond of life" **Jason's ten times the demigod you'll ever be,** ** _tu_** ** _malus nequamque_** **!** I jumped on the motercycle an drove away with brake in my heart. **Hey! That's his motorcycle! Quit stealing from people! Also: didn't that thing blow up a chapter ago? Or was it one of those cheap CGI explosions that barely look real and don't actually harm anything?**

"um this is my motercycle" said Jason for he was stupid an confussed. **Seriously, Flavia, what the hell?! Why have you suddenly turned evil? -er.**

"no it fukin isnt" I said. **It has Fluttershy on it. It is most definitely his!**

"But were quested companies" Said Jason all sad.

"Omg James I dont like you so go an do a draceena" I snerked widfully. **YOU GO DO A DRACEENA, XXMOONLITEXX!**

 **Wait a minute... who is "James"?**

* * *

 **Hmm... methinks this sudden Jason-bashing is a bit more complex than simple Blondism. Who is James? A friend? An ex? A victim? Something else entirely? It's a mystery!**


	55. Moondaughter gets more BOARing (geddit)

**Thank you** **kenyizsu, and** **Kurt50Alien for favoriting and reviewing!**

 **Guest reviews:  
**

 **Junebug: "*gasp* TARDIS! YAYYYY! Another Dr. Who fan!" Yeeessss... I totally watch Dr. Who... I definitely don't just know what the TARDIS is by sheer coincidence or anything... *cough cough doesn't want to look like a bad geek cough cough***

 **Guest: "-"There is no god of steel porcupines" *introduces the god of steel porcupines in the next sentence* (or maybe it was just a random furry?)**

 **-"She is real I have seen her move an talk like a real horse" Jason thinks real horses talk. Then again My Little Pony is apparently live action in whatever messed up universe this takes place in.**

 **-Since when is Jason a pacifist? Didn't he kill monsters earlier?**

 **-I'm going to guess Jason is a brony who offended Hanna in some way" 1. Yeah. Who was that guy anyway? Maybe it was the Egyptian god Horus... 2. Or maybe Jason's just really really dumb... 3. Honestly? I don't pay attention to continuity anymore. She doesn't bother, why should I? 4. Perhaps... we may never know *X-files theme***

 **JunebugL "** **Simple. Blondie the Flavia doesn't like that Jason and Piper had a good relationship (#Jasper4life), so she doesn't like him.**

 **James? James is *gasp* A BAD SPELLING ERROR, like EVERYTHING else in this goddamn fanfic!" I don't know... xxMoonlitexx's inserted other people into stories as possessed canon characters before, like with the whole "Hazel/Hailey" thing. It's entirely possible Jason/James is something similar.**

* * *

Stop flamin me. Hailey doesnt like it _**Oh no! Well, in that case, I'll stop the spork right here. We wouldn't want to upset**_ **Hailey** ** _!_** ***eye roll***

55\. Teh Wild Bore **Hmm... not sure if that's a typo or an oxymoron...**

I was all mad at Jason but this was ok cause he was never my bf, just like a exessery. **Wow. Th-that is just. Wow.** Anyways now I had a kick ass **previously exploded** motercycle, exept I painted it black with 6 red steaks on the sides an a logo taht said 1 simple word….Death. **It was cooler when it was MLP themed.** My blood billed, my mind remembered swifly of Albaster **Hey, where the frack was Alabaster this last chapter?! Wasn't he supposedly on the quest too?** who was my truthfull spirit mind bonded from teh beginning. But this must wait, cause now I must do my next task!

"Are these birds dead" Said Artmeis **, who had suddenly entered the story, right the f*** out of nowhere,** askfully.

"You mean steel porkupins ***snicker*** , yes there all dead I fukin killed them all" I explaned.

"But wheres Jason, I thought thou questered with him?" Said Artmeis.

"He bertrayed me an reveled himself a prep all along" I said sadly but also wrathly. "He serves teh Fluttershy not the gods of Olypmus." **That's one the dumbest things ever said in the history of dumb things. Like, that's "commitment to Sparkle Motion" level dumb.**

"Well this is too bad but thou must learn that there will be false bffs in this life" Said Artmeis **Like Flavia, who stranded her friend in the middle of the woods because she found out he was a pacifist! Or brainwashed her other best friend into a relationship with a objectophiliac! Or stabbed her other other best friend to death for dating someone she didn't like!** "Anyways here is thou next task" She gave me the paper of tasks an I read it, it said my next task was to dafeat a wild bore. A wild bore is a pig but its not like a pink pig, its big an dagerous an has steel teeth to eat many lives in Japan **The Eymanthian Boar lives in Japan?!** so its more dagerous than pigs in Florida or even in Canadan. **Why was that comparison necessary? Why did she specifically mention Florida and Canada?! Is this some sort Trolluminati code?! Should I alert Brapple and Gumblick?!**

"I will shot it in teh eye with Draceenas droom, or maybe my sliver pated handgun" I expanded to Artmeis.

"Alas thou cant, thou mustest catch it alive, without killing it" Said Artmeis.

"Wtf Artmeis?!" I yelled "That's fukin inpossible!" **Um... no it's not. Well, I guess it is for someone as bloodthirsty as Flavia...**

"yes it is a shitful task but Zeus madested this list of tasks, he passifically chose these ones cause **They're the exact same ones Heracles had to go through** Apherditi told him to" Said Artmeis all sad. **I mean, it makes sense Flavia'd have to go through a task proving she's capable of restraint.**

"When I am a godness in Olympus she will pay times 6" I said darkly.

"Yes you will be teh godess of darkness **That's Nyx.** an also bad Assery **That's... anyone but Flavia!** " Said Artmeis.

This fuled me with hope to finnish my task, I would find teh bore an capture him in a cage an drag him back to Rome! But firstly I must pick someone 2 quest with me, obvously Jason was not in the question (geddit like quest) ***wince* It literally burns... *steam rises from skin***

"Hey where you going" Asked Albaster.

"Im going to catch a bore, exept its a deathly bore" I explaned. ***points to Alabaster* You've got one right here.**

"Can I come with you" Said Albaster.

"Ok" I said.

So Albaster got his motercycle, it was all cammo an green with a sliver skull on it and it said Hecate on it cause Hecate. **Smarter logic has never been logicked.**

"Where is this bore" Asked Albaster, we drove over many hills an into some mountins but they were big mountins, even like the Rocky Mountins which were in teh west America. (U can look this up on wikapedia if u want to prove it) **Does... she really not know where the Rockies are? She had to look that up?!**

"Artmeis said he lives on a mountin here" I pointed at the biggest mountin, it was so big there was snow crusted on the top of it. **The tallest mountain in the Rocky range is *quick googling* Mount Elbert in British Columbia. Which is in Canada. So Artmeis is wrong. The Erymanthian Boar isn't more dangerous than boars in Canada, because it** ** _is_** **a boar in Canada!**

"Well its lucky I have this **super convenient, never mentioned before, never to be mentioned again,** magic net from Hecate" Said Albaster, he took something from his pocket, it was a net all glowin and green. It glimmered with the magics!

Suddently the bore busted from a tree! It was all made from lether skin **Generally speaking, leather comes from cows. Is the Erymanthian Boar actually just one of my old failed leather working projects given life by some wizard or whatever?!** an it had mighty horns drippin blood!

* * *

 **I feel like such a failure because I didn't work in enough "boar/bore" jokes... *hangs head in shame***


	56. Teh Obligatory Courtroom Episode

**Thank you** **crinutsaclash, EpicFangirl46, Kurt50Alien and The One The Only Marty D for favoriting and reviewing!**

 **Guest reviews:**

 **Guest:"** **Flavia: I need to make this preppy motorcycle more badass! *paints a bunch of rare steaks on it* much better.**

 **Questionnaire: Alabaster, why does your motorcycle have Hecate on it?**

 **Alabaster: because Hecate. stop asking me questions you preppy poser prep poser fuker slut**

 **Questionnaire: What if I don't?**

 **Alabaster: Hecate. *Pulls out Hecate II***

 **Flavia: I need to catch a wild bore!**

 ***sees Rabbit hole***

 **Flavia: I found a wild bore!**

 **Flavia: the wild bore is in Japan and is tougher than the ones in California and canada.**

 **Flavia: I repeat, THE BORE IS IN JAPAN.**

 ***Goes to the rocky mountains***

 **Flavia: wait, te rocky mountains are in Japan, right?**

 **Alabaster: Let's catch the wild bore! *pulls out Mary-Sue plot device*" Haha, thanks for the epic recap!**

 **Guest:"** **That chapter was so BOREing" OW. Your pun. It hurts. But not as badly as xxMoonlitexx's...**

 **Guest: "I think the reason she didn't bring Alabaster was because he's kind of useless. Apparently he has to recharge after one spell. Really all he does is stand there and sparkle with Teh Magics of Hecate...wait a minute, is he a Loki expy or an Edward expy?" Hm... maybe both?**

* * *

Omg u rock Hailey even tho u keep ignorin my u busy?! Its taht stupid bf James hes takin all ur time **Well. I think we've figured out the mystery behind Jason's sudden fall from grace.** , u should dump his Ass an be wit me. ***bow chicka wow wow* Somebody's** ** _jealous._** not dat way u pervs. **It's okay, xxMoonlitexx. We won't hate you because you're gay. We'll hate you because you're a bitch.**

56….teh Court Date

Teh bore was thirstful-thirstfuk **... what even is this random keyboard smash of letters and dashes?!** for "blood" and that blood was mine! But that fuker wasnt getting any lol.

"Get out your magicful green net" I said an Albaster did. Thru teh awesome "magic" of Hecate **"Magic" in quotation marks because I guess Hecate isn't actually magic, she's just got science beyond mortal comprehension I guess, like the bs they tried to sell in the first Thor movies.** , the net flew up in teh airs and spun around an around, the bore watched in "terpidaton" this means he was shittin hisself. " **Trepidation (trep· i· da· tion | \ ˌtre-pə-ˈdā-shən): a nervous or fearful feeling of uncertain agitation." No mentions of sh*tting.**

Teh net fell from the sky like a streak of green paint from the brush of teh gods of the sky. It tangled up the bore till his ass was screwed. **Ew... I do not need to hear about the boar getting his ass screwed! Christ, this is rated T!**

I couldnt beleeve it, Albaster was like a god among bf's! **He actually was successful and competent without the help of Flavia the Magnificent! He's like, a god or something!**

"I knew I made teh riteful choice in chosing you, Albaster!" I shouted, and the sky had some lighting in agreemint.

Artmeis misted in front of our eyes "I see thou hast captured the bore, an it ist still alive"

But to the horror of teh gods, the bore was dead ***wide smile spreading* What?!** , the fuker had a heart attack!1! ***rapturous glee* Oh no!**

"Teh fates hate me!" I screamed to the sky **Hahaha! This is wonderful!**

A single tear dripped down Albasters face in porsalin simpathys. **WHoooo! YESSSSSSSSS, I CAN USE EVERY OUNCE OF YOUR SUFFERING *atatatatatata***

"But it was alive when I captured it" I said "I didnt even shoot it once!" **Welp it's dead now! You! LOOOSE! YAYYYYY!**

"I will pleadest thou case to the gods" Artmeis said "Thou must come to Olympics wiht me, also Albaster cause he is a witness"

She gave me a slit of paper that said my court time **You got a court time that fast? You barely even have a case yet!** (dont you fuking hate goin to court **Do I even want to know why xxMoonlitexx went to court?! Poor James and Hailey, I hope they stay safe!** )

"Wait but I need a lawyer but all the lawyers are in the felds of punishment!" remmber that lol **_Hahaha, very funny_** **. Actually, it is kind of funny, Flavia, damned by her own bigotry. *snicker***

"Thou do not need a lawyer cause I hast blast thou with my wisdom" **So Flavia's going** ** _pro se_** **? Pfith, that'll end well.** said Artmeis "teh lawyer for the bore will be Athena an she is grately pissed at thou cause of annabeth"

"But Annabeth Apherditi" I portested. **Does it really matter? All none Artmeis goddesses are apparently just blonde Mean Girls anyway. In this universe, Aphrodite and Athena are interchangeable! Which is disgusting.**

"She got moved back" Artmeis said "Apherditi disowned her cause she wast shoplifting" **I thought Piper was shoplifting? Or was this an entirely** ** _separate_** **case of theft?**

"lol serves that bitch rite" said gleefuly **God I hate you.** "well how must I be ready for court?" **Well, you could try studying some law and get acquainted with the procedures-**

"Thou mustest dress sexly in black so the judge will be empressed" Artmeis conciled. **Or you could just dress like a slut! Yeah,** ** _that'll_** **impress the jury! Really show them your strong moral character!**

"Who is the judge"

Artmeis looked grimful "zeus"

"Mr anythin that moves" I chorkled "this will be easy" **Great, and here I thought the Forces of Good might have a chance at prevailing! *cough slut she's a slut cough***

"But hera will be there minatoring his every moves" Said Artmeis. **What?! Yes! A speck of hope!**

Well maybe I was screwed?

* * *

 **Maybe she is! Maybe Flavia will finally get what's coming to her!**

 **...**

 **But I wouldn't hold my breath.**


	57. Twelve Angry Gods

**Thank you** **Bella2be,** **The One The Only Marty D and Kurt50Alien for following, favoriting and reviewing!**

 **Guest Reviews:**

 **Junebug: "Girl... You lied about being a Dr. Who fan. DISHONOR! DISHONOR ON YOU! DISHONOR ON YOUR COW! DISHONOR ON YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!" *hangs head in shame* it's true! I'm not a Dr. Who fan! I'll never forgive myself for my awful, awful deception!**

 **Silverzero1014: "Boar: I am thirstfuck!**

 **Flavia: That fuking bore! How dare it have a heart attack after I just appeared out of nowhere and encased it in net and almost killed it!**

 **Artmeis: Here is yolur court case for inderectly killing a boar!**

 **other gods: haven't even noticed because it happened five seconds ago.**

 **I was the one who has been doing the Totally Accurate Recaps.**

 **-Silverzero1014 on a guest account because he is too lazy to sign in." Silverzero1014?! _You've_ been the one doing the Totally Accurate Recaps?! *gasp* *M. Night Shyamalan says "what a twist!***

 **BornOfTheGods: "I don't get it. How can a grape with no soul shoplift? It/she has no fingers! ;)" I think that between that weird chapter with Mr. D and Annabeth's appearances on the Argo II (sorry "Night Death Arrow") she spontaneously became human again through sheer willpower.**

 **Guest: "-She's been murdering gods, demigods, mortals, satyrs, dryads and monsters left and right with no consequences, but she suddenly gets arrested for accidentally giving a wild animal a heart attack? *That's* where the gods draw the line?**

 **-Considering the last time Flavia saw Zeus she drugged him and tried to murder him, she should be more worried that he's judging her case." 1. I know, right?! What the hell, gods?! 2. I dunno if Zeus ever actually found out about what Flavia almost did, because she just knocked him out and left.**

 **Guest: ""He made that noise like when you stick a sharp thing in a prep and twist it a little" (Chapter 17), "she wore that orange thing you wear like when ur waiting for the police to call ur parents but before court" (Chapter 51) and now "dont u hate going to court."**

 **Um...this is still just Flavia speaking, right? RIGHT?" I am becoming increasingly paranoid as I continue to do this review...**

* * *

Hailey stop ignorin my massages! If anythin gets spelled wrongly in this chapter its ur fault cause you wont beta! **Don't listen to her, Hailey! Ignore her! Call the cops if you have to! You and James keep far, far away from this psycho!**

57…Death in the Court Room **Spoiler: nobody dies in this chapter.**

I walked to Olympics, I followed Artmeis an also Albaster, he was a witness so he had to come, I knew he would get me free. But Athena was a very lawyer, I knew she might try to persacute me ***fake gasp* You mean the plaintiff in a Court might try to** ** _persecute a defendent_** **?! Truly, this is the worst kind of dishonor!** , what if teh gods think Im guilty?! **Then you have to do another quest to replace this one, I guess. You inadvertently killed a wild animal, big whoop. You murder all the time. The worst punishment you could get for this is hunting without a license, so I guess you'll pay a fine or whatever.**

Firstly, every fukin idiot knows there are 12 people on the "jury" so these were the 12 Olympican gods Artmeis **She can't be on the jury! She's biased! Actually, all of these people are biased, none of them are fit for jury duty!** , Zeus **The judge can't be a member of the jury!** , Hera, Athena **is the frickin' prosecutor!** , Hephastitus, Apolo, Posideon, Artes, Siri **She means Ceres, the Roman name for Demeter, not the a.i. in your IPod. I think.** , Hades, Perstephanie **Persephone's not one of the twelve Olympians! What, did you just** ** _forget_** **Hermes existed?!** , Mr. D exept he was a pedrophile so they wouldnt let him so Chrion was there instead lookin hot ***ew*** but not as hot as Albaster. Apherditi wasnt there ether cause she was too blond too understand teh evidance lol. **I've seen kangaroo courts with more integrity than this dumbass jury.**

"Ok lets get started" Said Zeus, he was also the judge an he was wearin one of those cross dresser wigs taht judges wear cause its Legal. **Okay, first of all, that kind of court dress is English, not Greek, although I guess you could argue that since the gods float around to whatever western civilization is the strongest they probably spent a lot of time in England and thus would be influenced by them. However, wearing the stupid wig is not "Legal" (I'm assuming xxMoonlitexx meant "it's the law"), such court dress is no longer mandatory.**

"I reprasent teh wild bore" Said Athena "Flavia wheres thou lawyer?"

"I reprasent…myslef!" I yelled all bad ass.

"OBJECTICON" Yelled Athena.

"Wait is this legal" Said Zeus. **You're the judge, moron! You tell me!**

Artmeis spoke an her wisdom spun in the court room like a sliver light of glim "Yes its legal" **Wait, so Artmeis is the one calling the shots here? Well, I think we can all guess the outcome of** ** _this_** **case.**

"Ok well lets list the charge" Said Zeus. **Isn't it your job as the judge to already know this?**

"Well this deimgod "Flavia Maya Lillith Knight" wants to be a godness" Explaned Athena all attatudely "but first she must make 12 tasks, like quests. One of these tasks said she must catch this wild bore an bring it to Artmeis but alive, that means no killin it. But she killed it anyways!" **This isn't the listing of the charges, this is the prosecutions opening statements!**

"Omg shut up" I yelled "I didnt kill it, Albaster saw me, your tryin to frame me you lawyerful bitch! Anyways owls suck" **Wow. That's some** ** _fabulous_** **opening statements by the defense. Telling your opponent to "shut up" and throwing around base accusations and random petty insults. Flavia's going to seriously regret not hiring an actual lawyer.**

"Is this true" Said Zeus.

Albaster stooded, teh light of the gods shimbered on him an he was strong an sexly **Objection! This is the defense's witness, the prosecution calls witnesses first! He's not even being questioned, and he never took an oath! Crikey, the kangaroo is so strong in this court that I've suddenly developed a Ocker accent and lost my arachnephobia! Prawns on the barbie, anyone?** "Shes tellin the truth, we tied the bore up in a magick net an he was ok but he got a heart attack but this was after, so he died from "natureal cause" not from Flavia"

"Well this is a complacated case" Said Zeus "Maybe there is more evidance."

"Bring me the next witness" Said Athena.

"But there was only 1 witness" I said.

"But there is more" Said Athena, she pointed to teh place where the witness stands **Oh,** ** _now_** **there's a witness stand?!** , guess who stooded there….. **ooh ooh, was i-** Annabeht! **Hey, you didn't give me time to guess!**

"Shes not a witness shes a hore!" I yelled! **Can't she be both? Also, you didn't yell objection so it doesn't count.**

Zeus flunged his lighting bolt on teh table **, thus shattering it into a million charred pieces.** "order in teh court room" He said, he didnt need a hammer cause he was mother fukin Zeus. **In a trial this stupid, I'm surprised he wasn't using a squeaky hammer in the place of a gavel, or a prop replica of Mjolnir. Hmm, note to self, find prop replica of Mjolnir that is also makes squeaky noises...**

"Let this witness talk" Said Athena.

"But shes a liar, she will lie" I yelled wittedly. **_Gosh, if only there was some way to guarantee someone was telling the truth in this universe, by making them take some sort of oath, or swear. A, Styx Swear, if you will._**

Annabeth ignored me teh bitch, she talked instead "I was at a prep camp in the mountins **A yes, the "generic brand mountains", the most popular place for campsites, especially preppy ones.** , one of my 1D magazenes blew away in teh wind so I chased it an I saw Flaiva shotted teh wild bore in the face!"

"Ok then why is there no bullits in the bores face, then" Said Albaster, see he was very smart! **In this universe, an ounce of common sense amounts to "genius".**

"The bullits were surgerfully ramoved, duh" Said Annabeth (but this was a lie) **Like we need you to tell us this, moron. Of course it's a lie! How would Flavia have had time to remove the bullet before Artmeis arrived?! And how could she perform surgery in the woods with zero surgical equipment?! And a simple forensics test can determine that the cause of death for the boar was cardiac arrest, not exsanguination or gunshot wound related trauma!**

"Dont beleve her Zeus, shes lyin like a cheese cake" **"Lying like a cheese cake"? *bad simile counter dings*** I said to Zeus but I knew all ready he liked shallow blonds so he was startin to beleve Annabeth but not me, it made me so, fukin, angry!Cause he let sexlyness destract him, instead of usin a brain! ***falsetto* How dare he be distracted by Annabeth's sexliness! He was supposed to be distracted by** _ **my**_ **sexliness!**

"So cause my daughter says this, I agree Flavia is guilty" Said Athena loud. **Um, how about some proof of character first? Your daughter literally tried to kill you and all the gods by summoning Gaea, so she definitely shouldn't be believed unconditionally!**

"Im fukin innacent" I said, then I flipped her off an I also flipped off teh jury cause they beleved her! ***eyeroll* Brilliant politics Flavia. Flipping off the people who have the power of guilty or innocent in their hands is really going to endear you to them, I'm sure that any members of the jury who were middle of the road will** ** _totally_** **switch to your side!**

"Well now the jury will convene, they will decide if your innacent or if your guilty" Said Zeus.

"um hello I should decide this, its my life an Im innacent" I explaned. **Gosh Flavia, you're right, clearly the** ** _defendant_** **should be the one who decides the outcome of this case! In fact, why isn't that the case for all criminal trials?! I'm sure that the word of an accused serial killer is** ** _far_** **more reliable than the piles of evidence against him!**

But teh jury already convened! **In the five seconds it took you to have that conversation, the jury managed to convene?! Without the defendants or prosecution leaving the room?! A jury's deliberation can take anywhere from half hours to days, but if it takes this little time than clearly none of them even discussed the case!**

* * *

 **Was this the worst Courtroom Episode you've ever seen? it certainly was for me! But, oh no folks, it ain't over yet! We've still got to hear the verdict! Join us next time for the "thrilling" conclusion!**


	58. The Court of Waltzing Matilda

**Thank you** **Artemis897, crinutsaclash, Kurt50Alien, Bella2be, The One The Only Marty D, SilverZero1014 and Mossflower1234 for favoriting and reviewing!**

 **Guest Reviews:**

 **Guest: "Why is she happy that Chiron is on the jury? He still thinks she murdered Grover! You know, the incident that started this whole damn story! (And the same goes for Hades, who she just robbed a couple chapters ago!" I guess she's just happy 'cause he's *shudder* "hot" or something in this universe.**

 **AGrapeWithNoSoul: "So I guess Annabeth just lucked out of the whole slavery thing, since Flavia has no attention span and the memory of a goldfish." OMG, yeah, you're right, she _was_ enslaved for like five minutes! Hehe, guess I've got a goldfish memory too...  
**

* * *

Warning this part is very suspensful! **This story stopped being capable of suspense a** ** _long_** **time ago.**

58….Teh Jury Votes

The jury convened longly, teh blasterds. **Ungh. Thoroughly discussing all the details of the trial and forming rationalized, well thought-out conclusions. Those bastards.** Anyways this was a stupid system cause I should decide this. Cause I knew I was innacent but how 12 other people would even know if I killed him or not? ***facepalm* I think this stupidity speaks for itself.**

Well anyways the jury disgusted the crimes, Apolo said "My ehart tells me that Flavia is innacent" an my own heart revled in his wisdom. **Yes! Gut feeling is** ** _definitely_** **the way to go in a criminal trial! Pure wisdom.**

"I say Flavia is innacent"Said Artmeis smartly.

Hades glimbed **the f*** is glimbed?** hotly "I agree with thou, shes not a mudreder"

"I acutely knew her when she wast in camp Half blood" Said Chiron "And she was also very ethacal, she didnt murder then but she does not mudrer now" **Chiron, what the hell are you talking about?! "She didn't murder then"?! DUDE! CHAPTER TWO! YOU LITERALLY** ** _EXILE HER_** **BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT SHE** ** _MURDERED GROVER_** **! DID YOU GET LOBOTOMIZED OR SOMETHING BETWEEN THIS TRIAL AND YOUR APPEARANCE IN CHAPTER 9?! FOR THIS STUPIDITY, NO MORE WILL YOU RECEIVE THE HONOR OF BEING PLAYED BY MR T! FOR SHAME, CHIRON,** ** _FOR SHAME._** These were wise words an I got filled with a deep hopeness.

"Who else will vote for Flavia" Asked Artmeis.

"Her beaty is so great taht she must be innacent" Said Poisdon. ***derp voice* "Only ugly people commit crimes!"**

Perstephanie sat bitchly in her jury chair "Well not me cause she was hittin on my hubsand Hades, shes a poser" **Ok, while I totally understand where Persephone's coming from here and don't blame her for getting angry, that's a really stupid reason to convict someone as** ** _guilty for murder._** **And this is why juries are made up entirely of random people who have never met the prosecution or defendant before. To prevent bull like this from happening.** This was a lie, I was acutely tryin to get him a better lifes **by seducing him, breaking his heart and stealing his prized possession. Wait...** Anyways she only likes stupid retero bands like rits of Spring, thats poser music for old ppl. Shes tryin too hard to be "gothick" not like Hazel, Hazels natureal gothick. **Oh honey. You can shill Haile- I mean, "Hazel" all you want, your Beta's not coming back.**

"Omg she was hittin on mine too" Said Hera "Anyways shes hot, an this means Zeus likes her" She was jelous if you cant tell lol. **Ok, the purpose of this trial has rapidly changed from "deciding whether or not Flavia's a murderer" to "deciding whether or not Flavia's a slut". Which honestly, I'm super ok with. There's more of a chance of her getting convicted.**

"Lets count teh votes" Said Artmeis "5 said shes innacent ***goes back and checks* Well, what do ya know, looks like xxMoonlitexx** ** _is_** **capable of basic arithmetic!** , what do you say Siri"

"Shes a guilty socapath" Siri snitted! **An understandable reaction, considering how many of Cere's unnamed poser children Flavia has either killed or done horrible things to.**

Ares bertrayed me cause he was Apherditis bf, he voted that I was guilty too, the man hore. Also Hehastitus cause he was Apherditis husband, he had a hammer an a beard like Thor but he was not hot at all **Oh, so** ** _now_** **you admit Thor is hot?!** , he had ugly feet an Apherditi cheated on him all the time an he desserved it. **Honestly it's kind of surprising Hephaestus sided with Aphrodite, considering how much he hates her and how he's usually one of the kinder gods. But, in xxMoonlitexx's mind, he's not hot so he doesn't deserve to be a sympathetic character!**

"Well this is 5 votes sayin shes guilty, what we need to happen here is a "tie breaker"Said Artmeis. _**No**_ **, it was already a hung jury from the moment Persephone voted against her, when it comes to law and punishment it's either all or nothing, all members must agree.**

"Wait dont I get to vote bitch" Said Athena suddenly! **In a real Court of Law, no, since you're the prosecution. But in this Court of Wallabies, sure!**

We helded our breaths as Athena snitted… _**gee this part is SO "suspenseful"...**_ "GUILTY!" She was a hater

"Well now its 5 to 6" Said Artmeis wrathly (see Im good at maths) ***condescending pat on the head* Good job, Flavia! You get a cookie!**

Zeus threw a lighting at the wall **, exploding it.** "Silence thou flamer" He yelled mightly **Athena's his fave daughter!** "Sense Im the judge too my vote counts as 2 **The judge doesn't vote on the outcome of case!** , so cause 7 is more then 6 teh jury says that Flavia is….innacent"

I garbbed Albaster an I kissed him right on the lips in front of Artmeis an evrything **way to go Flavia, your mom went out of her way to help you and you respond by doing the exact thing she doesn't want you doing in front of her.** , also I flipped off Athena an also Perstephanie an Hera an Siri, also Ares an Hepastitus **, thus angering all five of these super powerful gods and ensuring that none of them will ever like me ever!**

"But shes guilty" wined Athena.

"Are thou mad bro" Said Artmeis in her face. **That one was so hilariously stupid I'm surprised it wasn't used in Thor: Ragnarok!**

Cause I was innacent, Athena an Annabeth went to Askiban. **Ok FIRST of all, what kind of f***ed up judiciary system is this that the prosecution and prosecution's witness go to jail if the defendant is deemed innocent?! Second of all, did she just say** ** _Azkaban?!_** **Stop mixing Harry Potter into my Percy Jackson!** Then we had a party to celebate my innacense. I had a cherry wine cooler taht was the exact same color as blood, acutely there was a little blood mixed in **That's gross and inconsiderate, you're the only empousa at this party, Flavia!** , also some ice. **Gotta love the after thought there. "It was filled with** ** _human blood_** **. Also shaved ice."**

* * *

 **Since xxMoonlitexx fails to describe the rest of the after party, I'm just going to assume that everyone just kind of sat around in awkward silence while she got smashed on blood and wine and ran around cursing at people and proclaiming her greatness before passing out in a puddle of her own vomit. Oooh, a nasty hangover is certainly gonna make the other 8 quests harder to complete! *evil grin***

 **Sorry about not updating for a while, I know it's Moon June and all but I got sick with the stomach flu and didn't want to risk covering my computer in yesterdays saltines...**


	59. Plot Rerailment (Sort Of)

**Thank you** **Kurt50Alien, SparklyMagix, SilverZero1014, The One The Only Marty D and Knightwing20042 for reviewing!**

 **Guest Reviews:**

 **AGrapeWithNoSoul: "If this is a trollfic, I wonder if all the "she's too hot be guilty" stuff could be a reference to the trial of Phryne? At least Flavia didn't flash her boobs at the jury..." That's... honestly a kind of brilliant connection. So I doubt xxMoonlitexx was smart enough to make it.**

 **Guest: "I think a "nalll shirt" is actually a niall shirt" Yes, but claiming it's made of nails is much funnier, so we'll go with that.**

 **Guest: "I wonder if xxMoonlitexx has synaesthesia? It would explain why virginity is turquoise and wind is brown..." Hmm... it makes sense... It'd also explain why she prefers black and other monochrome colors, since her synaesthesia means that she's always seeing things in different colors, and blacks, greys and whites are just easier on the eyes. Or maybe she's just high.**

 **Aitty At Ait Aat: "Wow, she got off. Ginny, Fred and George sure ain't doin' a dance for that." And neither are the rest of us, my oddly named friend.**

* * *

59…..A New Task! **So, in the last chapter, Flavia was getting out her "cherry wine blood cooler" to go party with her friends about how she won her trial, apparently forgetting the fact she still has 8 labors to do. But her goldfish like memory should kick in 3, 2,**

But then I ramembered…..wtf this was no tim to celberate! **1.** Cause I had 8 more quests I must fuffil! I threw my wine cooler taht was cherry right at Heras face **so Hera unleashed her full godly wrath on me and I was instantly smote into ash and now I'm dead the end.** "bring on the next quest bitches!" I yelled impowered by the alkahols. ***sigh* People, don't go around smack talking goddesses (or anyone else for that matter) when you're that "empowered" by alcohol. Liquid Courage is most certainly not Liquid Intelligence or Liquid Charisma!**

Hera glowdered but there was nothing that she could do, cause the court said I was innacent. **I mean, she can totally sue you now for assault. Or just smite you.** So now she had to obay me so she gave me the list **Isn't Artmeis the one who was giving you the lists?** an I stealed my teeth cause it said….Thou mustest catch the deer of Artmeis alive, wtf!" I expulsed angerly "why teh fuk do I need to not kill all the stuffs, this sux epickly" ***starts to mock her in whiniest voice* *pauses* Y'know what, this level of brattiness just speaks for itself.**

"well sense it is my deer I have it all ready" Explaned Artmeis "so thou can cross this one off an do the next task instead!" **I'm conflicted. On the one hand, I'm pissed that Flavia gets to wheedle out of her quest, on the other hand, that's one less chapter for me to spork...**

Lol see that I win **Ugh, great, now she's braggarting directly to the audience.** , anyways I loked at the next task (geddit like Loki **haven't you used this same God-awful not-pun like, 8 times already?!** ) an it said "Thou must killest a Nemoin lion" **Welp, she already did that in like, chapter 3, so, quest completed! Chapter over! Bye!** Where is this lion, is it in a Zoo or does it rome the wildness wasting felds an slottering men"

"It is both, some mortals in there follyness captered **How the f*** did they manage that?** it an put it in a Zoo but it escaped an it killed many ppl, thou can see a video of this on you tube" Artmeis explaned. ***the video turns out to be scene from movie by ametur cinematographers featuring a lion so fake it looks like a CGI animated rubber toy alone with stock noises***

"can I see this video" I said an she showed it to me on her "god pod" this is like a ipod but a god among ipods.

The lion was big an deadly an all dark like Scar from teh Lion king, but he also had mastife claws for to kill. (An he was not a british sadly or he would of been Hot an this would of been very wrong ***bug eyes of squicked* It's already very, very wrong...** ) Anyways he killed like 6 ppl, luckly they were all posers ***facepalm at the complete and utter disregard for loss of human life*** but one, a fukin poser pushed him in teh ways so the lion ate him in stead. **Press F to pay respects I guess.** This was cowerdful an not ethickal at all but he saved his sorry Ass.

"Omg what a fukin cowerd" I spitted in disgust! **Ok, yeah what he did is horrible, but you, Flavia Maya "I would happily shoot my boyfriend in order to kill the guy holding him hostage" Lilith Knight** ** _really_** **don't deserve to judge!**

"but not all have the courage that thou have flavia" Said Artmeis all sad "this is teh secret of thou name, I called thou Flavia cause it means **"Blonde" What, you think I'm joking? Look it up!** 'Great from teh gods' also Maya cause the 'moon' **Maya doesn't mean moon. It means "illusion".** an Lillith cause thou are kind of like a demon **Well, ya got that right at least!** cause thou father was Kornos but its ok cause thou are good not evil ***blatant lies*** , an lastly Knight cause of 'teh night' geddit" **Harhar, I "geddit". So why did we need that etymology lesson?**

"This is a wise name, but also bad ass" I noticed with tears of glass but glass of steel. **So... you're crying easily breakable metal? Dear Lord, that must hurt!**

"why did Hecate name thou" Said Artmeis but she was talkin to Albaster. **Well, considering what absentee parents gods are, I'm guessing it was his** ** _dad_** **who named him. Hey, for that matter, how does Flavia know what name her mother gave her if she was abandoned at birth?! I always figure that Flavia made up her name by herself...**

"Well my dad was in a rock band (geddit like a rock)" Said Albaster wittedly? **Even xxMoonlitexx doesn't understand the pun here...** "An Hecate did it wit him cause he did dark music an his band was called 'teh Pits of Hecate' but deep pits ***awkward whisper* he's rambling again...** , so like layer meanings" Explaned Albaster **Go home, Alabaster, you're drunk.** "He was a base guitar"

"Well I hate to innerupt this" **Sure you do. You can't handle someone other than yourself havig a single moment in the limelight.** I said " But its time to questin all ready."

"Who will quest wit thou" Said Artmeis.

"I chose Albaster" I said "An also Ivy" **Ivy's back too?! All we need is Nico to return from whatever prison dimension xxMoonlitexx sent him and we can have the OG gang back together! Yay! Wait, why am I happy about this...?**

"Wait but I thought Hazel was your bff forever?" Said Albaster.

"She was but that was before, now she just hangs around with her stupid bf an she ignores me" **That's on you, champ. You set 'em up.** I said "But this is acutely ok cause Ivy my new bff, an shes a hunteress so she can never have a bf so Im safe" I said wisely.

We armered for the quest. I wore some wicked black armer that was kind of like a mecka sute exept slim not bulkly. ***eye roll*** ** _Did it only cover your boobs?_** Also a cresent moon on teh back of my head so it looked from the front like I had horns. **And from the back it looks like some moron glued cardboard to their head.** Lastly I wore black eyeliner on one eye an silver eyeliner on teh other **, but not too much on either because I wasn't a slut/gay.**

This was a Nemoan lion not like a mortal lion, so bullits would not avale him. **Generally speaking, getting shot with bullets doesn't "avail" anyone.** So instead of a gun I brung **Ass Guard** Assgard 2, this was a job for teh sword of the moons! "Lets go kill a Nemoan lion" I quimped. **Quimping is like quipping, but not witty in the slightest and usually ending in a "womp womp" chord.**

* * *

 **On the bright side, we've only got 12 more chapters of this quimping story to go! Let's call them, "The Twelve Labors of Sage Nicholson."**


	60. awooo! Lions of Texas

**Thank you Knightwing20042, The One The Only Marty D and SilverZero1014 for revewing!**

 **Guest reviews:**

 **Guest: "-"Tears of glass but glass of steel" Between that and "like a deer actually like a wolf" I'm beginning to wonder if xxMoonlitexx knows about the backspace key.**

 **-Only 12 chapters to go? I'll miss my weekly/daily lulz. Unless you plan on tackling the sequel..." This whole fanfic should've been the victim of a backup key.**

 **ManChild (on Chapter 6): "** **OMG I LAUGHED SO HARD AT THE PROPHECY. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY." Probably because you're a man-child. It doesn't take much to crack y'all up. Also because it was totally narmy, and the syllable count was off.**

 **Aitty At Ait Aat: "I am amazed that you didn't comment on the fact that she said the sword of the moons. 1, does the earth now have multiple moons? Why didn't I hear about this. 2, when the word moon is mentioned in a sentence that already features the words Ass Guard, I think the subliminal reference might be accidental, as it is so funny Moonlite couldn't have done it." Truthfully? I didn't actually realized she'd misspelled moon. I'm afraid this far in my brain has learned to block out the grammar errors and most of the subtler ones fly over my head.**

 **Aitty At Ait Aat: "This probably took too long to realize but, I think Moonlite is a weeb." Hmm. I am intrigued by your "Weeb Theory". Please, elaborate more on it. Such as, for example, what is a "weeb"? Is it anything like a dweeb? 'Cause I know she's one 'a those!**

 **I want food: "The way the charges were listed, ugh. These are her charges.**

 **The defendant is accused of serial murder, shoplifting, hunting without a license, and blackmail, and disobeying the gods." Also sluttiness, slander, rape, domestic terrorism, sluttiness, attempted murder, kidnapping, sluttiness, assault, poor fashion sense and sluttiness.**

 **Ari: "Good luck Sage!**

 **Don't worry I'm sticking around till the end of this... Fanfic thing" *tears of touchedness* Thank you.**

* * *

Note 1….Hey, if ur a fan you can read my new story about teh Avengers, its called "Evva: Agent of Sheild" an its very epick, you can see it in my profile. **Oh,** ** _trust me_** **, I'll get to this gem soon enough...**

Note 2…..Hah I got a new bff an its not Hailey, its Kyla I just met her an she is awesome, **Kyla! Run for your life before it's too late!** maybe she will beta soon, her texts are always spelled nice so maybe she knows the spelling

60….There is a Nemoan Lion **If only she'd spelled "lion" as wrong as she spelled "ne** ** _moan_** **". I could've gotten a cheap giggle outa this. *sigh* but some things were just never meant to be...**

We trecked into the wildness of Texas. ***stands in the middle of downtown Austin* Behold the vast, sweeping wilderness! Although, admittedly, 6th Street can get kind of rough on Saturday night...** Albaster wore magickal green armer that was full of albasters (this is a kind of jewal, its on wikipedia if you dont beleve me) **Alabaster (the stone) is kinda more like a marble than a jewel, although it can be polished into a small shiny object. But it's probably not too practical to plaster all over your chest-plate.** an he was armed with 1 weapon an only 1 weapon…..magicks of Hecate. He glittered with teh power! **I know y'all want me to make a Twilight reference here. But I'm a bit more retro than that, soo *I HAVE THE POWER!**He-man!***

Nextly was Ivy **Ivy, baby, welcome back! Sorry Alabaster's a taken man...** , she was a hunteress so she was wearing cammo but all silver. For her weapon she welded a bow an arrows taht hit there mark like 99 persent of the time _**What, no stick? But it so was sooo effective!**_ , they were deathly. Also a huntin knife that was so sharp it could cut thru crytsals. ***starts to speak* *stops* Look, I already went on a rant about the confusing Mohs scale of the Flavia-verse.**

I was in teh back, not cause I was cowerdful but cause I knew lions snucked up on there pray, so if it tried to snucke on me it would be dead Meat. I waved Assgard 2 in front of me all bad ass, my empusa eyes glowed freely an my empusa teeth grinded with cashous rage **, and my empusa stomach digested, and my empusa knuckles cracked and my empusa back pimples sort of itched.**

My keen eyes saw a site on the ground "Look these are the lions feet marks" They were like 3 feet each **Crikey, if you were use that feet to ratio out the size of that lion, it would be approximately... really big!** an had long claws to mall its victums. **How does one get "malled". Does it involve being stricken with crippling depression as one eats their semi-expired nacho cheese and looks out at the vast void of meaningless vapidity and thinking "is this all there is"? Because that's a really s****y way kill your prey!** "Well accordin to my super 'tracker' calcalations **of looking at stuff with my eyeballs,** this lion must be only 2 feet away" I explaned. Then we heard a loud roar that was so loud our bone marrows shook with fear!

"I dont know what to do, Im too trepadated to act or to think cleerly" Explaned Ivy. **"Goodness gracious! I am too afraid to react with haste to this dilemma, yet my vernacular is impeccable! Whatever shall I do?"**

I knew my blessin of Leadship would come upon me now so a brillent stategy peerced my brain! **Can Flavia accomplish anything without the various "Blessings of Blessingness" she recieves every five seconds from Artmeis?** "Albaster, you attack it from behind an I can attack it from the front, Ivy you attack from the sides" I yelled. **I guess in the intervening time Ivy has learned how to duplicate herself. Which makes her even more awesome!**

Like 3 shots of smooth lighting we drew weapons an attacked. Ivy shotted the lion 6 times but the arrows bounced freely, they did not peerce the lions skin cause this was a Nemoan lion, you cant just shot them like that, there too powerful. **Yeah, you need the Mary Sue to do it for you!** With a battle cry "may Artmeis kick thou ass" **I preferred the Latin one. The grammar was, somehow better.** I swunged Assgard 2 so hard it hit the lion right between his two eyes. But he still lived! **DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!**

"Wtf" I yelled? **Why the exclamation point? Are you unsure of whether you yelled this?**

"No blad can peerce his skin, only teh "Ava kedavara" ***accidental crossover facepalm*** can do this" He explaned. So then Albaster shot magic right in its face, there was a green light an the lion was not it was dead. **Was it not dead? Was it not living? I think you deleted a word here, Moonie! But if it is dead, way to go Alabaster! Being useful for once! I think that may the first time like,** ** _anyone_** **who wasn't Flavia has been effective against the boss fight! Well, now that I think about it, it was the second, he also caught the boar... can Alabaster be the protagonist now?**

"Wtf, you didnt say this before" I yelled "Albaster what the hell" **"Sorry, I only remembered when the author remembered, and she was too distracted making a 'badass' fight scene."**

Albaster blushted palely "I like watchin you fight, its so sexly" **...You're an asshole.**

"Is that what I am to you, a sexly puppet for ur enjoinment, or maybe like a "sexly toy" I damanded wrathly. **Sooo, even though the whole "spousal endangerment bc turned on by violence" thing is a huge no-no, Flavia isn't exactly Ms. Respectful Partner herself. In conclusion: pot, this is kettle! Boy Howdy, are you** ** _black_** **!**

"No its not like that" He cryed.

"Also when Kornos was attackin I saw you were wearin a hollister shirt, this was never adressed" I snerked. **Challenge time: find the review this was quoted verbatim from.**

"Well I was acutely dead then so it wasnt my fault" **Dead people can't be blamed for what they did when they were alive!** Albaster explaned with a voice of pain "After I was dead somebody else put it on me an I couldnt stop them, cause I was dead." **...But, why?**

"What sick person was defilling the dead" I yelled. **Uh-oh. I think I know what's coming... Oh God, please, please don't, you had such good chapter, please please please please please please please...**

"Percys mom" Said Albaster. **AUGH! I knew it! Goddamnit, xxMoonlitexx, I had** _ **just**_ **erased that from my brain!**

"Omg that bitch must be off her meds, Poisdon is goin to be mad" I gleered! **Ungh... that was a low blow, Moonie. A low, low blow.**

But firstly I took the skin off teh Nemoan lion an put it in a bag. I had a clever idea cause nothin could cut this skin, maybe if I turned it into cloths, nothin could cut the cloths. **That may the first decent idea you've had in a long time, Flavia. So, what're you gonna make? A jacket? A tank top? A skirt?** Sense lether is made from animal skin, an converse is made from lether, soon I had lion skinned converse….but no blade could peerce!

 **...**

 **So, let me get this straight. You have,** ** _the most indestructable pelt on the face of the Earth_** **, and you use it...**

 **too make. Shoes. And not even large shoes, nOoo, you use them to make** ** _sneakers. Frickin' sneakers._** **Flavia. You. Are. An.**

 ** _IDIOT!_** ***UHF "Stupid! You're so stupid!" clip***

* * *

 **Is it just me or was this chapter a sequel of sorts to chapter 20? Between the references to Sally Jackson's *hurlp* _issues_ , and the killing, skinning, and turning into really stupid garment of a big cat?**

 **What on God's green Earth prompted xxMoonlitexx to set this chapter in _Texas_ of all places?! Although, TBH, as a resident of the Greatest State in the Union I'm disappointed she didn't come across anything stereotypical... **


	61. Hookers and Blargh

**Thank you** **ponystoriesandothers, SilverZero1014 , Kurt50Alien and Lukekywalker8 for favoriting and reviewing!**

 **Guest reviews:**

 **Guest: "-Flavia and Alabaster's relationship is...really fucked up.**

 **-Sally Jackson molested Alabaster while he was dead? *shudders* And when did she even have the time to play dress-up with the corpse in the middle of a battle? Why was she carrying a Hollister shirt in Albaster's size? Do I even want to know?" 1. Yes, yes it is. 2. No, no you do not.**

 **Aitty Aat Ait At: "Well... A weeb, or weeb or, is basically a huge an of anime, and it's obvious because they might do things like use lingo like kawaii in an ENGLISH sentence. But anyways, if you include the epilogue, your twelve labours have begun." Ohh, I see. Thank you for this information.**

 **Ari: "What. The. Hell.**

 ***Plays Mermaid Sisters Song***

 **WHY WOULD YOU MAKE SHOES OUT OF SOMETHING THAT WOULD BE EXCELLENT ARMOR?!" Yes, yes, you are very right... soo... quick question.. why did you play a clip from the Little Mermaid?!**

 **I want food: "I think you should know, Alabaster can officially shit three things! Shit, magic, and the Doors of Death! And also, if Flavia went in the River Styx, and made her foot the weak point, THEN the shoes would make sense. Also, she does know that if the shoes aren't made by Converse, they are fake Converse? Cause, now she's walking around in knockoff Converse." Huh. I always thought converse was the name of the type of sneaker, that just so happened to be made first by that brand, like how people say "coke" now to mean any soft drink, not just Coca Cola.**

* * *

61…The Flesh Eatin Hores **Oooh. Kinky!**

When I got back to the Roman Camp Artmeis said "Is thou task done"

I said nothin instead I showed her my new converse made from the skin of the loin ***snicker*** ripped off his bear caress. **Wait, so you got a "loin skin" off of a caressing bear? Teeheehee, this chapter is gonna be nothing but Fruedian slips, you watch!**

"Thou new converse are fukin kawaii" **Yeah... starting to see some merit to the "weeb" theory.** Said Artmeis solumfully with eyes taht spoke of admiremint "But theres a new task, thou knowist teh drill"

"Omg theres too many taxsks" **Yes, yes there are, and all the fault of those damn Californians for moving here, jacking up the prices, clogging up the roads with traffic and replacing our local food with juice bars. F***ing juice bars! They're f***ing EVERYWHERE! NO wants your F****IN JUICE BARS, CALIFORNIANS! AND NOBODY LIKES KALE! NOBODY! AND STOP LIMITING HOW MUCH WATER I CAN USE TO FLUSH MY GODDAMN TOILET! I'LL USE AS MUCH WATER AS DAMN PLEASE, I'LL USE UP _THE ENTIRITY OF LAKE TRAVIS IF I FEEL LIKE IT, BECAUSE THAT'S MY GODDAMN RIGHT AS A F***ING AMERICAN! AND FURTHERMORE- *_ sudden cut to calming screen saver and elevator muzak* ** I yelled with despare, there was lighting an thunder in the sky an a gentle storm hammered teh earths (geddit like Thors hammer exept I dont like Thor so shut da fuk up) **Okay, first of all, screw you, Thor is awesome. Second of all, if you don't like him, then why'd you go through all this trouble to make a "geddit" pun about him? Honey, you are in** ** _denial_** **.**

Albaster took a vile from his pocket an took off that wood thing taht is in alkahol bottles so miners cant get in **Yeah, the last thing we want miners getting is alcohol. Their jobs are dangerous enough without morons doing things like holding mine cart races.** "Here Flavia this is a magic 'poshion' its brood to take away all despare from ur heart an steal you for teh task" **Sounds like opiates to me. Or maybe just Gatorade.**

I stated at teh poshion wilfully, should I drink this, or not…..what was my sole without pain of the past, would be I but a empty Shell. **...Dude. It's just Gatorade.** It was like there was two of me an one swimped silently "drink the poshion an thou can be happy" but the other one was like "noooo Flavia this will make thou who ar ethou not"

"Oh my fukin Zerus **Who's Zerus?** how can I decide this!" I yelled an a tear sludged from my eye, softly. **Christ, if this is how she reacts to whether or not she should drink a frickin' pick me up it's a wonder this girl makes any decisions at all! Or maybe the fact that it's not related to sex or violence is confusing her tiny, primitive brain.**

"Its ok you dont have to drink it if you dont wanna" Albaster expanded all sensative. **And this "happy potion" will never be brought up again... just like Nico, grape Annabeth or any of the other various dangling plot threads of this knot filled mess of a story!**

"Whats this task anyways" I asked to Artmeis.

"Thou must steal teh flesh eater hores ***snicker*** from Diamondedus" She pornounced. ***spittake*** ** _Porn_** **ounced?! Guys, this** ** _cannot_** **be a coincidence!**

"Wait flesh eater, this means they eat ppl **Damn right they do. *bow chicka wowow*** " I said "Can I kill them at least"

"No thou must capture them, alive" Said Artmeis.

"Um hello this sux cause these are evil horses, cleerly they must be killed for teh greater Good" I yelled!

"But teh gods want them, like a "gift" Artmeis excussed. ***raises eyebrow* Oh, I bet they do. *bow chicka wowow***

"Ok fine I wont kill thm" I promised. "Now where is this Diamondesdus" ***bow chicka wowow* ... oh, no reason, I just** ** _really_** **love that sound effect!**

"He liveth on the other side of these forests" Explaned Artmeis, she gave me a map an everything. **...God, if only someone could puzzle out the geography of Flaviamerica!**

I went on my kick ass new motercycle an Albaster sat bahind me with his strong ams clunched around me but only around my waste, not acutely touchin my bobs, u pervert. **You brought it up, not me. *pause* *bow chicka wowow***

It only took a couple minutes cause we flew at the speed of the winds, then we saw a giant barn an we stopped. There was a sign. It said "Diamondedsus" on it. Also Diamonesdus was there too, he was this greek guy wearin a toga an he wasnt hot at all. **Welp, that explains why he has to hire hores.**

"Stop thou theifs" He yelled but I took Draceenas Doom an I shotted him rite in the heart (it was ok cause I only wasnt suppost to kill the horses)

"Where are the hores ***snicker*** " Asked Albaster. **Um.. dude? He's not gonna answer. He's, um, he's dead...**

We went into the barn, there were 6 horses an they were all black as the stars of midnight, also they had fangs like a dracola. Also evil eyes, an they gleered at us. **WTF?! Where are the prostitutes?!**

"How can we catch them alive" Asked Albaster.

"You can use magic to catch them alive" I expanded porfusely. _**Or**_ **, you can actually contribute to completing** ** _your own damn quest_** **you demanding witch!**

A single tear slipped from his eyes "I used all my magic to kill teh Nemoan lion, it needs to recharge"

"Wait you dont have magics always?" I yelled. "Fukin lyer"

Albaster knelted down "Im sorry I thought you knew this, plz dont brake up wit me" ***sigh* I feel so bad for Alabaster. This relationship is just an absolute nightmare! He was better off dead! Speaking of dead, Where's Ivy?!**

"Well see" I said, now there was a bigger task to be dealed. Suddenly I had a very wise idea, I pulled out my sliver pated handgun an I shotted all 6 horses an they fell dead in a stack. ***facepalm***

"Wtf you cant do that, they have to be alive" Yelled Albaster. I forgave his swearin cause he didnt understood yet lol. **I don't understand either! Flavia, you literally just did THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO!**

"I acutely just gave these horses to Hades" I said celverly, I got a vishion then so we both saw. Hades was sittin on his throne listenin to a derpressin song when teh ghosts of the 6 horses appearated in the underworld! Hades was grateful an he tied them to his chariet. **...wait. That's... actually kind of stupidly brilliant! I mean, yeah it breaks some of the rules, but in the end, the gods wanted them as a gift, and they got them! One small problem... YOU KILLED THE HORSES YOU IDIOT! ARTMEIS SAID THEY WANTED THE** ** _HOOKERS_** **. Also the horses are monsters so they'd go to Tartarus instead of to Hades.**

"Your wise Flavia, I never would think of this" Albaster admitted to me, his fece was all red cause he was embaressed. **So, when Alabaster's embarrassed, his magical s**ts are red. Go-good to know...**

Artmeis glimbed next to us "Thou have only 5 tasks left"

I gleered all bad ass into teh screen "Bring it on"

* * *

 **Wait, a minute, "looked into the screen"?! D-did Flavia just _literally break the fourth wall_?! Wait, no, this is a written work, no cameras so... so clearly MOON DAUGHTER HAS MUTATED AND EVOLVED AND IS INVADING MORE FORMS OF MEDIA! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**


	62. Soiuz nerushimyj respublik svobodnykh!

**Thank you Lukekywalker8,** **Kurt50Alien and The One The Only Marty D for reviewing!**

 **Guest Reviews:  
Guest: "-"He expanded sensatively" This is the most subconsciously perverted chapter yet!**

 **-Why yes, Flavia. The cork is indeed there to keep minors from drinking. As we all know, a 20-year-old is incapable of figuring out how to get past that damn thing. When you turn 21, the government sends you a packet of instructions on how to open alcohol bottles. *facepalm***

 **-How does she not know Alabaster doesn't have unlimited spells? She was right there when he died (?) from casting Summon Vines!**

 **-Assuming Flavia had to end up with someone, Evil!Percy would've been a better fit. They could murder each other and leave the other characters in peace." 1. DAMN IT! How did I miss that?! Augh, I feel so stupid! 2. I mean, xxMoonlitexx probably can't figure out of how to open it... 3. Attention span of a goldfish, remember?**

 **AGrapeWithNoSoul: "For a character she allegedly hates, she certainly mentions Thor a lot. (Also, why would a gentle storm be hammering anything like Mjolnir?)" Methinks the bitch doth protest too much! That, or the simple fact that she's a big fan of Loki, and works that feature him almost always also feature Thor, so she sees him a lot and he's often on her mind. Either way, it doesn't excuse the terrible metaphor. *adds it to the count*\**

 **Guest: "OH MY GOD SOMEONE IN THE FLAVIA UNIVERSE FIGURED OUT HOW TO USE A GUN!" HALLELUJAH IT'S A MIRACLE!**

 **Guest: ""His fece was all red" Um. Alabaster, maybe you should go to a doctor and get that checked out." Or, at the very least, don't tell us about it! TMI, man, TMI.**

 **I want food: "Soo, when Alabaster's magic shits are red, would his doors of death shits become red as well?" I guess so? I don't really understand the logistics of Alabaster's bowel movements.**

 **Ari: "Weeb is short for Wanna be Japanese. Search up Carol and Tuesdays Mermaid Sisters Song" ... This is the greatest thing I've ever heard! WTF is this brilliance?!**

 **Aitty At Ait Aat: "BTW, I started reading Moon Daughter 2. The resistance has one last hope! I'm thinking of making this a comic. Thoughts?" Dude, go for it! I'd love to see that!**

 **Guest: "Or maybe Alabaster knows that Flavia has Plot Armor. Because Hecate." True. Because Hecate.**

* * *

Well guess what….Kylas at camp where theres no wi fi an they took her phone so she cant beta this. Fuk taht. **Wow. Kyla's making excuses already?**

62….The Lernin Hyrda **Lernaean Hydra. But hey, pretty close. It would be even closer if you'd** ** _bothered to spellcheck._**

"Your next task is to kill teh "Lernin Hydra" Artmeis expanded. **Aw, come on, Artmeis. It's only a grad-school Hydra. At least let it get it's diploma before you murder it!**

"Wait so its like a hydra **Noo, it** ** _is_** **a hydra. Didn't you hear her?** , this means a snake but with 9 heads" I said.

"Yes but when you cut off its head another head sprungs to appear its place" Said Artmeis tragickly. **Do we really have to go over this again? Flavia's already killed like, bunches of hydras.**

"Yes but…at least I get to kill the hydra" I snerked, geddit cause these other times I had to captere it, alive. ***eye roll* This isn't even a pun. Shame on you for including a "geddit"!** But even tho I snerked widfully my heart was sick off these fukin tasks, I couldnt wait for them to be done cause then I would be godness. With Albaster in Olympics. **(Little does Flavia know, the Olympics are actually next year).**

Teh future of us sterched before me like a path of flowers, but not prep flowers like daisy, cause they sux an I step on them when they blot my site. ***bad simile counter dings*** I could see us, but like a vishion. I woud be teh goddess of bad assery an also the darkness ***facepalm* No. No nope nope no no.** , an Albaster would be the god of darkness magicks, cause hecate. **"Cause Hecate" is this story's "Goddamn Batman".** The future would be glorial *** (Gloria)/ (Gloria)/ I'm gonna shout it all night!*** , an all those swimperin perps from Camp half Blood like Annbeth an those other Apherdetis would have to bow before me, an Albaster to. An Artmeis would be "proud" **Only "proud"? Will she not actually be happy? Granted, if I was Artmeis** ** _I_** **wouldn't be, but...**

"Lets go kill a fukin LENIN HYDRA!" **A** ** _Lenin_** **hydra?! What relation does a mythical Greek creature have to the Russian Revolutionary?! Or is this more like Marvel Comic's HYDRA, and this happens to be a Communist branch? In that case, murder away, Flavia!** I shotted to the hevens.

So me and Albaster went to kill teh fukin LENIN HYDRA! **Why the exact same all caps and swear words as last time? Is it's scientific name** ** _actually_** **"fukin LENIN HYDRA"?!** But Ivy couldnt come cause she had to go to a dyrad meeting, like a "camp" (see waht I did there **Proved my theory that all the secondary characters are possessed by xxMoonlitexx's real life friends?** lol)

Where the lernin hydra swumped was a secret, cause so many ppl tried to kill it an just made more heads. **If it's a secret than how did so many people know where to look? Also you think these morons would've figured out they shouldn't keep chopping off the heads eventually.** Rite now it had like 60. So Albaster used his god pod (geddit like an ipod but god cause this story has teh gods in it) an he excessed goggle maps an got the directons, it was 739.67 miles to the locaton. **Christ, Google really does know everything!**

We got on my new kick ass motercycle an followed teh directons, but not exactly cause that is for preps, so we took some side roads. **Pfft. Yeah. Getting to your destination on time with as little hassle as possible is for preps.** Also my kick ass new motercycle had a kick ass stereo so we blastered I dont Love You by mcr so loud that trees felled in our wake. This song was not cause I didnt like Albaster cause I fuking did but it was for all those who failed to be my bf like Percy and Chiron. Also fuk u hailey. (An Jason ass well) **Well. That got bitter fast.**

My kick ass new motercycle was so fast that we made the hole trip in 7 parsex. **What is this, Star Wars? Also: a parsec isn't actually a unit of time, it's unit of measurement. Yes, even Lucas himself got this one wrong.** The wind splinterd before us, magickly. When we got to teh liar of the lernin hydra, the ground was sprinkled with bones and skulls, also some arms and legs an stuff that hadnt turned into bones yet.

I knocked on the door of teh liar and the lernin hydra sprunged from the darkness with in. Instead of bein like all the other fukin losers an tryin to chop off a head I thought… "But what about poisen" **I mean, the Hydra** ** _is_** **poisonous, so, not sure if that would work.** so I pulled out some poisen an poured it into its ravern maw an the poisen went in its heart an it dropped dead, like acid. **Of course, I died in the process, because to get close enough to an open Hydra mouth to put the poison in I'd be well within biting distance. But, mission accomplished!**

"Flavia you are fukin hot when you kill" Said Albaster all sensatively an we made out **, despite the fact that when he said this in chapter 60 I almost beat him up,** rite there on the corpus of the lenin hydra. **Ew. And that's probably super offensive to Communists.**

* * *

 **Woohoo! Only ten chapters left _and_ we've made it over 400 reviews! YAyyy!**


	63. An Apple a Day Keeps the Sues Away

**Thank you** **Eagleheart12-Flame, FriendOfRogue123, Professor R.J Lupin1, The One The Only Marty D and Raze Olympus for favoriting, following and reviewing.**

 **Guest Reviews:**  
 **Aitty At Ait Aat: "Already started working on Flavia and Ivy's designs. What do you think about me drawing Flavia in monochrome, but giving everyone else colours? I think it'd be funny, but also accurate." I dunno, it kind of makes sense to show that she's different from everyone else, but if there's one color she does use, it's red, so maybe monochrome and red? I'd love to talk to you more about this, and see what you've got, do you have a Deviantart or something?**

 **Guest: "-Wow, she literally just walked up to the hydra's door and knocked. How...polite?**

 **-Why is she mad at Percy and Chiron? They didn't "fail to be her bf," she dumped Percy offscreen and Chiron doesn't seem to know she had a crush on him.**

 **-Go ahead, Flavia, make out on the corpse of a highly venomous monster with acid-like blood! What could go wrong?**

 **-Judging by xxMoonlitexx's profile pic, that Star Wars reference was probably intentional. I guess we should just be grateful she didn't write a shitty Kylo Ren x oc fic.**

 **-I'm guessing she did make up with Hailey at some point, since Hazel is in the sequel but not Ivy." 1. Yeah, if there's one thing MoonDaughter is full of, it's... politeness. 2. Because Flavia is so messed up that when something goes wrong she can't accept it's nobody's fault, or, worse, her fault, so she has to invent scapegoats to get angry at. 3. Hopefully, everything. 4. That's probably because her friend "DARTHKYLO666", already did. 5. That makes sense.**

 **Guest: "** **"Is it in a Zoo or does it rome the wildness wasting felds an slottering men" is almost a quote from Lays of Ancient Rome: "The great wild boar that had his den, Amidst the reeds of Cosa's fen, And wasted fields, and slaughtered men, Along Albinia's shore."**

 **-Classically educated**

 **-Won't describe sex scenes**

 **-Stereotypical knowledge of high school social groups (Jocks? preps? goffs?)**

 **Calling it now. This was written by a homeschooler." That makes sense. It would explain the utter lack of knowledge on how friendships, romances, and various other relationships work. That or she's just a troll.**

* * *

63….Teh Goldern Apples **That's, Goldern pronounced "gall darn", as in "this gall darn fanfic makes me want to take a comically large sledgehammer and smash my computer into itty bitty pieces!"**

"The golden Apples" Intoned Artmeis. **Intone: say or recite with little rise and fall of the pitch of the voice. So I'm basically imagining Artmeis saying this the way chants in church.** For this was the task that was intrusted to me, so I must quest! And so it was…I picked 2 loyal companons, firstly I picked Albaster. **Because of course. And also Hecate!** I was goin to pick Ivy but I reelized she was still in camp, so I must chose again. For this I chose Frank. **...*spitake* FrANK?! I thought he disappeared!** He was acutely Chinese an hot, builded like a mightly hill among mountins. Also he wore a sweet lether jackit, it was ripped an so was he lol if you know, what I mean. (see is that raicest!) **Nope. It's kind of creepy, because like, you have a boyfriend, and Frank probably doesn't want to be oggled, but it's not necessarily racist.**

Albaster read from a duskly tome **Where'd the hell'd he get that?** "The golden apples live in teh land of Hespiders" **Hespiders: a specific type of spider that reproduces asexually and has an only male population. They spin mancaves instead of webs.**

"Well this will be a fukin peace of Cake" **Capital** ** _C_** **cake, just to clarify. It's different regular cake because... Hecate, I guess.** I observed "I just have to pick these apples, unless maybe theres a monster guardin them"

"Acutely this is a correct excessment" Said Albaster "Theres a dragon there called teh Lodon **Ladon.** "

"Oh no the Lodono" Gaseped Frank. _**Gasp! Not a LODONO!**_ **What the hell is a Lodono?**

"Of course theres a monster, theres always a fukin monster" I snerked metaphysickally. **"metaphysically". I'm not even sure what joke to make here. Mostly because I absolutely** ** _cannot_** **wrap my head around metaphysics. Which is sort of the point... *gasp*. But seriously, I think she means "meta" here, as in, her saying this is lampshading the fact that her protagonists always have some new bs quest to go on. Except for the fact that this is one of the stock phrases of the action genre, so, she's not so much subverting or acknowledging a trope as she is just... troping.**

"But he can be killed" Said Albaster.

"Well if hes mortal he can taste the salt of my blade" I yelled all bad ass, it was aproprate cause I would be the godness of bad ass some day. Some day if I finished my "tasks." **If I finished my "tasks" I would be the godness of bad ass. I would be the godness of bad add some day. Some day if I finished my "tasks". If I finished my "tasks"...**

By this time were in the land of Hespideres! **When TF did you get there?! Were you having actually having a pedeconference and just failed ot mention it? *noises of frustration*** It was a big feld all full of grass. Teh grass was green. It was long an waved saductively in the 4 winds. **Christ, in this universe, freakin'** ** _everything_** **is "sexly".** I wanted only to lay in the grass an gaze at the seffly klamp of stars. **The "seffly klamp". I have no other words to describe this. Just "seffly klamp".** But I knew….this was not to be. Cause just then I saw a dragon with lots of heads (hello I was in danger, I didnt have time to count so too bad if ur keepin count) an I knew this was, the Lodon. **Isn't Ladon the dragon in charge of guarding Camp Halfblood now? Wait, what am I saying? This is his twin brother** ** _Lodon._** **Duh!**

I unseated **Ass Guard** Assgard 2 an plunged it in the monsters face but….there were more faces! **Y'know, the blunt trauma of getting one of it's** ** _faces smashed in by big ass sword_** **should be enough to down the monster, but in this world people can "live without their spleen", so I guess people and monsters in the Flaviaverse are a lot tougher then the ones in ours.** Tehn I cut off all the rest of the heads, it spitted poisen but it missed lol in its face. (geddit cause it had a lot of faces) **You forgot the "s" at the end of "faces". Epic fail.**

"Omg you didnt leave any for us" Complaned Frank but he was jokin. **Probably not really. Flavia does have a tendency not to let anyone else do anything. Props to Frank for being the first lackey to speak up about it.**

"Well you can help pick the apple" I said, genderously. _**Aw! You're going to hog all the glory and use them as your cheering squad/dirty work do-ers. Ain't you generous!**_

So we went apple pickin an it kicked multaple ass. ***"Dude" voice* WOOOO! YEAH! Nothing** ** _kicks ass_** **harder than** ** _apple picking_** **! Dudes, I'm gonna pick that Macintosh, it's gonna be** ** _so gnarly_** **.** I stooded on Franks head an reached the very toply apple, it sundered of gold in the twilite (not that kind ewwww) **Guys, even xxMoonlitexx hates Twilight.** An I was about to pick this last apple when a voice said "fee fi fo fum I smelled the blood of a deimgod" ***facepalm*** It was a giant but it was no ornery giant, it was Atlas! **He sounds pretty onery to me.**

"Atlast what the hell" I yelled. **At last what? At last summer vacation is here? At last there's only 9 chapters left? Tell me!**

"Ur stealin my apples" He thundered roarusly. "Now, you must die"

"Um there not even ur apples, they acutely belong to the nyphs" I explaned. **They belong, "acutely" to Hera. But when have you ever been mythologically accurate?** But he did not care an he tried to attack us but Albaster said "Wait if you attack us, the world will fall" **"The word"? I'm pretty sure it's the sky in PJO. But I suppose one could get confused by the Atlas statue in NYC.** I looked it up an it was true, he had to carry the world on his back so he couldnt attack us or he would drop it an it would fall.

"Ok" He said but it was a lie! Suddenly he threw the world, Albaster yelled "some one catch this" I knew the world would be destoryed if it fell!

* * *

 **This is both the silliest and the coolest cliffhanger I've ever seen.**


	64. When You Wish Upon A Star

**Thank you** **theworstisgoingtohappen and Mossflower1234 for following and reviewing.**

 **Guest: "-"Builded like a mighty hill among mountins" Poor Frank, even when she compliments him it's backhanded!**

 **-She probably hates Twilight because vampirized!Bella doesn't gruesomely kill Jessica/Mike and the other preps.**

 **-If the Earth is falling and they need to catch it, then what the hell are they standing on? A patch of space that happens to have sexy grass?" 1. Haha, I can't believe I missed that! Oh, that is the sickest of burns! 2. Or maybe even xxMoonlitexx herself can see the pure awful that is those drabbling stories. 3. Honestly, I have no idea what the hell happened last chapter.**

 **Aitty At Ait Aat: "** **I think I have one, but I don't remember it. I guess I should make one." That reminds me, everyone, Aitty At Ait Aat has made us a Moondaughter fan group on Deviantart, go there to check out other peoples content and maybe post your own art and stuff!**

* * *

Kyla is back, she betad this for me. Thx Kyla, your epick. **I don't get why she needs Betas, it's not like they improve the quality.**

64…..I Catch the World

The world hurdled threw the air! **I think she might literally mean the world. Like, a big ball that's actually a plant. This is one trippy as hell chapter!** "NO" I yelled slowly. It was like the world around me slowed, I could see in slow mo the world was falling to its death, what if we all died! **I gotta say, this is a lot more metaphysical than snerking.**

Quickly I made a leap, but not a normal leap, it was a leap of "fate." _**Oh, so suspenseful! Will she catch it?!**_ **Ugh, of course she will, read the damn title. Who gives a crap?!** With all the procession of Artmeis and the swifting of a ghostly deer I meatured the distance and knew where it must fall. I reached out a slim pale hand and caught the world, I could feel it shake beneath my feet as I caught it. **The F^$ ?! How could she possibly have caught it one handed?! Atlas himself, one of the strongest beings in the universe, has trouble holding it with two!** But I must be careful not drop it because this would be death. But more important, what if I was stuck holding it forever and ages, I would crush under the mightly load. **Damn right you would. Percy Jackson and Annabeth chase both had difficulty holding it for** ** _seconds_** **. And, more importantly, Atlas is free! What is the General of the Titans going to do?!**

Atlas snerked "Finally I am free. Now I will kill you and then, Disney world." **...Oh. That's... a lot tamer than I expected. But hey, good on you, man! Disney World is fun, I hope you enjoy it.**

I gritted my teeth "Disney sucks anyways!" **Oh, go crawl into the forgotton memory hole from Inside Out and die, you harpy!** (This wasn't acutely true cause Malfisent the new movie kicks ass **It's an unstructured mess with inconsistent toning, a cliched story and some seriously boring visuals. I'd rather watch the original.** , I mean the cartoons with stupid prep-fuled princesses, its consumerest) **...I hate you. So. Much.**

"Well it doesn't matter, I can go anywhere I want now" Atlas laughed "Because your stuck holding the world forever!" He mooned us grossly and daunted away. **Atlas is officially my new favorite character.**

A tear squeezed from Albaster's eye "Not the Titans curse!" He yelled. **Yess! The Titan's Curse! An actual book from the Percy Jackson series is automatically better than anything you could write!**

"Who must bare the world, if you escape" Mused Percy. **...Percy?! W-where's Frank? Did you murder him...?** "Its the will of the gods!"

"Um the gods are fuking stupid" **True.** I said. "Why not, build a stand. The world will be glued to this stand, that way no one has to hold this shit up all the time" **Probably because like, the stand would have to be made of the strongest material on Earth, and the gods are** _ **way**_ **too lazy to do that.**

"Omg Flavia, you have the wisdom of Athena" Said Percy admirally. **Athena's a fraud in this universe. So is Percy saying Flavia's wisdom is fake. 'Cause, that might be the best stealth insult ever.**

So Percy and Albaster chopped down the tree with the golden apples and they made a stand all from wood. **Okay, A) Hera is gonna be pissed. B) There's no way that flimsy timber is gonna be strong enough to handle the world's crushing weight.** "We will name this creature of wood….. **Stumpy? WickerMan?** "Atlas" but wood." ***facepalm***

"This is a deep name" I improved. ***resigned* Well, it's still better than "NightDeathArrow". Or "Steel Porcupines".**

I carefully took the world and balanc ed it on the stand, Albaster made a glue spell that stuck the world with the power to the stand of wood. Even a great wind couldn't knock it over, it was so strong. **It's made of wood and duct tape. I don't think that thing can hold jack.** The world was saved and now I could do my nextest task!

* * *

 **It's not one of my better sporks... but thankfully it's also one of my shorter ones. There just wasn't a lot of good material in this chapter! It was too tame, too normal... normal. Oh my God. A short chapter... that was actually normal!**

 **I wish I was in Disney World right now, like Atlas!**


	65. Unnecessary Smells Put Cows in Silos

**Thank you** **Satan Britannia, Professor R.J Lupin1, LadyFae123, The One The Only Marty D and theworstisgoingtohappen for reviewing!**

 **Guest Reviews:  
Aitty At Ait Aat: "That wasn't me. I spent the last day trying to remember my Deviantart." Wait... so if it wasn't you... than just who sent me that request?! *x-files music***

 **Ari: "MOONLITE HOW DARE YOU THROW CRAP AT DISNEY! DISNEY CAN SOMETIMES RELEASE NOT REALLY GOOD MOVIES BUT SAYING THE ANIMATED CLASSICS ARE CRAP...**

 **YOU'VE STEPPED OVER A LINE RIGHT THERE LADY!" YEAH, SHE HAS CROSSED A LINE! YOU CAN TALK S*** ABOUT BLONDES, YOU CAN TALK S*** ABOUT SUPERHEROES, BUT YOU CANNOT, I REPEAT _CANNOT, TALK S*** ABOUT DISNEY!_**

 **AGrapeWithNoSoul: "** **"I could feel the world shake beneath my feet as I caught it [the world] in my hand" So she is standing on the surface of the Earth while the Earth is also falling through the air like a ball. And then she catches the planet in her hands, but is also still standing on it.**

 **Or maybe the Earth Atlas was holding is the real Percy Jackson universe and this is officially a parallel dimension where everything is insane and perverted." Hmm. Possibly. But why would the Flaviaverse hold the real PJO world. My theory: the ball that contains Flavia's home is actually trapped in Tartarus with all the other evil stuff, and she accidentally escaped for a moment into the real world when she went to see Atlas.**

 **Guest: "** **She claims to hate Disney, but keeps referencing Frozen, has Evva and Loki in her Avengers story sing their own version of Let It Go, and describes a specific shot from Simba's Pride in the Moon Daughter sequel." Hell, the Avengers itself are owned by Disney now! I think what Flavia means is that she doesn't like _good_ Disney movies.**

* * *

Remember to check out my other story "Evva Agent of Sheild" it has lots of good reviews **Lies.** and its about the Avengers and Evva my oc.

65…..I Steal 100 Cows ***adds Grand Theft Bovine to Flavia's list of felonies***

I now had only 3 tasks left **And yet, 7 chapters. What's up with that?!** , and this next one was to steal many cows. But not from a zoo **Who would keep cows in a zoo...?** …from a man with 3 bodies exept still only one head (yes its fukin weird) **Finally, something xxMoonlitexx and I agree on. WTF were the ancient Greeks smoking when they came up with this?! I can't even visual it!** His name was Geronymon **Geronimo?** and he had all the cows on his farm of evil _**OooOOo, the spoooky farm of evil! Where instead of carrots, they grow sins.**_ **Look, Steven King couldn't make corn scary, neither can you.** , and a ferris dog guarded them.

"Well killing him will be the easy part" I swipped "Even tho he has 3 bodies, he has only 1 head so it will take 1 head shot"

"Yes but what if he fights back" Frank **, who had apparently swapped places with Percy last chapter,** said worriedly. **I think Frank and Percy have a bet going that they can switch around and Flavia won't even notice her traveling companion's been replaced. Percy now owes Frank twenty bucks.**

"Then, we kill him" I said, it must be done for the greta good. **Ah, yes, "Greta" Good. Such a nice young girl.** As I spoke this I loaded bullets into my sliver pated hand gun, an it clicked all bad ass. **Good idea, the bullets will make the gun heavier, so it'll hurt more when to throw it!**

"What do we do with the cows, how can we carry them back?" Said Albaster, of course I picked him to quests cause he was my internal destinied bf. **Of course I added this out of nowhere aside because... Hecate.**

"Maybe theres a spell" I quotted.

He found a spell, it made a giant goldern goblet, like a "cup" appear. **Now you've got a cup. So what?** I said wisely "We can put the cows in this cup an it will float on the rivers all the way to Olympics!" **... I don't think they're gonna fit. Unless your cup employs the same TARDIS tech as your bra.** I wanted to give them to Artmeis an Apollo like a gift, cause cows suck **this is true** an I didnt want 100 fuking cows. **Don't think of them as 100 cows. Think of them as 100 Barbecues!**

So it was…me and Albaster and Frank motorcyced all the way to the farm of evil. It was like a farm, but evil. There was a sinastra hill and on it sat a mighty red barn. It had a tower or "silas" connectioned to it, I knew…there within, the cows. **xxMoonlitexx apparently thinks that silos are for holding cows. ... That's so dumb I don't even know what to say.**

"A aurora of evil hangs on this place, there is much death here" Said Albaster (cause he was magic he could tell this.) **That's probably because these are beef cows. Of course there's death here!**

"Well lets grab teh fukin cows and get out" Said Frank but he whispered it so no one else would hear this.

"There is a guard dog here" I explaned "We cant make any unesessary smells **Hope nobody had chili for dinner than...** or it will sent us with its keen nose" But right before I spoke this, Frank made a unesassary smell! ***facepalm* Damnit Frank!**

"Wtf Frank what the fuk" I shotted. **She literally just said WTF twice. The writing gets worse by the second..**

Frank loked pale "Hera made me do it, shes against this questin!" **Remember kids, the next time you make an... um... "unnecessary smell", blame Hera for it!**

I saw a terkey that wondered past, it seemed to me like this was a vishion and the face of Hera looked at me from the face of this terkey with mocking. **Okay, so A) I'm pretty sure xxMoonlitexx just confused turkeys and peacocks. B) I'm imagining her being menaced by a turkey right now.** I stealed my teeth with distrage and with one wipe of my sword this terkey was "dead meat." ***gasp* How dare you! Do you know who that Turkey** ** _was_** **? He was** ** _pardoned by the president._** **Shame, shame shame!** But…Hera was not.

Suddenly there was a noise like a dog barking, a dog ran to us and it was a guard dog! It was teh biggest dog in the world, maybe even then Cerebros exept it had only 1 head. **Was it as big as Fenris was is "Thor: Ragnarok"?** I perpared to shoot it but as I posed my weapon there was another thing coming towerds us, it was….Geryonymo!

Albaster made a spell, he yelled "Stupidfy" and in a flash like green light, Gerynomo was on the ground, not dead just inconcious. **I'm beginning to suspect this was originally written as a Harry Potter fanfic, but then xxMoonlitexx saw My Immortal and realized that she could never be quite as bad, so switch to a new, virgin fandom.** Also the dog as well. With three wavings of Assgard 2 they were desolved into dust of teh earth. **Honey, just because you wave your stick in the air a little doesn't mean the monsters should automatically die for you. You need to at least touch them first!**

"Quick to the barn" I yelled and we ran to the barn. It was full of 100 cows, there were mowing thundrously. With help from Albaster and Frank I put the cows into the golden cup and it flated down the rivers of the gods until it stopped in Olympics. Now these cows belonged to Artmeis and Apollo like a sacrafice. **Apollo: *looks at Flavia's boring normal cows* *looks at his own shiny golden cows* ...thanks... I guess...**

* * *

 **Hey, didn't the cows** **Geryon guarded belong to Apollo in the first place?**


	66. What a Cretin!

**Thank you** **Kurt50Alien, The One The Only Marty D, Knightwing20042 and Mossflower1234 for reviewing!**

 **Guest Reviews:  
Guest: "-I'm imagining 100 cows stacked on each other's backs to fit in the silo.**

 **-I mean, Hera *is* the goddess of cows, which do make a lot of..."unesassary smells."**

 **-Why have Alabaster harmlessly knock out the guy and his dog if she was going to murder them anyway?**

 **-I think this might actually be worse than My Immortal. At least Enoby didn't commit human sacrifice and casually murder her friends." 1. I want to laugh, but, _yeesh_ , those poor cows! 2. True, but I sincerely doubt it's within her powers to induce said smells in other people. 3. Because Flavia hates fair fights. They're far too honorable. 4. Flavia may be far eviler, but Ebony's grammar is worse and her plot is less interesting, so I think in the end they even out.**

 **Aitty At Ait Aat: "BTW, it's not true. The spell you're thinking of is stupify. She said stupidfy. I'm trying to get some good references for Flavia's design. What cartoon character do you think she'd look like if she were real?" I dunno. There's a character from Total Drama named Gwen who's a goth, but A) Gwen's for real, unlike Flavia, and B) I actually like her and think she suffered enough in seasons 3 and 5. So I dunno. I just know her features and facial expressions would be extremely exaggerated and doofy, especially compared to everyone else's.**

 **Didi: "Hey! I'm back! I was actually able to get my shit together! Yay! And to answer your question yes. Geryon sold them for meat, I think? I don't know but now I want to have a golden hamburger. That sounds GREAT. Also, poor Frank. Good news is, he's a little richer! As for your theory about Flavia's world, I doubt the Gods would let such a terrible thing be so accessible (Tartarus). It's possible that they banished the world into another dimension and Flavia's "magicks internal destinied bf" temporarily broke the seal. Or Hecate needed to extract some pure evil from the world for a spell or something and accidentally made a hole and then patched it back up when Flavia was done!" Hey, welcome back, Didi! A golden hamburger sounds awesome, why don't they exist! *sad* The "evil alternate mirror dimension" theory is the one I ascribe to as well, personally.**

* * *

66…The Cretin Bull **Cret** ** _an_** **. Cret** ** _an_** **Bull. The only cretin here is you, xxMoonlitexx!**

Artmeis was pleased with the gift of many cows, she gave us the next task and it was: I must catch the Cretin Bull! **What, was 100 cows not enough?!** (Wtfl with all the cows I know right) **For once I agree with Flavia! What is with ancient Greece and their goddamn cow fetish!**

"Its a ferris bull taht spits fire and everything" **No it's not. It's a normal bull that had *hurlp*** ** _relations_** **with wife of King Minos and fathered the Minotaur. The metal bull from Sea of Monsters is actually the** **Colchis Bull.** Said Artmeis. "Also there is another thing, thou cantsed not kill this bull."

"Um thats bull" I snided ***poorly done "bum dum tss"*** (geddit, like Bull sit) **Honey, it's not worth a geddit if everyone does it.**

"But after you catch it and bring it back to right here you can sacrafice it, maybe to Artemis or Apollo" Said Artmeis. **So, it's useless to keep it alive and there's** ** _no goddamn reason why she can't just kill it when she finds it and END THIS CHAPTER FASTER!_**

I pondered my mind over this "But, then it will be dead." **See? Even Flavia agrees with me!**

"Yes but it will be here" Said Artmeis. **That's bull.** This clarafied me so I went to catch the Cretin bull, it lived on a island called simply, **Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg** Creet. It was like 60 miles away **WTF?! Crete is in** ** _Europe_** **. You are in** ** _America._** **It is at least two time zones away! *space is warped and time is bendable*** so it was a long ride with our motercycles. **Can your motorcycle drive on water? Cause you're not getting there without crossing the Atlantic.** I had a kick ass sound systum so I hookered ***teehee*** my ipod to teh speakers and it played so loud that the grond shook under our wheels and the earth split like a earth quak. **Sweet Christ, how many decibels is that thing! Welp, it's official, Flavia and Alabaster are deaf, as well as responsible for an apocalyptic earthquake that utterly destroyed God knows how much infrastructure.**

I considred to maybe have a party when I finished teh tasks, with alkahol an everything, also my fav bands would be invited to do the music. **This non-sequitur was brought to you by: shallowness!** But firstly…the tasks. Atlast we reached Creet, it was all rocky an evil ***shows pictures of idyllic village overlook sparkling blue waters* Behold, the location of** ** _pure evil_** **!** an we knew this would be the prefect place for the bull to attack. **Wouldn't the bull have trouble traversing the rocky seaside with it's hooves? Wouldn't it be easier for it to attack in, say, a grassy field where it can run and gain speed and momentum without potentially tripping on a boulder or falling into the ocean?**

Well it was a good thing I was wearin a lot of armer, **which I of course am going to describe to you in great and unnecessary detail now,** it was flame proof **_(geddit?)_** and also black with sliver desinings. There was a cresent moon on the front, it shone fulsomly. **Aw, how cute! It matches your permanent head-flashlight!** On the other side right on my back there was 1 simple word…"death." **To respond I have one simple word... "dork".** Also I had **Ass Guard** Assgard 2, it was my new fav weapon cause I used it teh most. In case you forgot it had a black handle an it was 5 feet long to a sharp point. _**Gee, thanks for that**_ **totally necessary** ** _(and probably wrong) description. I definitely needed to know what your stupid sword looks like! This padding is_** **so** ** _needed!_** It was so sharp it cut through solid crytsal.

Frank had a japanse sword, its called a katona. ***facepalm* He's Chinese, you moron!** It was sharp but not as sharp as Assgard 2, also not as long or big. **Compensating much?** Also blood red armer. Lastly Albaster had armer too an it shimbered greenly cause Hecate. It had magic shapes on it, like traingles but mystick. **AAAAHHHH! ILLUMINATI!**

Well just then the Cretin bull bustered from the rocks with a roar so loud that cracks opened in the earths **Good God, the earth must be made of, like, jello in this universe for sounds like these to have such severe effects!** , flames swepped from his mouth like crule bees from a hallow log. **Imagining Flavia getting stung by bees does make me feel better...** It ran towerds us, I garbbed Draceenas Doom **What about your "new favorite weapon", huh?!** an shot an arrow at its face but it just bounced off like Superman! **The bow did that on purpose. It was pissed at Flavia for playing favorites.** Frank shotted an arrow also but this one bounced off too, it bounced off so hard it rickshayed an shot himself in teh leg. ***sympathy wince* Oooh, poor Frank. At least we've got some great footage for** ** _Olympus's Funniest Home Videos_** **.** Now it was only, me an Albaster to fight the bull, it was a deathly foe.

"Wtf why isnt it being shot" I yelled.

"This is because its made of metal" Explaned Albaster, I looked and it was true. **And thus we see Flavia's brilliant deductive skills in action!** The bull was no ornery bull **Sounds plenty ornery to me. (Crap, haven't I already done this joke? I need new material...)** , it was made from bonze (thats like metal) **Bonze: a Japanese or Chinese Buddhist monk. Welp, if you're gonna go racist, go all the way I guess...**

I had a wise idea then…."Kill it with a spell!" I yelled. ***falsetto*: "I have a great plan: make Alabaster do everything!"**

"No but we cant kill it, Artmeis said so" He remembered me.

"But you can knock it out" I said!

Albaster said the words of power an casted a spell but somethin awful happened…it bounced off an hit Albaster an he was knocked inconsous! **What the what?! How did that happen?!** I reelized then, this bull was not alive, it was like a "robot" so it couldnt be killed! **In case the "made of metal" part didn't tip the viewers off. But that still doesn't explain why Alabaster's spell** ** _bounced back_** **instead of harmlessly dissipating or something.**

Suddenly the bull ran towerds Albaster, I knew it was goin to step on him an maybe kill him! "NO" I said an I threw **Ass Gaurd 2** Assgard 2 at it but it was metal so it did not stop! **Oh no! If only you were capable of** ** _moving from your spot and dragging him to safety of something._** **Idiot.**

Suddenly some one garbbed Albaster an pulled him to a safe rock **, acting with more common sense in that one moment than Flavia has throughout this entire book** , it was…..Jason!

* * *

 **Damn, Jason, what an entrance! Also does this mean Flavia's not mad at James anymore?**


	67. The Title, Like the Cake, is a LIE

**Thank you** **EpicFangirl46, LadyFae123, Professor R.J Lupin1 and crinutsaclash for reviewing!**

 **Guest reviews:**

 **Guest: "-"Like crule bees from a hallow log" Another metaphor for the ages.** **(Okay, technically that was a simile, not a metaphor.)**

 **-Seriously, what does she have against Frank? First her comments about his weight, then he falls off a ship, gets trampled in a mosh pit, then...whatever the hell happened with Mr. D...and now this.**

 **-The spell bounced off because Alabaster sucks. Like you said, summoning a couple vines knocked him on his ass." 1. Technically, I no longer care what constitutes as a simile and what constitutes as a metaphor, now that English class has ended. 2. Poor Frank. He's like, the Butters of this story. 3. That he does. But the probability that it would bounce back in the exact right spot to bean him in the head? Astronomical.**

 **Aitty At Ait Aat: "Nope, still mad. She just got so much hate at making him evil that she brought him back." Entirely possible. Despite what she claims, xxMoonlitexx is totally a slave to PR. And oh, btw, if you're still looking for a cartoon reference for Flavia, might I suggest this awesome drawing on Deviantart by my online friend Chromematic?  
**

 **Guest: "You know, I wonder if that's why she had Flavia dump Percy and Alabaster come back to life-she was getting too much (justified) hate for pairing Flavia with Percy, so she chickened out and had her end up with another oc." I think she just got sick of him. Out of all her bs love interests, Percy was by far the one who did the least. He was almost never there, he was no help whatsoever, and it's kind of hard to keep up a crush on a character when all of canon is practically screaming at you that you're wrong. Perhaps the love and devotion demonstrated by Percy and Annabeth in the House of Hades melted even xxMoonlitexx's cold, cruel heart.**

 **Guest: "JASON? dun Dun DUUUUUUUUUUN! And then the bull fell into the ocean (yay!)" If only t'were that simple. But alas, I have a whole 'nother chapter to go!**

* * *

Warnin…this part is very tragick! Spiolers warnin!1 **The spoiler warning comes** ** _before_** **the spoiler, dumbass!**

67….Jason Dies **Um, spoiler title much?**

"Jason what they fuk" I yelled.

"I followed your quest **Stalking. Creepy.** , I reelized taht Futtershy is a friend to all livin things…but when we killed teh steel porkupins, they were dead so they were not livin things, an Fluttershy is no friend of theres!" He explaned. ***facepalm* In the words of Joss Wedon: "You're insane. That's insane troll logic!" And yet... there's no way to properly** ** _disprove_** **it either, now is there? So, in a shocking twist, Insane Troll Logic wins!**

"Wait so ur good now?" I said confussed. **I'm confused too. He was good before when he had a moral conscious and tried to not to kill stuff. I think what you mean is "so ur** ** _bad_** **now".**

"Im still a brony but I can help with the quests an stuff" He said.

I reelized then…just cause he is a brony maybe I shouldnt judge him, its not like hes a fury or anythin. **He has a crush on an animated horse. He's definitely a furry.** But this must wait, cause now we must catch the Cretin bull! **Ah, yes, speaking of cretins!**

Albaster was knocked inconsous so he couldnt do a spell but then I rememberd the book taht Hecate gave me on my bday. It was full of spells, maybe there was one to catch the bull! I knew I was powerful to cast it cause Hecate said there was much patental in me but would I find it in time. ***falsetto* I haven't used this super powerful book until now because... um, because... because Kornos made me forget, okay!** Usaully deimgods cant cast magicks unless Hecate, but I knew there was patental deep inside my sole otherwise, why would I have the book. **Because you whined until Hecate couldn't take it anymore, so she gave you a useless book and a really big stick, pretended she taught you magic, and made you go away.**

"Quick caster the spell!" Yelled Jason bronyly.

I reached into my sole (this was just a advise, not real life, duh Id have to cut myself open to reach my sole in real life) **Apparently a soul is an organ one is capable of holding, like a heart or a spleen.** an I garbbed my patental **Ew. Flavia, nobody wants to here about you grabbing your "potential". This story is rated T, for Chrissake!** an yelled with a mighty voice "Crucial!1" **_Ooh, ooh, let me try!_** ***points with chopstick*** ** _"Lamegardium Failioso! 1!" Did it work?_** The cretin bull was perilized with sheer fearness! Exept it shitted itself with fear lol. **Robots can't s***! But magicians can... now that Flavia has magic powers, can she crap magic too?** "Taht is one big pile of "bull shit" Witted Jason. ***crickets* ...does he die soon?**

The bull nayed in anger **Neighed? Looks like someone needs to reread "The Cow Says Moo!" Don't worry if you can't understand it, Flavia, I can read it out loud for you. *ahem* "The cow says "moo". The sheep says "baa". The Mary Sue says "My gray eyes satred back at me from the fountain, sad like the end of a summer storm."** but it could do nothing but stand, perilized in place. I put it in the golden cup an got ready for to send it to the Rome camp. But firstly I went to Albaster an did a spell to wake him up **, the spell consisted of slapping him in the face. What, she's never refrained from physical abuse before, why start now?** , I waved **AssGuard** Assgard 2 mystickally **, the cheap plastic wobbled in the air,** an said "impervio" an his eyes busted open slowly an sensatively. "What happened Flavia" He asked. "I have the magicks of Hecate" I explaned.

(Lol I bet you were expectin for Jason to die, thats called a "twist") **Nooo, that's called a** ** _lie._** **I mean, jeez, I didn't** ** _want_** **Jason to die, but for f***s sake, you promise us something in the title you give us what you promised! You don't chicken out at the last second 'cause you got no f***ing balls!**

* * *

 **WOOOOHOOOO! Only 1 labor (and five chapters) left! THE END IS NIGH, MY EQUALLY LONG SUFFERING FRIENDS! THE END. IS. NIGH!**


	68. Dueling Dumbassery

**Thank you** **Professor R.J Lupin1, Kurt50Alien, Bella2be and BookLover21213 for reviewing!**

 **Guest Reviews:**

 **AGrapeWithNoSouls: "...So I'm going to assume they just left Frank lying there, since Flavia forgot about him (again.)" *shrug* I guess... on the bright side, he's been "stranded" on one of the most beautiful islands in Greece, plus he's now far, _far_ away from Flavia, so, in the end it's a win for him!**

 **Junebug: ""I knew it was going to step on him an maybe kill him" So... getting stepped on takes precedence over death. WTF, girl? Girl... You had to bring up furries. I wear cat ears to school ONE TIME, and I'm known as a furry for forever after." Once you die, you can no longer experience the pain of being stepped on. Also, that incident sounds... deeply personal, so, um sorry 'bout that.**

 **Guest (On chapter 3): "Nick is gay. Get the facts right! I needed this extra commentary though!" I don't know much about the sexuality of this guy "Nick", but I know Nico's gay!**

 **Aitty At Ait Aat: "Finally the Finale of Moon Daughter 1 is coming!**

 **YAYAYAYAYAY ONE OF THE MOST CRAPPIEST TALES HAS NEARLY ENDED! YAY. I was waiting for you to do this chapter! Now to wait for the next thing I'm exited to see you comment on! Although, honestly, I thought you'd say something like, DAMN YOU MOONLITE YOU DUMBASS WITH NO SPELLING ABILITY WHO PROPBABLY FLUNKED FIRST GRADE AND WHO IS SUCH A BIG HYPOCRITE THAT SHE SAYS POINTS OFF FOR MISSPELLING PROPHECY WHEN YOU MISSPELL THE! SAYING SOMEONE WILL DIE AND THEN NOT HAVING THEM DIE ISN'T A TWIST, IT'S YOU BEING A FUCKING TROLL!" ...Whoa. That's... a lot of rage...**

 **Guest: "Booklover: FWIW, my suggestion that xxxMoonlitexxx is a homeschooler was aimed at the (assumed) troll behind Hanna rather than Hanna herself, who is familiar enough with Lays of Ancient Rome to hide a quote from it in his/her fanfic. (I'm also a homeschooler!)" And I was!... saying something stupid and sounding like an idiot. I'm sorry, I meant to insult xxMoonlitexx but ended up accidentally insulting homeschooled people...**

* * *

68…A Dule of Deep Love

Now…it was the time your all waitin for, my last final task! **Damn right I've been waiting! I've been waiting for these tasks to end since** ** _Chapter 48._** **It took her over 20 chapters to complete what Heracles did in** ** _mere sentences._** Artmeis told it to me, it was "Thou must clean teh Augan stables!"

"Wow this is a very lame task an not epick at all" I said with discussed. **...That is true. Why'd you save this for last, instead of just like, lumping it in with stealing from Geryon?! You could've had the epic bullfight be last which would've been way cooler.**

"But its even worse, thou must clean it in 1 day" Said Artmeis "Also the cows inside are immortal so theres like 6000 years of bull sit inside" **If that was true, then the stable hasn't been taken care of since the year 3982 BC, the Neolithic Era. But Hercules apparently mucked out the stables, and he lived in, I'm assuming, Mycenaean Greece, at least around 23 centuries later. Hell, did we even domesticated cattle back then?!** Her voice was stern with grossfulness.

"Then it must be done" I stated **Since when do you care about cows, Flavia? Actually, since when do you accept whatever labor you're given without bitching? Could this be *gasp*** ** _character development_** **?! Eh. Probably a fluke.** an I called Albaster an Jason for a talk.

"We must cleans it, with the two rivers "Alphus" and "Penus" Albaster expaned. ***snort* Together they're "alpha penis" *immature laughter*** (No not taht kind you Perv) **Haha, it's totally that way.**

It was sicking and gross but, it must be done! So I jumped onto my kick ass motercycle, also did Albaster. Jason had a new motercycle as well **because I guess Flavia never bothered to give back the one she** ** _stole and vandalized_** **, and instead forced the poor boy to shill out drachmas for another motorcycle.** …it was gold in the swivening colors of Futtershy. Also it had runes in the secret Brony talks. He had for a weapon a special weapon called a ninchux, its like what Ninjas have an its so fuking "kawaii." ***facepalm*** Exept his was vilet (thats like purple exept not too girl colored.) **Whatever happened to Jason's "sword that is money"? Did it get destroyed and I just missed that part?**

Albaster clinched his book of magicks tightly, read to caster a spell if needed. But in case this didnt work he also brung a weapon too…a magickal sword! _**Oooh. Another speshul sword. Are you gonna describe this one to us**_ It was green to teh core an shimbered with much spells. Also it was 5 feet long an sharp as steel mixted with irons. **Wouldn't a steel-iron alloy be weaker, since steel is an iron-carbon alloy in the first place?** I knew instantly…this was a weapon of power.

I wiped out my own sword **Ass Guard** Assgard 2, it shone darkly like a cresent moon of night "Lets see how good you are with ur sword" ***bow chicka wowow*** I said all flirtly, it was a dule! But not to the death, just until I won. **Ugh! Are you kidding me?! You're going to have a mock fight now? We're already halfway through the chapter and aren't any closer to finishing this!**

Me an Alaster fought until we got face to face an our teeth stealed **Teeth that turn to steel is, like, the lamest mutant ability I can think of. What would be that guy's superhero name? The Biter?** , he thrustered but I fought back with perry's. **With Perry's what?! With Perry's sword? With Perry's karate moves? With Perry's fedora?!** Finally I swipped teh sword form his hands, it cluttered to the earths will a hallow clang of loserness.

I pointed my sword at his throat "Are you gonna sunder or what" I said hotly.

Albaster sundered "Your so fukin hot right now but not as hot as teh heart of a burned star" **So, in other words: "I can think of stuff more attractive than you. A giant glowing space ball, for example. A** ** _burned_** **out giant glowing space ball." Stealth insults for the win!** He said all poetick, my heart leaped into this star of which he spoke. **So, you committed suicide? End of story? Haha, no, I'm too far in to be tricked by poor grammar into thinking the story's over... *sigh*** Instantly we began to make put.

Jason watched us with a big smile on his face **Voyuerism. Creepy.** "Well you love birds are we goin to quest, or not"

I knew this must wait until the quest was done, I must not let distractions distract me from my tasks. **You already let distractions distract you you distractable ball of distracted redundancy!** Without one word I jumped to my motercycle an we thundred off into the background.

* * *

 **Between this "thundering into the background", and Flavia "turning to the screen" in chapter 61, sometimes I wonder if xxMoonlitexx thinks she's writing a screenplay instead of a book. The word "book" being used in the loosest possible sense here.**


	69. JUST END ALREADY!

**Thank you** **ravenclawwarrior97, Kurt50Alien, EmmaBloomFan22, The One The Only Marty D and Knightwing20042 for favoriting and reviewing!**

 **Guest Reviews:  
AGrapeWithNoSoul: ""Jason watched us with a big smile on his face" Jason is Denny from The Room confirmed." GASP! Another Room fan! YAyyy!**

 **Didi: "Me:Hey, sorry I'm late to the party! What'd I miss?**

 **Me: *reads chapters 66-68* *promptly starts to vomit***

 **The only good news is that the next chapter number is 69. And even then, if Moonlites been keeping track, I'm kinda scared to see what she'll do with it since she finished copying off of Heracles. Or HERCULES I should say. Honestly, I don't even like the name Hercules anymore. It's overused, shallow and in general I-don't-likey. The only excuse is Hercules Mulligan. And thank GODS Jason isn't dead yet. Though I'd rather him be dead and out of this awful mirror universe thing. He doesn't deserve this. :'(" What's so great about the next chapter being 69? There's still like, 3 more left to go! And honestly, I prefer the name Hercules mostly because it's what I always hear. Nothing wrong with calling a myth figure by their Roman name. Plus, I think our lion wrestling buddy would prefer _not_ to be named "Glory of Hera", considering all the crap she put him through...**

 **Guest: ""...it shone darkly like a cresent moon of night" THINGS CAN'T SHINE DARKLY, BECAUSE THEY'RE SHINING WITH LIGHT! LIGHT CAN'T SHINE DARKLY! AAARGGGGGHHHH!" Just recite the MST3K mantra. *it's just a s***y fanfic. I should really just relax. It's just a s***y fanfic. I should really just relax* It's what keeps me from going nuts! Sort of.**

 **Aitty At Ait Aat: "With Perry's owners Phineas and Ferb?" NO! Don't you dare bring any more beloved childhood memories into this!**

 **Guest: "Now that she has magic Alabaster will have no significance other then "my destined godness bf." I'm sorry Alabaster, only Flavia can be the all knowing, all powerful savior of this messed up twisted world." Put some air quotes around that "savior". Trust me. The second book confirms, she's most definitely not one.**

 **Guest: ""But not to the death, just until I won" She isn't even pretending with the tension anymore.**

 **Also, I've discovered that Alabaster is not, in fact, an oc but a minor canon character written by Rick Riordan's son. My condolences to Haley Riordan for what xxMoonlitexx did to his character. *goes to read Demigod Diaries*" I've heard a couple of fan theories that xxMoonlitexx actually _is_ Haley Riordan. But I doubt it. Nobody would besmirch their beloved OC like this.**

* * *

69….Teh Finale Task **Finally!**

The Augan stables spared before us like a map of barns, it was in a valley not too far from the Roman camp. **Hmm.. Camp Jupiter is located near San Francisco... so, no, it doesn't surprise me that nearby residents didn't notice the Funk of 40 Thousand Years.** It fuking stunked from the sit of hundreds maybe even thousand of immortal cows. It was a place of wretchness an Muck.

Albaster shake his head, this wasnt how it was suppost to be. The world should be free of pollusion to smell like a fresh wind of spring." **Oh great, not another environmental message! Is she gonna murder another town to "free the wildness"?!** I consalted my spells but I cant find one that cleans a mess like this, the rune is too deep!" **I guess there's no spell in that book to summon Mr. Clean...**

The cold breezes blew my hair by my face, I looked on the barns an I knew…this was a task taht must be completed. **Oh my** ** _God,_** **how many times has she said those exact damn words?! I swear to God, xxMoonlitexx is just copy/pasting by now!** But how.

"Artmeis said we must use these two rivers "Aphlus" an "Penus" ***teehee*** I explaned. (Not like that omg stop pervin on my storys sicko) **You're the one who repeated misspelt "Peneus" "Penus". That kind of Stupid Lightening does not strike twice on accident.**

"Yes but these rivers are in greece, it would take greater magick to move them to these barns" Said Albaster. **_Yeah! And it's not like there are large bodies of water in California or anything_ oh wait. Of course, it could be drought season. **

"Well Im not going to fukin give up" I yelled cause Im not a quiter, a solusion would be found. I knew I must clear my mind firstly **Well, you're real good at that!** and become a deep thinker ***snicker* Like that's gonna happen anytime soon.** , not a empty shell person. I davulged with in my mind **Flavia, if your mind was a pool, it would be totally empty and only a foot deep.** , it was like I heard the voice of Artmeis **Flavia: So dumb she needs her mother to think for her.** "One thing you must always remember, there is always hope. Listen…. "where theres life there is hopefulness" **And Destrucity is the truce between one's destiny and one's reality. What the f*** does this mean?!** These words of wisdom filled me with a idea.

"Look Albaster, these rivers were from nature an nature is from Artmeis, what we need to clean this place is a force of nature" I expanded.

"What is a strong thing of nature" **A HERRING!** Asked Albaster, he nodded approve at my wisdom.

"Well teh most strongest force of nature in the world, is LOVE". I yelled trumpantly. **So... the answer... is the GODDAMN POWER OF LOVE?! AUGH, what a copout!** As I spoke this words I knew I was right, the greatest love in teh world was my love for Albaster an also his love back for me. **Love? LOVE?! Your relationship is the single most dysfunctional thing I've ever witnessed! It's not love, it's the sick, twisted opposite! And how the f*** did she come to this conclusion from the nonsensical Artmeis Ice Cream Koan!**

I knew now what we must do, we went to the tallest tower of the barn an then in the magickal lights of the moon…we kissed! Right on teh lips an everything. Stars glimbered stintly an fell to the earth, an comets sparked around us. **WTF?! Why is the Power of Boners doing this _now_?! **

"Look its workin" Said Albaster but we kept kissing cause we didnt even care. Teh force of love was so great that all the stuffs melted away with a "cleaning power." **Remember, kids! The next time your house is dirty, don't clean it, just make out instead!**

Suddenly there was a light an many flashes, the gods asended from Olyumpus! Artmeis came over to me an said "Flavia thou has competed thou most dangerous 12 tasks **Dangerous?! You call this DANGEROUS?! Her last task involved _housekeeping._ One of her tasks was solved through _a hot topic gift card._ Watching _Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle_ is probably more dangerous!**, thou hast transendered **I know quite a few transgendered people who'd probably be offended by this fic.** the power an now…thou cannest be a godness!" **Godness gracious, this conclusion took _forever_ to reach!**

"Omg fuking finally" I yelled with a great joy.

All the gods an godessess kneeled down, even Hera an Apherditi but they couldnt do anything lol. **Huh. The first chapter ended with everyone kneeling to Flavia, and now this chapter ends with everyone kneeling to Flavia. Sort of poetic. In a stupid way.** Albaster misted from the shadows **, because I guess he just Batman stealthed away when everyone showed up. Hey, don;t judge him, he's socially awkward!** , he kneeled down an said "Flavia theres a very impotant thing you should know about, its my biggest secret" **Hush, Alabaster. No one wants to hear about your impotant thing", keep your gross medical problems to yourself and let the fanfic finish!** He put his hand in his pocket an he took out a ring **Oh no.** , it was all silver with a black ruby cresent moon attatched to it so when you put teh ring on it would light up **No no no no no no no no no no no no (also that ring sounds super gaudy) no no no no no no no no no no! You are not dragging this story out! No!** "Flavia you will marry me" **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

My heart thudded into my chest, I opened my mouth to speak of yesfulness...what would be my answer! **OH FOR F***S SAKE! STOP TRYING TO BE SUSPENSEFUL! YOU LITERALLY JUST SAID YOU WERE ABOUT TO SPEAK OF "YESFULNESS". ENOUGH WITH THE CLIFFHANGERS! ENOUGH WITH THE CHAPTERS! JUST END ALREADY! END! _END! EENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!_**

* * *

 ***broken sobbing***


	70. Party in the USA

**Thank you** **The One The Only Marty D, The not so silent protagonist and Mossflower1234**

 **Guest Reviews: "-I can see Rick Riordan writing a trollfic. Maybe not one as screwed up as this, but definitely a trollfic of some sort.**

 **-They motorcycled to Crete in seconds, why is it suddenly an issue that the rivers are in Greece?**

 **-I'm guessing her love for Alabaster was the metaphorical "Alphus" and his love back for her was the metaphorical "Penus?" *snickers***

 **-The real cliffhanger is whether she'll flip out at Alabaster and hook up with Percy/Chiron/Hades/Zeus/Apollo/a randomly introduced character at the last second, now that she has her own Hecate powers and doesn't need him for any more tasks." 1. Uncle Rick has no need to write trollfics. He can simply troll us in canon! 2. ... *answerless* *shows "space is warped and time is bendable" clip* 3. *snickers* 4. Perhaps, we'll just have to keep reading to find out! *groan***

 **Didi: "** **Oh. Gods. If the national anthem we're about Flavia and we had to stand, I would lay down and take a nap! THAT RING WAS MY BROTHER'S GRANDMOTHER'S WHY WOULD ALABASTER BRING hEr INTO THE FAMILY I DISOWN MYSELF ADIOS LOSERS!**

 ***silent weeping***

 **The only good news is the parallel mirror-verse. Let's just say that I'm more than a little ticked with Flavorless Flavia's behavior. She's so shallow, her mind pool is a puddle! Not even 5in deep! I hope she has a good time watching all of her mortal friends die slowly!" Flavia has no real friends. She's too conceited to possibly care about another human being.**

 **EnterCussingHere: "The way this story (if you can even call it that) is going, I wouldn't be surprised if, at the last minute, Percy shows up and says he wants to be a brony along with Jason while Annabeth admits her love for Alabaster. Then Flavia does something stupid. After that, finally, this story will end." Maybe it'll be like Legolas by Laura and, instead of actually ending, will just... stop, midway through a sentence. That'd be nice.**

 **Guest (On Chapter 2): "Wait wait wait... let me get this straight... This Mary Sue thinks Percys whole loyalty shtick doesn't also include loyalty in relationships? Then there's the whole satyr/dryads are monsters thing.. If their considered monsters why are they even inside of the camp borders which PROTECT AGAINST MONSTERS?! The only monsters I've seen in the story your commenting on is the original writer and the main character. Might as well have made Nico an 82 year old if they wanted to age him up since legally and chronologically he is old enough to be her grandfather**

 **I read some bad fanfics but that one takes the cake. It takes the meaning behind Luke's Sacrifice behind the Big House, stabs it in the back and then drops in the flesh-eating horse stables in Triple G ranch before it got cleaned out." Remember, this is all an alternate universe where everyone's characterization are flipped upside down, inside out, and then digested and expelled by a shark.**

 **Guest: "... everyone reading MoonDaughter is going to sob because this is soooooo...ooooooo long" Damn right I'm sobbin'! Can you believe she wrote even _more_ of this bs?!**

 **Guest: "Technically, Flavia didn't complete all twelve labors. Jason killed half the Stymphalian Birds, Alabaster caught the wild boar and killed the Nemean Lion, Percy/Frank picked the golden apples, and Artemis already had the Golden Hind. (And Flavia *tried* to make Alabaster capture the flesh-eating horses and the Cretan Bull.)" Yeah. The whole reason Herc had twelve labors instead of ten was because two of them were disqualified for him having help! What the heck?!**

 **Aitty At Ait Aat: "- There, there. *Pats back***

 **\- I recently learned that "Mr. d rapped Frank and then hit him" meant Mr. D rapped with Frank. More evidence that Moonlite is unaware of the backspace.**

 **\- You started it. "With Perry's fedora?**

 **\- I have some things to say to Didi. 1. You have an amazing name(I know what it means). 2. How are you everywhere? 3. Hamilton fan or history buff?**

 **\- Why would a black ruby(not fucking possible, FYI) light up?" 1. *sniff* thank you. 2. *facepalm* God that's stupid! 3. And now I'm ending it. 5. Technically, a ruby can be black, but it's the weakest and least desirable color. So Alabaster basically just cheaped out on the wedding ring. Hell, since it "lights up", it's probably not even a real gem at all, just, like, a halloween toy he got at Party City!**

 **Ari: "FLAVIA JUST FRICKIN ANSWER" OR EVEN BETTER SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST.**

* * *

70….The Party of Godessness **And the wedding, right?! And the wedding, so we can finally finish!**

I loked at the ring taht Albaster was holding. Finly I spoke **I imagine there was an awkward pause for like, five minutes while Flavia stood there with a *dur* face.** "Ok we can get married" **Such passion, such romance in these words. "Yeah, sure, whatever, I guess we can." I haven't seen such brilliant romantic writing since The Phantom Menace!**

It was like a fire wok explonded all the way back to teh Roman camp, all the deimgods woke up an fell to there kneese in amazment at our great love. **"Ahh! Everybody kneel, before she kills us all! I mean, um, oh Great and Mighty Flavia! Your love is, so um... lovely!"** Even tho it was midnight an the darkest hour I had the biggest fukin party in the world to celberate. We took all teh furnturere out of the temple of Zeus **Why TF was there furniture in a temple?! Does Zeus demand that his places of worship all contain loveseats in case the worshippers get tired of standing?!** (cause its the biggest one) an also the alters but we left the incest burners an put it some moon flavered incest ***spittake* You took WHAT!?** from the temple of Artmeis. We put up some banners that were sliver an black an shaped like a cresent moon, on it said "FlaviaXAlbaster for Lifesxx." **I especially love the unnecessary double Xs after "Lifes". It really adds a certain, mm,** _ **je ne sais quoi**_ **to the whole shebang.**

"Wait u cant marry him" wined Annabeth **, who was here for some reason despite being sent to Azkaban the last time we saw her. Guess she got out on good behavior**.

"Why" I damanded, exept I knew..…it was cause her jelousy made her jelous. **This is probably the first time I've ever heard of an engagement being cancelled because someone's jealous of the bride. And yet according to Flavia this is an adequate reason why she can't marry Al.**

"But you have to be a virgen to be a godness" She snitted. **She already became a goddess, and she was (debatably) virginal when that happened, so, end of story. Get to the freaking wedding already!**

My eyes flished with trumph. "Exept Artmeis said I could if I did 12 tasks an I competed them all" I yelled.

"Thats not fair" Yelled Annabeht "Apherditi wont allow for this to happen" But right then Artmeis apparated like a shinin beam of the moon.

"Apherditi wont let them marry, wtf shes suppost to be a virgen" Complaned Annabeth. **You kind of have to wonder why Flavia and Alabaster even have a relationship when**

"Do thou are fuking with I?" **...what the heck was that syntax?** Damanded Artmeis in a voice like thunders. "The godess all agreed an thou must submit to there idea, or maybe thou think thou are more powerful than teh gods"

Annbeth was a very cowerd so she slunked away **Run, Annabeth! Run far away before she remembers she technically enslaved you!** but that was ok cause she wasnt invited to the party anyways. Instead Hazel was there, also Leo, they were a cute couple an also gothix. **Didn't you hate Hazel and Leo just a coupla chapters ago. Also: aw, what a cute couple brainwashed to be together!** Also there was Jason cause he was good now, also Frank. I even made Percy come even tho he was my ex, he had no hard feelins an didnt reaction like a little bitch about it. **In fact, he was so happy for us that he decided to present Alabaster with a wedding present of knife-wait, Percy, what are you doing?! Stop stabbing Alabaster! My God, you are so evil!** It was good cause it was a very kick ass party, wine colers flowed like blood. **Gross. Remind never to drink anything given by Flavia.** (There was cherry, rasberry **WTF?! Wines don't come in flavors like that!** , an pena colota, exept no strawberry cause there gross an sorry if u like it but ur a loser an you must retry) **Screw you. I like strawberries. And I'd probably like strawberry wine, which BTW** ** _is_** **an actually type of alcohol!** Also Ivy was there too.

"Congratchulions for your weddin" Yelled Frank. **Yes. Happy marriage. Get the f*** out of my life.**

"Wait Im not married yet, this is just a party to engage" I explaned. **WHAT?! Oh, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!** Cause my weddin, the real thing would happen in 3 weeks **I CAN'T READ THROUGH THREE WEEKS OF MOONDAUGHTER WEDDING PLANNING!** an this would take much plannin, also I needed a dress an stuff. **NO YOU DON'T! JUST GO TO VEGAS AND GET A QUICKY WEDDING! GET IT OVER WITH!** Obvs Hazel would be my made of Honor an Ivy & Jason would be my bride smades. (Jason was a brony so thats kind of like a girl, anyways there were no oter girls ***facepalm* Okay, A) What about Hazel and, B) f*** you, guys can like pink ponies to and still be guys, you don't get decide who's what!** )

"Wait who will be the 'best man' an the guys taht walk with the bridesmades" I asked from Albaster. (wtf are they called, I just call tehm brides guys **I'm pretty sure they're called groomsmen. But why would they be called brides-anything, they're friends of the groom.** ) "Also the ring barer"

"Well Percy will be the 'best man' an Leo will be the ring barer" ***snort* The ring bearer's generally a small child, right?** Said Albaster. "Also Frank" **You're gonna have two ring bearers?! What kind of weird-ass wedding is this?! Nevermind, dumb question.**

"But we need a flower girl, she has to be a totler an there are no deimgods who are totlers" I explaned. **I mean, I'm sure you can find a random kid who'll do it for you. And it doesn't necessarily have to be a toddler, just someone who's small and cute.**

"Well sense there are no small girls to throw flowers I was thinkin maybe I can nominize Futtershy" ***facepalm*** Said Jason.

"But…Fluttershy is a Lie" I explaned to remember him.

"Yes but Hephestites made me a 'auto maton' its like a robot but also a plushie" Said Jason. **Gross. Jason nobody needed to know about your creepy relationship with the furry equivalent of an anime girl body pillow.** I wanted to be a good exepting person an not a jugmentalest, so I said "ok"

"Who will we invite" Said Albaster, we made a list. Guess who was not on it…..Annabeht!1 ***monotone* Really? I never ould have guessed.** Also Piper an Octravius. Cause they were dead. **And way to classy to attend a trainwreck of a nuptial ceremony.**

The list said…..Artmeis, Hecate, Hades (exept not Perstephane) Apolo, Posidon, Socartes, Chiron an some miner gods. **Screw the other campers though. It's not like deserve to be invited or whatever!** Mr D was not invited ether cause last time he was at teh Roman camp he rapped worse then Justin Biber. ***hiss* Do not speak the name of the Dark One aloud!** (See theres a mistake in that chapter, it says he rapped with Frank but some haters read this an couldnt read correct cause they think I said he rapped Frank but this is just a errer, its not true **"I did naht rapp him, it's naht true, it's bohlshit, I did naht rapp him, I did nahht. Oh, hi Frank!** ) Anyways he was a perv. **That little fact is not helping your "rap not rape" case.**

Anyways the party was just gettin started, Hades was there so he resected some dead bands an they played the 50 most bad ass songs ever discoverered. **Not a single one of them was written by MCR. A good half of them were written by Queen. Wait, if the dead are being resurrected, does that mean that *gasp*** ** _Hades brought back Freddy Mercury?!_** **Oh, please God, please, the world must hear his angelic tones again!** We moshed so wildly that the temple windows broke from shock **Jesus Christ, what the hell were they actually doing in there?! Cause there's no way simply gyrating in place like spastic idiots can cause this much damage.** , many deimgods were stepped on but were ok later. **Eh. Woodstock was better. 3/10.** Then we played a adult game that I cant post here cause that would make this rated more than m. **Gross. Thank you for not sharing.** Also we watched a movie, it was Thor 2 the Dark World. **Augh, seriously?! That movies sucks** ** _ass_** **.** Bestly of all, Zeus used his god powers to make Thor 3 an guess what it was all Loki an no Thor. **WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! YOU DARE TO BLASPHEMY AGAINST THOR RAGNAROK, THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE?! FUCK YOU! UNCENSORED! BURN IN THE FIERY PITS OF HADES FOR ALL ETERNITY, YOU WRETCHED INSIDIOUS BITCH-SNAKE! *EXPLODES FROM RAGE*** I think Albaster was a little jelous of Loki lol. **Of course he was. Loki, unlike Alabaster, does not have to put up with Flavia. (he does have to put up with her evil twin Evva though, so I guess it's a loose-loose.)**

Lastly Albaster did stunts on teh temple celing with his motercycle ***physically impossible* *also really lame*** , there were flashin lights that flashed so hard that maybe it could give mortals a sezure. **And then Flavia and all her friends had seizures and died. The end!** Lastly we went to bed at like 7 in the mornin but the gods blest us so there was no hang overs. **Really? 'Cause, you didn't invite Dionysus,** ** _god of parties_** **, to the literal party of the century. I imagine he's rather pissed right now. So not only are you waking up with triple hangovers, you're waking up with triple hangovers that will eventually cause you to go mad and dismember your loved ones!**

* * *

 **Don't you just love happy endings?**


	71. 1 Wedding and (Sadly) No Funerals

**Thank you** **Mossflower1234, The One The Only Marty D, Kurt50Alien, ponystoriesandothers and theworstisgoingtohappen for reviewing!**

 **Guest Reviews:**

 **Didi: "Welp, sorry big bro, I would get you out f this wedding by objecting BUT! I wasn't invited! Eh, it's fine. Because I disowned Alabaster, I will NOT have Flavia as a sister-in-law! Yay! I wonder if Dionysus will through my cabin a pity-party. I hope so!**

 **To answer your questions/statements, Aitty At Ait Aat:**

 **1\. I actually had to look up the meaning of the name after you commented on it XD! I chose my nickname because my little brother and cousins on my dad's side (I'm biracial) call me "Didi" which is Hindi for "sister". It's a respect thing. Though I'm not complaining with "warrior of the people" for a meaning. That means I can fight Flavia for us!**

 **2\. I am a part of many fandoms and read many fanfics! I like a little change every now and then. It's nice. :)**

 **3\. BOTH! I love both Hamilton and history! Though I was in the wrong semester for the history bowl in my school. :(**

 **I CANT WAIT FOR FLAVIAS WEDDING TO BE OVER WITH. I am definitely NOT willing to wait for it (Aaron Burr is a precious child, don't judge me)**

 **OH! And by the way, cherry and raspberry wine are both real things. I've never had em though. Or ANY wine for that matter. I can imagine that those two and strawberry wine would all be very good though..." I mean, Dionysus is super pissed he wasn't invited to Flavia's nuptial party, so he'll probably throw y'all the biggest, raddest pity party ever! So don't you worry. I am going to assume from your Aaron Burr comment that you quoted him. Unfortunately, I've never seen Hamilton... I've heard fruit wines are bittersweet.**

 **Aitty At Ait Aat: "-Rasberry? A pink fruit? THIS IS A TURNING POINT, FLAVIA LIKES SOMETHING PINK! HOW DARE SHE! THOR RAGNAROCK IS ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES! HELL FOR A COSTUME COMPETITION IN MY SCHOOL LAST YEAR MY CLASS(Orchid) COMBINED WITH IRIS(another section) GOT TO THE TOP TWENTY USING HELA! AND THE FACT THAT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT WE WERE THE ONLY GROUP IN OUR YEAR LEVEL TO GET TO THE TOP 20.**

 **Note:**

 **I'm currently a second year in my school and the costume event was when I was a first year." I mean, you could argue that Raspberries are red... "One of" the best movies? ONE OF?! THOR RAGNAROK IS THE GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME! THOR RAGNAROK IS A _GOD_ AMONG MOVIES. IF THOR RAGNAROK WAS A PERSON, _I WOULD HAVE IT'S BABIES._ ARGBARLAGA THOR RAGNAROK APU3OIEFNH *incoherent yelling* **

**Guest: "To be fair, this was written 3 years before Ragnarok came out." *crazy person stare* THERE IS NO EXCUSE**

* * *

71\. The Real Wedding **YES. THANK YOU.**

It was 3 weeks later. **Oh, thank you, xxMoonlitexx, for not forcing me to endure three weeks of wedding planning!** Now the acutel wedding was today! Firstly I knew I needed a dress, maybe if ur a prep your thinkin it was white an pfufly, **With you? Honey, I assume you'll show up to your wedding dressed in S &M gear. It certainly would be an accurate representation of the marriage. **well…..no. Artmeis made some nyphs an miner godessess make it for me, **because God for f***ing bid I just get mine from a store like any normal person, nooo, I have to force some poor mythical figures to make it for me. They've probably never sewn in their life, after all, they're "miners", not dressmakers!** it was lether an black **Guess I wasn't too far off with the S &M suggestion.** an winded around me tightly **How the hell can she even walk in that?! Alabaster's gonna have to cut her out when they get home that night!** exept it was endorned with like 600 sliver stars an cresent moons, some were silver but some, were red **, just in case it wasn't tacky enough already.** Also it had a cut in the side that went all the way up to my waste an also black fish nets but very thin ones where you could see they were fish nets if u loked close. (Note, I know some flamers got mad cause they said I discribed my cloths too much, but this was my first weddin **Your "first" wedding? Are you suggesting they'll be others? Oh, of course they'll be, she and Al won't last a year before the divorce.** so back off & cut me some exuse. **No, I will not "cut you some excuse", because** ) I had a val that was 13 feet long, made all from that meshly lace stuff **I'm surprised it wasn't made from fishnet as well.** an what do I need to tell you it was black. **She looks like she's going to a funeral instead of a wedding. A very tacky funeral, but a funeral no less.** To stick it to my head I had a tiara but not a princess kind ew, it had a skull in teh center of the fourhead **Was the skull on fire? It would complete the "Hell's Angels redneck biker wedding" motif.** (geddit a center like Chrion cause he was invited to the marrying **This pun is so bad it does not even merit a "womp womp womp" sound.** ) an it was all pale silver, also it had spikes that glemmed flickly.

 ***NO ONE CARES WHAT FLAVIA IS WEARING*** Also I had some pale fondation, muroon lip stick on the bottom lip (cause what, you think I only like black an red) an black on teh top, black kole all around my eyes to make them look bigger an some eye lashes extentions. Also a earing like a silver cresent in one ear an a white tiger in teh other ear. An just cause you think I was too girly about cloths I was wearin combat boots (exept with stiledo heels) Lastly I put a spell on my cresent tatoo on my four head (I could do this now cause Hecate) so it glitred darkly. ***NO ONE CARES WHAT FLAVIA IS WEARING***

Albaster was wearin not a sute **, haha, no,** ** _that_** **would be far too classy,** but a lether jacket all black an texured. Also black jeans with runes on them an a meterick fuk ton of metal. Also he was wearin a godly crown made from antelers like a Stag, cause they were Artmeis fav animal. His arms were bear **You're marrying a guy with bear arms?! Flavia, seriously, you never had the best taste in men, but this is seriously messed up! Jason's not the only furry in Camp Jupiter!** an showed many magickal tats. **I especially like the on of Jeff Goldblum from Jurassic Park. You know which pose.** He was so hot I thought maybe, my heart clinched in my throat what if he cheated on me! **I think** ** _he_** **should be worried about being cheated on by** ** _you_** **, Flavia "I Once Fondled a Sleeping Boy While Dating His Cousin" Maya Lilith Knight** But no….our love was too strong for this kind of pettinus, it would pull us through an show us teh light. ***three days later is seducing Hades again***

The marrying would happen in teh temple of Hera cause sadly she is the god of weddings an stuff even tho Zeus cheats on her like every day. **Well, waddya know?! Looks like xxMoonlitexx knows a few things about mythology after all.** Anyways we took out the statute of Hera an did spells to make everythin look like it was a night with many stars, also we had examplifiers to play music very loud. **That must have made the ceremony hellish. *loud bass in the background* "Do u, Flavia, tak this man to be your lafuly wedded husbnd?" "WAt?! You basterd! I do not bed him awfuly!1" "What?! I canot here thou over teh loud musik!" "Wat?!" "Wat?!" "WAT?!"**

I walked up the isle to the alter, Ivy an Hazel an Jason ***groan*** carried my val. Futtershy walked prodly before us throwin black roses out from a spacial slot Hephastetus put there so it could throw black roses. **Wait, did Hephaestus put that there before Alabaster even proposed?! What purpose would that slot have in a robot girlfriend horse. You know what, I don't even want to know.** The music started to play, it was a song that teh muses wrote for the weddin. It was hard core, but sensative. **If I was being serious, I would have played "Canon Rock", but since this wedding is a joke *plays "Red Light In My Eyes" by Children of Bodom* Which reminds me, I should really download some more Scandinavian death metal...** With lots of drums but a voilin in the middle, also a gutar. It was called 'Forever Alone." **What kind of moron plays a song called "Forever Alone" at A GODDAMN WEDDING?!** It was epick but kind of derpressin cause Chiron broked down an a tear rattled his cheek an I knew he was thinkin of Kornos. **Why? Were Kornos and Chiron a thing or something. *immediately regrets asking*** But you know what, fuk Kornos, this was my weddin an I was thinkin about me. **And this is different from normal how?**

I went to the alter an there was Albaster lookin so hot he could of burstered into a konfetti of hotness. **Let's beat him with a pinata stick and find out!** We didnt have a ministration cause we were greek, so instead Artmeis married us (not like taht you perv **You pointed it out. Augh, great, now I'm thinking about it! *shudders*** ) She said "Albaster Sea-Toringtan **I wasn't aware his middle name was Ocean...** , do thou take Flavia Maya Lillith Knight as thou lawful **Well, that's a lie.** weddinged wife" **Wait, did she just say "lawful** ** _wingdinged_** **wife"?!**

Albaster spoke teh most powerful 3 words in the world…. "I do" **And then I spoke the "three" second most powerful words: "Epic. Fail."**

"Flavia Maya Lillith Knight does thou take Albaster Sea-Torigntan as thou lawful weddinged husband" Said Artmeis. **She did again! She called someone a wingding again!**

"I do" I said an my heart did a poirote **What the hell is a "poirote"? Isn't that a famouse fictional detective or something?!** , it was like now nothin would be the same ever.

"Then thou may resite thou vows" She said.

"Wtf you wrote vows, thats so hot" I gaseped. **Um... you didn't? You were** ** _supposed to_** **, dumbass!**

Albaster lifted his finger an wrote glowin green runes in the air in front of us, it was a poam an it was like this:

Flavia thou are teh one in my heart  
Thou is dark an mystrous but also kind in thou heart.  
When teh moon rise darkly over the Roman Camp  
Thou face on my heart, will evern be stamped.  
I dont know how I desserve a goddess like thou  
After my lifes of sadness there is happyness now  
Thou saved me from lifes shadows cause thou are the one  
Flavia Maya Lillith Knight, by the gods thou was spun!1  
Now forever well be gods an godnessess above  
All teh world will glow from our love.  
The end"  
 **That's the worst poem I've ever heard in my life. Like, Blake and Wordsworth and James Joyce and all those other awful poets from English class are looking at the heaping pile of word garbage and projectile vomiting.**  
"OH MY FUKIN ZEUS" I screamed, it was the most meaningfull thing any person had done to me ever, I had no words so I couldnt speek instead I kissed Albaster right there an it was the sexliest kiss, we were surronded by tendrels of love. **So wait, this is tentacle hentai now?!**

"I pornounce ***snicker* Glad to see we got one more Freudian Slip in there.** thou…god an goddess" Yelled Artmeis. Instantly we began to glow darkly, power corsed threw our vanes an I knew this was what it was like to be truly a god. And now, all teh world would know of our unendingless love. **"** ** _Un_** **endingless". So does that mean it's** ** _going_** **to have an ending?** Cause….I was, teh moon daughter. ***roll credits***

* * *

 **You'd think it'd be over, she titledropped and everything, but no, there's an epilogue, because this story makes the ending to Return of the King seem tame and reasonable! Join me next time for ACTUAL final chapter!**


	72. Da End

**Thank you** **HowTheHoursGoBy, The One The Only Marty D, Kurt50Alien, Knightwing20042, MasterTrident and HowTheHoursGoBy for following, favoriting and reviewing!**

 **Guest Reviews:**

 **Guest: "Instantly we began to glow darkly" YOU. CAN'T. GLOW. DARKLY! THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS! ARRGGGGHHHHH!" *sigh* Welcome to my world. Be grateful it took you 71 chapters to snap. It only took me three.**

 **Didi: "*vomits into cringe bucket***

 **Okay, that only helped a little. I come from a very Christian family and I have attended many weddings.** **Let me just say WO-hhhurgh-urg- hU *continues to vomit*** **The wedding is supposed to be a binding of families and souls. It's one of the Holy Mysteries! It's supposed to be pure not "sexly"!** **It's supposed to be a symbol of never ending love, promising not to hurt them or use them in any way!** **And in the Orthodox Church (MY church) vows aren't even included in the ceremony because the thought of being lawfully wedded and agreeing on it had already happened! They take each other before the wedding and officially seal it then!** **Ya know, I promised that if I ever had any nieces or nephews, I would love them unconditionally and show them the way. But if this she-devil, Flavia, ever has children, I will ignore them UNLESS they are abused by their mother in which case I would take them into custody.** **Incase you couldn't tell, I'm a little miffed with this chapter. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk and have a good night." That's cool that you're Orthodox. Flavia, it seems, belongs to the Church of Hot Topic and also Satan.**

 **Guest: "So Alabaster wrote out that poem letter by letter? That must have been an awkwardly long pause in the ceremony...**

 **Will you be doing the sequel, or do you need a break from xxxMoonlitexxx's insanity?" Haha, oh my gosh, that's right! And I'll discuss my plans for the future soon enough...**

 **Aitty At Ait Aat: "The worst? Even worse then**

 **Haikus are random.**

 **They never make any sense.**

 **Refridgerator." Oh, come on! That poem was awesome!**

 **Ari: "Why do you keep confusing me as Aitty Aitty At?" Did I do that? I'm so sorry, man. I usually answer reviews last, after sporking the chapter, so by the time I get to them I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. My tired brain looks at the reviews and goes: "Guest Review. Starts with A. Aitty At Ait Aat. Too tired to check." My bad.**

* * *

The Epalog

Well like you probably guessed, this is teh end of my story **No s*** Sherlock. You had your wedding, you had your godliness, you had your title drop, it's over!** ….exept my lifes as a godess was just started. **In a short time I would piss off even the gods who were initially on my side, and the Olympians would used their combined might to banish me to an eternity in Tartarus.** My godly animal is a **swimpin steel porcupine** white tiger, also a snow lepard. Also Hot Topic lol. At first I was just a deimgod but now, I am the 13 Olympican. **I'm beginning to see some merit in the "unlucky number 13" theory.**

Well I guess you want to know what happened to every one else **Not really, I'd rather stick to my own, better canon, so I'm going to ignore all your epilogues and write my own.** , here is a explantion:

Leo an Hazel **'s love spells wore off, but they remained good friends and are planning on trying their relationship again, this time without the roofies. Also Hazel friend-dumped Flavia.** became engaged to each other, it was very romantical an teh gods blest there unionizing. **They unionized? Oh great, expect marches all over New Rome! Nothing will ever get done again.**

Percy **was a double agent all along and never stopped loving Annabeth, the evidence he collected under cover was enough to put all of the Flavanaughts in jail for life.** hoked up with Ivy **realized just how f***ing awesome she was and became an immortal super-villain. She and Batman are still going at each other today.** (she stopped bein a hunteress, it wasnt her style she decided rite before she sad the vows)

Jason **continues his questionable life choices and is one of the most popular artists on Deviantart. His works can be found on other sites too, such as tag/questionablefanart.** found the actress who played Futtershy an guess what, she was a deimgod from Demeter an they dated each other. **Fluttershy is voiced by Andrea Libman, and while I'm sure she's a nice person, she's also like, way older than Jason. So... which is grosser? Furrydom or Cougardom?**

Percys mom got help an now shes totally normal with Posidon. **...okay, I'll keep this one the way it is. Partially because I don't mind, and partially because I don't want to acknowledge this event.**

Annabeht **rose to the top of the Silicon Valley food chain, she is now a high ranking member of the Illuminati and basically rules the world.** was forever alone but this is the way of the prep,after like 10 years she married a rich muggle for his money but she didnt love him an he cheated on her like every day. **Honestly? That doesn't sound that bad. Yeah, he's cheating on her, but she doesn't love him, and now she's rich!**

Frank **moved back to Canada to get as far away from the insanity as possible. He succeeded.** got made second in commander to the Roman camp, he ruled with the wiseness of the samuri. **Gotta get some last minute racism in there!**

Albaster **Filed for divorce shortly after the wedding ceremony. He took Flavia to court and got her convicted for domestic abuse, and continued to be a minor god even after Flavia was banished.** married me (duh didnt u even read the last chapter!) an he was a god too. We ruled longly, until the stars raned form the sky. **She** **has existed from the morning of the world and she shall exist until the last star falls from the night. Although she have taken the form of Flavia Maya Lilith Knight, she is all men as she is no man, and therefore she is a *dramatic pause* a Sue.**

 **Octavian escaped from Elysium and continued to spread the message of the Resistance, but Piper stayed behind as she was through with the world and was perfectly content remaining in paradise.**

 **Atlas did indeed go to Disney World.**

 **Nico continued to not exist.**

An so it was… **until everything was retconned in the sequel.**

Author Notes!

To the flamers…..I dont even read ur reviews but…u couldnt stop me **, not that we didn't try** , I followed my heart to the end of chapter 71 (also the epalog) Remember Artmeis wise advise, "Behind every great person there are some haters" this is truly a correct knowlege. **I swear to God, whoever wrote this would run it through Bablefish a couple times before posting.**

Thx to my many fans ***snortle*** , your all epick an awesome an you rock. **Literally. You're all rocks, pet rocks I keep in my room.**

I cant promise anythin yet but lets just say, keep your look out for Moon Daughter 2!1 **What a wonderful way for this story to end. On an accidental 1. Really sum the whole thing up in a single symbol.**

* * *

 **I've got to much to say for a single bottom author's not, so I've made my own epilogue.**


	73. The REAL Epilogue

**Wow guys, I can't believe I've made it this far! I honestly expected to either give up or get banned by the time I reached double digits! This has really been a remarkable journey of suckitude, and I'm so glad I could share it with y'all.**

 **I finished my first spork with a review (speaking of reviews, I won't be updating this anymore, so if you're a Guest reviewer, I'm sorry but I'm not going to answering), so I guess I should finish this with one too.**

 ***ahem***

 **Moondaughter truly lives up to it's nickname "The My Immortal of Percy Jackson Fanfiction". Never have I seen a piece of writing so self-serving, so tasteless, so mean spirited...**

 **and so goddamn entertaining! Seriously, xxMoonlitexx _has_ to be a troll, because there is no way he or she could have hit all the right-wrong notes like she did. This Sue-fest isn't for everyone, but hey, if you got some spare time and braincells, I totally recommend a read-through.**

 **Anywho, I know what y'all are thinking: Sage, now that you've finished this, what comes next?**

 **Not the sequel, I can tell you that. Frankly, my Percy Jackson related joke-mine has run dry and need to give it a break for the time. So instead, I'm tackling a different beast...**

 ***AVENGERS THEME SONG* *ON KAZOOS* *LOOK IT UP ON YOU TUBE IT'S AMAZING***

 **Starting soon, biweekly sporkings of xxMoonlitexx's MCU fanfic "Evva: Agent of Shield" will be posted by yours truly. Expect chapters to be posted less frequently then before, as I don't have copy/pastable versions of Evva to work with, so I'll have to retype them all by hand.**

 **And, in the words of xxMoonlitexx herself, thanks to my "many" fans, you're all epic and, and awesome, and y'all rock!**

 **Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some Avenging to do.**


End file.
